Sooooo Happy
I'm like crying with joy. Miranda sent me an email! This is a great day. I thought all hope was lost! It's NOT!!!!!!!

punk rock style
There is no such thing as sometimes dresses like a punk. Punk is not a style of clothing. I'm not punk, don't mistake that, I realized that a while ago. but you can't just dress a certain way and say your dressing punk. Punks are punk because of the SUB-CULTURE! It's not a style or a cry for help, it's a sub-culture, like being a goth. it pisses me off when people say their style is a mix of everything, punk, preppy, ghetto, whatever. becuase I stand by my believe that by it's definition punk cannot be popular so what veryone is hailing as punk adn is 'cool' is an imitation (it really is, I've heard the popular punk music and then the underground stuff, ad it very different) So It's also not a 'style' sure punks usually dres in a certain wayand you cna then define them by that, but if you're wearing a shirt that says 'punk princess' or 'pretty in punk' you probably aren't a punk, you might be but probably not. It's not that I have anythign against peopel dressing like that, I did somethign similar last year, before I got too lazy for all teh jewerly and the trouble a chain made. BUT it wasn't a style it might have been an imitation, but I don't think punks even have style (no offense) I mean, isn't that kind of against what they're for, you know lack of capatalism... so why woudl they be getting 'stylish' punk clothes? whatever... jsut don't do it around me...

Oh and i hate kindergoths... they jsut look lik posers... can't they mature into better goths faster?

Shallowness
So this is a kind of shallow post, but hey, what they hell. Why not?
Ok So I recently got my extremely long hair (down to my butt) cut to about my chin. At first I thought I was cutting off my best asset, but I like me with my short hair and my firends (who have seen it so far) like it too. Oddly though, one of my friends said that now guys would be lining up to go out with me. Could my long hair have made me look worse? I've loved it for so long. I don't know. of course she's my friend and she over loosk my age, and some problems I find with myslef, because she's nice. Hehe. I wish i could post a picture of myself so i could see if guys think i'm hot, oh yes that's something I would do, put up a poll asking of my hot factor hehehe.
True I've had my eye on a guy since like the first week of school, which is sad because the most I've done is say hi adn intorduce myslef... god I can talk to any boy in school but him. I kinda wish he would approach me, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Damn me and my prefrences. Not to mention he's a junior. Maybe my new hair will lure him. that would be nice. Actaully I'll have more time for clothes and makeup now with less hair. That could be cool. Argh. I ahte being shallow like this. I did have a dream in which he totally was flirting with me. But it was a fantasy, not a prophacy, but a girl can wish.

Shallowness
So this is a kind of shallow post, but hey, what they hell. Why not?
Ok So I recently got my extremely long hair (down to my butt) cut to about my chin. At first I thought I was cutting off my best asset, but I like me with my short hair and my firends (who have seen it so far) like it too. Oddly though, one of my friends said that now guys would be lining up to go out with me. Could my long hair have made me look worse? I've loved it for so long. I don't know. of course she's my friend and she over loosk my age, and some problems I find with myslef, because she's nice. Hehe. I wish i could post a picture of myself so i could see if guys think i'm hot, oh yes that's something I would do, put up a poll asking of my hot factor hehehe.
True I've had my eye on a guy since like the first week of school, which is sad because the most I've done is say hi adn intorduce myslef... god I can talk to any boy in school but him. I kinda wish he would approach me, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Damn me and my prefrences. Not to mention he's a junior. Maybe my new hair will lure him. that would be nice. Actaully I'll have more time for clothes and makeup now with less hair. That could be cool. Argh. I ahte being shallow like this. I did have a dream in which he totally was flirting with me. But it was a fantasy, not a prophacy, but a girl can wish.

Wierdness
So i'm proud of myself for not getting buried under my friend's journal entries. And having time and spending time with friends. And almost being done with a book, and getting a-'s from two of my classes for the marking period. And other stuff like that. And it's stupid because I used to find that only sub-par and now it's good? Damn high school, and I'm not ever learning like I expected I would. That's really depressing. Stupid stupid people, keeping me down. Oh well I must continue my self-education then!

