Symptoms of Soup - A Love That Never Dies

:: 2004 14 February :: 8.25pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: "Fascination Street" - The Cure

Dance Macabre.
I'm been utterly bored on Valentine's Day, feeling sorry for myself and watching the two kids across the street ride up and down the sidewalk on bigwheels. I also made a hemp necklace and cleaned my room.

My day was so... disappointing, I guess.

I expected Scott to come over, which he did, but only for about 15 minutes or so. Then he was off to some event I didn't even bother to ask about.

Tomorrow, though, holds high expectations. I'm going to The Recher to hear Corinne's boyfriend's band play. They better be good, otherwise I'm wasting a ton of money to just stand around and be harassed by drunks. I could do that for free by going over to K-Mart anyday. Alas, I finally got online today, hoping someone worth talking to would be on, and, of course, they're not. They probably have big plans or something. I don't blame them though,... If I had something better to do, I would. But for now I sit in my boredom. Just me and the wall.

:: 2004 13 February :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: Plain.
:: Music: "Hello, I love you" - The Doors

Curving curbs of white traffic lights and ash trays full of sweet nothings.
I'll make this entry simple; no metaphors, no "he"-"she"-"it" deal, and no fancy expressions to confuse the confused. Deliberately, that is.

Moving on, I went to see The Perfect Score with Jimmy, Corinne, some guy named Ryan whom Corinne knows, and Scott. The movie... it sucked. But no one really watched it, being how only two other people shared the entire theater with us, and Scott wouldn't shut up the whole time. He kept rambling on and on about some ash tray and how there wasn't enough arm rests. Or something relative to that.

...Anyway, we left after the first 45 minutes and walked up and down the streets. No one had any money, so it wasn't like we were going anywhere soon. Eventually we sat on the curb conversing over pancakes and salad, which then turned into a quest to see who could find the biggest leaf lying around.

Nobody won. And nobody really cared. I wasted my Thrusday dreaming about pancakes and listening to Scott drag on about illuminating toasters. But you know, that's just how it goes. Later on though, Scott's dad drove us home and we made pancakes from milk, eggs, and bread we put in a blender ...Courtesy of Corinne's illusory creativity.

All in all, I guess it wasn't a total waste.

And I threw up the 'pancakes' an hour later.

:: 2004 11 February :: 6.57am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Legend of Mana opening Theme

Stalkers...
Lately the number of stalkers has increased greatly. I don't know how much more I can take, Kendo is really starting to take it's toll on me. Why can't girls just understand the word no? And then they ask me why like I need a reason. I've got some new bruises on my chest, my arms, and my legs. The one on my back is fading and turned this weird shade of green, maybe I should take a break from kendo. I have to consintrate on my classes and work, man does work suck. It's the worst place to get stalked too...You're stuck and can't leave unless you want to get fired, then again I should be able to handle it. Ah, I'll live. Did anyone else see the 3rd Inuyasha movie? It was alright, can't say Inuyasha is that great though. Finally got the new shonen jump since I woke up late and they ran out of copys at the gas station on Sunday. That Rock Lee sure is smart...Later.

7 Holy Grails | White Whale

:: 2004 7 February :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: unbalanced
:: Music: "I want you to want me" - Cheap Trick

Happy Trashcan.
Scott came over a while ago and brought The Rocky Horror Picture Show to watch since I've never seen the beginning before.

But before that, Mock ran away. Again. I swear that dog will die from being ran over by one blindsided old guy making a left turn down the street, it's just a matter of time.

But before even that, my Spanish teacher called home to notify my dad that I have an average of 38%.

Just so you know.

:: 2004 1 February :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: "Crosstown Traffic" - Jimi Hendrix

By the rights of my will - I'll never touch another microwave.

Toothpaste. It's what's for dinner.

:: 2004 25 January :: 9.57am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: "Bleed" - Ours

Pseudo utopian.
Baby's wearing a plastic bag with a ring around it's throat. Bloated in a blissful fissure of earth coated in chocolate brown and week-dead leaves.

A perfect skeleton melting through skin.

