i cant believe what you tell me.. your lies have come undone.. now im living on the run, looking out for number onee.. one day, you'll see me, but only when you're dreaming, onee day you'll say i was the one..
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brokenmentality

:: 2005 4 March :: 8.06pm

i get upset really easily....
am i an awful person? i mean.. is it really easy for people to just not like me? i have my issues.. and i have my problems, but doesnt everybody? and yeah.. i dont like some people either, but gahh.. i try, you know? i try... and im so self concsious.. i hate to think that some bodys mad at me. or that i did something that made somebody look at me the way i look at people i dont like. i hate that feeling.. because i try to dislocate myself from all that drama, and all those people who cause it... which is impossible.. i realize this. but i just feel so above so much of all the stuff that goes around our high school... and to think i used to be ALL in on it. my freshmen year i was so catty.. until i started dating.... hmmm, well thats not the point..... but it took my mind off everything else.. and it was nice. until it wasnt anymore.. then i focused all my attention on my grades... which was also nice, until nice turned to lonely, and lonely turned to.. i dont know, sadness..... but im not sad anymore. my life is looking up. i've got the boyfriend, a house.. im missing the grades. i dont even know what to do anymore. its obvious that ive lost all cause for caring.. which i havent.. but im all down right now.. so me being all sad and such will just say that, realize i was wrong later, retract my statement.. but to save time i'll just awknoledge it now.

i've been so stressed lately.. theres so much going on. its this this this, that that that that.... work, play, red flannel, work, work, school, social life, family, senate, yearbook, work, church.... i just wanna be like STOP... and then everything will. it feels like everythings spinning out of control.. but im a big girl, i can handle it. im not gonna complain and be like "ooooh im gonna kill myself..." because honestly.. are you gonna? and then i think to myself no.. so why would i say that. im sorry.. i just think its really sad when people have to be all dramatic and such.....

and i have way more that i'd like to update, but im talking to my dad... which is one of the most amazing things to say... so im gonna go...

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 3 March :: 7.50pm
:: Music: Christina Aguilera: Fighter.... woo

i love my winamp.. i have so many songs.. up around 2 thousand i think.

MAN this weekend is gonna be so busy.

i think i have to work at metron friday from 4-8...

saturday i DID have an appointment to get my hair highlighted, but Veronica called and its my first day at Lazer Skate... which is cool, im excited... but im nervous because i'm hosting a birthday party, and im not trained... ahhh.. lol. bring it on.

then from 4:30 till laaaaatte at night i have to babysit Ryan.. she's so cute, i love watching her, but i havent in a while..

Sunday if i can get up on time im goin to church... i was supposed to be goin with Arik Dabaja.. (*spelling i know... HEY its a hard name to spell...) but im gonna be to tired to get up and ready and such... so my church it is.....

AND then i have to work at Metron from 4-8...

hopefully i dont have much homework...

the home and garden show is this weekend.. and i WILL find a way to get there.. i think we're going saturday morning at like 9:30... cuz its the only time i can make it! i REFUSE to miss it too... i love the home and garden show.. and sad as it may sound.. i've been looking forward to it ever since i missed it last year. lol.. im a nerd. but i LOVE decorating and all that kind of stuff..... so im a little odd.. pshh.

i was extremely frustrated today at play.. im not sure why. part of it was because i stayed, and we didnt even get to my scene.. which pissed me off cuz i just waisted an afternoon... but i got a few things accomplished.. i got my work permit to Veronica and i went tanning... thats the ultimate thing to do if you're stressed, at least for me... i go in there for 20 minutes with NO music and just lay there.... not thinking, then thinking randomly..... yeah i like to be tan.. ok i LOVE being tan.. but more then that i love the 20 uninterupted minutes of "me" time... you know? yeaahhhh... you do.

the senior spread is THIS close to being done... that makes me happy. me n chad have been goin crazy tryin to get it done.. but i love chad.. he's such a goofball.... awww.. *giggles.

i DO believe thats all i got...

make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 2 March :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: distressed

So we've been staying at the Spring Hill Suite in Washinton by Wal*Mart for about the past week..I just came out my Aunt Loraine and Uncle Dons for the next two weeks until we can move into our new townhouse in Cannonsburg.. it's like a little community of townhouses called Southpoint or something like that- it's right by a golf course. We can actually move in this weekend.. but I told my mom that I wanted to wait another week to make sure that I was caught up in everything. So I'll be going to Cannon Mac.. I don't really want to move. Okay, I really don't want to move. But what can you do if your house catches on fire? It's a really nice house. My room will be the "loft" with a huge closet that will fit Gabrielles crib/dresser in, and my own bathroom. That is definitely awesome. Not this weekend, but next weekend- party at the new house! haha, definitely.

