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xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 13 April :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: almost: bowling for soup

im really that bored...

yeah....

The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?:not regularly
Do you party a lot? How often?:lol yes i have so many friends to party with in merrimack lol
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?:nope
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?:prolly around 20
Do you skip classes? How often?:no im a good kid
Do you have casual sex? Protected?:not me lol
Do you steal?:noo
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?:i dont think so
Do you drool over celebrities?:like physically drool? no lol
Do you watch a lot of TV?:yes i do
Do you ever watch the News?:when im wathcing for a snowday lol
Do you even care about world issues?:some
Do you read books often?:sometimes
Are you failing a lot of your classes?:nope
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?:i used to :(
Do you smoke cigarettes?:nope
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?:i used to
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?:i guess so
Do you cuss a lot?:no...i think it makes you look ignorant and dying for attention or soemthing
Are you desperate to fit in?:...not really
Are you intelligent?:at times
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?:oh everyday lol
Black eyeliner?:yeah
Black eyeshadow?:no
Black trenchcoat?:no
Black boots?:no
Black fishnets?:no
Black nail polish?:i have some
Cigarettes?:lol no
Heavy metal music?:nohpe
Marilyn Manson?:lol wow im sucha loser no
Kittie?:nope
Cradle of Filth?:nope
Constant frown and perpetual angst?:lol no?
Do you like to be seen as:??
Are you an intellectual?:not so much
An atheist?:agnostic
Horrible home life?:lol no
Hopelessly depressed?:nope not me
Suffering with suicidal idealations?:yeah no...
Self-mutilation?:no
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?:lol no
Big black boots?:no
Mohawk?:not lately lol
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]:no
Loud, confident and opinionated?:that i am
Wild hair colors?:no
NOFX?:no
Rancid?:no
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?:not many
A:A to u too
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?:it was 142 in eighth grade
Do you watch a lot of sports?:i hate wathcing em
Play a lot of sports?:no im lazy
Talk a lot about sports?:lol no
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?:i prefer sitting on my ass
Are you arrogant?:whos gunna admit to that?
Are you a male or female whore?:lol both..no...
Are you homophobic?:no!
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?:noo
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?:o yes ofcourse
Boobs = yes?:YES! lol wtf?
Parties = yes?:why not
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?:no
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?:i guess on makeup...not too much tho
Have you ever been on a diet?:sort of...i started running
How much did you lose?:5 pounds...
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?:no...i couldnt not eat
Make yourself throw up?:ive done it before when i was sick
Make-up?:yep
Low-cut tops?:not many
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]:full A small B (its sad)
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?:i wouldnt know if i didnt realize it
Giggle a lot?:i laugh...not giggle
What's the deal with boys?:im not sure what the deal is lol
Thongs?:no one wnats to see that on me
Pretty bras?:sure
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?:i like cosmo
Who's the weaker sex?:hermaphrodites
Are you a feminist?:not really lol
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?:yes i do
How often do you shave your legs?:like every other day in the winter and everyday in the warmer seasons
How about your armpits?:i have like 3 and ahalf hairs but i shave them
Are you emotional?:noo
Especially when on your period?:noo
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?:somewhere in between
Independence or Companionship?:companionship i guess
Stability or Freedom?:or those eveb opposites?
Personal or Interpersonal?:i dont get it
Introvert or Extrovert?:extrovert
Popularity or Isolation?:in between
Unique or Loved?:u can be unique and loved
Understood or Individual?:both
You or Them?:you? lol

[xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 13 April :: 12.05am

i need your sex!

[xXx]


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 10 April :: 10.40am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: what you waiting for? gwne stefani

a survey...
havent done one of these things in a while :)


