glitterkisses
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2004 28 November :: 6.43pm
Everythings a bet and I'm the only one losing because no one else could ever win this bet against me. Because no one understands enough to try. Understands that no matter how hard you try, for others , for even yourself that it never works out it never counts or turns out the way you want it too. That somehow you always screw things up, even when you're trying so hard to make it the secret dream you keep deep down, just wishing and praying to come true. When you won't admit it , but you want something serious more than anyone would ever have guessed.
It's a bet, and I wish someone else would try to win it against me. Just to hear the words, I win.
*sigh
No one even possiably understands at all.
<3 Jess
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glitterkisses
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2004 28 November :: 5.03pm
I hate you for tearing this too pieces just to put them back together again, and who knows if you'll finish the puzzle.
I hate people who smell bad. I LOVEEEE LOVEEEE people who smell good.
I hate the movie King Pin cos Collin is stupid and made me rent it.
I hate that I don't like Anatomy because then I never pay attention. Why I took that class I don't know because it will never help me because I want to be a teacher slash little kids basketball coach.
I hate that this is still my junior year cos I want it to be my senior year soooooo bad! I would do anything for this to be my last year so I can go to CMU and forget high school. I want to go to college so bad cos i hate hate hate!! high school!
I want someone to have and to hold. without getting involed, scared, and running away from it.
I hate my mom and what a terriable mom she really is.
I hate that I ahven't talked to my pretty pussy Jess in like 3 days. :( Where are you pussy???
I hate that you call at the worse of times.
I hate that I can't find a job.
I hate that I can't drive.
I hate that every time I see you I want to smack you for not seeing how great things really are, and how great they could be for you, but I just don't say anything because the thought of fighting with you, again..breaks my heart.
I hate that I have red hair, boo I'm sick of it. and It's "lucious" curls as Andy perfers to call them.
I hate that I'm ACTUALLY wearing the thongs that Joey got my for my birthday lol. What a faggot.
I hate that I've sold ONE add total in yearbook class, and I know how to do absolutely nothing at all!
I hate that I'm obsessed with Rascal Flats and everytime their song comes on I honestly flip a nut.
I hate that school is back in session tomorrow :( ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I h ate that I'm so upset over nothing and sometimes I get so worked up just for the hell of it, and I can't help it and nothing can stop it or make it okay. I just ugh hate it.
I hate I hate I hate kdjfakjdfkasjdf
No one understands how I really feel about anything...because no one knows. I bet my soul..that no one will ever even be able to understand how I feel about a single thing.
<3 Jess
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glitterkisses
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2004 28 November :: 1.27pm
I'm starting to feel the same way I did when it happened the first time. I don't want to feel like that again. I just want to be happy, and stay that way for longer than a day or two. So please...either be my everything, or just ...leave. For good. I can't handle any ..one minute im here, the next your not. So just decide and leave it be.
I have to go meet some lady at two, because she wants me and Kate to babysit for her. So that should be fun.
I just want it to snow, and for it to be Christmas Vacation.
Ughh..I hate school I don't wanna go back tomorrow.
Jess
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glitterkisses
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2004 27 November :: 10.23pm
Willma...I love you with all of my heart. You are my best guy friend that I have or will ever have. You mean the absolute world to me! I know that no matter what you are always here for me, and that you will always care about me. The days where I think things could only get worse you are the only one who can get a smile out of me and make me laugh. You have the largest heart, and you definatly make sure it gets put to good use. If I could give you everything you wanted to make you happy, I would do it in a heartbeat, and I hope you know that I love you from the bottom of my heart and will always be here for you.
*hug*
I love you will!
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glitterkisses
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2004 27 November :: 10.18pm
Please don't do this to me again. I can't handle it. I honestly can't...because I could just whipe it off my mind right now..and just leave things the way that I thought they were and move on, get over it, and possiably find someone else to fu full my needs and wished, dreams, and happiness. So don't even do it if you're not going to take it seriously this time....ugh don't. And I can't exactlly say this flat to your face, because I don't know why you even decided to pop back into my life again. YOu didn't give me an explanation last time wheny ou just decided that was it, or whatever it was you decided, leaving me in pain..but this time...I'm not going to let it happen. I need to know what your intentions are NOW, because I can't take another blow to the heart, because it just might be the last one that I ever can actually handle.
