TaoMan1121
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2004 13 January :: 3.30pm
:: Mood: edgy
I fear that I am developing an overwhelming dependency/addiction on Woohu. I've been thinking about and reexamining every facet of my life lately, and I'm working my way to a brain aneurysm if I don't learn to relax. This site does not help said problem. It's not necessarily anxiety-ridden, which is a change, just trying to get a grasp on everything. The smart thing would be to stop reading and writing on here for a few days, but hey, it's not cocaine, so maybe I'll just try and scale back my number of enteries for a bit...
::realizes the irony::
After this one of course.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 13 January :: 10.42am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Jeff Buckley - Morning Theft
and though the meaning fits/there's no relief in this/i miss my beautiful friend...
See, the thing about Woohu is that I always check my friends page before I make a new entry... don't know why, just a habit I guess. Yet, I find it unsettling how often a friend will steal exactly what I was going to say, or at the very least a close version of it. Tying into this, one thing that I've been able to realize as of late is how many of my feelings are not necessarily unique, not specific to just myself, that many out there are thinking and feeling the same as me. It's a slow learning process that's been going on for some time, but I suppose that's what happens when you spend over a decade of your life without ever really truly opening up to another person. I swear, there's no chance in hell that I'm going to have just one kid.
::random SNL moment:: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.
I did have a great morning though, and I'm really looking to "Tuesdays with Melissa." Thanks again dear.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 12 January :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Elton John - Bennie & The Jets
I don't hate my job, but I do hate being at work. If that makes any sense whatsoever. And tonight was a good night there.
I'm just so tired of fighting myself, tired of so many things. Not depressed, I'm doing relatively alright overall, but just so drained that I hobble to bed (usually early) when the day's over. Not giving up, just tired of putting up the fight.
I understand so many things now (and remain clueless about others) but knowlege can only bring me comfort for a certain amount of time.
I left a decision up to the drop of a coin earlier tonight. Very rare for me. It was not necessarily the best decision, but I was okay with it because I was able to give up the control of making the decision itself.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 12 January :: 10.52am
:: Music: Audioslave - Like A Stone
I am Jack's overwhelming sense of boredom
I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to contribute today, short of a completely obligatory...
Durp.
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jedibumblebee
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2004 12 January :: 7.25am
:: Mood: exhausted
I really need to start sleeping more.
It seems that there is not enough time in life for all of the things that I want to accomplish.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 11 January :: 1.42pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep/this air is blessed, you share with me/this night is wild, so calm and dull/these hearts they race from self-control...
I cannot overstate the power of a car-ride with friends with the stereo cranked up and everyone in the vehicle belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Yesterday was one of the most cathatric days I can ever remember. More info later... right now, I'm off to the movies again.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 10 January :: 6.06pm
:: Mood: idealistic & grounded
:: Music: Moulin Rouge - Elephant Love Medley
some people want to fill the world with silly love songs/well, what's wrong with that?/i'd like to know...
I hereby operate from a basis of "near-truths." I understand that there are no absolute truths in this life, that everything changes, nothing is permanent, everthing fluctuates, etc. But I also realize that there are some undeniable forces and truths that surround us, that while in the most extreme cases can be proved false, they are as close to "an absolute truth" as you could hope for. I choose to derive strength from these near-certainities.
It is my own personal faith.
It is love.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 7 January :: 11.07am
:: Mood: edgy
:: Music: Moby - Natural Blues
Thus play I in one person many people,
And none contented: sometimes am I king;
Then treasons make me wish myself a beggar,
And so I am: then crushing penury
Persuades me I was better when a king;
Then am I king'd again
- King Richard from Richard II, scene v
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TaoMan1121
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2004 6 January :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: intrigued
:: Music: more Mates of State
First paragraph of my Understanding Human Sexuality book:
" 'You're incredible,' he said as the dress fell away from her. 'Oh Page...' He devoured her with his lips, his hands, and slowly she undressed him, until at last they stood naked together in the moonlight. He lifted her gently onto the bed, and carressed her with his lips until she moaned in pleasure, arched toward him, and then led him toward her. Their union was a powerful one, throbbing, arching for what they had both longed for, until at last they exploded in unison, and lay spent in each other's arms, stunned by the force of what they felt for each other.' "
::Comic Book Guy voice:: Best textbook ever!
