:: 2005 8 March :: 7.40 pm

I think I had an epipheny(sp?).
I am probably using this in the wrong context but oh well.

I finally realized why I dont really care about my work and grades like I have in the old days. Senior year is approaching fast. That time for colleges is coming up faster than I can believe it. It's hard. It's hard to realize that I'll be leaving VBHS. A place where I would have been for 4 years. That's my comfort zone...It's my school. (When I say that I am not trying to sound possive...retards.)

It's not like I've been not doing my work and not caring to not graduate or to fail. Because I want to gradute...I am going to. It's just I am scared of what will happen when I do finally leave VBHS. I think thats why I dont try or care that much anymore. And I realized thats bad. It's just weird. When my sister left for college, so much bad stuff happend to my family and I. That makes me 10x more scared.

I don't want to do bad anymore. I want to get the good grades I can if I just apply myself. But it seems whenever I say I am going to do that, it lasts for about a week (if even that). And that is truely disappointing. I know others have faith in me, but I barely have faith in myself when it comes to stuff like this.

I also dont want to go to a college alone. I want to know at least 1 person there. But with my grades from this year and last, I most likely wont make it to a University right away. I'd have to go to Community College. Not like there is nothing wrong with that, I just didnt really plan on it.

The one school I know I can get into right out of highschool is the one in Texas. The University of the Incarnate Word. ( http://www.uiw.edu/ ) [its not a link dumbass', dont try to click on it!] Yes, it is Catholic. And no, I'm not Catholic. And you dont have to be to go there. But I have been looking into it for a while now. I even emailed them with my grades and stuff and I'd be able to get in if I end up graduating with Honors and if I do fairly well on the SAT and/or ACT.

I haven't completly ruled out schools in Florida. Because I would love to go to USF but there is no way I can get into it my freshman year...unless theres some kind of miracle...which I'm not counting on.

I just dont know.

I also hope I didnt offend or anyone or anyone think I am leaving them or giving up on my dream. I just have other dreams that I havent told anyone about that I may try to pursue. Who knows?

No one cares anyway...lol this is a waste of the internet.

<3 Kit'Kat

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