::
2010 13 July :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: BnL - Bank Job
life barrels on.
being single is not all it's cracked up to be. i know i'm pathetic, but it's just really nagging at me a lot lately. but at the same time, it's not good to be desperate. that would be a good way to rush into something ill-advised. i figure if i'm gonna be in a relationship, i would want it to be one worth having, and worth taking the time to do it properly. not that there's a rulebook on how those things work or anything, but i do know that it at least takes time and energy to cultivate something lasting. i feel like i'd probably prefer something with more longevity over something of a fling. even though the fling is less daunting, and could be lots of fun in the short haul.
but enough about that. i can't help but notice that a lot of my good friends keep moving away. which is fine, i'm very happy for them. but it makes me want to get the fuck outta here in a quick hurry. not that i'ma run off to japan or anything, but i really want to do something, ANYTHING to break up the monotony.
get a fucking job, you hippie.
which reminds me, i do have work tomorrow and thursday. hopefully that'll mean some gas in the truck, and maybe some grocery money for chuckles.
the drum lessons have been fun thus far, but i'm not sure how well i'm doing as an instructor, and they're definitely not breaking the bank. eh, whatevs. at least it's something.
oh, other exciting update! i was at becca's saturday night (well, sunday morning) and thrashed my foot pretty good on an angle bracket. considering how deep it is, it doesn't hurt too badly, and i've been fairly diligent about keeping it cleaned out and putting antibiotic ointment on it, but it's still not healing up any too quickly. it's a pain in the ass because it's right on my heel. i have this irrepressible tendency to walk on it. maybe i'll take pictures and post them up for funzies. evidence that i'm a dumbass and a klutz.
"A small controversy has risen, after a report that President Obama would not be attending a traditional Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. Instead, Obama will spend the holiday with his family in Chicago.
Traditionally, presidents would lay a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Solider. Some conservative groups are angered by the move.
"Obama will however make it back to Washington in time next week to honor Paul McCartney, who has sacrificed so much for the freedoms we enjoy," seethes conservative commenter Michelle Malkin."
::
2010 19 May :: 1.58pm
:: Music: Life After You - Daughtry
I used to think that I was going to be one of those people that lived alone with 50 million cats and grew old by myself.
Apparently, someone else had a different plan for me.
I never imagined myself being pregnant. Always swore it off and said it wasn't going to happen.
And no, I am not that girl that says "OMG! How did this happen?"
But something about being pregnant has changed me, other than the obvious things.
My outlook on life hasn't really changed, yet.
I still think the world is cruel, people are selfish, and I am more scared to raise a child in this world than I am to live the rest of my life in it.
I had to work my way up to taking a pregnancy test.
I was scared for the result, I had my hopes up for both possible answers.
Part of me knew what the test was going to say, but a piece of me doubted it.
Then for the next few weeks, it didn't seem real to me at all.
The only thing different in my life, was that I hadn't had a period and I didn't crave mountain dew.
At my 11 week appointment, the situation changed. I heard the heartbeat for the first time, and my hear grew a million sizes.
I knew it was real, but it still didn't feel real.
Since then, I have had cravings, ripped the ass out of my favorite jeans, cried an immense amount of tears about my pants not fitting, and grown out of all of my bra's in a weeks time.
I am becoming more annoyed with people, and have been having dreams that make it seem like I am smoking crack before I go to bed.
I had my 15 week appointment today.
I heard the heartbeat again, had blood drawn to test the baby for certain things, and scheduled my ultrasound.
Now things are becoming even more real.
I cannot wait to meet this little nugget.
I joke about my fears of ginormous ears, and reddish hair.
Now my BIGGEST fears are, that my child will hate me, be as shallow, selfish, emotional, and messed up as me.
I HOPE that my child is as athletic as his/her dad, as smart/funny as me, but knows that it has a HUGE family from both sides that will love him/her unconditionally no matter what.
I know I can't be a perfect parent, but I just want to be a good one.
I want my kid to understand that it's not always what you have in life that counts.
been feeling really weird and detached the past couple of days. not sure why. been more sober than usual (though still not completely) so maybe that's part of it. also, my dear seester is gonna be sixteen in a couple days. makes me feel fucking old.
also also, still no job. sucks ducks, man. need a job. handyman scheduled me for like 2 hours on friday this week. awesome. there's 10 dollars that i'll see in two weeks. fucking bullshit.
just not feeling very enthused about much of anything in general. would like to be excited about something - anything - soon, very soon.
I seriously wish naming a child was as easy as naming a dog.
I also seriously think that if I have a boy, he will end up named after a fighter from UFC..
Any suggestions?
This weekend was interesting. Between an all-night film shoot sound recording and easter with the fam, many an adventure were had.
and suddenly handyman has an interest in my unique skills again. which invariably means carting tools around for bruce all day tomorrow on virtually no sleep, and then cleaning out some gutters in the rain on thursday. hot damn.
had some nice talks with chuck tonight about theoretical physics as relating to music instruction, and hippie philosophy pertaining to government. Verdict: M-Theory and Anarchy, respectively.
and i made friends this weekend. i had a good time, and i think the shoot went well. it was an interesting set to be on, for any one of multiple reasons. regardless of why, i'm glad that i took the opportunity to contribute and take part in the experience. definitely worthwhile, despite the hardships it presented.
i need to quit smoking and start lifting again. and riding my bike more. optimism regarding anything resembling a "beach bod" is scarce, but at the very least, i know i would feel better about life in general if i made the extra effort to take care of myself at least a little. which, unfortunately, includes sleeping. this weekend was fun, but i'd like to feel a little more human again, and be on something closer to a normal sleep schedule. well, here goes nothing... 'night y'all.
guest@xkcd:/$ cat welcome.txt
Welcome to the unixkcd console.
To navigate the comics, enter "next", "prev", "first", "last", "display", or "random".
Use "ls" and "cat" to navigate the filesystem.
guest@xkcd:/$ ls
* welcome.txt
* license.txt
* blag/
* blog/
* fora/
* forums/
* store/
* about/
guest@xkcd:/$ cat
You're a kitty!
