:: 2003 23 February :: 7.44 pm

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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:: 2003 23 February :: 1.25 pm

i dont think that anyone might know what i had meant when i wrote \"i said no\" about 2 entrys ago. so i will explain. i was hanging out with a friend at the bean. she was meeting some guys there. one was 18 and had a g/f but wanted her. the other was only 15. we had fun, just hanging out and talking. so as usual i fell for the 15 year old, his name is Russel. He goes to Kentwood. it was time for them to go. my friend gave me a ride home, but first we stopped at the middle school parking lot so i could say goodbye. I gave him a hug and he gave me a short kiss. It was soft, sweet and tender. Then i went home. the next day i was playing on the computer, and i was talking to my friend. she said that russel wouldn\'t stop talking about me. and wanted me to go shopping with her and russel. i wanted to, but i knew my mom wouldn\'t let me. and on top of that i was suppose to do something with someone this weekend, but i couldn\'t get a hold of that person. so later that night i went to the bean. he was there. we played candy land, and chutes and ladders. but then my friend asked me what would i say if russel asked me out. there was only one thing i could say. \"no\" for a few reasons. 1. he lives in kentwood, 2. i can\'t deal with a long distance relationship right now. 3. i dont really know him well enough to do that. he is such a great guy. he\'s cute, funny, in a band, sweet, charming, and all around nice guy. i thought about him alot last night. i am not going to tear myself apart because of him. i wont let me. i have been going though a somewhat tuff time lately. with family and school..etc. oh well. i found my class ring again. these are the songs i have been listening to lately.

nelly - hot in here
vanessa carlton - ordinary day
dixie chicks - landslide
chad kroeger - hero
coldplay - in my place
our lady peace -somewhere out there
bon jovi - everyday
hoobastank - running away
(mostly hoobastank)
and this one song on c.m.t. i dont remember who its by but when i do i will tell.

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:: 2003 22 February :: 10.43 pm

does anyone want to join i.o.i.o.h?
there are 2 members as of now.

1 comment? | ......

:: 2003 22 February :: 10.32 pm

i said no.

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:: 2003 21 February :: 9.13 pm

chicken tender, very tender.

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:: 2003 20 February :: 6.32 pm

*written before practice*
i just got up from laying down in the hallway. in somewhat solitde. many things went through my mid. like would anyone caare if i never woke up? there is this empty feeling inside of me. i know not what it is. is it pain? is it longing? is it both? i know not. it seems to be getting worse, will it ever get better? i know not. no one comes to sit by me. i am alone, surrounded by voices, not none to me. i wished to leave, i wished to escape but i couldn't. will anyone come resucue me? take me away? reminds me of the song by avil lavine or whatever her name is.

standing on the bridge,
waiting in the dark,
i thought that you'd be here by now,
there's nothing but the rain,
no footsteps on the ground,
i am listening but there's no sound,

isn't anyone trying to find me?
won't somebody come take me home?
its a damn cold night,
trying to figure out this life.


most of this song, and what i had just wrote. i wish i had the answers to. mostly just to these questions. isn't anyone trying to find me? will someone come and take me away? will someone rescuse me? please...

2 comment? | ......

:: 2003 18 February :: 9.24 pm

today has been really werid. i am kinda proud of myself because of what i didn't do i guess you could say.

2 comment? | ......

:: 2003 17 February :: 8.40 pm

i wanted to go running today. i did for a little bit up at the track, i would have ran longer but the snow was too deep. i am not sure why i had wanted to go running. was i running from something? was i running to something? was i trying to escape and thought i could if i ran? run, why did i want to run? i ran from somethings i did not want to face, i ran away from me, i ran to find something or someone but i am not sure. then again i am not sure of anything. the funny thing is i have been listening to a song by Hoobastank. its call "running away" its not about running away from home or anything like that, its about running away from something else.

1 comment? | ......

:: 2003 17 February :: 5.32 pm

i dont know if its getting better or getting worse. i have been comsumed by the thoughts within my mind. and i dont know how to escape. i dont think i can do it on my own. something happend today. a friend is proud of me for it. in a way i am too but also i was planning on doing what my friend is proud of me for. i have a little more self asteem than what i use to because of it.

10 comment? | ......

:: 2003 16 February :: 9.30 pm

today has gone by really slow. i dont have school tomorrow. YEEHPPY. today i got a new cd, and a few shirts. they are cute. later.

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:: 2003 14 February :: 10.20 pm
:: Mood: energetic

i just got back from the bean. it was so much fun. i met up with justin and chris. most of the time i was chit chating with the person working (jamie) and a guy that was in a play with my cousin. he also has a band that plays at the bean sometimes. i heard alot of funny corny jokes. and i told a few myself. this is what i had to drink.

itailan sodas- one strawberry kiwi
one lemon lime
two cherry, rasberry, blackberry, strawberry, lime, lemon, kiwi, black---, and a few more i cant remember.
it was really good.

one kinder

two shots of expresso (that stuff is really strong. its like pure coffee, that was equal to drinking 16oz of coffee)

there wasn't really a band. a chick played and sang a little. she was good. kev and robbie showed up. we talked to them a while. it was alot of fun just hanging out. i was there for about 2 and a half hours. now i am here. my guess is i will play on the computer for at least another hour before i head upstairs. i highly dout i will be falling asleep anytime soon. oh well. ;) later.

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:: 2003 14 February :: 10.18 am

i really liked how my hair looked at swirl. i got a fake rose and a little box of chocolates from my date. i think i should have gone alone. i was with friends most of the time. it was a blast. i didn't really have fun with my date. he was all "i want to be cuddly wuddley" and i just wanted to have fun and hang out with friends. i didn't think i would have fun without a date, but the fun i had was when i wasn't with him. he is a nice guy but needs to learn not to be so..... yah. oh well. i have had alot of my mind lately. as usual i try to block it out. it doesn't always work. oh well. i am just going to try to relax the rest of the weekend an get things off my mind. later.

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:: 2003 12 February :: 7.02 pm

written last night
2/12/03

a frozen time...
yet time doesn't exist there
only the dancing of the wind...
and snow though the air

fuffy white snowfakes...
is but a mist
the mist prances...
as gental as a kiss

no star out tonight...
to flicker or to play
just a plane shade..
of an erie grey

no light is there...
to help me see my way
though the bitter darkness...
that seems an eterity

a shivering wind...
pierces the night sky,
if you listen close...
you may hear its cry

the cold flows though me...
sends chills down my spine
no way to stop this wind...
or the thought within my mind

just an ice cold night
and a feeling that just isn't right





i wrote that last night. when i looked out my window the snow was falling but it looked like a mist.

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:: 2003 12 February :: 9.26 am

NOOOOOO SCHOOL OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO BOARD THERE IS NOTHING TO DO!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH heheh

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:: 2003 8 February :: 8.44 pm

i went to the bean. and i left. my thoat started hurting really bad. i ran into --- when i was leaving. we had a nice little chat. the band was good. loud, but good.

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