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teenybeany
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2005 12 June :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: :(
Dedicated to: past present future
Every so often, a huge pile of clothing piles up on my floor, infront of my door, next to my desk. This pile has once grown so large that the only way i could get around my room was to hop in four distinct places that were cleared to fit the size of my feet. Usually they range from the wall, to my chair, to about a foot away from my closet (so i can open and close the closet door). These piles of clothing, always of clean clothes, form when my mom puts clean laundry in my room. I absolutely. hate. putting away my clothes. Good god i hate it so much. so i just leave it there and think to myself, oh i'll put it away one day. and then as i keep wearing clothes, as i my mom keeps doing laundry, and as the days go by, the pile gets larger and larger. i guess maybe i always let them grow because its such a famliar feeling and such a familiar thing to do. so then i start to live out of this pile, i search through it every morning for clothes, and i always grow accustom to whats in the pile and whats left in my dresser and closet. here and there i get really angry when i cant find what im looking for and think to myself, i really gotta clean this shit up.
so then. on one crazy day, i decide to clean the pile of clothing off my floor. i fold everything, putting it into piles, and then put it away in my dresser and closet. and then my parents come home, and go into cardiac arrest when they see that i've finally cleaned my room. seriously. my mom starts spazzing full speed.
and then this cycle goes on and on and on. i clean my room. cardiac arrest. clean laundry. laundry piles up. live out of the pile. get frustrated. clean my room. cardiac arrest. ... so on and so on ...
so today. tonight. just an hour ago. i decided to clean the pile of clothing that had been laying on my floor for i'd say... three weeks. so i started the routine putting the clothes on my bed and then folding them. and as i was folding them, then putting them into their piles, then putting them away, i, like i always do, thought to myself, oh yea, this shirt, i should wear it sometime (to school). or, oh this shirt, i can wear it next week (to school). and then i took a mental step back and realized... what am i talking about. there's only two more days of high school left. i don't have any more time to wear this clothing. i thought about how in past junes i would think, oh i could wear this again next year (to school). or, i can wear this next week (to school) because the weather will be right. i saw shirts that i've only worn once, and would definitely would've liked to wear again to school. but now, i don't really have that chance.
and then suddenly, my thoughts grew even bigger. kind of like a hot air balloon actually. and i thought about how i wore sweatpants to school and crappy clothing when i could've worn these other great shirts i had. and i thought about how i can't go back in time and change that. and then [ this is when my thoughts blew up ] i thought about how i can't go back in time and change other things that i could've done better or made the best of but didn't. what i wore to school was only a small portion of something i could've done differently...
so i got pretty sad whilst putting away my clothes. it could be one of the last few times i'm ever going to have a binge clothes cleaning day. i only have two more days to plan an outfit for!
i've always had so many chances, but now i only have two! millburn high school will never ever see my clothes or my outfits again. what will those poor underclassmen do with me and LAB's outfits.
it's kind of sad that it took something so simple to make me realize that high school is over. it just shows that anything can make me realize that high school is over. because. it is (!). i can't believe it is.
its scary.
i can't deny it anymore.
tomorrow we get our yearbooks. i have never owned a millburn high school yearbook except this one. thats because when i entered high school i thought to myself, i'm only going to get one senior year. and that seemed like eons away. and now, its sitting right here next to me.
oh boy. good luck people. high school is done. say good bye to the first chapter of your life. say good bye to teeny beany.
say. aloha! because that means good bye too.
good bye.
banana
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teenybeany
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2005 8 June :: 10.27pm
:: Mood: yipee
Dedicated to: tomorrow, and the few days left after that
Helly friends, family, countrymen.
WARNING: This journal entry does not necessarily hold true for everyone living in Millburn. Also, when i say "Millburn", that also means "Short Hills." Actually. It means, "Millburn/Short Hills." Ok. See ya.
