Everything happens for a reason

:: 2004 24 February :: 3.35pm
:: Mood: confused

well i've come up with an idea! she don't like me, and never will for that matter, so why do i keep trying so hard, i mean i'm not even trying but yet i am, shes always in my head, thats how much i care about her, i fell asleep thinking of her last night, this time i wasn't crying myself to sleep over her, but i got to find someone who will like me for me, but that will never happen because look at me,! well i'm outtie, thanks for reading another rant!

:: 2004 22 February :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: kinda pissed

someone please help me! i don't know what to do, if she hadn't been there last night and he would have done that i fear that i would have kicked his ass and lost her, that is my biggest fear in life right now, losing her, her friendship, i don't even think she cares for me like i do for her, i know that she don't as much as i Love her. but theres nothing i can do about it, i can't take it anymore, if he does that stupid shit again, i promise i'm gonna end of flipping out and doing something that i will feel needs to be done, and regret it... someone please help me and tell me what i'm suppossed to do? i feel that i can't even tell her how much i like her, i mean she knows i like her but she don't know how much. somone, someone who is really good with this type of stuff, please help me i'm stuck, i've liked this girl for so long, i've liked this chick since the fifth grade, i was goin out with erin miller and secretly liked this chick. i feel shes the one for me, i'm scared, i came out that i liked her last year, and told everyone, but my stomach hurts twice as much, i barely know what to say when i'm talkin to her, i don't know what to do, it seems like she likes me but then she don't! i mean i think she likes me cuz she acts like it when her brother isn't around, but when he's around she don't act like it! anyway i'm just glad that i have her friendship and no matter what i'll be happy for her and her life! i'm outtt! PEACE... this was my rant!

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:: 2004 20 February :: 4.35pm
:: Mood: blah

okay, so today after school i was in a really akward situation. it sucked......... and in a way it was good. what was good was that it made me think....... i've gotten into the habit of not thinking and just acting on instinct....which i suppose is good, but its not me! lemme explain:

so, after school today i went to the band room to do nothing important (like always) and robuck doesnt show up. all of us who were there were getting semi-pissed, because when you deprive a band geek of band its like withdraw!!! but anyways......yeah, robuck never showed up. so, i was semi-mad. but i lived with it. i walked around with roman and angie for a little bit. it was nice.....i guess. we talked about band crap for a while, then they stopped to talk to someone by the gym, and i left. i went to my locker to get something from my locker. then, i saw mr. young. pretty cool teacher, he said i did good on my test, and blah blah blah. well, by this time it was like quarter to three, and i was bored, so i asked him if i could use his phone. he let me, and i called my dad......who............wasnt home. so, i went back downstairs to the doors and saw roman and angie there. i sat down with them and talked to them for a while. then angie left. so, roman asked me who all i made out with on the trip, which really bugged me for some reason. i mean its not a big deal, but its none of his buisness. and then, none other than lisa walks by. so, roman......being the ass he is decides to call her over. we started talking and then he asks us if this was akward. i mean she hasnt talked to me since the trip, i mean, yeah it was!!!!!! well, we both said no. then he was like aww.......i was trying to put you in an akward situation. what a fucking friend he is!!!!

now's where the thinking part comes to play:

while the three of us were talking i realized that i like her!!!! and now that she has dustin theres no reason for me to!!! why couldnt i have realized this before?! damn it im stupid!!! i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah........ oh, michelle, im sorry about lunch. please dont hate me!!!!

-me

:: 2004 19 February :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: lonely

Alone
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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:: 2004 19 February :: 4.12pm
:: Mood: Another Poem Bites The Dust!

I dreamt about you last night,
and the night before that
and every night since i've met you.

I dreamt you were mine
and mine alone
and mine forever.

i wrote this poem, while she was in florida, but the scary thing is i dreamt about her again last night! :(

I dreamt you where here
and always here with me
and always here together.

I dreamt that I held you
and in my arms i kept you
and in my arms you belonged

I dreamt that I kissed you
and that we kept kissing
and that it lasted forever

I dreamt that I loved you
and that you loved me
and that was all that mattered

But when I woke up, I was alone
and the tears started coming
and they came all night long

I went throught the day without you
constantly thinking about you
constantly dreaming about you.