Pretending to see more than leather shoes. Sloughing away at each cut and bruise, a perfect concealment of imperfection. How they found you; sin-scented.

Just a beautiful sack of bones.

Thaumaturgy all up and down my walls. But the ounce costs more than the gallon, dear. And it really doesn't matter, because when my throat fills with dust my plastic bubble is arid, and my life anesthetic.

They'll all looked the other way.

:: 2004 23 January :: 7.48am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Legend of Mana opening.

Frozen eye-lids?
I just got up and it seems Satan himself has changed his way of doing things. My eyes didn't want to open. I couldn't peer, peek, glance. I just couldn't see. Perhaps It was just one of those off days? Maybe, but un-likely. I'm a morning person. It could have been a glitch...or maybe worse. A defect. Why has this event come today of all days? I should have been here typing an hour ago. Is it really worth pondering? It's nothing. It happens to everyone it's only normal; that is what I've ben saying over and over to myself since I finally got myself out of that beds clutches. So warm and beckoning as I rose out of it. Curse it, and curse whoever made early morning the enemy. Early morning isn't the problem, it's the night that calls to you, the excitement of the wee hours. Everyone loves it, the partys the darkness. But what they don't know is the morning has it's secrets. And when those secrets find you...You'll eat the sky.

4 Holy Grails | White Whale

:: 2004 22 January :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: Debonair
:: Music: "Knocking on Heaven's Door" - Led Zeppelin & Pink Floyd

Rotten Apple Cider Crisps are best used in June.
I dropped the ball. Gameover.

Oh, and for that someone who wanted to know something and I gave you the amphibological response "like sheep skin"- I've thought about it more, and ended up with this:

You know when your outside and it's below zero, and all you've got on to protect you from the harsh enviroment is, for an example's sake, shorts and a t-shirt? Your hands are numb and you can't feel your face. Well, it's sort of like coming in from one of those days and feeling your entire body defrost. The first reaction is probably the nearest I could get to the real answer. But, yeah. Go with that thought.

As I, 'experienced', know nothing.

:: 2004 16 January :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: Prosy
:: Music: "Of Lillies and Remains" - Bauhaus

'non compos mentis' Bedlamite.
Climb to the peak of vanity and take that second glance, you'll need it. For the soilders of chauvinistic notoriety sure do frown upon this felony. The present generation of self-inflicting violence and excessive butter are really nothing but vagrants with broken maps, too stubborn to ask for directions.

It wasn't all my fault when you think about it.
The chain was dead long before this.
Why, I guess you can say it's a favor.
That's what I tell myself.

Scott's lips are insane.
And I'm floating on cloud nine.
Heading for a dead-end.
Traveling negative 40 miles a minute.

No, it wasn't my fault at all; blame it on the butter.

:: 2004 14 January :: 8.30am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Legend of Mana main theme

Came out victorious
After some time since Zelda: the Wind waker came out.. I've beaten it 7 times. The reason I play it so much is to get every secret and every hidden item in the game no matter how usless or hard it is to get. My biggest task was getting all those figurines, not because I'm a so called "hard-core fan" but it's just something I thought I needed to do to make myself feel complete besides the fact there's nothing else to play in my spare time. (Even though I should be doing my make up work. Curse thy science!) Well now my Wind Waker legacy is over for I have received all that needed to be found and collected all that seemed accessable. I suppose I'll move on to something else, what? I have yet to find out. Maybe I'll get back into the Arc series or better yet, Suikoden, now there's something that's always fun, nothing like raising an army. Naruto is on, it's a rerun...Naruto vs. Kino. Yea I guess that's all. Try figuring out this riddle:
The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.

7 Holy Grails | White Whale

:: 2004 11 January :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: "Purple Haze" - Hendrix

Clandestine pain.
I'd turn the sun off if the switch wasn't so high.

Bah. My mom decided to pay me a "surprise visit" this week. I packed my stuff sometime around a week ago and stayed their up until yesterday.

...Isn't pretext wonderful?