Today I was at [by the way. i just looked through all my mitzvah invitations from the stone age to find out his middle name, only to find, that my memory serves correct, and he didn't even put his middle name on his god damn invitation... and then his middle name just popped into my head... and how coincidental, he just signed on.] KLF's house during 5 and 6 with some fellas and lady fellas. and as i was walking up his driveway with MLN, holding our deeelicious lunches from the bagel chateu, i thought to myself... life is good here.
i thought this thought (thoughty thought thought) on tuesday too. my doctor is in clifton [long story do not ask] so i was in clifton getting some shit taken care of for college. and i was sitting in the waiting room, looking around at the other patients, and the secretaries behind the counter, i wished i was in millburn. all it took was a 5 x 5 waiting room to make me wish i was in millburn. i felt so foreign there. i thought about these people's lives, and my life. i thought about how when my mom had to pay a 112 dollar check and was told that, another patient waiting overheard and gave me a look like "Wow, looks like you won't be eating for the next week" and how here, kids carry 112 dollars to school, wear 112 dollar flip flops, and drop 112 dollars at one store in the mall at short hills. maybe to that other patient that wouldve been a realistic case, but... it wouldn't have been in millburn...
so then i thought. life in millburn is so good. i really appreciated millburn for... like... the first time ever. i had been to clifton many many times, half my life took place in clifton and passaic, but it never hit me until that woman gave me that look. i realized millburn was great, i realized i should appreciate it more within the next few weeks i'm living here, i realized... iss all goood in the hooood.
so back to KLF's. so i was there. and thinking about how wonderful it is that i'm not in school, holding a fabulous tuna lunch, and walking up to a beautiful house with a pool. i was pretty sure that many kids in other towns could not do that. and i was really glad and appreciative that i could.
it turns out that KLF's was fun. but had it not. i still wouldve really enjoyed being there anyway, just because i knew how lucky i was to be there. i've been looking forward to leaving here for, 10 years. i put a countdown in my planner, on my calendar, and on my profile. and i still want to leave. but that doesn't mean ive grown pretty fond of this town we call a hell hole. and that doesn't mean i won't miss it a whole lot. and that doesn't mean i especially won't miss you more than a whole lot.
so atleast now, when i have to say bye to millburn. itll be a pleasant farewell, and not me running for my life away from here.
banana
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teenybeany
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2005 26 May :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: poo
Dedicated to: mud
Man, bad weather really does put a damper on people's lives. pun intended. ah ha ha ha.
everyone's away messages are all like. blahh mood. bad day. its gross out. why is it so cold. i'm cold. it feels like winter. poo on you. i hate rain. suck it. stuff like that, you know.
and when it's sunny people are like. yee haa. and... yay its suuny. its so beautiful out. outside. tanning. lemonade. chewbaca. stuff like that, you know.
good thing we don't live in seattle.
are there any colleges in the seattle area? interesting...
Things I Will Not Miss:
1. hearing sam morgan play his guitar at 10 am on a saturday morning.
2. mrs nav.
3. mrs. nav.
4. mrs. nav.
5. satan (mrs. nav)
6. ap art
7. ap art
8. hell (ap art)
9. the closed mindedness of people
10. reputations
11. annoying people
12. hearing buses drive by
13. mrs. nav
14. my kitchen full of carbs and carbs and carbs
15. mrs. nav
16. the way too small parking lot
17. praying for no one to hit my car
18. praying not to hit anyone else's car
19. seeing ass holes drive beautiful cars
20. seeing girls wear the same outfits as each other
21. wearing the same outfit as other girls
22. "parties"
23. mrs. nav
24. town from 2 30 - 5
25. the counter girl at suzette's. she is freaky.
26. mrs. nav
27. the freaky trainers at motion
28. the asshole cops
29. bad pizza
30. same old faces that only take up room in my life
31. my room in the summer when its sweltering hot and i sit at my computer dripping sweat and refuse to move even though my body starts to melt away... finger by finger... hair strand by hair strand... nail bed by nail bed
32. mrs. nav
33. pressure
34. still, mrs. nav
35. the horrible billion dollar stores at the mall at short hills.