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:: 2004 18 February :: 9.57pm
:: Mood: rejuvenated

so, today things worked in my favor!!! things between her and i are done. so, i figure in less than a week i can go back to hating her as usual. but, i'll never be able to look at her the same. and, im not sure if things going back the way they were is good or bad, but i dont care!!! its done and over with! i think that i would have liked to talk to her a bit more, but oh well. i dont care anymore. i can go back to hating her!!!!! im so happy!!!!

but other than that life sucks.......same old shit as usual, only more of it cause of the stuff between her and i. but it'll all pass soon

-me

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:: 2004 18 February :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: Another poem goes to hell!

Okay, well this is a poem i wrote for kelli, friday before valentines day! i seem to write a lot of poems about her, but i don't realize i'm doin it until i'm done! anyway, this is about kelli, i'm sorry its late babe, if you read this! I'm Just A Helpless/And Hopless Romantic!

Valentines day poem for kelli!

Girl, would you be my valentine?
It is up to you to decide
Deep inside your mind
An anwser you will find
Make sure it's not a lie
They only make you cry
The truth is what you must find
Look inside your mind
And you will find a sign
Your beautiful eyes shine
Why?
Whatever you decide
Happy Valentines Day!

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:: 2004 17 February :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: i feel like a fucking dumbass!!!!!!!!!

okay, so i did some dumb shit on the way home. i admit it. it was dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it wasnt all at the same time. it was really nice to feel that someone liked me again, nice to have a hand to hold. but, it was a HUGE change, one that im not ready for. i know that there are alot of people talking about us, but as far as im concerned there will be no "us". i mean, not yet anyways

so yeah............ um...........i dunno. i really dont want to hurt her like that. im so confused!!!!

uh, yeah....... i wanna talk to her about this, so if she's reading this, lemme know what you think........email me........ cowsgomoo8806@hotmail.com
and please no one else, i dont need my email filled with stupid shit from you.

-me

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:: 2004 9 February :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: not bad
:: Music: free falling by tom petty and the heartbreakers

the same as always
so, um........ yeah, i had indoor soccer today...which is a waste of time,because i dont play much, and it pisses me off!! but um.....yeah, im not even gonna go there.

i pissed mr. robuck off this mourning, because i forgot my music. oh well i guess, i mean it happens. i almost feel as if i let him down, more than pissed him off. and that leads to me ALMOST feeling bad. almost, but not quite. im a um.........how did michelle put it? a cruel, heartless bastard, or something like that. but yeah............ that sucked

so, yeah, jacqui defouw likes me, which is pretty cool. but, since she reads this, im not gonna say whether or not i like her, because if i do i dont want her to know, and if i dont i dont want to hurt her feelings. but yeah.........

so, did anyone waste there money on those survey things??? well, i did, just because i wanted a good laugh. but, just to let people know I LIED ON ALMOST EVERY QUESTION ON THERE, so if it says your compatible with me, you most likely arent. i just chose what answer looked the dumbest. so, yeah........ but, on mine kara emery was the top one, so yeah, i have major bragging rights now!!!!

but um......yeah, i think im done. haha, next time i post in here i'll be back from flordia, so all of you people who have to stay here be sure to have fun in the snow, while i'll be down in nice warm flordia!!!!

see ya'll, i may or may not miss you.........i doubt i will, because im a cruel heartless bastard, but theres always a chance i might.

im gone,
-me

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:: 2004 8 February :: 6.24pm

so, yeah, yesterday was swirl. not to bad. i guess. i danced with a few people i never thought i would, which was nice, and different all at the same time. kinda weird. so, yeah.........i guess all in all it wasnt a complete waste of time.

but i lost a dollar! that pisses me off. my friend and i had a bet going at the begginning of the dance to see who could dance with the most chicks. he cheated and danced with like a group of 9 of his friends at once. so, i really think i won. i ended up with like 13 different girls, one at a time. and he ended up with like 15 i think. but nine were his friends.......and not that attractive, if you ask me. i was pretty happy with who i danced with.......especially the last dance. that was great!!! but, yeah. im gone

-me

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:: 2004 5 February :: 9.09pm

Well noone cares about me but hey who the hell cares, i'm just a fatfuck anyway, so anyway i guess i'm goin to swirl but i'm not sure what i'm gonna wear, i'm so damn bored and upset i just wanna play with a tourch and some solder, thats fun as hell, but hey i'm rambling on for nothing cuz noone reads my fucking journal anyway!

