:: 2003 1 July :: 1.56 am
:: Mood: unknown

I wish I could do more... I feel so useless.

I have no Idea what I'm going to do, but I have to try.

I will help you hold in there.

You will not be allowed to give up, not without a fight

I love you.

:: 2003 20 June :: 9.34 pm

Look!!!!!!! He's actually updating. Quick someone call the paramedics, I think I'm having a heart attack!!!!



schizoid


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Doesn't that suit me pretty well? I am the big scary guy after all.

Hmm... Life's going pretty well. Losta stuff has happened since I updated last. Most of it has already been expressed in other's journals however, so once again I have nothing to talk about. It means one thing though... You all have to put up with my ramblings.


I want to get together with everyone... I miss all of you. I haven't seen some of you since school got out. Like Kelly and Brekke.

Rachel's going on vacation Sunday morning, and is going to be gone till the following Saturday. The only problem is she woke up with Fred this morning. I feel sorry for her, but at leasty he'll be gone before the end of the trip. I'm kinda jealous though, cause I never get to go anywhere. At least I'm able to get the harry potter book tonight, and I'll be able to go to JAFAX tomorrow. Then I wont be able to talk to Rachel for the whole time.... with the exception of the approx. 100 minutes she has on the Calling Card I have given her.Whatever I have left on my 1250 minute one I got for Christmas. That's the problem when everyone is long distance from your mother's house.

What else is going on.... I'm hungry... that's what. I should go get something to eat, but I'm too lazy, and I think I'm going to try to flood this out before Rachel sees it cause she's sitting next to me. Damn she saw it... too late. Oh well Maybe I'll go get some of the Pizza I went and bought earlier today.

Since I don't have much else to do, and Rachel's trying to tease me under this keyboard... I'll leave some messages for people.

Rachel: I love you so much sweety, and I'm glad we've been together for 10 hours so far today. I can't wait till we can manage even more again.

KT: Love ya sis.

Kristy: Know you're gone, but love ya anyways.

Jackie: You and KT are scary together with water balloons, but I love anyways Imouto.

BenG: Umm.... Hi lol. Get a Cybiko before August. Its wireless connections to eachother will prove usefull at the fairgrounds.

Ben Brekke: You need to come visit me at home man, or at least have a time when only you are home and not doing anything so I can actually have a nconversation with you without you running down the hall and into the basement chasing someone with something they stole from you.

Kelly: Miss ya!!! I'd come get ya and bring ya to someone's house, but I was told you live in the Bella vista area, and that place is a freaking maze... lol. MAPQUEST!!!!!

Esther: I dunno if you still read my journal, but I'll say hi anyways. I hope yer still not mad at me, because I don't even know what I did.

Nick: Hey!!! How ya doing man. Did you finish my 4th Harry Potter book yet?

Jess: Hey to you too! I'll bring Nick over again the next time I've got him with me.

Kyle: One day I'm going to come spend the night there, since I've told Ben's mom before that's where we were. lol

Brett: Dun know ya very well man, but Hey! How's your summer going?


Did I forget anyone? Hope not, cause I can't think of anyone else. I sorry if I forgetted you, just remember I've got some brain troubles, and cannot make effective use of my brain.

I love you all. Take care.

:: 2003 26 May :: 4.57 pm

I think KT sums up the perfect message to the world, don't you?

:: 2003 22 May :: 10.05 am
:: Mood: Depressed

So... it's my last day...
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go

:: 2003 10 May :: 10.33 pm

Hmm... I think I'm the least pure of all of us...