So everyones been giving me baby clothes, I swear Gabrielle has more clothes that anyone can imagine.. she has more clothes than what she has before- but I don't really need clothes, I need toys and a highchair.. all the expensive things. My Aunt Loraines office chipped in and gave her $100 dollars to buy a playpen/highchair.. which was really sweet. Everyones buying her clothes, and giving me some really cute used ones.. they look like brand new. I went shopping, I got a few things. Nothing will ever replace some of the clothes I had. But we're slowly getting our lives back together.

Everyones asking me "Is everything okay?" Yeah, everything's fine- I lost my house, everything in it, but yeah. Great. Lol, I guess I'd do the same thing if someone elses house caught on fire.. so I really shouldn't say anything. Already there are rumors that I'm moving to California?? Okay, no, I'm not moving to Cali. Sorry.. can't get rid of me that easily! [BECKY!] haha.

Thanks to my friends who are also helping.. you know who you are- I don't have to name names. I love you girls. I couldn't do it without you.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 1 March :: 7.08pm

who got 4 kenny chesney tickets today?

*points at self...

thats right.

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 28 February :: 7.02pm

my mom is so irrational.

how do you even make any sence of anything they say.

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 28 February :: 12.16pm

im at home.... thought i wouldnt go in cuz it was snowing... thought it'd be a good day... but im all alone. i took an hour and a half bath with the best smelling bubble bath and the best smelling shower stuff... i EVEN lit candles and such, but now im bored. just sitting here. and i wont be able to do anything until the "school day" ends anyway... so now im just behind on even MORE work, sitting here ALONE being BORED overusing the CAP LOCKS key... wishing i would have just gone in during 2nd hour, realiznig that i'll never just "not go in" again.

whatever... gahhhh.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 26 February :: 1.34pm

I just took the most amazing shower in my LIFE.. .seriously. AMAZING!

i hung out with my mom last night, which was so fun. cuz we're really close, but we havent done anything together in awhile.. so we went to Woodland and got our eyebrows done, and then spent like 75 dollars at Victoria Secret on lotions and stuff like that. they had the most incredible sale, we just went crazy! i got a new scent called romantic wish, i love it. its really flirty and just smells SOO good. i got the entire set, and my mom got the entire set of sweet temptation. they have this sale buy 7 for 35, get one free.. and its anything.. no restrictions.... GAHH, its so wonderful... and THATS why i just took the most amazing shower of my life.. lol.

AND last night we finally ordered me a class ring.. im so excited, we got it from zales. its sooo cool, i cant wait for it to get here! ahhh!

im going to beckys tonight, we're gonna rent johnny movies and make smoothies..... gotta love the old times.

last night i went over to keegans around 10, and we fell asleep together, thats really one of the best feelings in the world.....

i've been listening to Ani DiFranco lately.. she's really good. ya'll should download her. but ok, i guess im gonna get goin.

make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2005 24 February :: 4.34pm

Well, i cant say things are getting better...... Grace wont talk to me, and I really dont know what Id do without her. I mean, were still together, but shes mad at me. Ive been trying to fix it, I wrote her a note, I tried talking to her, and Ive tried giving her space, but none of its working. I really dont want to loose her, shes really special to me. So now Im waiting for her,...... I hope we can get over this, and if we do, then well be stronger than ever, because what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. I dont know what to do.....any advice, anyone?? I really dont want to do something Im gonna regret later.......

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 24 February :: 2.56pm

Well, as some of you might have heard.. yes, my house did catch on fire. Everyone got out except my dog Zeus, and my bird Corona. Please pray for them, because we loved them just as much as we loved anyone in our family.