:: 2004 5 February :: 8.15pm

i dunno............im here, alive.......barely

i stayed home today....and i feel better, but still not good. oh well..........

-me

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:: 2004 4 February :: 8.49pm

Well i'm iffy on swirl now, i dont know what to do, i don't think a lot of people will miss me if i'm not there, i don't know though.... kelli needs to wear the red dress..., but i don't know after last night i don't want to go as bad, i only know of one person that would be dissapointed, britney, shes there for me, i wish i had a phone cuz i would call her, but i have no home phone so i can't call her, i'm always the one who makes the hookup between guys, and chicks,and i can't even help myself on that area, oh well, thanks everyone who tried to help me out, it means alot to me. well i'm outtie....

~Big Grindle

:: 2004 3 February :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: angry

fucking crying over a chick!
Well, I'm Fucking done!, i've had no luck in the relationship department at all, and she just pushed me over the edge.. i'm not one to cry alot but i'm fucking crying AGAIN! over her.... now i regret running out of the dance after her and everything, i've been there for her, i've done stuff for her, i'm through with it. someone end my fucking life please? :'(

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:: 2004 1 February :: 12.41am

what would you do if...
you had to move hundreds of miles away from home?: be happy
you had to live with your worst enemy for a week?: ignore him/her
you lost everything you own in a fire?: start over
you won a million dollars?: buy a bently
you could go back in time?: go back in time........
you had to eat shit to save the world [haha]?: i'd let the world die
gimme some lyrics
N.O.R.E:
clipse:
mandy moore:
nelly:
ludacris:
ashanti:
sheryl crow:
kci and jojo:
boys II men:
tupac:
britney spears:
x-tina:
BSB:
n*sync:
j lo:
the beatles: we all live in a yellow submarine
taking back sunday:
something corporate:
aaliyah:
jagged edge:
brian mcknight:
usher:
genuine:
outcast:
petey pablo:
r. kelly:
lil kim:
michelle branch:
keith murray:
beyonce:
frankie j:
chingy:
lil flip:
bone thugs:
yOu
b-day?: i forgot
time: now?????12:32
weight: i have no clue
length: are you talking about when i was born? cause i have no clue
current height: no clue.........5'10"ish
current weight: no clue
current age: 15
hair color: ugly
eye color: i dunno, i cant see them
favorite color: silver
favorite song: way to many to have a fav.
city: anywhere but here
school: i guess this one
favorite class: band
sport: soccer
whO..
is the horniest: waller
is the weirdest: me
is the loudest: no clue
complains the most: rueben or me
is the most outgoing: nodda clue
is the most conservative: no one i know!!!!
is the most scared: jenny 2
is the quitest: jessie g.
is the hyperest: nick shotwell
is the best singer: DeeAnna
is the most ghetto: josh jones
is the richest: no clue, and i dont really care
is most likely to lose there virginity first: haha........im just gonna skip this one
is most likely to wait until marraige to lose theyre virginity: no clue
is the best dancer: not me

omgitstalie's stuff brought to you by BZOINK!

:: 2004 30 January :: 2.31pm

*shocked*sad*confused*heartbroken* that about explains it..

