ive found an oldie
People say I'm the life of the party
'cause I tell a joke or two
Although I may be laughin' loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face
You see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears


i like this song... i remember it was on this cd my parents always played when i was like 5 and i loved it. and then somehow this morning (1 AM) as im writing my essay i have it stuck in my head and i download it. and its kinda like MY song. it just pretty much describes how i act when im sad. kinda like mr. poof's personality too... hes in a kinda stupor and doesnt look too happy but for some reason is acting all bouncy and hyper.

and, oh yeah... its INCREDIBLY CATCHY AND A REALLY GOOD SONG!!!


woohooooo tanksgivin brake!

wisdom
the most wise, eloquent think i have said today...

"confucious say, the pimp must not desire to be the hoe"

this is of course talking about branson people. specifically, 2 branson girls. heh this is kind of like a really cruel guessing game. but ure not gonna get it, and if u did, i would have been saying bad things about people behind their backs. which i already am doing, but its alright as long as im not saying it to a ton of people. and i dont really know how many ppl read this so ill just play it safe and not say anything else about them. except that they piss me off and deserve to be talked about meanly.

should be sleeping now, but
isnt it about time for a bitchout?

btw i dont really like that song very much its kinda same-ol-same-ol but the violins so good...

so today before the cross country meet this person A asked me about wonderfest. she asked me if there were a lot of nerds there, basically asking me to make a generalization about the people there, and i said that most people there were chinese. that was a fact. tucker had a hard time pronouncing all of their names. are facts racist? apparently so, according to another person in the group, person B.

so i said something like "EXCUSE ME, HOW is that racist?!" and then person A said "oh you shouldnt assume they are all chinese, they could be japanese or korean or blablabla". so basically they were all ASSUMING that i was assuming this. and the more they said the more they just proved how ignorant they were.

i wasnt just assuming. i actually know theres a difference between chinese and japanese people... this summer my psych class was mostly asian, and we talked about how i was so used to being surrounded by white people and how their schools were and we just openly talked about our cultures a lot. also, all of them were chinese, and in fact most asians in california are chinese. of all the asians that ive met, only one has been japanese. i also know what chinese names sound like, and they are VERY DIFFERENT from japanese names. japanese names are much closer to romance-language names than chinese names, whereas chinese names combine consonants together that we normally wouldnt, and are usually one syllable. also, the japanese dont have the letter L.

when i told these people that i knew that the majority of the names were chinese and at least not japanese, person A said "oh really do you speak japanese?" HELLO, YOU ARE STUPID. YOU DONT NEED TO SPEAK JAPANESE TO KNOW HOW JAPANESE NAMES ARE DIFFERENT FROM CHINESE. i said "no... but i can, and its not that difficult". and they all said "yeah it is!" proving again how ignorant they are. fortunately erin, who speaks japanese and is out of all of us the authority on the language and culture says "uh, no. they really are different..."

so did i win? yes... only the dumb bitches ignored us and changed the subject. meaning i wasnt satisfied and had to vent here.

sometimes i really think i would enjoy a job where i could go into a court and inform stupid people that they are wrong.

uh
well i am def glad the psats are over, one less thing for my mom to bug me about. but it just killed me after the test having to go to classes.

i saw the funniest thing when i went downstairs to search for food today. my cat walked into the kitchen and then there was this noise so he looked up at the open light thing on the ceiling where this fly was buzzing around and watched it. but then apparently the fly got a little too close to the bulb so it died and plopped down on the ground. and i laughed and was happy because it was a really stupid fly and annoying to. and then my cat was sniffing at it and it came back to life and flew up and around the ceiling and my cat stared at it with his mouth open and his fangs showing and looked vicious and confused at the same time. and then the fly moved to another part of the room and to get closer to it he jumped up onto a chair and sat at the table and stared at me.

ok i guess you had to be there.

theres another meet this friday. the next 5 fridays, pretty much. i hope it wont suck anymore than last weeks, because that would be reeeallly bad.

