I don't want her to go..
I haven't been this genuinely happy in.... I don't even remember. I want to say since this last February. But maybe even more.

My friend Amanda, I think I've had feelings for her since I was 17... But I never acted on them. And I mean, its all good that I didn't because I've learned a lot and shit from the other relationships I have had.

Well, she goes to college in Fort Wayne and I haven't seen her in like a year and 7 months. And she was a very attractive when I last saw her then. So she told me she was coming up to Michigan to visit. And that she was gonna come to my house on the first day. So I told her we would have a small party and drink and such.

So she comes over and I open the door and I felt like my jaw dropped.. She is so gorgeous now. I was in shock. We went out for coffee and dinner and go the drinks and then my roommates came home and we played my sweet techno/house/rave dance mix and danced and drink and had a black light and markers that glow in it. Singing Sweeney Todd and such.

The night progresses and everyone's just chilling or sleeping and shit. She and I are just sitting there with everyone else in the basement, talking and stuff. And I was thinking of telling her how I felt and so we talked and I told her there was something I wanted to say, and we were both sober(I didn't even get a buzz going), and I was looking at her and we just started kissing. And I told her. And everything after was incredible.

Everyone else went to sleep, she and I just talked and cuddled and stuff in the basement listening to Bright Eyes. It was incredible. Shes so bombass, you have no clue.



But now, she's not here, she's with her other friends and is coming back I think Thursday night.

I just sucks cause it kinda just set in that I finally kinda shared my feelings for her and she did the same and she has to go back to Fort Wayne... And I'm in fucking Michigan. But she said she wants to come and visit me more often and Lunden (one of my roommates and her childhood chum) said that he would help me with gas for her to come and visit. So, we shall see how this goes.

But man, it just sucks, I've waited this long to tell her, now how long do I have to wait to see if something happens? I'm really at a lose here... I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I can do it. Or if I should.
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Gah........ This is a lot to think about before work....

2 Bridges burned.s | Light it.