What is your name?:darien
How old are you?:15
When is your Birthday?:11/22/89
What is your zodiac sign?:sagittarius/ scorpio depending on the magazine
Where were you born?:plymouth
Where do you live now?:merrimack nh (sadly)
What color eyes do you have?:light brownish
What color hair do you have?:blonde
How tall are you?:5' 2" and ahalf...maybe?
How much do you weigh? (Be Honest Ladies):im excusing myself form that question
What is your race?:white
What is your worst fear?:being driwned or burned alive or something...?
Do you smoke?:nope...
Do you drink?:not regularly
Do you cuss?:on occasion
Do you use drugs?:no
Have you ever or will you ever steal?:idk!
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?:yes, if i like you
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?:ohh no
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?:just my ears but i plan on more
If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be?:jack the ripper? idk wtf?
Do you suffer from depression disorder?:not lately
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?:in my sleep...poisoned...i never really sat down and though about it lol
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?:no...
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?:i guess so...if i know what u mean?
What subculture do you belong too?:what?
Are you evil?:whos gunna say yes?
Do you believe that you can be possesed?:i hope not!
Are you a paranoid person?:all the time
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?:everyday
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?:no
Are you a violent person?:o so violent...
Do you take your anger out on other people?:no...i dont get that angry
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?:i try
What is your favorite game?:scene it is purty fun
What is your favorite movie?:the breakfast club
Who is your favorite band?:i just dont know
What is your favorite song?:colt 45 haha idk?
What kind of books and/or magazines do you read?:cosmo...
What is your favorite color?:red
What is your favorite food?:i just cant decide
What is your favorite drink?:diet pepsi or coke
Do you own a pari of converse?:noo
Do you own a pair of dickies?:noo
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?:someone else if i had to
Are you a virgin?:why yes
Are you kinky?:a kinky virgin? of course
Do you like biting?:love it
Do you masturbate?:as often as i can...wtf?
Do you watch pornography?:snowwhite doe sthe seven dwarfs is my favorite
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?:never dyed my hair
Have you ever shaved your head in a socially unacceptable way?:not recently
Are you hyper active person?:noo
Are you religious?:definitely not
Do you have any self inflicted scars?:not that i know of
Does pain turn you on?:most definitely
Do you stand for originality and creativity?:do i stand for it...what?
Do you like meeting new people?:i guess i have to
What do you like most about life?:being alive...?
What do you dislike most about life?:moving!
Do you believe in love at first fright?:...
Have you ever pierced a body part yourself?:no
Have you ever had to beg for dinner money?:oh yes
Do you own a car?:not yet
Have you been to jail, yet?:no
Are your clothes held together with safety pins?:not really
Do you have actual scars from punk rock shows?:not me
Have you ever vomit while making out?:whatever ur in to
Have you held a job for less than a day?:no
Do you own more than two pair of jeans?:haha yes
Have you ever had to fuck stuff up for no good reason?:i dont know what u mean
Have you ever been kicked out of your parents house?:no
Have you ever been fired from your job because of your attitude?:no
Does the world piss you off?:im really not that angry

About Me Personality Quiz brought to you by BZOINK!

[xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 10 April :: 10.27am

i need you right now.. i need you somehow..

i think i might be crazy.. i just never stop thinking ever... and i bet you all know what about.. but it just consumes me and i can put myself in the worst of moods..

lizzy and i are in a fight i guess.. i havent talked to her all weekend...

things are getting fucked up..

gr..

[xXx]


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 8 April :: 2.47pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: holla back girl: gwen stefani

blaaaah
well i havent updated in a while.

i have absolutely nothing to say

that is how completely boring my life is...:(




a comment is always nice :)

2 <3//s | [xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.20am

im so sick of being lonely..

a scent attatched
to the whispering wind
hits me like brick
i feel it land on the tip of my nose
and trail into my memory
a quick glimpse of what used to be
now circulates in my veins
its a part of me
now as it trickles into my lungs
it is encapsulated by tar
by hate, by envy, and by grudge
the connections are now made fully
and i see what keeps these things memories
and not the present
its the pain of how it was
its the thought of giving up
my stubborn thoughts spew out this scent
rid myself of what resounded in my mind
although i may push it out of my thoughts
i cant deny the scent
attatched to the whispering wind..

---

i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
left dusty on the shelf
abandoned beauty
torn to peices all alone
she lives in a pristine picture
a painting hanging on a wall
of a broken home

shes crying another glass
half empty again
pouring herself
another shot of gin
she wont stop hurting
until she smells his scent
you wont catch her smiling
until she aint by herself

(chorus)
all alone in a world
that teaches us not to feel
we alienate whose different
and blame the one whose real
we idolize the incomplete
we love the one thats fake
yet we walk right by the ones like you
the ones who suffer through their days..

she wants to kill
the one who put her here
she screams her unmuttable screams
for everyone to hear
she points the bloody gun
towards her picture perfect face
plunging silently
to her imperfect fate

a soul wont go to heaven today
it wont be free from pain
shell wait around, watching those she loves
be showered with salty rain
forever with the burden
of the guilt on her shoulders
to take a life, couldnt deal with strife
couldnt move lifes giant bolders

(chorus)

her acid tears trickle down my cheek
eroding the beauty that people see
they want to be what they cant have
they want to be something just like me
but irony strikes again
as im bleeding for you now
what people want to be in me
slowly starts to drown

envied lover dying in your hands
couldnt be what you wanted
couldnt be the perfect ten
couldnt smile like the sunrise
couldnt be your heaven sent
withered leaves in the month of may
pain that never goes away
it eats away your pale white skin
and burries itself deep within

(chorus)

almost made it,
i almost climed up in your heart
but almost doesnt mean a thing
almost doesnt even start
i see an silent movie
a vision of your face
along your guided cheekbones
with my fingers i trace

i want so bad to be with you
i want so bad not to cry
but i wont ever get better
unless i rewind goodbye
i look in the mirror
and i dont even see myself
just a blurry image
you left dusty on the shelf


When I came along
You see it's good for nothing, good for nothing
A close look at something
so close
you never stop needing

you never stop needing..
It's too much of not enough
When all we need is just a taste
I strapped myself in for a safe second ride
Before it started I tried to be anything I saw fit
And it all seemed to fit but you came undone