:: 2004 8 January :: 6.48pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Same

Nothing new.
Same kind of day as usual. Got up, had class...Getting a D in science. I don't know why I guess it's just not my subject. Went to work, same old cronies, same old cheap geeks for dragonball Z and pokemon cards, and old men for hentai. ( Just so you know I work at a comic book store in a dead strip mall, we don't get much business..) Came home, took a nap and then went to kendo. Hasn't really changed either, typical Warm up, introduction, katas, sparring, and reflections (in that order!). Came home, took a shower, went to bed...Got up and did some make up work for class, and here I am. I thought I'd end this thing up with a poem...yes a poem. Why? Don't know.

THE CLOUDS their backs together laid, The north begun to push, The forests galloped till they fell, The lightning skipped like mice; The thunder crumbled like a stuff�
How good to be safe in tombs, Where nature�s temper cannot reach, Nor vengeance ever comes!

-Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

:: 2004 5 January :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Legend Of Mana theme song

Not that guy again..
Yea, i'm back once again. I know I came back and then went away for some time. A lot has happened with in that time I suppose but I'll focus on current events. My rank as a Rokudan has deffinitly proven to be challenging, the new years festivals have ended and today is my first day back to class and school. Current book I'm reading is Hagakure, it's a requirment for everyone in my class in kendo, righteous as it may be, I need to focus on school work because I'm getting a "D" in science. -clears throat- Anyway...I think that about sums it up for today. (y-.-)y Peace.

You are KAKASHI!
Mature. Balanced. Quirky. You're not what people would call a "black sheep" but at the same time, you aren't quite normal. With a subtle sense of humor and a slightly less than subtle way of teaching people a lesson, one thing is for sure: no one can wait to see your whole face

:: 2004 2 January :: 6.39pm
:: Mood: Irksome
:: Music: "[KR]Cube" - Dir en Grey

~~Phony~~ Phobia
Philophobia?...Blah. I need to throw my mind in another direction:

embryo
Embryo

Which Dir en grey Song Best Represents Your Inner Turmoil?
brought to you by Quizilla

you are the song: hotarubi

what dir en grey song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jealous - The Song of Untrue Love
Jealous
This song is about an untrue love of a woman to a
man she no longer loves. His form changes, to
something she no longer wants.

What morbid Dir En Grey song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 2 January :: 12.23pm
:: Mood: Imbecile
:: Music: "Love Kills" - Circle Jerks.

To live with no incentive; everything seems superficial.
My light bulb burned out. No metaphors there, I'm literally sitting in the dark.

The past seems so fake now that I think about it. But without it, there's no hope for my future.

And I don't think I'll miss him that much.
The future looks pretty nice.

It's about time I follow up on my word. I should have seen the past six days ago.

And cheerios never tasted sweeter.

Yes, that was a metaphor.

:: 2004 1 January :: 12.25am
:: Mood: Phlegmy
:: Music: "Howard Hughes" Rasputina

Counterfeit Innocence.
My sunshine jelly has rotted and washed away. It's my fault for not having the confidence to tell him how I really feel. To tell him that I can't accept the now-common- fa�ade I live through every day. Am I afraid of what'll happen? I know the truth, and it's evident that love wasn't meant for us. At least I think it isn't. And the slightlest chance of me being wrong is what's eating away my self-trust. I'm not brave enough to roll the dice and see what results.

I suck.

:: 2003 31 December :: 12.34am
:: Mood: Empty
:: Music: "LoveFool" - The Cardigans

Pretend that you love me.
"Dear, I fear we're facing a problem."

Maybe I shouldn't bother anymore. I felt like he blamed me for something I had no control over. Even if he didn't mean to seem as such, it sure did feel like it. I told myself things wouldn't work out.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
But who's to blame the third time around?

:: 2003 29 December :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: repulsive
:: Music: "Caribou"- The Pixies

Third time's a charm.
Y a-t-il de la pi�ce dans votre vie pour un plus de voyage � la lune?

:: 2003 26 December :: 11.46pm
:: Mood: acrimonious
:: Music: My insides rotting.

The last stop for a lost hope.
What a shame, my insides just fell down the sink and my heart is clogging up the drain. The plumber tells lies and his money doesn't talk.