:: 2004 25 January :: 12.51am
:: Mood: wow, im bored

. ABOUT YOU .
Full name: i've already said this one
What is one thing many people don\'t know about you?: alot of stuff
What is one thing almost EVERYONE knows about you?: i play soccer
How many times have you moved in your life?: once
Do you consider yourself to be a happy or sad person?: in the middle, not really happy or sad
Are you religious?: not at all
Do you consider yourself to be an outgoing or a shy person?: shy when i first meet someone, then outgoing
Are you confident?: nope
Do you want to get married and have kids?: nope......that involves responsibility
What's your dream job?: i dunno.......um.......i'd love to play trombone professionally
Do you go to school?: i have to :(
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: um.......yeah....but next time i talk to her i wont
Do you keep any secrets from your best friends?: i dont really have a best friend
. FRIENDS .
Would you say that you have a lot of okay friends, or a few close ones?: not many.....more aquantances than friends
Name your bestest friends: um.................
Who is the person that you tell EVERYTHING to?: myself
Who is someone you wish you were closer with?: theres alot of people
Who is your craziest friend?: mike
Who is your most sarcastic friend?: me
Who is your nicest friend?: um.........................
Who is your quietest friend?: no clue
Loudest?: jared
Meanest?: no clue.............
Have you ever fallen in love with one of your friends?: not in love........
Ever stopped being friends with someone that you had been close with?: yeah
Do you consider yourself to be a leader or follower?: neither
Are you the quiet one out of your friends?: i can be
How many hours do you spend on the phone a day?: none, i dont talk on the phone alot, and when i do, its not for hours
Do people talk to you online?: yeah, whenever they're on
Have you ever felt like you were tagging along?: all the time
. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU .
Cried?: its been a LONG time
Talked on the phone?: um......earlier today, for a few minutes
Really yelled at someone?: yesterday i yelled at my brother
Got depressed?: a long time ago.......like 2 yrs. or somewhere around there
Listened to music?: i am now
Showered?: yesterday morning
Wrote a poem?: in 5th grade, only because i had to
Got really pissed?: really pissed??? i dont remember
Made out?: um..............
Had sex?: never
Got drunk?: never, but if i did, would i remember????
Danced?: at the last dance
Smoked?: never
Got high?: never
Ate?: a few hours ago
Had a sleepover?: not in a long time
Saw a movie at the theater?: um....whenever i went to see big fish
Bought something you really didn't need?: um......... last week
Were jealous?: im jealous all the time
Thought you looked really hot?: never
Thought you looked really bad?: every day of my life
Were yelled at?: um......earlier today
Got in trouble?: earlier today
. HAVE YOU EVER .
Drank too much?: too much what?
Smoked weed?: nope
Had sex?: i've already answered this
Lied to your parents?: who hasnt?
Lied to your best friend?: and again, that would require having a best friend
Gotten in a car with someone who was intoxicated?: not that i know of
Driven intoxicated?: nope
Talked behind your friends' back?: not really
Been to a concert?: yeah
Cut class?: um.......yeah
Cut a whole day of school?: once or twice
Gotten a detention?: yep
Lied to a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes i have
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: um...kinda, nothing big though
Had sex with 2 different people within a week?: wow...........im not even gonna respond to this one
Been cheated on?: yep
Gone clubbing?: nope......
Gone skinny-dipping?: yep.....it was grand
Gone camping?: all the time......but i havent been in awhile, and that sucks
Been out of country?: nope, im a loser
. SEX .
Have you had sex?: how many times are they gonna ask this???
How many people have you done it with?:
Ever done it without protection?:
Favorite position:
What's better: sex or kissing: wouldnt know
Ever kissed a person of the same sex?: like family? yea........but no one outta family
Ever gone farther with someone of the same sex?: no, thats wrong
Was your first time awkward or romantic?:
Ever done it on the bathroom floor?:
Ever done it outside?:
Ever used toys?:
Ever had a 3 way kiss?: yep, but it sucked
Ever done more than kiss 2 people at once?:
Do you consider yourself to be a horny person?:
Do a lot of people know about your sex life?:
Favorite thing to do sexually:
Most embarrassing sexual moment:
. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF .
Abortion: its up to the mother
Murder: you kill someone......it doesnt get much worse
Rascism: completly wrong.....theres no reason for it at all
President Bush: a complete moron.........a monkey could run the country better than this
Eminem: not music....thats all i have to say
Britney Spears: barbie doll
Music: good......great!!!
School: sucks....but i do see people i like.....so not bad
Sex: at my age......wrong...other wise......natural
Drugs: bad....wrong.........not good
Religion: i dont really practice a religion, but if you do, thats good
The Internet: good and bad
Pornography: wrong, but good all at the same time
Gays / Bisexuals: fine, as long as they dont try to hit on me
Getting drunk: wouldnt know
Talking behind peoples' backs (admit that you have!): i have, you have.....it happens
Under age drinking: not right, but it happens
Having sex before marriage: not wrong
MTV: blah
This survey!: not bad.......but it asks the same thing over and over and over and over............again

a personal.. long.. survey! =o) brought to you by BZOINK!

