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From the depths of... Me.

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duckie

:: 2008 30 May :: 6.34pm

Ummm I got the job =] June 16th is the first day.

Winner!

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duckie

:: 2008 30 May :: 11.56am

My interview
Was fucking AMAZING. Again. I interviewed with Becky [HAHAHAHAHAHA yes, this is the 3RD BECKY], and Bob again. And again, laughter ensued. I heard Bob laugh and say "I love it" on more than one occasion, so obviously my bubbly wit completely won him over. I had a feeling things were going to go well because his face lit up when I walked through the door, and that's not something a person can just fake.

Anywayyyy. Becky was pretty awesome, and she seems a little timid compared to the other two Becky's I've been under the supervision of, but that's okay. She was still fun, and she laughed too. =D

I hope to GOD I get this job. Both interviews were just amazing, and I would love to work with both of those two! I'm supposed to hear back from corporate HR in a week or a week and a half, and they also told me that there was probably a 32 hour position opening up too. I'm pretttyyyy sure that they wouldn't tell that to someone that they didn't want to hire unless I'm just completely crazy? lol

So yea. =]
*happy*

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duckie

:: 2008 30 May :: 9.21am

So. 2nd Chase interview is in an hour, and I'm kind of excited about it.
It's also raining, and I'm really excited about that. All I need now is darker clouds and some lightning to bring on the thunder =]
I pretty much love storms, however now isn't a particularly great day for them considering we are heading out to FMF's field tonight to camp out for the op, Hot Sauce, tomorrow. I'm not at all a fan of mud or being out in the rain longer than I want to be.

Maybe it's not raining out there.

My Slayer kitten is getting noticeably larger, and it's cute =] He's staring out the window and watching it rain as well, so I'm thinking that I'll watch a movie [or Grey's] when I get back and snuggle up with him on the couch. I've been working all week long, and I haven't had any one on one time with him which has been most unfortunate.

I worked last night, and it was the most productive shift that I have ever had at this Best Buy. I managed to get out 2 apps [the BBY card, and RZMC attach which I know is Greek to most of you], and I also got account shield on both which was an even bigger deal to me because financing at my other store was my baby, and I strove for perfection every time an application came my way. I also hit both of my daily goals, core RZ sign ups, as well as my PRP dollar amount. It was extremely satisfying, and Becky was calling me her rockstar all night long which felt so good. Despite the good night I had, I'm still ready to leave and move on. I've been with Best Buy for over a year, and this isn't a store that I want to move up within, and I can't seem to transfer to another one. I'm ready to move away from what's been my home for the last year into something that's a little more reputable. I'm really hoping that I'm offered the job at Chase.

Oh, and one last thing. This.. this is it. He is it. I'm done hoping, wondering, and looking. I'm confident, certain, and ridiculously happy =] I wish he was here to snuggle with me and Slayer, but I know he'll be home before I know it. And kind of random, but I love the mornings when I get to wake up to him even when he's physically not here, and that is what makes today a great day. Ily, msh.

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duckie

:: 2008 28 May :: 8.47am

Pj found my bracelet, and I love him oh so much for it =]

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duckie

:: 2008 27 May :: 8.45am

I looks like it's going to rain, and I hope to god that it does.

Oh, and my gold bracelet that I got from my dad and wear every single day? Gone. I put it on my dresser last night like I do every night before I go to bed, and when I went to grab it and put it on, it's gone. I looked all around where I had it, and I can't find it anywhere.

='[

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duckie

:: 2008 23 May :: 12.14pm

Today is a better day.
Sleep is pretty amazing.
New music in my library is even more amazing.

I can't wait to take more pictures this weekend =D

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duckie

:: 2008 22 May :: 8.55am

3 hours of sleep for the lose.
My stomach hurt so bad last night, so I tossed and turned all night long. I didn't feel like I was going to be sick of anything, it just hurt. A lot.

I hate just about everything/everyone.
Especially her and everything about her. She makes me tweak when I'm already irritated and crabby.

Off to work.

I really think I might throw up.