It still hurts to bring all this up, but I wanted to write it down as soon as I could, not for anyone else, but formyself.

My mom woke me up two nights ago, she turned my lights on in my room. My first thoughts before she said anything was "Oh God, she's been drinking- I'm going to KILL her for waking Gabrielle up." It was a Monday night, so I was in bed for school. I remember this all so clearly because I felt as though our lives were ending, this all happened in a few seconds but it seemed so much longer to me. My Mom started screaming "FIRE, FIRE, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE." The only thing I could think of was to get Gabrielle out of the house. I didn't think about taking anything with me, I just automaticly got my comforter off of my bed, grabbed Gabrielle and got out of the house . My Mom got my sisters, they were right behind me. It took her a few minutes to wake Anna up, she must have been in such a deep sleep. I remember as I was running through the house that George was running for the sink to get water to try to put it out, but our water was out so that idea was shot. I found out later that he also tried to find a fire extinguisher.. but couldn't. My Mom wouldn't come out of the house, she was trying to save Corona, see heres where it gets kind of messed up. I remember running out of the house, Samantha was in front of me. I told her to take Gabrielle and to go up Aunt Loraines-- but then I changed my mind and took Gabrielle back into the house. [I know, that was stupid.] I started calling for Zeus, but he didn't come.. George started screaming at me and Mom to get out of the house because the fire was really starting to get terrible and the smoke; you could hardley breathe. So I ran up my Aunt Loraines and Uncle Dons, my sisters were already up there.. then I could hear George screaming for help because my Mom wouldn't come out of the house. She was in like total shock. My uncle Don ran down to help, while I called 911. I swear to God it took them like 20 minutes to get there while I just watched my house go up in flames. In all that time my Mom was screaming and making it worse for my little sisters, especially Anna. Gabrielle was up, but she was laying in my Aunt Loraines room. I just kept saying that everything would be okay, and the animals were doing great. But it never really sank in that the house was on fire until I saw the flames that came out of the roof. I just started crying. I cried for about 10 minutes straight. Jim showed up about 4:00 AM. [This all started at 3:00 AM] I just cried on his shoulder for a couple minutes. Our house was just going up in flames, the fire fighters couldn't even get through the front door because of all the smoke. It took them about an hour to just get the fire under control, and even when they did leave, people just kept coming and coming. We had the parametics check everyone out, everyone was okay. Then Red Cross came, and they gave us $680 for clothes, $500 for food and until Monday we have 2 rooms at the Red Roof Inn [where I'm at now.] Jim left around 7:30 AM.. I tried to sleep but in the end I just kept remembering everything and it just like haunted me. Around 8:00 my Mom and I went down to look at the house. Oh my God. You can't even image how much damage is actually done. The fire started in our back computer/office room. It was an electrical problem that started the fire. In the end we lost everything in the computer/office room, everything in our laundry room [which included almost all of my Mom, Georges, Sam and Annas clothes] our dog Zeus, our bird Corona, and everything else in the house is basicly ruined because of smoke damage.. I can't use anything of Gabrielles because the smoke/ashes are toxic to babies. All of my clothes are ruined to unless we get them dry cleaned- which isn't worth it. All my purses, coats, hats, scarves, boyyds bear collection, basicly like I said everything we can't use. We are going back to the house tomorrow to salvage what we can.. which will be very limited. But already people are giving money, clothes, food to us to help us out. We've been here for a day now.. I don't know when I'm going back to school. Hopefully never. It's to depressing.. I don't even have anything anymore. I have nothing.

I'll update when I can.. I'm on the laptop that George brought in from the Sand Bar, so I won't be online.
The number for my room: 228.5750 EXT. 227

Thank you to the fire fighters who risked their lives to save our house, the parametics who made sure we were okay, Red Cross who gave us money for clothes, food, and somewhere to stay, my Mom and Georges friends Tom &Mary Lou and Terry &Karen, Annas Girl Scout leaders Kelly &Kristy, Jim and his mom Donna and our whole family.. we couldn't do it without you.