I need to get away from it all, but the plumber took my heart and ran.

:: 2003 25 December :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: Sadistic
:: Music: NOTHING. I don't DESERVE music.

You know that feeling where you just want to shoot your eye out, and let your skin absorb the blood in, for efforts of moral venilation? Well, I do.
THANK YOU. I WANTED TO SAY "THANK YOU." or SOMETHING along the lines of decency....why couldn't I? I don't know. I'm retarded, maybe.

...And why in Robert Smith's name did I say a lamp?!?...

ARGH. >_< WHY DIDN'T I SAY SOMETHING MORE CREATIVE. A LAMP?!?!? WHO WANTS TO BE NAMED AFTER A LAMP?

I'm a sky diver with no where to land. I mean, really. How many times can I walk away and say, "If only..." I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I'm watching myself make the same mistakes, too. I guess there's nothing to do. I really must stop hurting them like this...

Merry Christmas?

:: 2003 21 December :: 1.23am
:: Mood: Disordered
:: Music: Nada.

You'll never see a Weeping Willow cry.
Securing the fact that I'm still alive. That's all.

:: 2003 11 December :: 8.39pm
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen

Gailieo figaro-magnifico-
My first track meet was yesterday. Phew, it was a whole EIGHT HOURS long. I had NO IDEA it took that long to run all those events.
...Anyway, Coach Foster came up with this bright idea to make me run three events. If I recall correctly, they were the 55-meter dash, the 4 by 2, and the 4 by 4 relay. For the 55-meter relay I placed first. Amazing? Yes. But maybe it was because I was up against really slow people. And when I say someone's slow, you know they're slow. Anywho- For the 4 by 2 our relay team won, and for the 4 by 4 we placed third. All-in-all, it was almost worth the six hour stand before I even ran.

I ran off pure adrenaline.

...Did I mention I really loathe our uniforms? The shorts are way too short, and the shirt hangs down because it's too big for me. I have to wear all this under-stuff and it really gets annoying after wearing it for all that time. Argh.

So... Yeah. I missed Elmo's Christmas Special.
Darn.

:: 2003 6 December :: 12.01am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: "You spin me right round" - Billy Idol. ...I'm so out of date.

Ostrich and Egret were filled with regret, but the rent's well worth it.
I didn't have any school today due to the snow. Ironically, I was up until 12-something finishing up Biology because I've been staying afterschool for, yes, track. The final cuts were Monday, and I made it. Why do my plans backfire like this?...

On a better note: If weather allows it, I'm going to a Pink Floyd concert down near Towson. It's not really Pink Floyd themselves, but it's a cover band. I guess that's good enough. Jimmy, Corinne, Kat, and I will all be going. Plus, Corinne's boyfriend(s) and company will be joining us. I don't really know Corinne that well, but since it was her mom that got us all the tickets before they sold out and is taking us there, she's cool.

Another note: My dad has fallen deeply into depression and hanging all his emotion on me. It is not fun being the support he rebounds off everytime he's in a crappy mood. Not fun at all. Today he went off yelling about how it was my fault he bought the wrong kind of pencils, and how I just knew he'd hate them. Yeah. "ALL my fault." I feel bad about telling people my insignifacant family problems. Sorry.

Fleur IMed me a while ago. Conversation:

Fleur Porcelaine: Hey
ReneeOfTheMafia: Hey.
Fleur Porcelaine: So, how are you?
ReneeOfTheMafia: I'm decent
Fleur Porcelaine: Just decent?
ReneeOfTheMafia: Yeah. Just decent.
Fleur Porcelaine: So... I g2g.
ReneeOfTheMafia: Right. Cheerio.

...Seriously, someone could have ate a bowl of alphabets and crapped out a better conversation than this. Maybe I'm just boring... Crap.

I have more to say and not enough time to pay for it all. Pretty much like the rest of my life.

Cheerio.

:: 2003 1 December :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: "Rock me Amadeus" - Falco

Colourless arc-en-ciel.
All right...
Alright.