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	70% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	62.3%
Shamelessness	97.6% Has yet to see self in mirror	77.5%
Sex Drive	94.7% The Pope is envious	75.7%
Straightness	58.9% Felt someone up once	41.4%
Gayness	98.2% Repressed, are we?	80.3%
Fucking Sick	99.1% Refreshingly normal	88.4%
You are 85.17% pure Average Score: 70.3%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

:: 2003 5 May :: 12.18 pm

Hmmm… Ben’s back. That’s cool, cause I was bored this weekend, and couldn’t try to stifle that by calling him. Nobody but Rachel was home most of the time when I tried to call. (If I didn’t try to call you, it just meant I didn’t want to bother you at home, or dun know your number in some cases.)
This weekend was weird… I went for a long walk on Friday night. I scared Rachel and KT cause they thought I was trying to walk to Rachel’s house. Though I was tempted… I didn’t. Got aboot 1/3 the way though. I went home and called Rachel, cause she had called me while I was gone. I checked in with her, then called KT. After assuring her I was alright and home safe, I proceeded to talk to her about various things, until I got on the topic of hurting oneself. I made her cry with this, and though it wasn’t intentional, I did actually do a little good with it, cause KT had been having a non-feely day, and making her cry made her feel better for some reason. Speaking of crying…
I actually began to cry on Friday night. I’m not sure how it happened, but what I remember is getting overwhelmed with feelings that I had done something wrong to Rachel and that was why she had been so distant with me recently. I was trying to talk, but my voice cracked, and I began to cry. Scary as it sounds, it happened. All I could do was choke out ‘hang on a sec’ to Rachel, and try to calm down.
Saturday was a lot of work, but at about quarter after five, I was allowed to ride my bike up to Rockford. I got to see Rachel and KT, which was fun. Hopefully Rachel’s brother an’ sister dun rat her out. I did leave them Vice City over the remainder of the weekend, so all were happy. Was kind of draining to ride there and ride home, but the 7.5 mile ride (each way) over all the hills and stuff was worth it to see them both. Lol Rachel and Kt were just going outside to see a neighbor’s dog when I got there, and Rachel didn’t see me right away. Maybe I’ll have to do that again some weekend… Summer not so good an Idea though cause I get all hot and sweaty, and dun wanna stink if I can see them. I’ll have to get a job so I can get some wheels. Well that’s about all I have to say for now. I’d throw in some song lyrics… but I don’t know any good songs. Well… maybe I’ll go find some Hikki lyrics and hide them in here… I love you all.


I changed my mind!!! You get "If You Still Believe" from Legend of Dragoon!!!


I had a dream that I could fly
I can feel each moment as time goes by
We'd never be too far away,
You would always be here, I heard you say

I never thought
Thought that it would be our last goodbye
(our last goodbye.)
I still can dream
That one day love will fall out from the sky

Do you still remember all the time that has gone by?
(do you believe?)
Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love
(do you still believe?)

Find a way to bring back yesterday
Find a way to love
I hope we stay
When tomorrow becomes today
Love will find a way

I'll be waiting for you, in my heart you are the one
If I cannot find you, I will look up to the sun
(do you believe, do you believe?)
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love

Do you believe?
Do you believe?

Do you still remember all the time that has gone by?
Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above
(do you believe?)
I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love

Do you believe?

:: 2003 28 April :: 1.55 pm

Friday was fun for the most part, until the evening was beginning to end. I'll get to that in a minute, so hold yer horses. First we went to Chuck E Cheeses, and that was a blast. Rachel and I won a decent amount of tickets, but I spent 5 minutes trying to convince her that they were all hers. Eventually she got some play-doh (W00t!!!) and a couple other small toys. Then we went to Oasis (Hot tub place fer those of ya who dun know) and from here, I'll let my post in Rachel's journal take over.

"'...I took my glasses off at the hottub, and not having them on, in combination with the heat, gave me a severe headache, probably migrane class. The thing is, I lied to Rachel about how badly it hurt, and when it got so bad that all I could do was rest my head on her shoulder and stay there, not able to do anything about the fact that she could feel my face scrunching up in pain., she got kinda worried.... by that I mean VERY worried. I eventually told her what was wrong, but it seemed to spark something in her mind, and from that point on she was upset, no matter what any of us tried to do, and when she started crying in the restaurant, I of course tried to help by holding onto her, only it made it worse. KT was worried too, but I told her I'd take care of it."