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duckie

:: 2008 21 May :: 6.04pm

New apartment.
New kitten.
New job. <=HAHAHAHAHA just kidding. I'm still at the same fuck off Best Buy.
I met Lizzy.
I have a home.
I'm pretty happy.
Kbai.

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duckie

:: 2008 15 May :: 9.46am

Sigh.
So apparently I'm a piece of shit human being with no respect for animals.

I've been working on doing research so I could adopt a kitten since Marley was taken in, and the lady that I had emailed an adoption application to yesterday emailed me back today and told me that they couldn't let a person like me adopt a kitten because they are priceless to them [the organization], and they don't want them to be in a home where they are just taken in to the pound when they don't fit into the person's lifestyle anymore.

First of all, things with Marley were pretty much out of my control. I didn't have TIME to find an apartment or a job that would allow me to live on my own before I moved to Michigan. I had no where to go in Wausau, and living with my parents was NOT an option. Pj was nice enough to talk his Grandma into letting me stay with them until we move out, and I wasn't about to pass that offer up. Andrea was supposed to take care of Marley while I was gone like she said she would, and I didn't know that he was going to be treated like shit because I trusted her. Shawn moved him to his sister's, and I didn't know he was going to get sick. I didn't know that they would give me two weeks to get him, and even if I could, I didn't have the money to take him to the vet, so he would have fucking died anyway.

The other two cats I had needed to get taken in. One was Chassa's, and we both tried to find someone to take her, but no one would, so she knew that Kahlua would be taken in to the humane society. No one wanted Hazel either, and since Marley was my cat and my baby, AND we had him first, that is who we decided to keep when our landlord pitched a fit [after previously telling us that having the cats wouldn't be a problem]. The two females were taken in, and I was called when they were both adopted. The bitch who emailed me this morning told me that they were probably put down which was not true, because they were both listed on the humane society's website.

Sometimes in life there are circumstances that arise and sacrifices need to be made. Shawn and I didn't have the money to move into a place that allowed pets because of how much extra it was. I didn't have the fucking means to find an apartment in Michigan or the time to get a job lined up so I could actually afford to live in an apartment by myself. Seriously? I'm fucking offended. How DARE she judge me like that.

I realize that she needs to look out for the animals that they have, but for fuck's sake. If you're concerned about someone who wants to adopt then ask fucking questions; don't just assume.

Hopefully the place Pj and I went to yesterday will go better, although now I'm not so sure =[ If not, then I'm going to have to go to the humane society where I WON'T be telling them about the previous cats I had because apparently living to survive isn't an option.

I can't even begin to describe how horrible I feel right now. =[

Oh and by the way, my dad has Parkinson's. Fuck today.

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duckie

:: 2008 13 May :: 8.15am

Here you go, Bill
It's not all sappy and romantic, but not necessarily full of emo either.

It's Tuesday, and I'm in a really bad fucking mood. I had to close last night, so I finally got home around quarter to 10 and then tossed and turned all.night.long. I can tell that the best sleep I got all night long was the half hour before Pj left for work and the 2 hours after he left. I'm fairly certain that is all the sleep that I got throughout the night.

I'm exhausted.
My muscles feel weak and shaky.
My eyes are heavy as fuck.
And I'm ready to stab every single person that tells me to fucking smile or asks me what's wrong.

It doesn't help that my hate for Best Buy has grown progressively and continues to grow with every step I take into that god-awful store. I'm on the border of not caring anymore. I can't even make it through an entire shift without getting the 'I don't give a fuck mood.'

And with that, I'm going to go throw a knife into my purse and commence the stabbage while I struggle to stay awake.

Yay for moving this weekend though. And for teh kitten!
gdi ily sfm sh <3

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duckie

:: 2008 12 May :: 2.33pm

Oh, and by the way
You know you have an amazing boyfriend when he says "pay attention to this song," and it turns out to be Van Halen's You Really Got Me.

