Cocopuff
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2005 18 January :: 7.27pm
random lyrics from third eye blind
i love third eye blind... theses are some of the quotes that i love the most... lol random but hey i like them...
And there's a memory of a window, Looking through I see you.
Searching for something, I could never give you,
There's someone who understands you more than I do.
A sadness I can't erase. All alone on your face.
... my favorite
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew, That I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time, We'll be friends again.
I'll get over you, you'll wonder, who I am.
And there's this burning, Just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, I've never been so alive...
Hey, will you stay a while.
My smile will not mislead you,
Cause I've been alone, my faith turned to stone,
Still there's something in you, that I believe in,
Close to your pierce,
I go wild and fierce,
Still I let you be,
I feel you next to me,
'Cause outside I feel,
A wind it starts to blow,
I'm taken in your undertow.
Everything is fine I'm lonely all the time,
Cause All I want to do is be there for the things that you're going through,
Well is it good for you,
Is it good for you.
Cause you haunt my nights when I don't know where my life should go,
Well is it good for you,
Is it good for you.
Hey, child please stay awhile.
My smile will not mislead you.
Cause I've been without.
I go wild with doubt,
I grab at you,
I can't stop grabbing at you,
Cause I feel you cross my mind in disarray, intoxicated ricochet,
There's nothing wrong,
just don't take too long,....
When you left, I felt the drop like a boom
Wintertime all alone in your bedroom
I don't blame you, and I know I'm not your friend
How we living, young American
I guess I've always known
I'd be on my own, I'd be on my own
And I don't know why, I don't know why
I don't know why...
yea...
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 17 January :: 1.59pm
i'm just a nomad but would you listen to my story? would you think me crazy if i asked you for some spare change? for a lighter? for a place to stay on the night of the winters first frost? would you walk away from me if i told you i was crazy? what would you say if i told you the key to the world. the key to happiness, if i told you their was a doorway to paradise would you believe me? or would you call me a liar and spit in my face? were all liars in the world today. writing is a form of a lie. writing is a form of expression, its a way of letting out all of the things we wish we could say but never have the courage to. so many people would keep all those thoughts in their heads, but people like me, we have too many thoughts. too many thoughts to keep them all bottled up, if we did theyd overwhelm us, like they do when i debate myself in the quiet of my room. listening to the wind erode my window pane, trying my hardest to get to sleep. deep in this thought is a person searching for reason, for logic in everyday situations. searching for flaws in herself. when really there is no explanation. a person of my circumstances would feel unable to meet the requirements shes set for everyone else in her semipermiable world. shes made it so only those worthy of her presence will reep its benefits. she schemes her way through life analyzing everybody elses flaws, making sure never to make their mistakes. and this writing, this discription of reality so twisted and ever changing like smoke lingering in a stagnant room is her freedom. its her voice, her forte if you will. the release of all the emotions shed secretly wished to expose. but with this writing she can mask whats real, she has no chance to be rejected or thought of as wrong, because this writing is expression. this writing is the slit in her wrist, this writing is the reason she's still alive. its the sweat in her pores and every thought oozing from her intoxicated brain. she can detatch herself from the world when writing of love and lust, and lose herself in a city so perfect, in a relationship which never existed. or she can explain a break up, a fault, a misconseption through the eyes of a girl living in a nowhere town. a nowhere state, a nowhere country. a girl whose place is yet to be found.. yet to be questioned or explored by a single soul. as her words flow easily into your ear drums youll wonder. wonder what makes this girl so troubled, why does she feel she must hide behind these words. i guess theres no real answer. its like asking why a bird sings. its just a natural attraction to the unreal. to the discriptive world, to a place where she doesnt have to be so serious. where things dont have to be so real, or so permanent. her writing is her gift, her pain, her muse, her writing is her spirit which so gently flows in the summers breeze and lands upon a snowy bank, like a nomad, searching for someone to listen.
- me
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
1 <3// |
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 16 January :: 11.42pm
interesting couple days i guess..
i dont have much to write except i cant stand drama and all this shit..
i feel so unloved nobody comments :(
im gonna go cuz im borring..
- manda
Everytime she laughs, she hopes he's watchin.. not so he'll see she is happy... but so maybe he will fall for her smile as hard as she fell for his...<3*
1 <3// |
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 14 January :: 10.40pm
:: Music: ill get by ok x grateful dead
alot of hours to occupy it was easy when i didnt know you yet
things id have to forget
but i better be quiet now
im tired of wasting my breath
carrying on and getting upset
maybe i got a problem but thats not what i wanted to say
id prefer to say nothing
i got a long way to go
im getting further away
--
im emotionally unstable.. i found myself revolving my thoughts about this.. i even had myself in tears today.. are my emotions that on edge? that even the slightest push will break me? robbie and i were talking today in history and it made me realize a few things.. that i have to keep lust and desire away from what the reality is.. i shouldnt get my hopes up for something that probably wont amount to anything allthough i wish it would.. damn do i ever..
i hate to show people my tears when im sad.. i held em back in history and then in the front hallway jimmy stole my balloon and since i had just been holding it all in my last button was pushed and i just started to tear up.. and i hugged jimmi l and cried and then went into the bathroom and sucked it up and had a cigarette.. and i cant stand coming home to this house void of any positive emotion.. it makes me even more depressed.. i just feel so empty and like jaded by all this crap around me..
i miss kaitlin alot.. she was like my get away my friend whod never change cuz we were sisters and i know thats still true but shes all the way in switzerland and it just sucks to have her so far away.. im sure shes having a great time tho.. in amsterdam, lugano, germany all the different party/rave/drug zones id be in heaven.. lol
well i guess thats it for now..
ill let you know how things go in the future...
