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2004 24 June :: 11.22 am
so you think you can tell... heaven from hell...
shes gone and i didnt even get to see her before she left. i didnt want a straight summer without her- take that as you will. i hope im not scheduled to work this weekend, its pridefest yo.
as for the other gender, his parents are out of town and we we are supposed to booze it up at some point. i just miss wasting my time with him.
on the agenda: roadtrip to springfield, mo. tentative trip to cali to see sophie and jackie. detox.
free tibet |
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2004 20 June :: 11.57 am
we gave my dad satelite radio for fathers day. its killer. there is a jamband station. awesome.
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2004 16 June :: 3.06 pm
he is different now. i know we both are, but i cant understand how it happened... other than that he really wants to be with her, and it kind of kills me... i only wanted one more summer with my best friend; it will probably be the last.
1 freedom fighter |
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2004 8 June :: 8.12 am
this love has taken its toll on me
last day in chicago! i have a shitload to do... id make a list to amaze you but it would probably bore you more so i will pass. i woke up at 5am and did some homework... our room smells like puke because, well, my roommate tried to puke in the trashcan last night and missed. that is the second time that my right chaco has been puked on. what the hell? puke is the worst smell. i will not miss her inability to hold her liquor. only one more shower and shave in the effen community bathrooms. one more night in this room... tomorrow, a whirlwind. 8-11 math exam. 12-2:45 religion exam. 3:20 train leaves.
she broke up with him and he called me crying. i wanted to reference that i knew how awful it felt because he did the same thing to me last july, but i was civil. ... 'ill never learn to laugh at it in my good-natured way'.... what am i supposed to say? can i come hold your hand and listen to you tell me how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her? haaaaaaaaaaa "I STILL THINK OF YOU AS MY BOYFRIEND, I DONT THINK THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD... BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE AND GO MEET YOURSELF A REALLY NICE GIRL..."
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet |
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2004 5 June :: 7.07 pm
tonight jack and i are getting drunk and going to the top of the hancock building
Edgar Allen Poe
(18091849)
Alone
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were I have not seen
As others saw I could not bring
My passions from a common spring
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone
And all I lov'd I lov'd alone
Then in my childhood in the dawn
Of a most stormy life was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still
From the torrent, or the fountain
From the red cliff of the mountain
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by
From the thunder, and the storm
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view
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2004 31 May :: 7.26 pm
man i have so much i want to do, so many places i want to go. im in my wandering, i dont give a fuck stage. i just talked to sophie and that is the quickest way to solidify that attitude... shes out in LA. i want to visit her, graham in humboldt (he said he'd teach me to surf), erin in boston, my bro in colorado, my mom wants me to go to cincinnati with her. not to mention linds at mizzou, wolf and aaron in springfield, and lammers in flagstaff. i just need to tour the country until i leave for mexico if that pans out. i need to work like its my job, i need to get in shape (i am disgusting). im ready to get the fuck out of chicago. i get back wed the 9th.
"I have struck a city- a real city- and they call it Chicago. I urgently desire never to see it again... It is inhabited by savages." -Rudyard Kipling, 1891
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet |
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2004 30 May :: 10.49 pm
read me like an open book...
lesley is the #612 most common female name. 0.019% of females in the US are named lesley. Around 24225 US females are named lesley! source namestatistics.com
free tibet |
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2004 30 May :: 10.18 pm
:: Music: i'll lick my wounds... could you pass the salt?
just back from dinner at duck walk with kristan and jackus... there are several beautiful things i will miss about chicago... one of which is going to duck walk with a giant bottle of wine and eating with great friends.
trying to figure out the chicago/nols shit is not easy. dealing with jon is not as easy as yer mom.
last night i went to a bar (kelly's) with erin and julie at about 11:30... at 10 this morning erin was knocking on my door asking for ramen and a hangover cure. i suggested to keep drinking but she didnt take that to heart.
additionally, im reading another bukowski. so far i have read 'play the piano drunk like a percussion instrument until the fingers begin to bleed a bit', 'hot water music', 'love is a dog from hell', and 'you get so alone at times it just makes sense'. damn- the titles of all his books could sum up my life. anyway, im reading 'women' now and it is infuckingcredible. so far my favorite line(s) is(are)...
"glendoline pulled up a chair and started talking. she could talk. if she was a sphinx she could have talked. i wondered when she'd get tired and leave. even after i stopped listening it was like being battered with tiny pingpong balls."
the other night when i was shroomin with jack, i decided that i immediately needed a piece of paper ( i always have a writing implement. my dad says 'a good salesman always has a pen') and i wrote "... and there is a beautiful boy with dark hair and shy eyes playing the guitar for a girl that wants him in her life without consequence, and her boyfriend moves next to her on the couch sending his own exchange of energy..." its a sad story, watching it all unfold. anyway, at the time it was extraordinarly profound. funny how that works. i need to get home, i need a job, and if only jackie liked me back again. man she is gorgeous.
free tibet |
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2004 24 May :: 4.42 pm
oh mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moons so bright like to light up the night
Make everything all right
I got into the NOLS semester in Baja. now I just have to see if DePaul can do anything with the random ass credits I would get. If not, unfortunately i have to rescind. College is raping my bank account....