i hear really bad music coming from outside, its really annoying. like the sort of stuff they play in longs, kinda whiny saxophony mall music shit. aw god its horrible, make it stop, make it stop.

putting off my homework again
even tho i did last night and as a result i went to bed at 2 after doing 2 subjects. i dont seem to learn from my mistakes.

today mr parsons kinda scolded me... he looked down on the homework and took in a huge breath of air really fast and went "ure only on number 3, omg..." and i looked up and he was very concerned/shocked looking with his jaw hanging down. i said "yes well, im beginning to understand it... slowly"

um... oh yeah i ran really well today. i think it had to do with the fact that i had a TON of water (compared to what i normally have... and also an ibuprofen heh). i have peed like 10 times today i swear... and its clear. so basically im just pouring water through myself. which is really good for u, so yay. i just need to stay near a bathroom pretty much all day long.

aaannnd... shout out to maggie who informed me that the link to this journal wasnt working on my profile... what a HERO!

it is really such a good song
well yesterday my forehead exploded. it still is really annoying. everytime i touch it im like "owww those huge bumps arent supposed to be there..." and then i remember that i can never again go to bed after a run without taking a shower.

on a way better note, i finally got my permit. and this kid i used to go to school with got to the dmv literally 2 minutes after me and then he got his permit too. and then later that day i saw him again. but the POINT is that i finally have my permit, and so then i drove around and not many other people were around fortunately so i didnt really have to worry too much about staying on my side of the road.

this weekend will most likely suck with that english essay and all. especially cuz i HAD TO talk to my teacher about it and when i asked him how to rephrase my thesis sentence to make it sound better, he instead told me what his opinion was about the question. and so i asked him again, "ok, ill say that, but how can i rephrase THIS thing that I have written that I want to say?" and he did the same thing again... so finally i just said "OK" and left. but jesus christ, he honestly just cant handle talking about anyone elses opinion. cant i just write what i think? its my essay... not his...

my mom is being a bitch
she screamed at me when i asked her why she threw away my banana bag (what i keep frozen bananas in in the freezer for smoothies). apparently she thinks it is rude to ask someone to respect your respect for the environment. actually it all comes down to her not wanting to hear anyone point out that she is a pretty crappy person in general.

later i asked her why my brother was watching tv. 2 days ago she said she was mad at him for not turning his homework in on time, this was because he spends every hour he has at home watching tv or doing stupid shit on the computer. she said his punishment (amazing) was he would not watch tv on the weekend. that night, he was watching tv as she was picking me up from running. why? because "i didnt want to live him home alone without entertainment". ok, great parenting, you think the tv will protect your 12 year old son when he is home alone, and will basically babysit him. she also thinks he would perish without the tv for entertainment. if i didnt have work to do and wasnt allowed to watch tv or use the computer, i would probably READ A FUCKING BOOK, or in his case, play with some of the thousands of toys he has. or play with those pet turtles that he HAD to have, the cat, or the dog, or clean my room if it was as messy as his. there are plenty of ways to entertain yourself. she doesnt understand this because she is stupid and lazy.

so anyway, today at dinner while brent was watching tv, i asked her WHY he was watching tv, considered the first punishment for him i have ever heard of was supposed to be no tv this weekend. and she explained to me (very loudly and angrily) that it wasnt my business, and she excused her crappy/lack of parenting by saying he didnt do what she really thought he did. he turned his homework in, he just didnt do some of it. i said that it was crappy parenting to let him get away with that and she said that i was being to critical of her. and i didnt have the right to criticize her parenting. and then she said that i shouldnt watch tv either if he didnt.

me: "but that was his punishment. he didnt finish his homework because he was too lazy and so he was going to be PUNISHED. i do my homework"
her: "but u do a crappy job on your homework so how is that better than not finishing it"

so thats how she sees it. i spend hours and hours on my homework and dont get A's on all of it, and he spends hours watching tv INSTEAD of finishing his homework. and thats all the same. i am just as bad of a student as him. in fact, theres really no point in turning in my homework on time because it already is done badly.