ON another note, I flirted and took advantage of a boy on saturday, it was fuuuun. hehe. I shoudl do it more often. And I have sexy librarian glasses, I love them adn I've gotten a bunch of compliments on them. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

again, why not
I never really does these... sooo...

... why not

Killing
Gar, I'm slowly kiling my friends... allll of my friends. I'll do soemthing. Something I don't think is a big deal, something I would do fro anyone... adn somehow some really weird way, it hurts my friend. I don't expect it to. I've done it millions of times before.. but now. right now, it's hurting them... Why? I'm slowly killing all fo my friends.
And the scariest part, Liz is writing a story adn she loosely based a character on me... and that charecter has thiese really cool powers, but she goes all weird and way in teh furture ends up destoring all of her friends... I read this way ebfore I started hurting my friends in any signficant way... so it almost feels like this story foreshadowed what's happening now!
And the worst part is my friends are being really really great recently. They're helping me things I didn't before, helping me through things, not passing judgement... jsut sort of being a cpach, instead of teammate on the field, but on the flip side that might be why I'm killing them... because they are as active in my immediate life anymore... and in a way they're killing me. Two or so of my friends have said that they should help me find a guy... one told me she could get me drugs... others are trying to prevert me... make me talk more... not let me read... or write, blend in. Do what everyone else is doing. While most of the time it feels good... sometimes it doesn. Like when I sit back and look at what's happening.

Randomness
I know I'm not allll that nice and that I'm not really gulliable or taken advantage of, but sometimes I feel some people know just what to say to make me do exactly what they want. Just a few nice words, or making me smile everyonce in a while and I want to do stuff for them. Then the plant an idea in my mind and I think, sure, why don't I do this for them. Do I really feel that I don't have enough friends that I need to do these things to make these people like me more? Don't I have great friends who don't require me to do things for them... aren't those the friends I should be worrying about. Some of these people aren't even people I want as friends, they just know how to manipulate me just right. How is that they can, while I have friends who ahev known me for years and can't get me to do anything I don't want to. And other friends I've known for longer and can only manipulate me into doing things I probably would ahve done anyway, jsut a bit more grudgingly if they hadn't pushed...
I'm not even that nice! There are friends I ahve who I frequently snap at... I have a very caustic presonality and these people... I just want to fall over myself doing stuff for them. I almost want to stop everything and do this one thing they want... sure it jsut helps me procrastinate... but still. I could be doing something for me! Or someone I really like as a friend (Liz comes to mind... I don't do enough for her, or Anastasia...)
I don't like being manipulated... and I'm jsut letting these people do that to me. Just letting them push those special buttons , ones I didn't even know existed until recently. Damn vanity. If I wasn't so self-concious about my drawing and writing and crafting I probably would jsut take their compliments as they are and ignore their little hints that they would like something.
I'm also too fickle, which I decided two years ago. I can change from one minute literally hating someone to wanting to do something fun with them... My feelings are easily manipulated apperently... STUPID KATIE....

Argh... but I love these stupid people, they make me happy, they make me smile... and so far none of them have made me sad, or angry. Maybe that's why I want ot do stuff for them. Because as aquintances I haven't had to share the downs, only the ups, so they help me, yet I don't help them... grrr still bad am I.

Underwear
WHAT DOES IT MATTER! God, my mom was going insane and telling me to get other underwear to bring somewhere, because the stuff I had MIGHT have had tiny holes. Yes tiny holes. What does it matter anyway? No one ever sees my underwear. What does my mom think I'm going to bear it all for my friends and there for I need to have hole free underwear. it's nice to know she cares soemtimes but this was too mcuh. And she wouldn't shut up at about it. She tried talking about it at dinner, in front of my father. I mean I love my father, but I don't particularlly want to talk about what underwear I packed in front of him. GOD! Why the hell does she care so much? I've packed for these types of things hundreds of times! And it's not as if I could just call and get something if I forgot it before. So it's not any different now. Actaully it is. Becuase if I need soemthing I can have Liz drive me home and get what I need. Why the hell is my mother so paranoid about me having the right stuff then?
Some times I wish she would leave me alone. Wow that sounded super teen-angsty. Let's try that again. I wish she would just... ummmm... look at the circumstances... yes much better.