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet |
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2004 21 May :: 7.52 pm
i think im cured in fact im sure thank you stranger for your theraputic smile
running in torrential rain despite the flood warnings. i stepped into a couple puddles which turned out to be small rivers or potholes that turned into small lakes while wearing chacos, pants entirely saturated. then i bought a bottle of whiskey. i got in a cab that hydroplaned several times then went to an open mic night and just laughed at how soaked we were and how i hadnt done shit like this in a long time. afterwords i went to missys apartment where we made drinks... then her roommate got me to do yoga with him which im not sure was the best combination at the time but entertaining nonetheless. i think at one point i had him hold my ankle to maintin my leg position while i bent over to reach my glass. it was a night that just felt good.
free tibet |
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2004 20 May :: 1.38 am
i cant wait to get to be back in my room at home where THANK GOD there isnt a t.v. i am so fucking sick of the damn tv being on allllll the time. incesstant NOISE. make it stop.
free tibet |
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2004 17 May :: 5.05 am
knoweldge is power, feel free to flex
A is for - Age: 19 on one id, 24 on another.
B is for - Book You're Currently Reading: AIDS in the 21st century
C is for - Career Plan: one foot in front of the other
D is for - Drug of Choice: alcohol
E is for - Essential Items: hair band, adidas shorts, white tshirt
F is for - Favorite Song at the Moment:key word being 'moment'. song 'bodily' by ani. eek sorry.
G is for - Girls' Best Features: so damn soft
H is for - Hometown: stl, mo
I is for - "I wish I could...": get back in shape. and i will.
J is for - Job title: student/lifeguard/psyeudo eEMT
K is for - Kissing...: is the best
L is for - Living Space: seton 421. 4th floor whores who like it on top. soon to be packed up and shipped home, thank jah
M is for - Memory You Want to Keep with you Always:grafitti wall play in the rain up in the hottub until uncle bills for breakfast nights
N is for - Number of People You've Kissed: graham, dylan, kerry, jon t, eliot s., some guy named jake that is sophies friend, robert jackson, kristan/ethan/jack, lammers, l.frye, jackie (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh), joe lauber (double ahhh), scott hemenway, wolff, colleen, andrew (from depaul), aaron form springfield, um i think that could be it. perhaps sarah r. if that counts.
O is for - Opinion of Yourself: used to be smart
P is for - Phobias: my roommates feet on my bed
Q is for - Quotation: "nature may be indifferent to our love, but never unfaithful" e.abbey
R is for - Ridiculous Thing About You: i pee often and everywhere
S is for - Secret Indulgences: tagalongs
T is for - Time Well-Spent, in your Opinion: outside with my friends
U is for - Unique Trait: honesty
V is for - Vegetable of Choice: snow peas
W is for - Worst Habit: drinking
X is for - X-Rays you've Had: teeth, then that time with my seizures when i passed out and dont know what the hell they did to me. i bet there were some xrays involed there... creepy bastards...
Y is for - Yummy Food you Make: salmon
Z is for - Zoo Animal of Choice: pengiun and puffin coast @ STL zoo with jackie or jonny
1 freedom fighter |
free tibet |
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2004 15 May :: 1.22 pm
take me home and then you'll see tomorrow morning you'll be free
fuck this. im getting out. mexico has my name painted on it... backpacking, sailing, sea kayaking. drinking/drug free for almost three months. ha when was the last time that happened for three days? there is no reason for me to stay here, no one for me to stay for, nothing for me to believe in other than the ground beneath my feet. i have before and do not regret a single second, but its best now that i just be in love with the land.
free tibet |
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2004 7 May :: 2.05 pm
if you be my bodyguard, i can be your long lost pal
its one of those things when you are sitting outside at 3am... drinking a beer, looking at the sky (and you can actually see stars) and the faces of your friends... and you start to cry because its so overwhelmingly beautiful.
i had one of those nights. the ani show was good, not the best ive seen, but delightful none the less. afterwords, lammers and i dropped off kristan and then we went to danny o'tooles to meet up with l.frye. i walked in and just smiled... i see hemenway, poss, kurd, zach, tito, brad... feels like im home again. so we did that up and sang paul simon and consumed pitchers and jager shots, then went to poss' house to git er done some more. i think i made it into bed about 4ish.
"im going to go 2-meter on your ass. lesley! you were thereee!" "yes mike we were on the same team"
1 freedom fighter |
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2004 6 May :: 9.35 am
she'll give you anything except the upper hand...
8:33: procrastinating
10:10: Wellness, Disease, & AIDS in Cross-Cultural Perspective (believe it or not thats my religion class)
11:40: back to room, get bag, get on L, head to airport
1:00 or so: try to get on standby for earlier flight
3:30: hope to be on this flight to STL
4:30: if not, i will be on this flight to STL
5:30: picked up at the airport by pops, head home
6:00pm: pregame pregame pregame w/lammers and kristan
8:00: doors open
9:00: mental orgasam. my 6th ani show. trite? perhaps. incredible? always.
3 freedom fighters |
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