:: 2011 26 February :: 11.52 pm
:: Mood: refreshed

Changes & Moving soon
I've been having an on and off feelings. Sometimes I would feel lonely and sad, then the next moment I would be energetic, optimistic and enthusiastic. So many changes of emotions and feelings everyday because I'm always going through changes until graduation. Lately, everything is pretty much unstable. My mom decides to stay in Utah, and not come back like we planned. She worked things out. It makes me happy to know that she's happy there. She's happy for sure, which makes me feel more secure. I feel insecure when she doesn't know what she wants. I also feel insecure when I don't know what I want.

The internship went great. I decide to take on 3 days of full shifts. Coming home late is blah, but at least the buses still run before midnight so that's fine. I get to eat enough meals, so it all works out well. At least I don't have to worry about 3 days of dinner per week when I'll be eating there where food is everywhere. I'm finally happier than before, but I wouldn't want to form any new friendships with anybody anymore. I don't want to have to miss them and say goodbyes. Yeah. I sound weird writing this, but that's my life right now. Unsettled.

comment?

:: 2011 24 February :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: happy

Better
Today I am happy! Why? Because my mom called and said that she'll return because she has been feeling lonely in Utah, only working and coming back to an empty dark room. So she decides to come back, and after I graduate, we'll go there together at once! That sounds neat! I miss her so much.

Another thing I have figured out. I might want to do my internship 2 days a week. I know that it's coming home kind of late, but I seriously want a Friday off. Might have to think about it before making any changes. When I do 5 hours, it's like taking off in the middle of a shift. The person who runs orders probably wouldn't like that. Someone would have to fill in for me that's why. I would be doing an hour extra, so that will fill up my time faster. I have been coming late anyway. Not super late, but I think a few more hours shouldn't make that much of a difference.

2 comments | comment?

:: 2011 23 February :: 7.20 pm
:: Mood: calm

Life is finally better when I get creative and not worry about what I don't have. I'm making Yellow Curry Chicken for my sister because she wants to eat chicken once or twice a week.

Another thing that makes me feel good. Gothic music = awesome. I love gothic music since I was young, and I still do even though I don't listen to 'em much lately due to being busy with internship. When I have free time, I go on twitter a lot or chat with some friends online. Reading movie updates is what I do normally also. I want to get back to listening to the old music that I used to love.

comment?

:: 2011 21 February :: 4.01 pm

Lady Gaga
I never liked Lady Gaga, but my sister has been a fan of her since the beginning. I don't know when she started listening to Lady Gaga, but it was probably before the first album came out. She knew I loved 80's music since 15 years, so she said, "I think you might like this." She turned on Ladyhawke and finally Lady Gaga. I said I didn't like it because those 2 artists are not from the 80's. Their music is 80's inspired. She said playfully, "You're hard to please." Back then, I was really obsessed with The Sisters of Mercy, Fad Gadget, Bauhaus, Joy Division, etc.. but I really over listened to those bands, and got tired after a while. It took me many years to realize that Lady Gaga isn't so bad. Her music is pretty catchy. All because my sister tells me so often saying, "She's cool. What are you talking about?" She kept saying that to me for a long time, and I'm beginning to agree. This is how siblings influence each other.

comment?

:: 2011 17 February :: 1.54 pm
:: Mood: bored

This song goes well with my mood -

Bauhaus ~ Rosegarden Funeral of Sores

comment?

:: 2011 14 February :: 10.10 pm

Ambitious
It's nice to have some time to do nothing, and just relax. My days aren't so hectic anymore because my mom quit the bakery, so I now have some time to blog, listen to music, cook at home(mostly vegetarian) and just think about school. Today is the first day that I didn't feel rushed or didn't have time. I can finally resume some things I used to do like watching movies. I didn't update my mp3 for a long time and the songs were starting to bore me. Usually when I go outside, I like to put in something loud because I won't be able to hear well if I put in something soft. If you walk in a city with car noises everyday, it's hard to hear. Some times I just don't listen to music at all.

So yeah, the internship was alright. I just can't focus until my teacher let me pass that class from last semester. I had a talk with him, but he still wanted to make sure that I understood it. He said he will email me tomorrow. I've been impatient. I don't have much patience because in a way, I'm ambitious. I've been ambitious since the start of the semester. I miss those days when I had time to listen to Cinema Strange, Nosferatu, etc..

comment?

:: 2011 14 February :: 11.41 am
:: Mood: confused

After graduation, I'm off to Utah!
At school during break right now. I have class in 30 minutes. My mom left for Utah yesterday. I drop her off with my sister. Came home late and slept around 2:30am, woke up at like 6:30am and went to school early to talk with my teacher about removing my incomplete grade to a C. It went well. He said I put a lot of work, effort, and studying, but he'll still quiz me on at least 6 questions that I got wrong. That sounds like a fair deal. I don't mind studying my brains off. As long as I pass and get the grade before the end of february because I can't waste time and need to graduate this semester. I can't let 1 class pull me back. So that's good. On a different subject. I know I complain so much about not liking the city, but I don't want to be negative anymore. Although San Fran is not an ideal place for me to live, it does have tons to offer. Great eduation, schools, places to visit, landmarks, restaurants, etc.. So many times I'm tired, but without San Fran, my life probably wouldn't be that great. So I thank this city for everything. It just doesn't fit a person like me. My classmate next to me said, "I heard you're moving to Idaho." I corrected and said, "No, Utah." She said, "Yeah, that place fits you." I think it does. I talked with another friend this morning and he said it's "boring", "mormons don't drink coffee", "can't really find places that sells beer/alcohol." That's why this is the perfect place for me. I love the idea when people say, "boring." haha

comment?