and love/is not an easy thing/the only baggage you can bring/is all that you can't leave behind...
So after my intensely draining night and conversation with Stef last night, I went to bed after my last entry. Woke up at 1:37 this afternoon (gotta be close to 12 hours) and I was scheduled into work at 2. Mind you, it takes me 20 minutes to get to work alone. Issues didn't leave in my slumber, as I assumed they wouldn't, and between still being tired and frayed from a rude awakening, the day didn't start off good...

Customers made it worse. Just in case any of you are planning on coming into Menards anytime soon, here are a few lessons:

1) Tinted polyurethane and stain and polyurethane in one ARE NOT the same thing, at least in my mind. Besides, why the fuck would you want your P.U. tinted? You might as well just put stain on there first, but I guess that was their idiot point in the first place.

2) If you don't like my color selection for textured finishes... go someplace else or shut your trap. I can't mix your super-special chip that you brought from Timbuktu in Brushed Seude or Granite or anything else textured because the tinting bases and the make-up of the paint are completely different.

3) The goddamn pain in the ass Tote sale only works with IN-STOCK items. You can't prepay, you can't special order, and no, I can't ship the paint you want over from the other store, you lazy fucker. I mean, if that worked, I could just buy the whole store on a picking list (whatever the hell those are, I'm still unsure) and throw it in Mr. 648-1050 and get 20.04% off EVERYTHING! Then I'd really be "saving big money," wouldn't I?

And finally,

4) Please for the love of god, don't be such a greedy, moronic, lazy prick when you come in and brighten up my day... I've got my own issues to deal with, thank you vedda much.

Anyway, tonight was "give Jason advice" night. Thanks everyone, I do appreciate all your insights, I really do.

I know I've got to let some stuff go, but in terms of relishing in my sorrows, I have cut my recovery time dramatically from previous situations like this. Oh wait, I've never really been in this position before. Even better. I just don't want to let too much go, I don't want to deny the spectacular memories that I have, as well as the not-so-great stuff. It means way too much to me to put in a shoe box and throw in the closet.

Right now, it's just about survival and keeping a grasp on reality. Everything else will surface in time.

Dashboard Confessional - The Brilliant Dance
So this is odd,
the painful realization that all has gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lovers clothes
and burned the letters your lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange,
our side stepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down
and the riniging from this empty sound
is defeaning and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just to much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible,
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that your were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
well this is the last time.
This is the last time,
This is the last time.

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