The one-word spelling alright appeared some 75 years after all right itself had reappeared from a 400-year-long absence. Since the early 20th century some critics have insisted alright is wrong, but it has its defenders and its users. It is less frequent than all right but remains in common use especially in journalistic and business publications. It is quite common in fictional dialogue, and is used occasionally in other writing.

...Yeah, I'm that type of loser.

:: 2003 26 November :: 8.47pm
:: Mood: frivolous
:: Music: Listening to myself pretend I can drum, using a pen lid and spoon.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat 'yer meat?!?!
You know what? I haven't been cut from track yet. And you know what else? That's a bad thing. Why? Because now if I'm not cut there is no decent excuse which I could come up with to stop.

...Six people have been cut so far. I thought all of them were better than me. It's not like I'm the slowest one out their or anything; but still. I can't just quit, so my only way out is to be cut. My body aches, and I've had three "charlie horses"...or whatever I was told they were on my left leg in the past week.

Charlie Horses: ((To my definition)) Agonizing pain which suddenly occurs out of NOWHERE, and strikes you down like a hawk feeding on chicken.

And, most importantly, Woohu has decided to add pop-ups. ...Boo.

Maybe I'll use the L.J. afterall.

:: 2003 23 November :: 4.13pm
:: Mood: quixotic
:: Music: "Brain Damage" - Pink Floyd

Why don't you slip into somethig more comfortable... Like a coma.
Someone poked a hole in my self-esteem bucket and now I lack the instigation to explain where I've been. Hopefully, this array of nothing will suffice. Cheerio.

:: 2003 13 November :: 8.24pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: "Dig Ophelia" - Rasputina

S is for Stupid.
Gahhh... I mess EVERYTHING up. >_<

I had my chance to talk to (him). But I was too busy with what-cha-ma-call-its like computer-freezings, other people's IMS, my father and so on.

I feel like the little kid standing in the corner with "dunce" writen on their cap. They're ashamed, and probably picking their nose.

"THANK YOU, cornpuffs."
"Sincerely, Jesus."

...I need a cure for this condition. Spoken to you from a shyness that is criminally vauger.

I'm sorry, person-who-I-doubt-knows-I'm-talking-about-them. I'm really sorry.

o_o... I don't even like cornpuffs.

:: 2003 12 November :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: "Iron Man" - Black Sabbath

Everything is opaque but nothing.
Two entries in one night. Well, aren't you just the lucky beaver with the gold front tooth? This'll be a short one. Much like the rest, actually. All I feel like saying is that I'd rather be talking to someone else right now. Someone who is online and surprisingly doesn't have their away message up. Someone who I've been meaning to talk to for the longest of times but have been too wrapped up in the thought that if I were to IM him...<_<...Or she, I'd be disturbing them or interupting whatever they may be in the middle of. Which is completely irrelavent to what I really feel. What I'd really LIKE to be able to do is IM them. And that if this person is reading this and knows whom they are, I'm probably being mentally shot at in their minds. Or something close to that.

Welp. So much for that.

Cheerio.

:: 2003 12 November :: 8.22pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: "War Pigs" - Black Sabbath

Words with no meaning cannot fly.
Pow. No more hiatus. I can't spare much for detail right now, so I'll give the short of it all. ((Again...))

1. Scott gave me his Black Sabbath-Greatest Hits CD. Yay.

2. Maki somehow got me to try out for indoor track. My plan: Go. Get cut from the team. Act sad. Subject Maki into pity so she'll never ask me to try out for anything else. Ever again. Then reinstate my actions by supporting Maki somehow. The rest of my plan has yet to be made.

3. I got an "A" in math. Take that, last year's Algebra teacher!

4. I'm failing Spanish. Boo...

5. I should be going my homework right now. Why am I sitting here talking to myself?

6. I don't know why.

7. Lets get to ten. Easy to count to and say. Always good.

8. But first I should start writing complete sentences.

9. I need to catch up with some people. Namely: Ashmo, Hiei, Akira, Kudd, Day, Faye, ect.

10. Ect.

Oh, how I wish I was Iron Man.