[xXx]
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xoxchubbyxox
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2005 14 January :: 7.39pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: give it up: jennfier lopez.
yay
yay nikkie is coming tomorrow til monday, i havent seen her since october. lol so im excited. yes well thats all i had to say...ill update later...
3 <3//s |
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 14 January :: 6.44am
:: Music: stuck in the middle with you x grateful dead
i had a weird dream last night about taking mrs simms engliush test and like getting something in th email at the school but they were pictures from a long time ago from like whne me and sam went skiing or something it was reeally oddd..
just thought id let that out lol
good morning.. im so damn tired
2 <3//s |
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 12 January :: 11.17pm
alright.. so i guess heres the scope on me..
ive had an interesting week filled with various highs and lows.. each day starts one way and ends another like the other day i was having THE shittiest day ever then i was greeted with a happy occurance at the end of the day and some days ill wake up with spunk and then feel like shit throughout the day..
roar..
i brought kaitlin up to the airport today.. shes really gone... shes in europe in switzerland im really gonna miss her.. i love her so much she was the last good thing i had left in my family...
dammit im sore and tired and i need to shower...
ill update later
[xXx]
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Cocopuff
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2005 12 January :: 8.42pm
No sleep last night,
too busy thinkin of you.
I was tryin to figure out how I could fix things,
but I can't.
You wouldn't want me to anyway,
so I guess I'll just have to stop loving you somehow.
And only love the memory of me actually thinking you cared.
It hurt bad.
I shouldn't waste my tears, I know.
It's kind of too late to say that.
I've already unleashed thousands,
cuz every thought I ever had
was about you.
And every dream I ever wished
came true -
when you entered my life.
And now you're slowly disappearing,
so I didn't sleep last night....
yea thats how i feel right about now.. seems like once again everything is changing.. and i dont know why, mayb its for the better this time...but w/e idk... i dont know nethign nemore... and im gettign to the point where i really dont care about nethign nemore....
2 <3//s |
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 11 January :: 6.16pm
i wish i could press rewind..
and relive each second with you again and again...
very good end to a bad day to say the least ;-)
Who’d like to see me down on my fucking knees
Everybody’s dying just to get the disease
I LOVE ELLIOT SMITH! why did he have to be such a troubled guy?
if i could press rewind
if i could press rewind today
id relive each moment i spent
holding your hands.
and know now to appreciate you while i can.
if i could press rewind today
id catch your innocence in a picture
and watch it on my walls.
while the winter snow flakes slowly start to fall.
if i could press rewind today
id melt you to my skin
and smell the scent known only to you.
as the lyrics bounce off me, stella blue..
if i could press rewind today
id savor every kiss you gave
in the shadows, on your bed
i wouldnt have to move ahead.
if i could press rewind today
id end up back in ecstacy.
a pure plutonic benifit
of keeping love where it needs to be hid.
if i could press rewind today
id worry much less for the future me
id be ruled by the impulse in my veins
maybe i wouldnt feel so insane
if i could press rewind today
there'd be no turning back.
id breath you in and scream your name
i swear id never be the same.
if i could press rewind today
and relive all my regrets
there wouldnt be anything id ever take back
but remind myself not to get too attatched
if i could press rewind today
and watch it all happen again.
i stare forever in your eyes
those deep brown pools of paradise.
if i could press rewind today
i think id kiss you just once more.
id feel your body and taste your touch
id try and never miss you much
if i could press rewind today
id look you in the eyes.
id tell you that you couldnt leave
and how much that you meant to me..
if i could press rewind and stay
in the dream i call today
id peirce your skin and sew me in
forever waiting for the day to begin
[xXx]
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silentcriez
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2005 10 January :: 12.29am
:: Music: stella blue x gratefuldead
All the years combine, they melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.
In the end there’s just a song comes cryin’ up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.
Stella blue. stella blue.
When all the cards are down, there’s nothing left to see,
There’s just the pavement left and broken dreams.
In the end there’s still that song comes cryin’ like the wind.
Down every lonely street that’s ever been
Stella blue. stella blue.
I’ve stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel, can’t win for trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine
It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free,
There’s nothing you can hold, for very long.
And when you hear that song come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.
Stella blue. stella blue.
well the past couple days have been ok i guess, i hung out with john lizzy and chris for a while today and tomorrow i have a bunch of plans but i think im hanging out with dana for his birthday tomorrow :-) yayy
the snow day was fun except for getting soaking wet and freezing!!!
ah well im never gonna get up in the morning if i dont go to bed soon so off i go
- manda
[xXx]
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