9 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 22 February :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: bored

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think Im happy but Im not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You dont know what its like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when your down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no ones there to save you
No you dont know what its like
Welcome to my life


Uhhhhhh.. welcome to everybodys life.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


yadiffy04

:: 2005 21 February :: 6.08pm
:: Mood: sad

OMG, so many bad things have happened, first I fucked up my ankle, then Grace has strep throte ( dont mind the spelling) then my uncle had a sezier, my friends got in a car accident, and my dads real close friend died. This all sucks crap. nm else to say, but pray for these people, I dont want to talk anymore, so bye

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 21 February :: 11.00pm

i woke up this morning to keegan standing over me, kissing my forehead... (it was 1:30, so i slept in a little...) i didnt even know he was here.. well, obviously, cuz i was sleeping.. but it was so sweet. awwww *warm fuzzys

im a nerd.

then sadly he had to go to work, then it got cancelled, so he came back to me... and just left... we're just the coolest couple ever.. we are. no fer really.....

OH, and go to his website....
http://inspiringtruth.cjb.net

no really.. its awesome..

ok, im super tired.... night loves.

make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 21 February :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: petey pablo - raise uppppp

Well, I really just have 2 things to say in this entry.

1. I do not think it is fair to people like me, that everyone takes things out of my AIM info. I do not do it to you, so I expect the same respect.

2. It bothers me that people can't make their own layout for their journal. I guess I just like the fact that I am creative enough to think of the ones that I do. No, I'm not trying to say that I'm better than anyone- I know a lot of people who do much better layouts in their journals. But it just bothers me that some people just copy/paste pre-made layouts into their journals.

Okay, that's all. Good night.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 21 February :: 9.14am
:: Mood: sleepy

Fill in the parentheses
Y - Yes
N - No
O - Of course (obviously)
* - Already have done it

( ) go out with me?
( ) hold my hand?
( ) give me your number?
( ) let me kiss you?
( ) have sex with me?
( ) play an SM scene with me?
( ) watch a movie with me... even a really sappy one?
( ) let me take you out to dinner?
( ) drive me somewhere/anywhere?
( ) take a shower with me?
( ) be my gf/bf?
( ) have a fling with me?
( ) listen to me if I called you, crying, even if you were out with all of your friends?
( ) buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
( ) take me home for the night?
( ) let me sleep in your bed?
( ) sing car karaoke with me?
( ) sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
( ) come and pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
( ) dance with me in the rain with no music?
( ) re-post this for me to answer your questions

Do this or you will make me cry.
People that don't have a journal
and read my journal, leave
an anonymous comment.
DO IT!

8 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 21 February :: 12.18am

sometimes i hate myself.

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 20 February :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: unloved

I just want you to love me.
I just want you to care.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 20 February :: 11.35am
:: Mood: apathetic

5 senses survey
»» eyes
1% : what color are your eyes? brown
2% : what color were they when you were born? brown
3% : what color are your lashes? brown/black
4% : do you have bigger pupils than others or smaller? no
5% : have you ever counted the number of times you blink in a second? no
6% : do you wear contacts? no
7% : do you wear glasses? yesssssss ;)
8% : did you ever have eye surgery? no
9% : what was the last thing that poked you in the eye? my finger
10% : can you touch your eyes without finching or does it just gross you out? grosses me outttt
11% : how often do you look into people's eyes when you talk? all the time
12% : what's your favorite eye color?: dark brown
13% : do you ever just go up to someone and look into their eyes because you want to know their eye color? haha yeah
14% : do you wear sunglasses often? nope
15% : what eye color do you wish you had? I like my eye color
16% : can you cross your eyes? yep
17% : do you roll your eyes constantly? no
18% : what's your favorite color? (yes, your favorite color to look at): green
19% : what's the prettiest season and why? fall, the leaves
20% : who's the hottest or cutest person you ever saw? JIM!
21% : what was the last thing you read (bookwise)? A Child Called It
22% : who was the last person you wanted to see? Jim
23% : what was the last thing you watched on tv? Law and Order
24% : do you read the newspaper much? nope
25% : do you read magazines much? not really
26% : do you read much in general? when I have time
27% : what's the first thing you see if you look over and past your computer screen? papers
28% : did you ever see it hailing? yes
29% : don't you hate it when you have sleep in your eyes (like the crusty crap)? lmao, ewwww. yeahhh
30% : close your eyes. (after you read the whole question, dumbie) are there lights still in your lids in with the dark? uhh.. yeah
31% : can you sleep with a light on? a LITTLE light
32% : how light is it outside? very light
33% : can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? not all the way, no

