::
2004 14 April :: 4.51 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Trapt-These walls
Nothings changed..
There's too much drama in my life at this point. I can't say things have never gotten this worse, but they are quickly sliding downhill. Whoever said it was right, I've got to stop assuming things. No guessing, no risking, no straying outside of the lines. It's my own fault things fall the way they do. Problems don't work themselves out..don't assume they will.
This afternoon was all about thinking for me... But sometimes I think I do a little too much thinking. I need to stop trying to pick apart every situation I find myself in. And stop trying to find the reasoning behind everything... why the hell can't I see things this way all the time is beyond me... I have an odd way of portraying certain things.
I read old conversations once again this afternoon. It only made me that much sadder. <- is sadder a word ? :-\ *sigh*
I wonder if he ever thinks of me....
Poetry time...
I can almost hear the tinkling
as my heart shatters to the ground
I can almost hear the rain
as my tears fall without a sound
I can almost feel the sizzling
of your anger burning me
I can almost feel the truth
in something that could never be
but now I feel nothing
not the pattering of rain
just the constant sensation
of ever thrumming pain
and though the clocks keep ticking
it's just a waste of time
forever spinning round and round
because I know you wont be mine
hate burns you like a fire
as my tears fall like the rain
putting out your fervent blaze
as you fill me up with pain
a hundred lies like cutting glass
pierce my heart so deep
blood flows like a river
from behind my mask it starts to seep
night falls like a shadow
but your eyes are bright as day
I speak to you like I'm a fool
because I dont know what to say
and I cant go on pretending
my heart is strong as stone
but I'm too afraid to tell you
cause I dont wanna be alone
Sober for 4 days if you're counting saturday night. Countdown: 6 days. // shouldn't be too exciting for me anyways, but we'll see what happens
[xXx] |
::
2004 13 April :: 5.44 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: none
Muppets on Drugs™
Kermit the frog on Weed
Oscar the Grouch on X
Elmo on Acid
Big Bird on Mushrooms
Cookie Monster on Crack
Ernie & Bert on Opium
Miss Piggy on Angel Dust
-Jess & Kelc
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::
2004 11 April :: 3.09 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Ruff Ryder All Star Freestyle
Easter is such a fucking boring holiday.
+*+ Essentials +*+
Name: Kelsey Elisabeth
Age On Your Next B-Day: 15
B-Day: July 21
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
+*+ Your Room +*+
Color of Walls: Nostalgic Deep Purple
Computer?: Duhh
TV?: Yep
DVD Player?: Yep
VCR?: Yep
Phone?: Yes...I have it all
Bed or Futon?: Bed
Twin? Full? Queen? KING?: Twin
+*+ Beloveds +*+
Book: Haunted Sister
Colour: uhh pink purple black white silver..
Year In School: uhh 8th I guess, Freshman year sucks
Friend: I love em all
Sport: Soccer
Smell: The Ocean, barbecues, summer nights
Magazine: Seventeen
Lotion: Abercrombie Sweet Blossom, Perry Ellis America
Body Spray/Perfume/Cologne: Bath&BodyWorks-SweetPea & Moonlight Path. Victoria's Secret-Sexy. Axe/Old Spice/Curve
Beverage: Chocholate Milk,Lemonade, Orange Soda,Coffee
+*+ Cronies +*+
Secret Keeper: Kate
Good Listener: Kate
Trustworthy: Kate & Liz
Good Shopper: Meg
Best Personality: Liz
Best Athlete: Dont know
Best All-Around: not sure
Most Honest: Liz
Liar: dont know
Betrayer: umm I've decided to forget that
Lovestruck: Meg
Moody: Meg
Morbid: whats that mean?
Drama Queen: Andrea
Annoying: I could name a few
Dork: Meg & Kate
Intelligent: Amanda
+*+ Your Family +*+
Like 'em?: Depends on who and whats going down
Brothers?: 2
Sisters?: 0
you like your parent(S)?: At times
Why?: Long story
Oh...: Ya....
+*+ Misc +*+
like to shop?: Yep
Colour of Backpack: umm I have a skyblue one and a navy blue one
Brand of Backpack: LL.Bean
Email Address: babyblue2189@aol.com
AIM ScreenName: krazykelc1
Burn CDs?: Yep
DL Musak?: Yep
Awesome-est Site: dunno
Did You Like this survey?: If I didn't would I be taking it?
Why?: Are u that thick?
Oh...: Ya..you are
What Kinda Comp/Laptop you got?: Dell
niiice...: ya u know it
Ciao: adios
[xXx] |
::
2004 11 April :: 12.03 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Mobb Deep-Got it twisted
Happy Easter
HaPpY EaStEr!
I woke up early this morning, around 9:00. I had gone to bed early because my stomach hurt and my eyes were aching from being dilated so long. yesterday was my 2nd time tripping..it was really intense. time flew by so quick and when the trip was over I could barely remember anything I did. I only wish Liz could have been with us this time since we had enough for one more person. anyways...today I don't really have anything planned. My parents didn't make me go to church which was suprising. my brothers coming out from Boston sometime this afternoon and some of the cousins from N.H.
I got $20 from my parents as an Easter gift.. I was planning on using it to reimburse myself from the money I spent on the shrooms but I'm not even sure if I wanna do that anymore... I think I might just save my money from now on instead of splurging on drugs.
COUNTDOWN: 9 days
[xXx] |
::
2004 7 April :: 6.18 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: 50 Cent/Tony Yayo-Face down
Sarah McLachlan mood..
I Love You
I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road
we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around disappears
just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles
let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek
oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away....
and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so
oh you're so beautiful
with an edge and a charm
but so careful
when I'm in your arms
cause you're working
building a mystery
holding on and holding it in
yeah you're working
building a mystery
and choosing so carefully
you woke up screaming aloud
a prayer from your secret god
you feed off our fears
and hold back your tears
give us a tantrum
and a know it all grin
just when we need one
when the evening's thin
oh you're a beautiful
a beautiful fucked up man
you're setting up your
razor wire shrine
Sweet Surrender
it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home
and sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
and I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
I miss the little things...
oh I miss everything
it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I left behind me
is a cold room
Do What You Have To Do
What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight...
COUNTDOWN: 13 days
2 <3//s |
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::
2004 5 April :: 3.41 pm
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: Ruben Studdard-Sorry 2004
New Journal
I had to reset my journal because it got fucked up somewhere along the way... so I decided to completely start over, hope you like...
-kelsey
Why do you cry?
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