St. Robinson's Cadillac dream

:: 2004 9 October :: 1.45pm

shes fucking in chicago and we cant even fucking manage to get together. thats it, im turning asexual.

:: 2004 4 October :: 6.57pm
:: Music: i shot andy warhol-head automatica

so a funny thing happened last week...
joe and i were nominated for homecoming court simply because people knew we weren't going to go so they thought that would be the best way to make us. so friday rolls by and they read in last hour who all made the court. they read the girls names first and mine wasn't read so i'm thinken whew, ok i'm in the clear. then they read the guys name's and "joe hart" comes over the intercom. everyone looks at me then at the intercom and i just died laughin. he's been chosen every year now and never has he actually wanted to do it. so i still don't think we're going because i know he really doesn't want to, just find it funny that the person who probably wants to go the absolute least is the one that's always chosen. my baby's such a stud.

:: 2004 27 September :: 12.09am

last night i saw colonel claypool's bucket of bernie brains at the riviera. it was awesome. aaron was in town with his friend chris which made it better.

good friends, good booze, good times, good frisbee, good kiss.

more later

:: 2004 18 September :: 3.24pm
:: Music: two little girls grown out of thier training bras... this little girl breaks furniture, this little

so i am no longer a teenager. 20 today. recently met someone... very intrigued despite the fact that ive kind of given up on relationships or ass. went to the chicago aidswalk this morning for the second year in a row, fucking amazing. makes this life mean a little bit more. until next time, live the dream...

:: 2004 7 September :: 10.27am

so i'm back in chicago, sort of to my dismay. however, I have moved in and our 'apartment' is quite alright. i share a room with julia and the other two girls (heather and jen) have their own rooms. so far, everything is good. struggling with myself and my true motives for things. hopefully this will all pan out... class starts tomorrow. i have a ton of biology and am finally thinking of a direction in terms of a major... sports medicine. i will be in school forever anyway ("a lot of people go to college for eight years!" "yeah, they're called doctors.").

emily i hope rutgers continues to treat you right... i wish i hadnt slept in my own bed in three days. christ i need some ass.

last note, i've been reading "letters to a young poet" by rilke and i think i may be in love.

:: 2004 3 September :: 11.47am

in the wound that would not heal... its the bitter taste of losing everything i held so dear...
if i could do it all over again, i wouldnt.

:: 2004 2 September :: 9.00am

it was possibly 11 of the longest minutes of my life... lying there in my bed waiting for her to roll over and open her eyes. shes so beautiful it makes me give a damn again.

last night we went to see sarah mclachlan with two of her friends. i had my reservations but it was fucking great... she even covered 'blackbird'. any female musician who can successfully cover that song is reason enough for me.

i leave sunday and am supposed to work everyday until then. my parents are pissed. i have a ton of shit to do. oh well. sucks to your asmar.

:: 2004 1 September :: 11.55pm
:: Music: swing life away-rise against

two months on monday. hooray.

:: 2004 31 August :: 10.57pm

..watching capitalisim gun down democracy...
if you're going to ask a god to bless somethng, how about all countries?

:: 2004 29 August :: 3.42pm

well, hes pretty much gone. just keeps getting further away.

'i am no musician but the pain has been instrumental'

back from cincinnati for the weekend... my family... wow... what a bunch of alchys... no one can booze it up like a family of 8 irish catholics. back to school on sunday and sad about it. i wanted mexico.

:: 2004 14 August :: 12.53pm

well i guess this is growing up
and i dont understand it at all

:: 2004 10 August :: 6.11am

November 4, 1986-August 7, 2004
R.I.P Shaun Shaffer, you will be forever loved and missed by all.

:: 2004 5 August :: 1.02am

the rest of my summer is going to suck, spent working a ton of doubles and going to cincinnati. an incident with him, i miss her, frustrated (vast understandment) with the news and mo voters regarding amendment two.

only upside is that bro is coming in town and parents are leaving.

need sleep. effen managers meeting tomorrow am before work. work thurs, fri, sat, sun. want to go to mississipi nights friday for poetry slam but dont get off until 9 so we will see. sat i think missy and eric are coming in from chicago which means intense throwdown and sleepover/pass out at kristans. git er done.

:: 2004 1 August :: 11.12pm

to all you selfish, ignorant, inwardly concerned motherfuckers... go to hell. you've had plenty of time to come around, to see what you can offer the world, of no cost or extra exertion on your part... and you dont. you hide away in your safe rooms in your safe houses and hold precious talents and belongings away from the people who would benefit most.

and to all you who are constantly bitching about no one coming to see you at work, or to your house when you say "come the fuck over here", or make any other demands of others and giving nothing of yourself, making no gesture in return... "open up your eyes and look within... are you satisfied with the life you're livin?" (bob marley).

fuck your good nights sleep

:: 2004 31 July :: 3.41am

we fight we makeup we fight we makeup. it's an on going cycle. the fights are always ridiculously stupid too. i suppose it's how relationships are supposed to work, in the beginning anyway. hopefully this little fighting phase is in fact just a phase and will fade away in the very near future. he makes me happier than anyone has in a long while. i'm just so scared he's going to wake up one day and realize how much better he could be doing. but until that day comes, i'm gonna just keep on lovin' being eachothers everything.