.....just please have g.i's. -jess
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glitterkisses
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2004 27 November :: 5.53pm
Today was fun. I spent the day shopping at the mall with Kate, Jenn, and Mommy Schaub. It was fun. I got a puppy calendar. Something I'd perfer not to say cos it's kinda gay, someting for my bed, haha me and Kate got "Best Friend Necklaces" haha aren't we the gayest people in the world?!? Anyway. Um I got a really cute belt,My little red and white fluffy stocking, and hmm...I dunno. I'm not supouse to know thatI got something for Christmas but I definatly know what it is, and that I got it lol. I love you Kate! ;)
So yeah I definatly am happy that you are back..."in my life" parsay. :) *smiles* But I swear if you even fuck me over this time I will f u up the butt and kill you!..okay that sounded terriable. I mean I will kill you!
:)
I'm so in the Christmas mood.
<3 Jess
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shinigami
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2004 27 November :: 4.38pm
Changed the journal layout.
Turkey day was good. Went well I suppose. My cousins from Missouri left around noon today. They're ok, coming from the middle of nowhere. ;) Brett met two of my cousins yesterday when we ran into him at Meijer. He was stalking me. O_o; And now I'm hungery and want to get some dinner since my parents went to the Rockford game. Foooooooood. *drool*
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stay_c
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2004 27 November :: 4.36pm
You Are the Peacemaker |
9
You are emotionally stable and willing to find common ground with others.
Your friends and family often look to you to be the mediator when there is conflict.
You are easy going and accepting. You take things as they come.
Avoding conflict at all costs, you're content when things are calm.
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lavitz1985
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2004 25 November :: 10.41pm
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glitterkisses
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2004 25 November :: 10.09pm
Did I honestly think that everything would be okay again? You are such a selfish, greedy, miserable bitch that you can't take two seconds to love your own daughter on the day you should be THANKFUL to have me.
Do you know how you make me feel?? I bet if you did you would hate yourself. I have never told anyone the depth of all the pain and emotion there is to it, because I can't even express it in words. You make me hate my life, myself, the second i feel okay with the world, you kick me on my ass. You cause me anger, hurt, tears and you don't even understand what it's doing to me. You don't care, because it isn't you. You don't care because all your emotions are exactlly the opposite of mine. You JUST DONT CARE AND I HATE YOU FOR IT I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!! You make feel like I am nothing, and not jus to you and our stupid "family" but to the world, to my friends, to anyone and everyone. You make me just want to fucking shoot myself in the head. I am happy, and the second i talk to you that feel of happiness disapears. I can't handle this. I love you so much, and I hate you at the same time. Why I love you..I don't know. You don't deserve my love. But for some reason I still care about you. I'm getting to the point though where I just don't care though. The way ytou make me feel, no one should EVER feel. I hope one day this comes back to kick you in the ass, because you will never understand. Ever. You will never understand how much you hurt me every day. Things will never be the same. Ever. I wish for one day you could eveN TRY to handle me feelings, handle how I feel because of you! You make me feel like no one will ever love me, ever that I will NEVER be good enough, that all I am is a fucking pain in the ass, and a terriable person. Ugh I hate you I hate you! That's not who I am. I hate you!
Happy fucking thanksgiving mom.
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glitterkisses
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2004 25 November :: 5.01pm
Thanksgiving was fun. The potates were bomb. That's my favorite. Mashed Poates. My comfort food. I love the Schaubs. We played spoons ha, it was bomb. Now I'm going to see Spongebob w/ Jess, what the hell is the matter w/ us?? Spongebob, I hate Spongebob. I don't even want to go. I want to see the Polar Epress. Maybe I can talk her into seeing it instead.Ughh if I have to sit through Spongebob I'll kill myself. YOu have no idea.
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glitterkisses
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2004 25 November :: 11.49am
Off to go to Thanksgiving dinner w/ Kate and the fam. I love you Kate!!! I am so happy. Just for nor eason I'm really happy. Snow, I hated it, now I love it just cos I haven't been outside once since it got here, but it makes e verythinglook so pretty and me and Kate got in the Christmas mood. We like got out the Christmas mugs and made hot co co and were looking for Christmas movies. Lol Ahhh
If you love me, please leave me a comment.
<3 muah Jess
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iron-cipher
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2004 25 November :: 9.46am
And the ugly one eyed monster called jelousy rears it's head once again, and the knife digs a little deeper.
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glitterkisses
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2004 24 November :: 11.30pm
That makes me so happy. Jess yay!!! thank you for telling me that. Thank you thank you thank you.
I coudln't believe that , ...that was it. That there was no closure, no ...ending. Now either I'm going to get it. Or I'm going to get everything I wanted from the start.
I actually love the snow right now.
Jess
yayyyyyyyy
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stay_c
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2004 24 November :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Trans Siberian Orchestra
This snow is awesome, yet depressing...
You Are the Stuffing |
You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.
People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.
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