my mom is a shitty parent.

uhh
i have 15 hours of sleep to catch up on from the past week. so happy jts is over. i screwed up in the second show, that sucked. so happy i got a ride to the party AND back. when i got home my dad said some shit about curfew and i was like "uh u didnt say i had to be home by a certain time..." and then my mom said 1:20 was sooo late to get home.

got a belt in the mail today. its pretty, too bad i dont have one good pair of jeans to wear with it.

worked 3 hours today. neither the head librarian bitch nor her vice librarian bitch were there, so no problem. theres one lady who's usually there whos really nice. i dont know her name. anyway, i earned money, whatever.

time to make a mix

well finally summers almost up when it starts getting fun
the nose is shouting at me! "hello, can you see the booger i've got up my shnoz? it is quite smelly because i havent taken a shower in the last 2 weeks! it's this cool thing i'm doing to try to beat those damn iraqis! i also havent shaved since i was a young girl in bulgaria!"

olivias (drastically incorrect) opinion of alberto gilardino. hes just so busy kicking ass he doesnt have time to shave his neck.

um, yeah i saw napoleon dynamite and other then the redwood freshman boys making farting noises in my row, it was a very enjoyable experience. and omg that soundtrack will be good. and omg that guy who played napoleon dynamite is a spaztastic dancer, that was awesome. and wow pedro was so self confident good for him. the soundtrack to that movie is gonna be soooo good! i need to look up quotes from that movie, but also i need to finish drivers ed, and mabey get some sleep (especially cuz i cant remember how to spell that word).

oh yeah, italy kicked ass today: in soccer a.g. scored a goal on iraq and that was it, in basketball they beat lithuania i dont remember the score.

YEEEAAAAYAAHHHH!!! WHAT! WHAT! OKAAY!

i melted chocolate chips onto my laptop
mmm, chocolate laptop

"sticks and stones can break my bones but im jesus and you ar-ent"
-inspiration from cartman

today i didnt go on a run because i think i fulfilled my exercise requirement with walking/running to my house cuz olivia had her bike and then i got my bike and we went to jamba juice. and while we were waiting for our drinks (and hanging with tuan who was also there) this tall buff guy walked in with buzzed hair and sunglasses on and my first impression was "that looks like my lost blatalian from rome" and then he took his glasses of and i thought oh no he aint mediterranean hes just white. btw, according to the lady calling out names, we were "elveena" and "dustin". cool. so then later when HE was ordering i got a glance at his eyes and they were beautiful. so i was like ahhh i love him and he had a perfect face and his chin had just a little bit of a dimple in it. so about 10 obsessed minutes later olivia and i looked over at jamba juice and they were still eating there at a table outside. and then next time i turned around they were in their separate cars and leaving, and the next time i turned around i saw this beautiful black 3is-series-esque bmw, and loud music (and yes the type i listen to ;D ) and the blatalian was driving it! and when he drove away i saw it was a custom... ahhh

so i dont know why he had such a nice car and if hes in highschool or college of marin or something. i dont know anything about him. i didnt even stick around in jamba juice to figure out his name which was stupid. how am i ever supposed to meet people like this, that is what i wonder. that is my question right now. the most important question. although another one is why does the US postage have to be so fucking big.

ciao fo now

my journey from the place with the most beuatiful people to the least beautiful people, and then back up the scale
so on sunday i got back from italy. i got some nice stuff there, including a diesel skirt and shell earings and green capris for 10 euro (12 bucks) and a tan which i really needed. the problem is all the time it takes to get home, which is a lot of time to get depressed and first your 1 hour away from paradise and then you take a nap and wake up and your 2 hours away from paradise and then 4 and all the way back to where you started before, wherever your home is. and as you get further away from the place you love you hate leaving it more and more and its a horrible feeling.

