I bet people in our school read my woohu, read other people's woohu's and sit and laugh, think to themselves that I'm the biggest idiot in the world, that I complain constantly, that i have no life worth anything, that i am far too pathetic to even handle my own problems w/out venting to other people about them, and they probably just sit there and hold their head up high thinking they are so much better than me, than all of us sitting here complaining on an online journal. They probably think their a step ahead because they can surpass our expections going long periods of time w/out telling anyone their problems, or that you whoever you are wouldn't tell the world your problems, that you have your life in order and that you are and will continue to be better than me, better than us pathetic woohu people, well all i have to say is fuck you! An online journal is only a bad idea if you're continuelly bashing everyone, and that's only bad if you really care if they get mad or not, most people don't. Chances are myself, that if I write about you on here, then I really couldn't care less if you read it or not. This IS a journal, and it helps me get my rage and craziness out, so if you dont like it, or in some delutional way think that makes you better than I, you can kiss my ass.

I feel like everyone is honestly in their own worlds. I know I am. So many people just aren't happy. With themselves, with their friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, school, sports, I know I'm not. I hate life more than I like it most of the time.

Everyone is just ughhhhhhhhhhh making me so mad. And I know I KNOWWWWWWW it's my fault. I just don't have tolerance. When I need a friend, I need a friend. I'm there for mine.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what was i thinking last night?!?! please tell me what the hell was i thinking....like you would actually care that this meant something to me. you already have something, i have nothing, and yet your still taking things away wether you admit it or not. your so selfish and greedy and sometimes i really cant stand being around you....ughh i just want to yell and scream at you b/c i just dont understand how somebody can be like that. so stuck on themselves in a sad relaly fucked up way.

My life get better, step by step, and I start to be happier, im happy about my, life, friends, school, everything starts to shape up and then it just gets all fucke dup again. I cannot handle it. I'm such a fucking idiot. One minute I'm super hyper and the next I'm just down, sometimes it's about something, and othertimes it's nothing at all. but i can go from dramatically happy to dramatically sad just because of something that someone says to me, ro something that happens, or nothing happening at all. It doesn't matter it just all changes in a split second and i have no control over anything, no grasp over antyhing.

And I try to keep things short and simple so I dont have to go into long detail about all my issues and problems but it doesnt really help me at all. It just makes me feel more like shit. Thanks in large part to this journal because I just hide all my problems here.

-I hate getting up in the morning, because immideatly after I know I have to go to school never knowing what the outcome of my day is going to be. Good or bad, good or bad?!?!

-I hate how I look at you and realize even when I still have hope that one day things can be back to the friendship we had, I know deep down they never will be. You are just far too ....stubborn to even try. To even care.

-I hate knowing every single day that things with my mom, my family just continue to get worse, and never better. That I feel so lonely lately, more than I have ever in my life, and it just doesn't matter to you. You just DO NOT care, and it just keeps crushing me, breaking my heart, shooting my self confidence right down the tubes and yet you continue to just not give a flying fuck. That hurts and one day I hope you see the damage you have done. Because I obviosuly can't make it apparent how torn you make me feel every second, of every day. It's *always* on my mind. Waiting to see what day my parents will really want me, and not just to make things less complicated because they can't live without me. When that day comes I don't know because i don't think it ever will. Your freedom has cost me my happiness and sense of love, and feeling as if I am even worth shit to anyone or anything. Thanks, a whole hell of a lot .

-I hate school because I just canno tmake myself do the things I should. I'm gettin g better, but it's a strugle everyday just to do normal stuff like WANT and MAKING myself do my work, I just can NEVER EVER concentrate, there's always something else on my mind, always something more important, that I just can't shake. And it keeps me from school work, and it keeps me from smiling, from having a life.

-I hate the fact that you didn't call, and that I worry because I didn't talk to you, I hate that you don't care what happens, I hate feeling totally like you just dont even care for me, I hate that you can just go on like nothing ever even happened, i hate that it doesn't bother you, that you dont feel guilty for even one second, and if you do you dont even say so. i hate feeling like maybe i shouldn't do this ever again or say that ever again, because it just might be what turned you away i hate itttttttttt im starting to hate you for making everything I didn't want to happen, come true.

-I hate that im the closest person to you, and vice versa and yet you still turn away. that i cant help you and you think that i dont care when really half the time i care more than you know and i would do anythning for you, anything to make you happy, anything in my power to make all your dreams and happiness come back to you.

-i hate hating myself, because i dont know what will help me feel better what will let me feel for once like a good person. i want to be the person my friends wnat in a friend, i want to be nice, and caring, and fun all the time, i dont want to be a bore to be around and i dont want ppl to hate me


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HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ughhhh adjkjdkljfa I ahte school! please someone just hug me GAWD!

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