Well, at least I know the class won't be boring.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 6 January :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Mates of State - Open Book
Well, it's that time of year again...
Top 10 CDs of 2003
10) Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Nocturama
9) Soundtrack - Kill Bill, Vol. 1
8) Mates of State - Team Boo
7) Coldplay - Live 2003
6) A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step
5) Eels - Shootenanny!
4) Zwan - Mary Star of the Sea
3) Dido - Life For Rent
2) Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar
1) The White Stripes - Elephant
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TaoMan1121
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2004 6 January :: 3.39pm
:: Mood: uneasy but preoccupied
:: Music: Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock - Picture
i found your picture today/i swear i've changed my ways...
I've started to make a list...
that's all I can say. It'll be a good list though. It'll be useful one way or the other.
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jedibumblebee
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2004 5 January :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Wicked Little Town
So when you've got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town...
SO a couple people have heard about my night on Saturday so I think I'll post a short rundown.
I get back from lunch at work, and my back really hurts and I have really bad cramps. So I realize that I left my purse in my car, and I don't have my good drugs (Aleve, its what I always take for just about everything). I ask Kristen if we have any Tylenol or anything at the desk....she says we have aspirin in the drawer. Aspirin, right? Everybody takes aspirin. Well, apparently, not me, or at least, not anymore.
I took two and we were so busy, I was just trying to ignore the fact that I felt kinda weird, just figured I was stressed out and running all over the place....I finally take a break at the desk and I realize that my throat is REALLY tight. Like, I can hardly breath and definitely can't swallow. So Dan (my manager) comes up and starts talking to me, he realizes that I am not listening and asks me whats going on....I'm like...I can't.....breath...
He has Kristen walk me to the break room and I'm just chillin out back there trying to catch my breath, kinda trying to talk to Matt and then I'm like hyperventilating and I start to black out and I fall off the stool and I'm sitting on the ground. Ross walks up and he's all concerned and I still cant breath and I'm not really there at all and I kept feeling like I was blacking out.
Ross calls the store manager over and he's like, should we call an ambulance? I'm like, no, dammit, I'm fine and stubborn...but I still cant breath and he's like, I'm gonna get someone to take you to the ER...
This guy Scott drove me there, he totally drove like a madman, and they admitted me right away and had to give me a big shot of Benadryl to bring down the swelling in my throat so I could breath again, plus a handful of Prednisone to get it out of my system, I guess.
So I was really messed up from all the drugs but I could breath again, so I was a happy girl. And I went home and stopped back at work first to tell everyone that I was alive (kindof, Benadryl in large doses kinda fucks you up) and I took my car back home (probably a bad idea but whats done is done).
I've had to stay on the Prednisone for a couple days to make sure I dont react again, and the stuff is really gross, it makes me so thirsty, my tummy hurts from it, and my mouth always tastes bad but I suppose it is better than no oxygen. So that is the story about Stefanie being allergic to ASPIRIN. Of all the stupid things.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 5 January :: 1.24pm
:: Music: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Climb That Hill
you've got to get up/and climb that hill again...
I know I'm so much stronger than this. I'll believe it whether or not it's true.
First order of business, Mike: Make the "happy CD."
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TaoMan1121
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2004 5 January :: 12.44pm
:: Mood: see below
:: Music: Badly Drawn Boy - The Further I Slide
i can't rationalize/the further i slide/i can't seem to get back to your side...
I took tests today on WebMD for depression and bi-polar. I passed with flying colors. Y'all don't know need to tell me how arbitary and non-clinical those tests are, but I'm scared, because I knew the answers before I pressed submit; I can feel it inside of me.
I'm worried that this is going to start affecting my grades.
Scratch that, that's the least of my concerns right now...
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TaoMan1121
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2004 4 January :: 1.16am
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: DMB - Let You Down
I want to develop faith. Not necessarily of the religious kind, but a belief and assurance in the unknown. I think that would be beneficial to me.
I don't know where to start, but I have a goal at least.
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