what makes it even worse is how obvious the changes are from where you want to be to the stopover to back home. everything was great in rome and then conditions got depressing in detroit and then a miserable flight and i was back home at my boring house reading my housesitter's note about how all my fish were eaten by raccoons.

to start off, many of the youngish (native) guys in the rome airport were at least somewhat good looking, and i think it would be safe to say that the fiumicino airport wins the award for best-looking security people (or maybe the naples one, i havent seen it). in addition to this, the god of italy was behind me in the unending line to get to the metal detectors (later i asked my dad if we ever went through metal detectors at all, and then i remembered that i was very DISTRACTED at that time). he was tall and his shirt (which was by diesel and i was wearing my diesel skirt) didnt have sleeves and i seem to remember him having very nice arms, and he was in that late 20s age range of guys that i really shouldnt hit on because what could ever happen to that? if i had to give one celebrity comparison i would say vin diesel, but a smaller version with a really gorgeous perfect face. i was pretty sure he was a blatalian, but after seeing so many combinations of naturally tan people and black people i couldnt really say how much he was of either. he was holding one of those bags over his shoulder that you put a nice suit (or dress) in when ure going to a wedding or something.

this line we were in lasted a long time and had switchbacks so i had a lot of time to stare at him when he wasnt looking and glance anyway when he was looking. and then the line split up into 2 different airlines and he was RIGHT behind me and then he walked into the same gate section (20-24) as me (21). but i hung back with the stores to play with the sisley sunglasses which i should of bought btw cuz some actually looked good on me and in america u hafta pay a load for them.

when i went into the place with all the gates, i was again distracted by sunglasses in a furla store where the salesperson winked twice at me because he thought i didnt see it the first time. again, nice sunglasses! but the price wasnt put up and i didnt dare ask what it was.

i went over to gate 22 because gate 21 was full and sat there for a while, realized there wasnt any place to mail all my postcards, and then remembered about the blatalian. and then i got worried because i thought about probability, and then i thought about fate, and then i remembered how whatever power rules the world really has something against me and i realized i needed to find the blatalian because he would not be on my flight and i would never seem him again. i walked by gate 21, and checked gate 22, and 23 too. but there werent stores by the other ones so i had no excuse to walk by them and he may have already gotten on his plane at that point or be in some store far away or in the bathroom. and then i got on my plane and was certain i would never see him again.

it didnt seem like something that would be too hard to handle, but the problem was i had no picture of him (there was no oppurtunity to pull out my camera and aim it at him and not look crazy) and i was so stunned by being able to look at him over and over again before that i hadnt really the details, and i quickly forgot most things about him. i seem to have a photographic memory for almost anything but people, probably why i can draw anything fine unless its supposed to look like a human. so as i sat there on the plane i struggled to come up with a picture of him in my mind and wasnt satisfied. i had a dream maybe 3 hours through the flight and his face was in it, but when i woke up i lost the mental image. that made the flight as painful as it could possibly be on a plane where you get to choose what movies you watch, its big enough so that you never have to crawl over more than one person to get to the bathroom, and there are italians and i can hear them speaking italian.

landing in detroit was horrible. i knew there wouldnt be nearly as many italians on the plane to keep up that italian feeling, no more handing out amaretti cookies, and the plane was obviously not going to be as nice. i had to spend 2.5 hours in the detroit airport and the only good thing i can say was that i had lunch at chilis and the boneless chicken somethings were good. detroit has an AWESOME airport, with big tvs, good food, internet cafes, and a mini train to take u to the right gate, but it is hell spending time there when you were last in italy. this is because nobody there could get close to the attractiveness of the people of italy. sitting in our gate was a guy with blonde hair sticking off the top of his head while the sides were shaved-ish, and a blonde mustache and a shirt that said "when you're finished sucking my head, bite me" and had a picture of a lobster on it, and i think there should be a rule that ugly people cant buy shirts like that. he had a girlfriend/wife/mother of children with him actually, she was albino with spots.