»» ears
1% : do you like your ears? sure, why not
2% : do have them pierced? yes
3% : how many times? 1
4% : what's your favorite sound? music
5% : what's the worst noise in the world? someone annoying talking
6% : are you listening to any music? if so, what song is it? yeah, but I don't know what it's called
7% : what do you hear around you? just the music
8% : what's your favorite song? staind - home
9% : can you wiggle your ears? no
10% : when was the last night you stuck your fingers in your ears so you couldn't hear something and why? I honestly don't know
11% : do your ears have attached lopes or unattached? attached. haha
12% : do your ears get red when your embarassed or any other emotion roars through your body? nope, not that I know of
13% : what was the last thing someone said to you? "bye"
14% : is it annoying to get that ringing noise in there? yes
15% : do you hear voices? no
16% : what was the last thing you heard that you rather didn't? eww.. people having seXXX
17% : what was the last thing you wanted to hear, but never heard it? "I appriciate you Jena"
18% : what was the last piece of advice you were given? "Always follow the speed limit" hahaha
19% : did you ever put a rubber band around your ear? no
20% : go and open the door to outside and what's the first thing you hear? no thanks, it's cold

»» mouth
1% : do you ever stop talking? no, I really don't
2% : who did you talk to last? Jim
3% : what was the last thing you said? "love you, bye"
4% : did you brush your teeth today? yesss
5% : how many times to you usually? 2
6% : who are you talking with now? no one
7% : who do you wish you were talking to? Jim
8% : who was the last person to call you? Jim
9% : who was the last person you called? my Aunt Loraine
10% : who was the last person to IM you? Becky
11% : who was the last person you IMed? Becky
12% : do you talk to yourself? yeah
13% : do you mind? no
14% : as the stupidest thing you said in the past 48 hours? too many things, I say stupid things everyday 3495830945 times a day
15% : do you sing? hell yesss
16% : do you sing in the shower? yep
17% : do you sing in public? not really
18% : do you hum or sing while walking down the halls? (applies to students) haha yes
19% : are you outspoken? I think so
20% : are you opinionated? most definitely
21% : do you speak your mind? Yes
22% : how often do people tell you to shut up, jokingly or not? all the time
23% : are you a public speaker type? no
24% : do you stutter? yes
25% : how many languages do you speak? just English
26% : how often do you scream? quite a lot
27% : are you loud or quiet? LOUD!
28% : does your mouth reflect your personality on the inside? no
29% : who has the coolest/sweetest voice? I don't know
30% : how do you get your voice heard and ideas out? yell
31% : do you often write letters? yes
32% : what was the last song you sung to? "happy birthday" to AMY
33% : what's your usual greeting to a friend? 'hey'
34% : what's your usual greeting to an adult? 'hey'
35% : what's your usual greeting on the phone? 'hello'
36% : what's your favorite food? pizza
37% : what's your favorite gum? EXTRA POLAR ICE
38% : what's your favortie word? 'DEFINITELY'
39% : what's your favorite drink? orange juice
40% : is your tongue pierced? nope
41% : do you like tongue piercings? yess
42% : how about lip piercings? no
43% : ever have braces, how long? yes I have had them.. a year I guess? I don't really remember
44% : do you have a retainer, for how long? yes, I don't know
45% : can you curl your tongue? no
46% : can you whistle, on inhale or exhale? uhhh both
47% : do you grind your teeth? nope
48% : did you have your first kiss yet and with who? yes, with Brian
49% : did you ever french? lmao yes
50% : how many people have you ever kissed, cheek or lips, etc? too many to count ;) haha
51% : off the kissing subject already... did you ever have a filling? yes
52% : if so, how many? no clue
53% : how many cavities? no clue
54% : are you a lipgloss addict? nope
55% : how about chapstick? not really
56% : do you like the dentist? who does?
57% : do you have all four wisdom teeth? no
58% : ever have any teeth pulled? no
59% : how about a root canal? noooo
60% : go to a mirror and count how many teeth you have. how many? lmao, yeahhh right
61% : did you lose all your baby teeth yet? yes
62% : if not, how many to go? ..
63% : what was the last thing you ate? Samoa GS cookies
64% : current taste? nothing
65% : do you bite? WHOA. !%$?!
66% : how often do you snap at people? haha all the time
67% : are your teeth straight? uhhh.. most of them
68% : can you flip you tongue over? no
69% : can you snap your tongue really loud? not loudly, no
70% : can you pop your lips? no