36. foreigners who can't drive and try to park in the parking lots at the mall at short hills.
37. blackhound
38. debbie
39. on the subject on women who freak me out... mrs. nav.
40. pointless drama
41. drama of any sort
42. my mail man
43. on the subject of people... mrs. nav
44. mrs. nav
45. pre calc quizzes and tests
46. the annoying ass stupid ugly munchkin shit head junior in my pre calc class
47. i take that back. the annoying ass stupid ugly munchkin shit head juniorS in my pre calc class
48. having to tell my parents when im going out
49. my dad waking up every few hours to make sure i'm home
50. mrs. nav
51. the art room
52. the walk to the art room
53. mrs. nav
54. hairy asses
55. boring people
56. ugly people
57. just kidding. just mrs. nav
58. longing to leave
59. having a countdown on my profile
60. eating the same food everyday
61. some of the stupid pointless stores in town
62. on the subject of stupid pointless stores... mrs. nav
63. the turnpike
64. chances of seeing mrs. nav outside of school
65. seeing mrs. nav in school
66. roberta halpurn
67. saying i'm still in high school
68. mrs. nav
69. mrs. nav
70. mrs. nav
banana
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teenybeany
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2005 24 May :: 8.17pm
:: Mood: fee fi foe
Dedicated to: fresh air
so i'm updating. i guess.
whenever i get home from school, i eat a snack, and then i get so tired. my body just shuts down and i get this numb sensation and become lifeless. and if i'm bad and have no self control, i take a nap. but if i'm cool and good, i don't and i do stuff with my life.
so i sort of found a solution ... starbucks. i pretty much love starbucks because it's just great, you know. but the thing is, the caffeine doesn't kick in until a few hours later. it kicks in an hour before i'm going to go to bed, which is always good, but really bad, you know. so basically, i'm drinking starbucks bc it tastes good and not because its going to wake me up. i just lie and pretend that i drink it for caffeine. ... which is sort of true.
i got starbucks today and i was driving home and suddenly this wad of something gross and gucky comes into my mouth. so i was like. what the hell is this. so i took it out with my hand and it was like, a wad of soy milk. hahahahaha. it was pretty gross. so i was like. oh. ew. and then i put in on my straw, and drove the rest of the way home. and then threw away my cup + straw. :D
i lost count so the countdown that was once on my profile is no more. how many school days are there? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18. until graduation. hmm but how many school days until the 15th? 12.
wait. 12? yea 12. wowwwwwwwwwwww. that's soo great!!
i have such a bad feeling that i'm going to have to take my ricci final bc i'm pretty much on the brink of failing right now. and i was doing so good. up until. now. ay yi iyi.
so who's ready for school to end? me.
i'll miss you all.
or atleast "all" of yous who reads me blabbing about nothing.
thanks, by the way.
sorry to dissapoint you lately.
i really need this caffeine to kick in.
i'm so boring.
i'm wearing a red sweatshirt.
kick in caffeine. do it !!
ok. good bye.
Things I Will Miss.
1. the feeling of security
2. mis padres!! i love you mommy and papa maria (thats what my sister and i call my dad when we're like, really wierd)
4. my bed. good lord. my. bed.
5. my sheets.
6. my mattress.
7. my blankets.
8. half my pillows. bc the other half is coming with me. yea. you better believe it.
9. my bed, again.
10. my computer inside my desk!!
11. my friends. <3
12. town
13. SUZETTES
14. my dresser. i love you.
15. not my car. bc it'll be in providence.
16. um what else.
17. the couch in my fire place room that i've spent so many wonderful naps with.
18. oh i know. the time to nap. i will miss you. most certainly.
19. ummmmm. a clean safe town.
20. you.
21. cheeze its.
22. i never eat those.
23. starbucks
24. never mind there's one in providence.
25. i gotta say it. The Mall At Short Hills.
26. but actually, theres a four level mall with every store ever in providence.
27. brian.
28. a 40 minute train ride to the city.
