kandy
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2007 4 June :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: anxious
thoughts
so i'm sitting here in the hospital with my best friend mary. her water's been broken and the contractions are finally starting. i'm excited for her. i get to be aunt connie to baby kailyn. i can't wait. but while i'm here i'm just thinking about my life. no more serious relationships for now.. even tho all i want is a family. i want a child bad. but at the same time i'm actually single and enjoy the freedom. there is someone i like, someone i used to care alot about. bran is being a jerk. he wants me but he keeps running hot and cold. its just not even fair. but the problem w/the guy i like... he's seeing someone. that's just so hard. ..... well... i dunno.. i'm taking off for now... adios!
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 14 May :: 11.48pm
The doctors think my dad might have prostate cancer. I was reading up on it today and nowhere did I read that it could be fairly survivable the only thing I read was that people can live up to a couple years after they are diagnosed. I really don't want to lose my dad the same way I saw my grandfather go.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 21 April :: 3.36pm
sometimes all it would take is to see the slightest difference... But as is life I suppose.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 13 April :: 8.47pm
why do I feel so alone lately? I know it sounds emo but I really do mean it since I have been hanging around 40 feet in the air on a power line the last couple days. If I died would anyone know? No seriously how long would it take for anyone to even find out, it would be the end of the day before my supervisor did if not longer prolly not till the next day when I don't come back or the day after. Then they would have to call my parents if they are even on my emergency contact list. Then who knows rachel is in France and my parents wouldn't know how to get ahold of her and might not even tell her till she got back and everyone else only heres about me if I say it or it goes through the grape vine. Like I said it is a little emo but I really do wonder what if my ladder gave way, or the line snapped, or if there was too much aprerage on the line or a thousand other things like getting in a car accident. I don't know, I just know I feel really alone right now.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 9 April :: 8.43pm
just in case I didn't mention it I work at Comcast now. I am a technician. Anyway now you know I have been quiet about it for the last month and a half but I figured I mine as well mention it.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 24 February :: 12.57am
One sound through all the noise...
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kandy
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2006 17 October :: 4.46pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: whatevers playing on the ipod
hmm so .. i met this guy.. yeah awesome right. I'd really like to get things straight with bran and I, but no matter what I just can't be completely happy with him anymore. Lopez asked me what bran and I have in common.. it was hard to think of more that just a few superficial things. Bran and I are complete opposites. I just don't know if I want to end it and really end it after a year. Well, I'm going off to basic in january and will be gone for about 6 months. Lopez leaves the day before me and is only gone for 13 weeks. doesn't he suck. well... i've just been in one of these "i can't stop thinking" moods. I'm not sure what I want out of the men in my life. I don't want to make bran suffer anymore I know he can hardly handle me anymore. He hates my attitudes. I can't put up with his any more either. this is just bs. I just don't know what to do.well anyways i just thought I'd post since I haven't in ages.
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 13 September :: 10.41am
Not that they will probably see this but I made a few people sigtings today. While waiting in the ridiculously long line for the bostwick parking ramp I saw Kate and her mother walking down the side walk, well kate was doing more of a hobble seeing as how she was on crutches. I also Saw Jess with her boyfriend Robby walking along the side walk. She has pretty long hair compared to when I saw her last, anyway she looked quite melancholy. So yeah I finally saw some people I know, but ironically that is all I did is see them no talking :( Have a nice rainy day all.
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 7 September :: 2.33pm
School is going well so far, I like all my class' for the most part. I have to go to the book store to get a workbook for french but I am not looking forward to that considering that on tuesday when I was in there the line wrapped around the entire store atleast once and you have to check you bag at the door.
I think I will join some student groups. There aren't amn that seem interesting but I want to get to know some people and try to get some of the college experience that I missed oh so much last year at davenport. Man I wish I could find some people I knew from school to hang out with on campus and what not. It would be nice to have a few freinds to grab lunch with or hang out at my house, or sometihng. I geuss I am just looking to make sure that I make the best of my situation and I am dying for some socail activity and those of you who know me well enough know that I am intimidaited by large crowds. *sigh*
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 6 September :: 2.37am
Searching for purpose beyond my own horizion.
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 17 August :: 2.47am
Elaphant cookies how I love you!
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 15 August :: 3.13am
So I finihsed scheduling class' today. Yay me! For those of you who don't know I am going to GRCC this year instead of Davenport. Hopefully this way atleast maybe I can see some of the people I know. Anyway this is my class schedule.
Mon - Thu -------------------------10:15 / 11:15 French 101
Tues ---------------------------------2:00 / 4:00 Intro Animation
Tues ---------------------------------5:45 / 9:00 American Sign lang.
Fri -----------------------------------9:00 / 12:15 Intro Programing
If you all have class' around that time let me know it would be cool to see some people I graduted with.
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iron-cipher
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2006 22 June :: 12.14pm
Jessa I have something important to talk to you about / offer you we need to talk. How can i get ahold of you? Sign on AIM or call me @6166483769 or something the sooner the better.
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kandy
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2006 3 June :: 1.44pm
:: Mood: drained
all sorts of stuff
Well Josh got sentanced about a week ago. Since he pleaded guilty we didn't have to go through a trail. That was nice. He was up on not exactly on the stand cause he was facing the judge not the crowd. But the judge asked him if he had anything thing to say and he said he wanted to tell Ms. Price he was sorry. But he didn't fool me. He got sentanced to 11 months in jail minus the 2 (? hell I didn't really know he spent two damn days in jail) he had already spent. Plus 4 years of probation and he has to register as a sex offender. I didn't quite feel like that was punishment enough but that's ok. If he violates his probation Clyndia (the judge) said he'd throw the book at him so that would be like 10 or 15 yrs. I got to see him taken away to where the jail people were comming out of. I knew he was getting thrown in at that moment. it had a werid effect on me. I hadn't cried or been upset about what he did to me in awhile. and it wasn't relief he was behind bars that bothered me either. i just know that shortly after he was put away I started crying. I know I felt bad for his mom. Not his dad cause his dad is a dick ass jack ass and every other bad name in the book. But even after what he did to me... I felt like i was being harsh with him. or that this couldn't be happening. this only happens to other people and all the bull.. It was just.. strange.
On a sader note, my parents dog Giggles, Some of you know her as the beast woman or manly dog.. she was the one with all the wrinkles. Well she died like the first week of may. it was terrible. that morning she was fine and dandy running around and such. then when my parents got home later to take her out dad had to carry her down the stairs and when he put her in the yard she kinda wandered than made this like chuffing noise and went down. now the animal hospital isn't even a mile from my house. she died on the way there on my dad's lap. it was aweful... :( :( :( my parents had her cremated and we have her ashes in the living room....
But now on the bright side of that.... my parents now have a 10 week old now puppy named Mocha. Shes the same breed as Giggy. but shes a coffee/chocolate color. she was just 8 weeks old when mom and dad got her. she's a lil stink thou, she loves to bite. but then again she is teething.
I'm taking summer classes that are hard as hell. I'm trying to work at least 20 to 25 hours a week. My boyfriend and I share a car and he works between 40 and 55 hours a week. We tend to argue alot. Things have been difficult around the house but we're dealing with it. he wants a motorcycle so bad.. but i want him to fix up one of his cars first. but he's so hard to talk to or reason with sometimes... it just gets so flustrating. we fought for like an hour last night over that crap. i just can't deal with it. i can't. sometimes i just wanna go back to my parents house and stay for awhile so i can get away and cry and let my mom hold me like she used to when i was really upset. It's like wanting to be a kid again i guess.
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