I fucking love this boy.
Kthx =D

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duckie

:: 2008 12 May :: 9.43am

What a weekend
I wasn't expecting to get to Waukesha on Friday until close to 7pm, but Pj surprised me by walking through our bed room door a few minutes after 8am. Those mornings are always the best because I love getting to spend all day with him. Soo I got up, we finished packing, headed off for breakfast, the bank, and MC. We were on the road by 1030 and made it there around 3pm CST.

The first person to meet him was my dad. It went surprisingly well, and my dad really opened up about his family, talked a bit about Vietnam, and pretty much shocked the shit out of me in the process. They seemed to get along quite well which was pleasing.

After dinner, my dad decided to bring up Shawn, and I knew it wasn't going to end well. I ended up calling Shawn to inquire about the divorce papers, and I called because texting about the situation would take forever, and I didn't have that kind of time. I ended up getting really annoyed with him because his tone of voice on the phone was full of "I don't give a fuck," which doesn't fly with me especially when it comes to something as serious as divorce. He insulted me, called me stupid, and told me that I did things half assed because I miss counted something when adding up either our bills or our belongings. I hung up on him, and I cried. I cried a lot. I even ran downstairs away from my parents and Pj to do it because I wasn't exactly sure what else to do. Honestly, I was surprised that Pj didn't come after me, and a part of me thinks that my father told him not to. I wanted him to come after me, to hold me, hug me, kiss my forehead and tell me not to let him get to me, but I can't change that now.

When I finally went back upstairs and told my dad what happened, he kind of started laughing. For the first time in my 22 years of life, I was totally straight with him, and I told him off. I told him that I didn't appreciate him making fun of me, and I told him that he was pissing me off. It felt SO good to finally have to balls to say that to him. I know how my dad can be, but I was hoping that he would be a bit more kind since I was crying, and he knew I was upset. I guess that was asking for too much though.

ANYWAY. When we left, I was in a better mood, and laughter was the ending note. We headed over to Chassa's, and it was pretty much the greatest night everrrr. I was pretty fucking trashed lol. I drunk dialed Kelly for no real reason except that I wanted to drunk dial someone, and I thought he would still be up. Pj was ridiculously amazing, and everyone LOVED him. He was social, he never got crabby, or at least not outwardly where people could see it, and he didn't make me feel like I was immature for getting trashed with my best friend. He drove me home, and the drive I don't really remember, and when we got back and got settled into bed, I cried. I cried and I poured my whole heart out to him which still feels really really good.

Since then, it feels like things have changed for the better. I'm not implying that things were ever NOT good, but sometimes when you have heart to hearts, things can become clear, and you just have an all around better understanding. I told him things that I never thought I would, and at the end of it all, I told him that I loved him so much, and he wrapped his arms around me and told me that he promised he loved me just as much as I loved him; I knew it was true. I can't even count the number of times that I heard him tell me he loves me, and it is the greatest feeling in the entire world. I am so happy.

On Saturday I decided that I wanted to kill my father. He played the embarrassment card to the max. I, again, stood up to him and told him to stop. I wanted to make sure he knew that he was pissing me off, and it wasn't to come across as a sassy little brat, it was so that he knew that I was getting pissed. It seemed to have work temporarily, and when he started it up again, I got pissed. Again.

We ended up going through an old photo album because I didn't believe that I had curly hair as a kid, and I still don't think of it as "curly." It was wavy. I was such a cute kid though haha =] I was either still drunk or slightly hung over, and I felt wrecked in the morning, so we ended up going back to bed around 11, and didn't get up until nearly 2pm. The nap was much needed and felt fucking amazing. There are days when I'm certain I could spend all day wrapped up in his arms, and Saturday was definitely one of them.

After teh nap, we did a little bit of shopping to get stuff for our new apartment [YAY!!!!!!!!!], came back for dinner, and then headed off to see Missy. Missy, whom I haven't seen in 4 years. I almost died. When she walked out of her door, her eyes were all red, and I knew she was going to cry which immediately made me cry. After everything that we've been through, she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me and hug me. It was the best feeling ever, and it was so good to spend time with her.

