ok the time isnt correct... just get in the habit of disregarding the time cuz im usually just too goddamn lazy to change it

right now im sooo bored. i normally have so much work to do that when i finally dont have very much, i just dont know what to do with myself.

omg i think i did well on a math test! regular precalc is so much easier... and the tests are so much easier...

my average amount of sleep for the past two nights is 6.5 hours. it hasnt hit me yet tho, i think.

watched ace ventura. i realized all the times when i saw it and loved it as a kid was when i watched it edited for tv... the one i rented was REALLY crude. surprisingly crude for a pg13 even. whatever. i also finished the godfather, not that i really understood it. ill have to watch it like 10 times to actually know whos who and why they want to kill each other.

mehhh... nothing else

ICE COLD!
coulda gone to my brothers soccer game. but wanted to come home and shower cuz i kinda stink. still havent gotten around to that tho...

oh but hearts is SO more important. new record!!! just TRY and beat this!!!
4-28-100-28

i just decided/realized i will not have a boyfriend to late junior year. if im lucky. my friend pointed out to me that all the hot guys are either a) assholes or b) taken or c) both.

im screwed.

MY SAD SONG:
fucking G block physics
you took away my free
fucking G block physics
i miss mushroomdiddy

ill write more verses later but my attentions spans like BLAH! and thats what controls me, generally... that and my stomach... and my hormones for stalking italians as ethan puts it

so what was i gonna say...

oh right. cross country pictures. this is the first time in my life i have had to SIT IN THE MUD AT THE FRONT OF THE PICTURE. i have always been in the back before. not fair. and its cuz the team is mostly guys... which should be taller than me by now i guess, but still, no fair. there are only 4 ppl shorter than me. (one guy)

so bllaaaghhh. blaggh to the world. i hate you.

oh but right, obsession level today: 9
eye contact: 2

jus in case ya wanted to know... right...

I WANT TO LEAVE MY ENGLISH CLASS AND NOT CHANGE MY FREE
so since i am being kicked out of precalc H regardless of how well i do on the test tomorrow morning...

i have decided to look at the bright side of the situation and my options. well i could take precalc A, C, or G. C would be perfect cuz no schedule change. but its so full ppl are sharing desks.

so then i thought about G. but i dont want to lose my free.

so then i thought about A block, and how i would have to leave the english teacher that gave me an A on the first essay. but then i thought about my english class.

the teacher is ok... alright i mean really boring. all the juniors i talk to dont like him. the class is composed of 14 ppl: 10 girls and 5 boys. with so many girls you know im probably gonna be stuck with some ppl i dont like. well yes i definitely am. today we spent 10 minutes talking about the difference between suicide and sacrificing for another's sake, and how God would draw the line for who got into heaven. the whole time i wanted to shoot myself.

ok gtg lata tho the point is i need A block

about the new picture- yes, thats p diddy, and hes on a roof, and yes that is a golf club, and champagne bottle

and his socks are SO hot!!!

have to get off soon, not supposed to be on computer...

just had a massage to heal my leg. ahhh so nice. i would write more but id rather live (to tell you more later)

so ciao

SO GLAD TO BE BACK... FROM THE SCHOOL WEEK...
so... that weeks over... thank god. i dont know how i made it. actually i do, i realized this morning that the math is due MONDAY. so i can do it later...

my dad is stuck 30 years in the past. so he blasts 70s music... so i blast rap. hes so deaf he probably cant even tell, plus i have the door closed cuz if its too loud it will keep my mom and bro up and also then the swearing will be recognizable. if i could, i would turn up the bass and the treble down. in fact, i will see if i can do that.

back from friday aids meals... another nice output. almost as good as this journal.

