It's hard to lead the life you choice, when all your lucks run out on you. I can see when none of my dreams are coming true. It's easy to forget. I know I'll choke on the regreats. Who the hell do I think I am? I tried to make believe that I was the one who would neal before the dreams that I wanted, when all the talk, and all the empty lies disguse me, I'll ask myself who I am.

EITHER YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OR YOU DONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
Ugh thanx a lot you stupid stupid asshole. In some sense I totally feel used. Probably because I was. But you seemed so much different. We hang out, have a great time, you actually opened upt ome and we talked about stuff that meant something, espically to you. Then we hang out again,a nd have a great time. Then again and obviously I have feelings for you and you expressed that you did too. Then Homecoming and I have a GREAT, great , greatttttttt time!!!! I was so happy that you asked me, and that I felt so comfortable with you. And honestly out of everything just holding your hand in the back of that seat, sleeping on top of you and lying there listening to your heart beat with your head resting on my mind...I have never felt so comfortable with anyone as much as I did then. Everything felt perfect, it felt so....right! I felt so safe in your arms, wanted, happy. I thought for sure after that night, after I had an amazing night that we were for sure going somewhere. Then I only talked to you the day after, then...not again. I don't know..maybe it's just me.. but when you like someone you wouldn't just NOT care if you weren't talking. You just wouldn't. You'd go nuts, sorta like me, ...right now actually. So how many times have I said that wondering about WHAT the hell is going on, and how you're feeling is SO much than jut knowing, wether it be what you want OR not. It's soooooooo much worse. Because you want to just forget and let it slip, but you just can't shake it. And every time I see you, everytime I look at our pictures, everytime I pass you in the hallway and you just give me a big smile or say hi, why is that it, why isn't it more? I can't help but wonder....what was it that made you decide that i wasn't worth it?? Was I not pretty enough, was I not as much fun that night as you wanted or were expecting, was I not outgoing enough...., was I not funny enough, was I too out going, was I too much for too soon? WHAT I just dont know, and I dont want to care. Believe me I don't want to be sitting here wondering why you ddin't call, or what it was that I did that was so un-appealing to make you not even persue a friendship above all things. You let me down, and most of all you hurt my feelings. More than I'm sure you even know, or would even care to know about. Chances are...you don't care at all. A Date's a date, and when you need one, good if you find one, and too bad if you don't right? Don't you get it?!?! Don't you get why I'm so upset, why this drives me up the wall, why I feel so torn?!?! It's because I feel for you, a lot more than I have a lot of people. You are everything I want. You are , or seem to be the sweetest guy. You KNOW what you want, you're driven,a nd you go after what you want no matter who doesn't want that for you, you actually have a future , a HONORABLE future planned out for yourself. You respect people, and genuinally care for them also. You're intelligent, you make me laugh, and you have a good heart. That's what I need , it's everything that I want. You're not responsful. You dont respond in the right manor though, because I were you I'd at least inform me. I JUST DONT GET IT! I DONT!!! I don't understand. And you haven't exactlly given me the oppurtunity too either. I didn't want to get hurt, and even in the short amount of time ...I have.

I really just wanted, and still want things to work out. But I don't see high chances of that happening...........

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