The only problem was I couldn't take care of it, and after reading Rachel's journal, I have more questions now than I had before. I guess I'll have to go write them out. Take care all.

:: 2003 15 April :: 12.13 pm

System Of A Down - Legend Of Zelda lyrics

Link, he come to town
Come to save the Princess Zelda
Ganon took her away
Now the children don't play
But they will when Link saves the day
Hallelujah!
Now Link, fill up your hearts
So you can shoot your sword with power
And when you're feeling all down
The fairy will come around
So you'll be brave, and not a sissy coward
Now Link has saved the day
Put Ganon in his grave
So now Zelda is free
And now our hero shall be
Link! I think your name shall go down into history


System Of A Down - Legend Of Zelda monelc

Link, ra lusa du dufh
Lusa du cyja dra Bnehlacc Zelda
Kyhuh duug ran yfyo
Huf dra lremtnah tuh'd bmyo
Pid drao femm frah Link cyjac dra tyo
Rymmamizyr!
Huf Link, vemm ib ouin rayndc
Cu oui lyh cruud ouin cfunt fedr bufan
Yht frah oui'na vaamehk ymm tufh
Dra vyeno femm lusa ynuiht
Cu oui'mm pa pnyja, yht hud y cecco lufynt
Huf Link ryc cyjat dra tyo
Bid Ganon eh rec knyja
Cu huf Zelda ec vnaa
Yht huf uin ranu crymm pa
Link! E drehg ouin hysa crymm ku tufh ehdu recduno

:: 2003 9 April :: 4.45 pm

Hmm.... It seems I've done a lot more damage than forseen.... I appologize to everyone affected. i didn't mean for this to happen... anyone who chooses to take vengence for it is more than welcome to, and I wont let Rachel intervene, so there is no worry about hurting her... at least untill she sees what I look like after everyone is through killing me.

:: 2003 6 April :: 6.14 pm

I went and played paintball yesterday at an arena. It was fun. Played for 3 hours. In that time, I got shot quite a bit, but I didn't get it nearly as bad as my dad. Lol he got hit a lot. I've still got some marks though, so I didn't do quite as well as what I had hoped. Then I got home and thought about a game I want to make on visual basic, and another one is working in my head now... I had a friend spend the night last night, which was fun. I also called Rachel, and found out someone had stolen some of her phone time during the day.... Oh well.... I can't have all of it all of the time I guess... well that's all that's happening for me.
Love you all.

:: 2003 1 April :: 10.46 am

I've not posted a journal entry in a while. I appologize for this. I need to update more often.

Everyone seems to be hurting right now... I wish there was something I could do to help.

I got a GameCube!!! W00t! L00, $100 in free Games with it.

Rachel really happy, cause she got WindWaker now... I wanna play!!! *Whines*

Well Bell ring in minute, so gotta go.
I love all of you. *Stare at KT* Be good!

:: 2003 15 March :: 10.07 pm
:: Mood: I don't know anymore...
:: Music: whatever you want

:: 2003 12 March :: 10.33 am
:: Mood: Meish

Hey, guess what? I just signed up for Neopets... again! lol. I did it once, but can't remember anything from it. I've also already tried to add you as a friend Rachel, so you gotta accept that. Well take care all.

:: 2003 11 March :: 10.38 am
:: Mood: Hyper Sleepy.

http://www.ffinsider.net/ff10/

This site has some kickin' stuff. I got my new pic from there. It's great!

:: 2003 10 March :: 10.44 am

Last weekend was fun. Thanks to Ben, Rachel came over on Friday. *THANKS BEN!!!* Saturday was boring, and what's worse is the stupid cordless phone went dead on me while talking to Rachel, so I had to use the evil one.... Grrrr... I hate that phone. Sunday, I went over to her house for the third time, this time for dinner and a movie. ^.^ It was fun. Only problem... 6 hours with her Sunday, and 3 of it we were not allowed to talk... couldn't even kiss her cause Rachel's parents and sister were most likely spying on us. Grrr.. Oh well. It was still fun to see Lord of the Rings again. Well Take care all.