the plane we got on after that looked like it was built in the 70s and hadnt been cleaned since. the seats didnt have any sort of covering on the tops of them, and the fabric on the seats didnt look removable, and they never would take the time to clean the damn things anyway so i figured i was sleeping against the dandruff and lice of several previous passengers. the rows were 3 and 3 with an aisle down the middle, and my family was split up into 2 halves, and i had a window seat meaning if i wanted to go to the bathroom i would have to crawl over one parent and one stranger and of course work around the fat people whose arms would stick into the aisle. oh and there was a gay couple behind me and they were sooo chatty it was hysterical (we were headed to san francisco yaknow), of course they spent plenty of time critiquing the plane. did i mention there was no movie on this flight? and how long? 5 hours. 5 hours where you are not given a pillow, not given a blanket, not given any form of entertainment and are freezing to death. i was dressed for rome weather and on the previous flight i had a blanket. i asked a lady if i could have a blanket, 3 hours later when i expected to die soon i asked another lady and she brought me one finally. i was lucky to be next to the window because you can hold your forehead in the curves of plastic around the window when you want to sleep, or you can always sit straight up and fall asleep with your head tilted kinda forward, which is painful just to look at.

after all this hell i returned home and slept. well after listening to loveline a while cuz i needed something to cheer me up and make me laugh. but now i am truly feeling the effects of post-italy depression and school-dreading and i need to get that damn summer reading done. and i need italians, damnit! i wish i had enough time to go to north beach.

AND THA WINNER IS...
austin danger leonardini has killed opponents and won the highly competitive atdp photo contest with her intensely emotionally compelling work of art, a picture of water lilies. the prize has not yet arrived and i do not know what it is but i will supposedly get it by friday.

btw for yall who dont know and DO care, atdp is what im taking my psych class from. so congrats to me, i am the champion, my friends.

i really hope i get money. actually many things would be nice, here is the order of niceness
1. a substantial amount of money
1+1/2. any amount of money
2. gift certificate to some store
3. gift certificate to food
4. food
5. a pony
6. an italian? i guess thats illegal, it would be considered prostitution, and anyways i am going to italy in a week so its unnecessary
7. i know i already said food, but a pizza would be really nice
8. a little trophy with my name on it
9. a plaque with my name on it
10. a very cool photo album
11. a referral into some magazine or something that would lead to a successful photography business and $$$$
12. a car, although i should have said this way earlier but it isnt likely to happen anyway
13. maybe like a sterling silver camera charm on a necklace... yeah that would be ugly actually

well im happy for now, just what with the man in the office saying congratulations to me 5 times. but i will need the prize eventually.
12.

i made a toilet sign!
i wish whoever invented the happy birthday song was still alive so i could go kill him/her. what a bastard/bitch! how could you write such a horrible song! i never thought i could get it stuck in my head until now...

as you can see from my update picture, i have made a work of art. and i have gained slightly better understanding of photoshop (and it only took me an hour...) well my mom told me the downstairs toilet wasnt working and shouldnt be used so i took it upon myself to make a lovely sign illustrating the danger of using it. i combined a picture of a toilet and a picture of a tidal wave with a victim caught in it... and the result is my masterpiece. applause, applause, brava austin.

oh shit i have 2 chapters of psych to read now. shit shit shit.

my weekend is here phew
tv aaan-tennas, iinn the back, (the back, the back...)


psychology became more fun today, i just felt like everyone suddenly opened up and became a lot more close. probably because of all the suffering and then the breaks and everyone having to be moved when we talked. oh yeah, ive become a little more chinese now (yes!) because i had a tapioca almond mocha freeze (err something like that). it comes with a fat-ass straw so you can suck up the tapioca "pearls" which are really big and chewy (and almond flavored).

"Say cumbersome ONE more time, motherfucker!" - Lt. Jim Dangle

I love reno 911! i cant live without it! and south park, omg!!! THANK YOU COMEDY CENTRAL.

uh i have too much else to say and i obviously cant sit here for hours, so i give up. happy summer, everybody. ciao.