29. it's going to become a 3 and a half hour ride...
30. my momma's cooking!!
31. momma momma momma
32. papa's bills.
33. i'm sorry but i had to say it. they'll still give me money when i'm at college but its not the same as my dad handing me the money. thats when we bonded! or atleast from my point of view it is.
34. you know what. it was. bc. my dad never gives money to my brother and sister. so yea. that was our thing. that is our thing. i'm declaring it our thing.
35. i have to go do senior project. i'll be back. sit tight. ;)
36. back.
37. driving around on familiar streets.
38. being waken up by momma
39. being waken up by poppa
40. 10 minutes later. being waken up by momma.
41. this chair that my ass is in. i don't think my ass has touched anything more than this chair.
42. i don't think my ass loves anything more than this chair.
43. i'll miss my gym. because i like that when i'm at the gym, i have something in common with everyone else there
44. my hamster
45. i don't have a hamster
46. my brother's couch. that is where i watch tv. nap. and got through my hometests on.
47. my trustworthy kitchen that always has something to eat.
48. having time
49. bagel chateau
50. ling ling
51. ling ling linger
52. carpet
53. stupid drama that makes high school high school
54. grass
55. cheeze its
56. i still don't eat cheese its.
57. the garden state parkway
58. oh oh the garden state plaza
59. not the turnpike. turnpike, i loathe you
60. cafe monet that hasn't even opened yet
61. coldstone that makes me fat and hasnt even opened yet i don't know why i'll miss it
62. everyone who makes me laugh
63. being young and stupid
64. copa cabanas
65. millburn ave.
66. taylor park
67. ralphs
68. i havent even been there yet
69. now i'm just getting sleepy
70. i never end on typical numbers like 70. psh. 70. what a name lame.
banana
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teenybeany
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2005 18 May :: 12.08pm
:: Mood: home :)
Dedicated to: happy days.
school. sucks.
it just sucks the big one. the largest one.
the winston man, who came during health, told us that five year olds laugh 400 times a day. and everyone older laughs only 60 times a day. i would like to think that i laugh more than 60 times. because it's sad to think that our lives become so stressful. so boring. that we can't crack out a mere 61 laughs, rather than 60. and plus. i laugh a lot. maybe more than the average human. so, i think my laughs a day exceeds 60. take that winston man.
whenever i day dream, i always day dream about funny things. or happy things. so i always start smiling. and sometimes people notice and look at me like i'm insaaaaaaaaaaaaaane. which i am. so no biggie.
once. in math. i was day dreaming, because i especially like day dreaming in that class, and i don't remember what i was thinking about, but i guess it made me smile. so i was smiling while watching mrs ricci's mouth move. and suddenly she stops talking and teaching. and goes. what're you smiling at?! and she's like laughing and smiling too, and everyone else starts to chuckle a bit. i was like. i don't know.. i'm just smiling. :). she was like, you're just sitting there... la di da... i laughed. and then she kept teaching. and then a little later she stops and says, you're still smiling! it was pretty funny. atleast to me. maybe not to the other psycho juniors who think pre calc is all they have in life who wanted to get a full 42 minute lesson that day. sorry folks. but, believe it or not, there are more important things in life... like smiling out of the blue for example.
what else.
i told RAB that i would write my own graduation speech on here and if she liked it she could use it. but i dunno. that'll actually take time, i realized. and lately i don't like things that take time.
i hate when i'm driving behind someone slow. i seriously start to go into convulsions. convulsions that only happen inside though bc if it happened on the exterior people driving would probably get really freaked out. i would rather take a long journey-ous detour that allows me to go at the speed i like than stay behind a slow turtle ass car. even if we get to the same destination at the same time.
i guess i just like things my way.
remember when i used to work. puahahaha. muahahaha. actually it wasn't that funny. it made me want to cry.
yuk.
patooey.
i just thought of sarah nathan when i typed that.
i don't know her middle name and nor do i care so sarah nathan will have to do.
ok goodybe.
banana
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