Shoe23
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2005 26 February :: 5.45pm
If I could EVER do anything right... it'd be a miracle.
Whatever I did say or didn't say or didn't... do... I'm sorry.
There are a few things that seem to just be a part of me...
-difficulty
-deception
-a lack of feelings
-broken promises
-useless arguments
..and..
-avoidance
[just to name a few]
I never said I was perfect. I'm not like that.
What if people can't change?
I know I'm a little "rough around the edges" but I'm trying -so hard- to make you notice that's not all I'm about... if it bothers you that I'm not perfect then I've no reason to stick around... no reason at all. I wont change who I am for anyone.
I know I can't expect the whole world to stop and listen but it'd be nice if someone would.
If this is just the way things were meant to be I'm sorry I ever even tried.
No, I'm not turning this around... I'm not confused... I'm tired...
I'm done.
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Shoe23
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2005 24 February :: 10.15pm
What a day..
It's been a challenge. I'm sick as hell too. I forgot my password to my FAFSA. I can't believe I forgot it.. it was 3/4th's of the way finished. Damn It! *sigh*
Hoo-ray for life.. and planning, I guess.
My last home game was Tuesday.. I started, it scared me. I did well though. Thank goodness.. I had to guard the fastest player on the opposing team. It was also "Senior Night" also known as "Family Night" which means I had to actually accept I had parental figures in my life and had to pretend I cared about them coming to my games.
Anyway..
Mrs. H is due in 32 days!!!
1 mindless thought |
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Shoe23
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2005 21 February :: 7.50pm
What a long as hell weekend..
I visited SBU this weekend and stayed the night last night, it was.. interesting I guess you could say. I got a t-shirt! I stayed with two roomates one was a Sophomore the other a Senior.. both pretty bearable to be around. The classes I attended today were boring as hell, 50 minutes, not too bad. I just about fell asleep in chapel but there was an older man setting by me and he kept elbowing me and talking about god. But over-all, I hope college isn't really that boring.
I've somehow contracted a mild virus. I doubt the mild will stay for long it'll be getting worse the more I try to ignore the fact that it is there.
My cell phone died.. I've the worst of luck with cell phones. So, right now I have an old, totally outdated, dirty looking loner phone that women with abusive husbands carry just in case they need to dial 911.
Speaking of 911.. Ellen, I saw a car exactly like yours wreck this weekend. It was absolutely crazy. I'm pretty sure it was fairly demolished, I'm glad it wasn't you. I doubt the person driving/riding doesn't feel to pleasant at the moment.
Well, that's really about all I know..
-Mrs. Heggemann is due in 44 35 days!! [how exciting is that?]
-I have my last two games out side of disticts this week. [Tues. & Fri.]
-I'm tired and want to go to bed demand sleep.. now.
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Shoe23
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2005 16 February :: 6.30pm
Well..
The days are going slow this week. I always hate long weeks. Never-freaking-ending. I suppose the events which I take up during the week influence the length in which they seem to be.
Our game tonight went well.. we won. I played.. woo-hoo. Tomorrow night we play Wheatland.. hope that goes well.
I don't really have anything to say.. so, im out.
2 mindless thoughts |
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Shoe23
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2005 14 February :: 8.30pm
Today was rather short..
..after school anyway.
I got a massive amount of flowers today.. from people.
Hopefully, you all had a decent Valentine's Day. If not, next year I'll send you flowers.. if you write me a note everyday.
-Random Things-
spots of carpet without color, people's signatures, the texture of World Globe's, the way people hold scissors, the recycle symbol, sizes and shapes of power supply cords, tabs, the school system, pomegranate, pagoda's, the size of windows on a plane, the sence of appeal, submodel names, the word 'mason'..
Evan, ich liebe Sie! Ich genieße alle Zeit wir ausgeben zusammen. Wir werden alot von Spaß regarless von meinem Leben ändernd so drastisch vor zu lang haben. Ich werde hoffen, dass Sie einen guten Valentinstag gehabt haben. Ich werde Sie sehen! -Bernstein
(just a little pathetic German for Evan)
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Shoe23
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2005 13 February :: 6.30pm
...
Last night was.. crazy. I'm so tired. I laughed alot last night. Normally, I wouldn't do that shit.. I just had alot I needed to be out of my thoughts for a while. A moment without them there is priceless.
I forgot what I was supposed to write about for English. I bet I'm a complete failure in college. I don't know that there's a way around it. I'm still ready to go regardless. I want to learn new things.. have new experiences.. become something.
I'm just sitting here in stupid mode right now. I swear I need some damn sleep. I think I'm going to go pass out. Yup.