:: 2004 25 January :: 12.30am
:: Mood: monstrously bored

General Information
State your full name.: rob shively.......thats as full as you need
Do you like your name?: the part that i gave you
If you could change it, would you, and to what?: i wouldnt know
Tell me your age.: no.........haha...................15
Relationships/Love
What do you want your wedding to be like?: i dont want one
Tell me the perfect setting for when you have sex.: whenever im ready........which amazingly isnt now
Have you ever been in love?: nope
Are you in love?: um......if i've never been in love, how could i be in love now?
Your opinions
Rock music is..: good......well, at least classic rock
Pop music is..: it isnt music.......i can go up there and lip sync
Your thoughts on anarchy:
Do you believe in God?: not sure......i didnt, then i kinda did, so now i dunno
Favorites
Type of music: classic rock, classical, and some country
Band: CSHS high school band! oh yeah, we rock
Food: the kind that you chew and swallow, and then it fills you up
Thing to do: whatever i feel like at the moment
Thing to say: and again, whatever......usually something sarcastic
Person to talk to: myself........and my imaginary friend.....phred
Subject in school: band....yes i know im a band geek
Parent: mom, she doesnt bitch at me all the time
Color, and why: silver, its not a normal color
Author: i dont have a favorite author
Book: and again, no favorites, i like to many
Candy: um.........lifesavers
Last, just random questions and things about you.
Do you like yourself?: nope, not at all
What do you like about yourself?: not much
What dont you like about yourself?: everything, the way i look, the way i act.
Can you play any instruments?: yep, a couple
Are you depressed?: not really, i used to be though
Have you ever been suicidal?: yep, awhile ago, but not anymore
Do you do drugs?: nope, there wrong
Do you drink alcohol?: not yet, im not old enough
Do you miss anyone right now? Who?: nope, im fine alone
What do you want to do with your life?: not screw it up to much.......even though i kinda already failed in that manner
What's something you know you want to accomplish before you die?: go skydiving
Do you think that I love you?: nope........you dont know me, and even if you did, i doubt you'd love me
You best, because I do.

About Yourself brought to you by BZOINK!

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:: 2004 25 January :: 12.20am
:: Mood: bored as hell

Would you rather be an African elephant or an Asian elephant? Why?: asian, because they're more rare
Would you rather freeze to death or burn alive? Why?: burn alive, at least it'd be hot
Name three movies you like:
Name three books you like: dark tower1, 2, and 3
Have you ever fallen in love with a fictional character? Which one(s)? Why?: nope
Republican, Democrat or other? Why?: eh, whatever
Attendance percentage at high school dances?: so far pretty decent, but it'll drop soon
What television shows do you watch regularly?: that 70's show
Abortion is...: up to the mom
The death penalty is...: wrong AT TIMES
How do you take your coffee?: with alot of sugar and cream
How do you take your tea?: with honey
Who's your favorite teacher/professor?: robuck
How do you feel about your parents?: they can be alright
What sort of music do you listen to?: classic rock, classical, some country
List five or ten bands you listen to.: AC/DC, Aerosmith, Trans-siberian orchestra, The Who, ZZ Topp
Do you use public transportation?: yep, the school bus
Ever told someone you love him/her?: yep, but most of the time i dont mean it
Morning person, night person or both?: night
Siblings?: jon
What are your friends like?: well, im starting to think that all i have are aquantances
Amusement parks are?: good?
Cafeterias are?: crappy
Dogs are?: stupid
Any phobias, traumas or other weirdnesses?: im me. does that count as a weirdness??

The Personality Resume brought to you by BZOINK!