We went to Gander Mountain so that Pj could look for a case for his P90, and he ended up getting a tact light since they had jack shit for cases. Aaand after that, we headed back to Missy's to play Life. We played Life. How random is that? It was a ton of fun though, and it felt like we didn't miss a beat between then and high school. I have missed her so much, and I can't wait to see her again.

Sunday Dad cooked breakfast for Mom and us since it was Mother's Day. It was nice, and after breakfast I guess my parents got into it. Dad went and moped in his room, and we left around 10am because of it.

All in all it was a pretty good weekend, and I'm pleased with how it went. I'm glad that my Dad was comfortable enough to open up to Pj; that's HUGE. I wish that he would have been a little more tasteful, but whatever, I guess. Hopefully it's out of his system now, and next time we go visit he can just be normal. I'm pretty sure my mom liked him too which I'm also happy about =] And my friends loved him. So yay. Yay for a good weekend, but boo for being back to real life =[

ilmshsfm =D <3

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duckie

:: 2008 8 May :: 8.25pm

This is for you. For us.


We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?



Do you have any idea how amazing you are and how much I love you?
I feel like my whole relationship with you thus far has been compiled of "moments."
Moments when I smile that infamous douche bag smile because once again, you surprise me with how well you read me and how well you know my mannerisms.
Moments when I look over at you and smile inwardly because of how ridiculously lucky I am, wondering how I manage to hold your heart[s] in the palms of my hands day after day.

The real moments come at the best time of the day, and I know you know when that is. The contentment, the security, the memorable laughter all rolled up into a mind blowing 30 minutes that make me fall asleep every night and wake up every morning with a soft smile.
That's the kicker; that's when I know that I'm in this for keeps.

For the first time in my life.. "perfect" feels good, and I'm not trying to taint it.





Waukesha/Chassa tomorrow!!!!! I can't wait. Pj was kind enough to tease me and say "24 hours," which he was apparently waiting to say to me all day long. Ridiculously sweet, imo.

I am falling more and more in love with photography each and every day, and to indulge myself in even more knowledge and camera-y goodness, I am going to be training in digital imaging at Best Buy. Hopefully that will become my new home since operations is full of douche.

Anddd TWL match, so. Good night =]

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duckie

:: 2008 6 May :: 3.09pm

Photography ftw?
Wow, so. I've pretty much been officially announced as the team photographer for FMF, which is really exciting. I'm trying to get with Doc to see if we can work something out as far as MOA helping me upgrade my camera, and he already said that they would sponsor me and my work on the MOA website as well as on FMF's page. That's really REALLY exciting, and I never really thought that I would be in a place like this before. I also told Doc that I would be more than happy to sign some sort of waiver or a contract stating that whatever pictures/video I take belongs to MOA and/or FMF. If they are willing to work with me on this, then I'm more than willing to be flexible to make things happen.

If I'm going to be a part of a serious airsoft team, then I want to be a serious photographer; no fucking around. I want people to look at these pictures and think "wow, FMF has amazing pictures" or "wow they have a really great photographer." I can only do so much with the camera that I have now, and a higher end point and shoot will do wonders. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to get SOME kind of help, but even if I can't, the advertisement will be fantastic =]

Travis would be proud, and I can't wait to tell him.

Work again tonight 4-close.. hopefully I'll be done a few minutes after 9 *crosses fingers* <= I do that a lot. Kelly was a doll and came to visit me last night, AND brought Subway which was amazing. It was a nice break, and I very much enjoyed getting to spend it with someone I actually KNOW. I feel like I had a pretty productive night as well =] It was FUN. Becky was working, and she's really the only out going person on Ops leadership, so I actually had FUN at work for the first time since I started at this store. I know tonight won't be a repeat, but at least I only work for 5 hours instead of 7.

Speaking of, I'm off.

Waukesha in 3 days =]

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duckie

:: 2008 5 May :: 11.21am

It's going to be a really long day/evening/night.
I feel like I could go back to bed and sleep for days, and my head is pounding.

At least I get to work 2-9 at the most amazing Best Buy in the whole entire world. =|

Company would be appreciated *coughKellyuncough*

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