*!Lifeless Living Is Worse Than Destined Death; So Savor The Souls Of Those With Out Hope, And Help Those Who Dream To Cope... Jordan Mackenzie Porter/Loye, November 26, 2003!*
::
2007 22 June :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Random
Fuck
UGH!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure I'm right. I'm pretty sure he's just being controling and I don't need that. But I'm also pretty sure none of that is worth losing him. Not going to a damn club where it really isn't the safest, is not worth losing him. I'm not going for the guys, but after the recent incident I can see where he'd be nervous. I just want this whole day to be a lie, I want to go back in time and change everything. I don't want to lose him. I love him. We were just talking about marriage and when it would be appropriate for him to ask me "for real" like two days ago. This is so not fair. I don't want to live without him. I pray that this will not last. If I could just talk to him again, maybe I could apologize and make life better, but he won't answer and he's at work. I just don't know what to do. I'm going insane, seriously.
Ugh... maybe I have an idea. We'll see if it works. Probably not, but we'll see.
Sometimes I just want to kill some people, myself included. I'm sick of not being treated like an adult. Everyone thinks I need to be taken care of, but that's just not true. I can handle myself... trust me. I understand the concern for my wellbeing, that just shows love, but there's a line that needs to be drawn. I am 18 years old, I'm going to college in the fall, and I'm not going home every damn weekend to see my family. I want to stay and have the full experience, have some fun! I have a feeling that may be my first oppurtunity too, since the more I'm home this summer, the less I am allowed to do.
Ugh, I don't know. I just want to be a teenager, live life to the fullest while I still can. For real... why is that so wrong? Whatever... I'll live. I always do.
so I don't know how frequently any of you see Mrs. martino... but I am looking to talk with her. I left her a voicemail but I don't know if she checks them or whatever...
so if anybody reading this could, tell martino that I'm looking to talk with her about a project I"m doing, some pretty intense stuff...
give her my cell number 1-724-812-6724... and MAKE SURE TO TELL HER THIS because I accidentally gave her the wrong number
thank you whoever decides, if anyone does, to do this for me :)
So I had this dream, and I think that it's kind of relative to my life and my current mindset...
so I'm in a room of mirrors... and I see a bunch of things, what they are is irrelevant to you. THey were all things that I desire (make jokes, go ahead). I try my hardest to get a hold of everything I see, but no matter how real it looks to me, when I try to grab it it just ends up being the reflection. I cannot, for the life of me, find the real things.
you can imagine how frustrating this was for me.
so , to make me feel less wierd about this, lets make a joke...
Kevin, you were trying to get a hold of (fill in the blank).