When I came along
Blind white lies and shallow truth
Broken strings and stolen youth
I've seen too much of not enough but
You came much closer than they had before
You never stop needing
And it's good for nothing

[xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 4 April :: 12.23pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: annoying ppl talking in study hall

"Why not? Why would you wanna die?
Okay, you have feelings inside your head, okay
I understand that
Feelings lead to depression
When you have depression, you have a lonely void inside of your heart
Okay? And your heart means everything to the world
Okay?"


evrything falls down just as i suspected.. i dont know what to do i dont know what to say i dont know whose "side" to be on obviously lizzys my best friend and shes dumb for doing this i told her that from the beginning, and obviously gonchas my friend and shes taking this a little too far too.. like it has come to yelling in the lunchroom.. i hated the fact that my friend was getting yelled at but what scared me was that i agreed with what goncha was saying.. she said "you were supposed to be my friend" and its right.. lizzy was supposed to be gonchas friend, she was supposed to care about her.. she was supposed to stay away from her boyfriend, i mean i know theres no written law, or any commitment between them. ive always just figured that ex boyfriends were always off limits.. cuz there will always be emotions attatched you know?

i cant stop thinking about everything and i cant stop thinking about him.. i hate it.. i hate how im stupid.. i hate how i got myself into this, and i hate how i dont want to lose it.. i want sex, i want kisses, i want a friend.. but i just dont want it to be over.. or different.. or non existant.. cuz i dont know what i would do if i completely lost him.. im so, changed?

i think i should start telling people how i feel.. i really havent.. hum but i wonder, if i did would i lose my gift of writing? would i not be able to write so deeply if i didnt keep everything so deeply hiden inside of me, only to be exspresed through words never spoken? i confuse myself all the time and i just dont think i can handle all of this.. not now.. ick.. im so disgustsed by myself and by the actions of others..

i dont know where im at anymore..

my life is like a broken bone
growing back from being unsewn
its lose and jaded and complicated
but i still need you around
i cant think anymore
i cant breath anymore
im hanging on the verge of insanity
am i really alive?
am i living in a dream
i guess ill never know
this world is so crazy
i feel i should just let go
i dont know what i think
i dont know what i know
you know that i love you
you know that i care
but its all nothing to you
im always just there
its useless to want
its painful to need
it kills me to look at you
off your kiss i feed
but you wont touch mine anymore
you wont love me like i do
because im useless
and naive
you dont love me
you dont love me
im alone
and you dont love me..

[xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 3 April :: 3.42pm

im finding it harder and harder to get through my days without feeling depressed.. and im also finding it harder and harder to take critisism.. im sick of ppl -- my best friend -- putting me down and im sick of fighting constantly.. i mean sometimes its fine but i just cant take it anymore right now id rather be sitting home by myself sleeping, singing, or talking online than be sitting here right now..

im going crazy and i dont know how much more of this town i can take.. florida is luring me all too easily... and i dont like it..

sometimes i feel
like im taking over myself
sometimes i feel
like these things that i feel arent real

dont know what to do
when im losing you
cant stand being wthout your smile

whens it my turn
to feel the things that they feel?
whens it my turn to shine?

living in the shadows of another
aint the life that i had planned
just wanna be something special baby
just want you to be my man

but i guess that wont change
i guess ill stay the same
i guess i cant feel
these things that i want to feel
i guess i cant see
these things i want to see
im blind to everything
except this pain i feel
oh its nothing new to me..
my heart is used to this pain

sometimes i feel
like im losing it all
cant touch the ground
theres no one to catch me when i fall

sometimes i feel
like the world is falling down
and everything around me
crumbles to the ground

theres nothing left
for me to hold on to
oh theres nothing left
for me to stay true to
no theres nothing left
nothing left thats real
nothing left to feel
except for this pain

oh its nothing new to me
no nothing new you see
im the same old girl i used to be
baby nothings changed
nothing is new to me
like these stars i see
i wish on them
they wont come true
but its nothing new..

[xXx]


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 31 March :: 2.49pm
:: Music: lil kim: sugar

wellll........
havent had internet connectivity in a while now...so yeah. not much to say...

i might join cross country for next year..even though ill be the worst one there lol.



a comment would be nice :)

3 <3//s | [xXx]


silentcriez

:: 2005 31 March :: 6.08am
:: Music: owner of a lonely heart - yes

Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future

Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser

See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and thats the only way

Shake - shake yourself
Youre every move you make
So the story goes

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Say - you dont want to chance it
Youve been hurt so before


Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pitys sake
Theres no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself

Give your free will a chance
Youve got to want to succeed

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart

After my own decision
They confused me so - owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end youve got to go

Look before you leap - owner of a lonely heart
And dont you hesitate at all - no no

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)

Owner of a lonely heart

Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart - owner of a lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start - owner of a lonely heart

Dont deceive your free will at all
Dont deceive your free will at all - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Just receive it


[xXx]

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