Don't look back, you can never look back.

:: 2005 5 January :: 10.24pm

stole this from nikkie who stole this from meg

x all the things that apply..

Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x]smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[ ] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[ ] had a car.
[x] drove

Do you...
[ ] have a boyfriend.
[ ] have a girlfriend.
[x] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[ ] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[ ] think your attractive
[ ] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to jazz
[x] listen to classical and/or opera
[x] listen to showtunes
[x] listen to soul.
[x] listen to techno
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than one best friend.
[x] get good grades
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[x] like the color purple.
[x] like the color pink.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[ ] tall.
[x] medium height.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] don't care.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[x] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic
[x] depressed

yeah..

was really sad today helped kaitlin pack up all her clothes to be shipped to switzerland :( ill miss her alot but i know shell have a great time, and make something great of herself while shes there, many fresh faces, and new places to explore. almost a new beginning in a new country where she can really make it her own, on her own.. building character, depth and growing culturally.

dont really feel right tonight.. or ever

:: 2005 4 January :: 10.30pm

Sarryy5: i don see why you bother, hes pure evil
BlckTangldHrt35x: i really dont bother, i dont im him or call him anymore i wait for him to
BlckTangldHrt35x: and obviously id love to be friends with him hes fun! but i cant help an immense sexual attraction
Sarryy5: lol youre amazing
BlckTangldHrt35x: like being completely serious
BlckTangldHrt35x: all i want to do when hes around is just
BlckTangldHrt35x: kiss him and ya you know the rest
BlckTangldHrt35x: like its not like one of your friends like bumping into you like everytime he even touches me its like dammit all i can think about is fucking him
BlckTangldHrt35x: and that obviously interferes with things
kels7216: hahahaha
BlckTangldHrt35x: thats what it is too
BlckTangldHrt35x: s'why i just cant be friends
BlckTangldHrt35x: he could look me in the eyes and say sock
BlckTangldHrt35x: and all id hear is
BlckTangldHrt35x: fuck me now

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 4 January :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: country music silly.. this is nikkie

im feeling quite chipper!
yes so this is nikkie and ass shit nut didnt comment anymore and im being quite chipper! well me and Gin and Juice are going to dariens house on the 15th!!! im maddd excited dudeeeeeee.. ya so lalallallalalala im so freaking hyper.. darien doesnt comment in my journal anymore! shes a loserfaceshit nut!!

... in honor of juice.. NUTSAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit on toast i like to eat it for BREAKFAST!!! lol ohhh good good times!

hello.. whats your name (in a weird accent)

i have gum in my hair.. no.. MY HAIR!

hahah i love you girl! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaha this is fucking awesome.. were brining an 8th so your gunna get HIGH HIGH HIGH!!! heheheh im so excited yo!

i love you girlie!

-Nik

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 4 January :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: mockingbird.

hmmmm
well i havent updated in a bit. but i guess i just boring cuz i have nothing really to say. nothing interesting ever happens to me, especially here. sorry. :-/

darien.

:: 2005 3 January :: 11.18pm

my 3rd update of the day..

i dont know what the hell is wrong with me... im nothing but nice to people.. i would give everything i had to someone just to feel appreciated, and cared about. why dont people realize that i would give up everything i am just for their happiness.. just so i could be the one that they care about.. just once i wanna feel the way everybody else does.. i just wanna feel like someone cares about me.

i cant sleep theres way too much on my mind and everytime i start to think about it, i just start to cry and i feel the tingle of teardrops start to burst from my eyes.. endlessly like summer rain falling on a dry, dead land.. my cheek, empty, pale and cold...

im sorry that im empty.. im sorry that im too full, im sorry that im useless and broken and im sorry that i want so bad to love and be loved in return?

no

not even to love, just to care..

no

not even to care, just to have fun with someone who wants to have fun with me..

to be appreciated..cared about, thought about, saught after.. somebody that somebody remembers...

i just wanna be somebody to anybody...

but i know things dont change..

:: 2005 3 January :: 8.06pm

BlckTangldHrt35x: do u ever feel like you hate everything
BlckTangldHrt35x: like nothings right..
Pimpin In 1869: sure
Pimpin In 1869: im all fucked up i know mad shit
BlckTangldHrt35x: im fucking crazy
Pimpin In 1869: not as crazy as me
BlckTangldHrt35x: dana you dont know what goes on in my head
BlckTangldHrt35x: and how bad i feel more than half the time
BlckTangldHrt35x: nor would anyone want to
Pimpin In 1869: you dont know what goes one o my head
BlckTangldHrt35x: but the thing is
BlckTangldHrt35x: id like to understand what goes on in your head
BlckTangldHrt35x: nobody wants to figure me out
BlckTangldHrt35x: or understand what goes on in mine

I see you're leaving me
and taking up with the enemy
The cold comfort of the in between
A little less than a human being
A little less than a happy high
A little less than a suicide
The only things that you really tried
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right

what is it you see through your brown eyes
that isnt there when you stare back at mine
shes nothing in the scheme of things
id break her if i tried, for all the tears you made me cry
and the lies you made lie, and i never asked you why
but why must we divide, this time we spend
i thought it was on me you depend
but im broken in two
i geuss i needed you

(chorus)
theres a void in my heart
and losers everywhere
a nip to the air
as you run your fingers through her hair
ive got nowhere to go
and i know soon ill be walking alone
but you wont see me going nowhere fast

looking at the world in a shade of black and whites
i know you didnt mean those words i know you didnt mean to fight

ugh i cant finish this

- more later

being in love

being in love with someone who is not in love with
you, you understand my predicament.
being in love with you, who are not
in love with me, you understand my dilemma.
being in love with your being in love
with me, which you are not, you understand
the difficulty. being in love with your
being, you can well imagine how hard it is.
being in love with your being you,
no matter you are not your being in
love with me, you can appreciate and pity
being in love with you. being in love
with someone who is not in love, you know
all about being in love with someone who is not
in love with you, which is
being in love, which you know only too well,
love, being in love with being in love.

-marvin bell

August

this is one way to say it.
the girl left, you left.

and this is another.
last year in august i hung
my head between my knees, looked up
and flirted with the atmosphere
but you were here
and the sky had no gravity.

now love falls from me,
like walls of an empty city.

my symptom
is the earths
constant rotation

eveything i say about desire or
hunger is only lip service
in the face of it.

still there were days i know
your mouth gave that last taste of blue.

-esta spalding

"you said, there are women
i know whose presence
changes the quality of the air...

...i am not one of those"

lightness

it was your lightness that drew me,
the lightness of your talk and your laughter,
the lightness of your cheek in my hands
your sweet gentle modest lightness;
and it is the lightness of your kiss
that is starving my mouth,
and the lightness of your embrace
that will let me go adrift.

- meg bateman

1 <3// | [xXx]

:: 2005 3 January :: 6.52am

im sitting here updating my journal at 7:00 im such a weirdo lol

well... its a new year and with that comes new changes, new events, new people, new me. my resolutions this year are to be nicer to people ive been a dick to..and to get in shape.. hummm any others? to do well in my competition :-)

i just hope things wont change as drastically as they have in the past year.. goodbye 04' you were well spent and well remembered..

<3 amanda

:: 2005 1 January :: 3.02pm

its officially a new year... damn this ones coem and gone so quickly its scarey how different things are and how much theyre changing

thistles was funnnnnnnn ill write more about it later

im at lizzys and i need to go home and shower haha ill update later

:: 2004 30 December :: 5.06pm

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you