I'm off.
1 mindless thought |
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Shoe23
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2005 12 February :: 10.45am
...and there you came.. sober but with a broken heart...
Well.. a week has passed since the last update. I figure its time I say something.
I suppose I've just been too busy to tell you of the happenings. Actually, not much has happened.
Previously this week we had one game.. we lost, again. We had practice every day but Tuesday though. Hoo-ray for that. It's not really that bad.. keeps me in decent shape.
This next week is the Weaubleau Tournament. Hopefully, we can do fairly well in that. We shall see.
I suppose Evan and I will be venturing to Springfield this evening. Perhaps to stay the entire night. Again, we shall see.
See.. I told you nothing happens.
By the way.. don't you love the purple look?
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Shoe23
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2005 6 February :: 5.30pm
My parents give me a headache. I know most of you understand why but.. that's alright. I'm glad you don't have to.
On a lighter note - I did win homecoming, as Ellen's journal previously stated. So.. that was pretty cool. I'm suprized I didn't throw up or pass out because of the mass amounts of people. Thanks to all of you that supported me. I appreciate it.
Kyle and I:
We also won our game Friday night as well as the boys. So, thats was good.
The dance was actually kinda fun, Ellen and Evan made it interesting.
So, It turned out well. Or atleast better than I had thought. I stayed until Chase showed up. Then I left and stayed up all night with him.. and Terri. Joey, Mikey, Tara, and Lizzy as well.
A photo of Ellen:
And of Evan and Ellen:
I've more photo's if you wish to see them.
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Shoe23
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2005 2 February :: 10.00pm
..What I really meant to say is.. Im sorry for the way.. I am...
It's hard to watch someone's life fail.
It's even harder when you watch yourself.
*hug* I'm sorry about the news, Evan.
Today was just a disaster. No reason, it just was. Tomorrow shall be quite easy. Morning time will consist of making posters and goofing off only. Our walls will be filled with complete shit. I am sure only a few people have the ability to produce something of artistic and creative nature anyway.
Anyway.. I know nothing else.
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Shoe23
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2005 1 February :: 3.45pm
"Boxers, Briefs..?"
"uhh...No."
"Thong......commando!?"
*walks away*
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Shoe23
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2005 28 January :: 11.45am
...when there's nothing else to do.
-random things-
sneezing, randomly placed leather, black with brown, the angle in which some things are placed, broken keyboards, enriched items, rust spots, the color coding of wires, things that are unplugged, baby blue eyeshadow, paint splatters, intercom systems,
reset buttons, different sized bricks, the universal sign for on, cracks, rough spots, room numbers, green meaning go, clumps of mud, bird shituff on windows, flourescent lights.
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Shoe23
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2005 28 January :: 7.25am
I'm kinda glad it's Friday.
I just finished the music for the Homecoming dance. It sucks.. bad. I don't care though, I wont be there too long. Atleast, I don't plan to be.
We lost our game last night against Hermitage 25-36.. so we play tonight instead of Saturday.
Hopefully, tomorrow I will get to go to Springfield and see my most special boyfriend with his broken wrist. I don't know how he stays so possitive with all that goes wrong in his life.. but, it's awesome that he does. Our phone conversation last night made me smile..
T-day.. hopefully it's better than the last two days.
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Shoe23
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2005 26 January :: 9.25pm
Fuck today.
Today was and is fucking horrible.
Everything this morning went wrong, to begin an argument with my parents, later.. school, first hour went okay.. minus the absence of Ellen, but the rest of the hours.. they just went down hill extremely fast. I got sent to the office third hour for being 'mouthy' and the rest of the day I just gave up on. I just wanted to throw someone against a god damn wall and choke the shit of them. All of these damn jolly people are pissing me off. Fuck being happy. My parents are sure to ruin my chances of that.
After school I had basketball practice. He ran our asses off. It was hard. I thought I was going to die. Then, we finished practice and then It was time to come home. Hoo-ray for that, eh? As soon as I got home my mother starts just nagging about everything. I know I got mouthy with her but she wouldn't give up. She just went on and on about all of these things that didn't even apply to me.. or her, atleast I don't think they did. Anyway, she gave up on that after a while. Then, as im about to get in the shower she informs me that I no longer have a job. Yes, I'm not employeed until we get atleast 3 more residents. That'll be a long ass time. Then she told me that I wouldn't be able to go to Springfield as often because I wouldn't have any money to do so. So.. basically, the only thing that makes my week dissappear has been taken from me without me even being involved. There's just no more hope for this, for anything. Damn it, I'm just pissed.
I'm sorry if you read that entire thing. It's really worth nothing.
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