::
2003 28 September :: 11.54 pm
:: Mood: confused
I dont even know...
Things r so screawed up lately...I dont even know where to start, i guess ill start wit da least important, well skool sucks, im doing horirble, and im gonna have to take all these stupid ass fuckin classes all over again, or take summer skool to make some of em up but u cant do dat fo all of em, and thers no fuckin way im gonna waste my whole summer in skool when i could and should bedoing other things...so yah ill jus fail i dont give a fuck, i mean i really dont, like i told myself dat this year i was goign to do great, and i came to skool da first week or two doing great and den, all da sudden, i was jus forgettin everything and i jus gave up even tho i kept telling myself dat i was goignt o get good grades, i dunno before it wa sjus like yah i failed my teachers, and i failed my mom, but now it jus feels like i failed myself ya know?
Other things, well yesterday da reason why i left da homecoming thingy early was cuz we were all jus hangin out eatin {you sould have seen the piggies there! one was friggin huge, sidnee could have road it lol} but yah me and corey n sid n kyle were hangin out and den cassie shows up, and first we were avoiding eachother a lil bit, den like she started talkin wit sidnee, and like den she started talkin wit corey...dats when things got a lil wild, lol, but yah she started flirting wit corey, and corey jus flirted rite bak, i dunno its not like i love da kid, but i like him ya know? Den Cassie started raggin on me and i was jus in a horrible fuckin mood from earlier dat day, so yah i went off on her and she jus left after dat, hah i thought it was funnny at first till i realized wat i said to her, i said some really shitty things to her dat not even cassie michelle smith deserves to hear...but oh well i dont care bout her neither...
Now da most important factor in my "so called depression" lol wel not depression but ya'll know wa ti mean...neways...lately i dunno why or like really wats happening but like me and britt seemed to be more distant lately, like theres more argueing less talking, and jus not as much "love" lol but i dunno how to explain it, i feel like ive lost her, and me at da same time, i feel like ive lost everything! Like the ground i used to walk on before, has fallen from underneath me...its crazy cuz now i feel like really we r growin apart, like we really dont need eachother anymore, when really i need her most rite now, im having a horrible time rite now, and feeling like shes distant from me dont really help, and it really sucks, it jus really sucks...And i wish dat i could jus tell her how i feel and wats been going on, but i cant, and i dont know why, i used to be able to open up wit her but now i cant even do dat, earlier t day after i got off da phone wit her, i jus came bak into my room, and katie was sititn here on da puter, and i jus laid down and didnt say a word and got up got happy off da shelf laid bak down didnt say a word and jus laid there, DIDNT EVENSAY ANYTHING, and den katie was like, "Jill whas wrong" and im like nufifn and shes like "Yah i dont believe you, ur not acting like u used to, whas wrong, Is it brittany?" And i said nufifn is wrong but jus sat there knowin dat she was rite, and dats weird cuz katie usually dont care bout anyone other den herself, and she ex dont care bout me, but it was weird ya know? I mean how did katie see dat i was dieing inside, and brittany didnt? I dunno but i jus miss brittany...dats it really...of all dis blah blah blah wat i really wanna say is...i miss brittany marie gamester, i miss being her ONLY best friend, i miss talkin wit her everyday i miss her stupid things she does, i miss her sweet thigns she does, i miss readin bout how her day was or hearin bout how she did nuffin all day, i miss her giggles, i miss her callin me a whore, i miss her and everything about her...i miss me, while wit her...
Dats enough fo now, i dunno but i prolly wrote alot lol...latah...
Love always,
~*Jilly*~ :'(
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