goodbye
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2017 30 January :: 2.16pm
Fuck Donald Trump.
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goodbye
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2017 26 January :: 9.15pm
Life is overwhelming.
My family is the basis for my understanding in love. Not God or religion. Not any school education. Not any damned Disney movie. I love my family and know true, unconditional love because they taught me what it was by loving me. I would do anything for them and vice versa.
This is my support. This is my comfort. This is everything I have ever searched for. I just wish it were easier to have closer. If my brother ever chose to move back to Spokane, I would go there in a minute. I'm contemplating going back to be closer to my parents anyways. Sometimes I feel like the glue.
I don't know what I was doing for my adolescent years... I wish I spent all my time with my family. And Anna and Lizzie of course because they're honorary family. I just wish I could go back, knowing to charish every day as they came. Running to the General Store beyond my Grammie's house for sweets with my brother. Family trips to forests and lakes. Max and Nancy's cabin and The Beatles and our walks and hummingbirds on the porch. Christmas mornings when my parents would surprise us with so many toys our heads would spin. And so much more. Especially the group hugs...
Every waking moment of my life has been made better by my family and I would never trade them for anything. I make sure they know it every damn day, too. My beautiful family.
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labyrinth
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2017 26 January :: 8.24pm
Things are starting to look up in my life. I thought of something completely different for work. I know that I can't be employed anywhere because it's long hours, short breaks and inflexible working schedules. The last time I was employed was at an english teaching facility. I overworked myself, and suffered from hallucination. I'm not going to say much about it because I'm the only one who knows something others don't. I feel better now. The Lord has helped me through such difficult time. I was going to let myself go and die. My mom wouldn't let it happen. Now I'm back.
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goodbye
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2017 21 January :: 7.18pm
I always think of all these whitty retorts that are super shitty to say to people. But then I'm too much of a weenie to say anything. I wish I was more of a bitch sometimes. I wish I had nads like Kayla. She's such a boss.
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goodbye
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2017 18 January :: 9.27pm
Kayla won't let me be hopeless. I'll open up to her and she'll come up with a ton of new ways to approach things. She's amazing. How have I ever lived without her?
I feel like I need to do something special for my dear friends. I have developed such deep reltionships with so many people over the years. Some of the relationships I worked so hard to cultivate over the course of my lifetime have simply gone "poof"...and that accentuates how meaningful and close my other friendships are. My 12 dear friends - about half of whom I regularly speak with due to distance mostly.... I have to think of something I can make for them. I wish they were all as sentimental as I am. I wish I could express their importance to me by doing one thing or giving one thing.i have to do it now or it may be too late.
Julius gave me a very thoughtful gift for Christmas. He gave me a picture of his daughter. She is such a sweet little thing. I would just hold onto her forever if I could. And I will!
So the process begins - the process by which I give the most thoughtful gift of all. I will Leslie Knope the shit out of this.
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goodbye
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2017 13 January :: 8.19pm
It's kind of funny to know some people are so self-involved that they wouldn't take the time to be disingenuous with you or lie to you.
...Interesting how life works out...
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goodbye
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2017 4 January :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: 2.19
Sometimes I just forget certain people exist entirely.
...Othertimes, they're always on my mind. I've been thinking about you alot lately. I'll be working or driving or hanging out with someone and little moments we shared pop into my head. I think about your eyes and your hair and your finger nails... I think abiut your voice and your face and where we'd be now. I would love nothing more than to have you in my life. I made a mistake. One I can't take back. One I will never forgive myself for. And until the day I keel over and die or maybe until you become forgotten like the others, I will continue to weep each time you pop up in my head. Although the tears are internal now they are a tsunami of regret and they wreck me. Completely. But it's no more than I deserve. My love for you will live forever, eternal... Until the mountains crumble. Until they turn to dust. Until the oceans freeze and the stars fall from the sky. Until the sun expands and swallows the reminence of this Earthen shell. Until the Universe degrades and everything is no more... not even then will I stop loving you.
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