Yo! Wat da hook gon be?
uh ohhh!
see i dont need no fuckin hook on the beat,
all i need is the track in the bac round' my head phones loud keep
the drink goin round'and imma rip it


so what else can i talk about?

oh, diddyage: today not too good... yesterday very good... day before that, my memory stops

ok ive gotta turn the music down... swearing too loud

I LOVE OUTKAST!!! theyre so cool...

i had something else to talk about, but...

till lata

i have forgotton

-austin danger leonardiddy

tv sucks
i now know why i dont watch the emmys. cuz it as an award show for the cheesiest shit on tv, or the cheesiest actors on tv, or the cheesiest actresses on tv. and i dont watch cheesy shit. i watch videos on mtv and bet, good saturday night live repeats, almost everything else on comedy central, and occasionally an episode of the simpsons or king of the hill or other shows that 1. happen to be on and 2. are easy to follow and 3. dont have annoying, ugly actors in them and 4. a lot of bullshit.



i think my dad has fallen asleep watching tv. heres a good hint why: i have listened to the noise coming from downstairs for about 5 minutes and i have not heard a single word in english. the verdict: he's watching hispanic tv with his eyes closed.
this happens a lot after a hard day of doctoring, golfing, wineing, or ironically telling us to conserve energy by risking plungeing down the stairs into darkness and getting a concussion. so once he has succesfully gotten us to turn off all the lights, he falls asleep on the couch with the tv on. sometimes ive found him asleep on oxygen, and bet, and now foreign language channels.

sunday- the day of whooping homework ass in austin's religion
how come we have so much goddamn homework if were supposed to not work on sunday? fuck that anyway. i hate the stupid bible. its so disgusting and sexist. although it also has funny lines... ok heres some i can remember:

"Who told you that you were naked?!"
-god, mad at adam cuz he ate the apples

"Give me some of that red stuff, for i am famished!"
-some dude... anyway i didnt know stuff was an actual word. its very thought provoking. what is red stuff? does it taste good? can you eat it on crackers? should you refrigerate it?

"come on out to the field with me"
-abel i think, or maybe his brother. yeah well its before he kills him. haha.

and then theres the usual "here rape my daughters" or "you can have my servant as your sex-slave", etc. yeah, great book

latest heart's record: 18-85-104-79

YEAH!

today i had so much math homework to catch up on. grrr. oh god now i remember about my math test... grrrrr...
not going to think about it.

i just realized after looking back at my old entries that i dont even remember writing them. maybe its cuz theyre all written late at night.
whats all that noise downstairs. omg right its the emmmys, i know theyre crap and i dont see why anyone interesting (p diddy) would be on them but its something to do!!!

still lots of work
You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission

And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man

Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I'm diving into my own destruction

So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying

'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I'm on your list with all your other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
Share a toothbrush...you're my kind of man
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man

No I can't help myself
I can't help myself
I still love to wash in your old bathwater


i need to find my no doubt cds, theyre in the ol' exploder or somethin. lots of work still, mom being a bitch, hair needs to be washed so im taking knots out of it...

i guess even if i was in a happy mood it would be smothered by the amount of work i have.

i hate my mom. she is a mean spaz. i hear her downstairs going "shes gonna run out of time!" to my dad whos like yeah, whatever. honestly why is it her damn business when i do my work. ive been working all day, doing what i can, so as long as i dont stop working, everything wil be okay. or as okay as possible.

btw i am 5'7 and 3/4"! yeah i know the measuring tape is a fucking lier. but whatever. if i look 5'8.5" then thats what matters.

back to grooming.

Austin
Danger
Leonardini

oh and in the words of homer simpson-
"you can dance! you can dance!
everybody look at your pants!"

i feel like shit!
I'm so happy
Cause today I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly
But that's ok, 'cause so are you
We broke our mirrors
Sunday morning
Is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze 'cause I found god

Yeah

I'm so lonely and
That's ok, I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe
I'm to blame for all I heard
And I'm not sure
I'm so excited
I can't wait to meet you there
And I dont' care
I'm so horny
That's ok, my will is good

Yeah

I like it
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack



well those are the lyrics, hey i didnt write them.

i hate being depressed cuz i dont enjoy eating as much and anything actually, theres a lump in my throat but i cant cry, and my stomach hurts and i think my heart does also. im not kidding, it LITERALLY does. and on top of this i have tons of work and ive been kinda sick all week and my mom wont let me communicate with civilization. (im trying to type quietly now.) and last night it took forever for me to fall asleep. the whole time i had that song stuck in my head... (not lithium). i need to talk to people and get away from my house. cuz depression sucks and right now its not going anywhere.