»» nose
1% : is your nose pierced? no
2% : do you like pierced noses? no
3% : current scent?Suave Apple or something
4% : no coke sniffing, right? no
5% : what about pixi stix up the nose ever? uhh.. no
6% : do you hold your nose to swim? lmao, no
7% : can you flare your nostrials? yessss
8% : do you have freckles on the bridge of your nose? no
9% : do you think your nose is big or small? big
10% : do you pick it sometimes? (be honest): haha, yes
11% : do you push your nose to keep your balance? ..no
12% : what's the worst scent? ZEUS'S FARTS!!! lmao!
13% : what's the best scent? Jims cologne
14% : what deodorent do you use? Teen Spirit, baby
15% : what's your favorite cologne? I dunno what it's called.. but Jims
16% : what's your favorite perfume? don't wear it, don't know
17% : what do you use? none
18% : does scent matter in the opposite sex (not as in they shower or not but their cologne or perfume)? yessssssssssssss!
19% : do you blow your nose in public? nope
20% : look around. find a random thing and and smell it. describe it's scent. and then say what it was. I PICKED::::: STICK GLUE! and it smelled like.. STICK GLUE! amazing.

»» touch
1% : what does you keyboard feel like? a keyboard.. omg, it turns me on. lmfao- wtf??
2% : what's the best feeling in the world (emotionally)? love
3% : what's the best feeling in the world (physically)? having sex. haha
4% : what's the worst feeling in the world (emotionally)? love
5% : what's the worst feeling in the world (physically)? being slapped
6% : what do your feet feel like at the moment? tired
7% : what do you hands feel like at the moment? cold
8% : what does your head feel like at the moment? aching
9% : what does your blatter feel like, especially after this? I really do have to pee
10% : what do your legs feel like at the moment? one is tingling..
11% : what do your shoulders and arms feel like at the moment? nothing really
12% : what does your butt feel like at the moment? falling asleep
13% : what does your neck feel like at the moment? tense
14% : are you cold? yes
15% : are you comfortable? not really
16% : where are you? in my room
17% : who was the last person you hugged? Jim
18% : who was the last person that pushed you? Jim
19% : who was the last person that you pushed? Jim
20% : when was the last time you fell over? last night
21% : does music calm you and your nerves? sometimes
22% : if not, then what makes you chill? ..
23% : what stresses you out? everything
24% : when was the last time you touched a doorknob? about 10 minutes ago
25% : do you crack your knuckles? yes
26% : what's your current emotion? TIRED
27% : ever think you were in love? yes
28% : how many times have you fallen for the opposite sex? a lot
29% : what's the worst season (in feeling wise of course)? winter?
30% : how do you feel now, after that long survey? bored. thankful it's over.


Tw1st3dxDr3ams (12:18:37 PM): I appreciate you Jena.

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 20 February :: 10.22am

last night was fun.

after i got out of work, keegan and alyssa came over, i took a shower (cuz most people like to do that after working in a kitchen for 4 hours) and then we headed over to micahs house. we went down to alpine. went to logans.. well.. 2 of us did.... *shakes head.. fools.... went back to micahs house, watched brown sugar... and me and alyssa walked in at about 2:30..... it was a really fun night. now im getting ready for church.............. woooo. too tired.. dont make me go.. mreh.

the night BEFORE last night... i had to work, but keegan came over afterwards and we rented "Three to Tango"... which HE says is a chick flick.. but it TOTALLY isnt. its got matthew perry in it... has anyone seen it? because it isnt.. we need a third opinion! and anyway.. he left a little after midnight.

the night BEFORE that night danielle spent the night.. we watched the notebook again... THIS time i didnt cry.... i love that girl. (millering) aww.. we have so much fun together. i think we're going to florida over spring break with the national relief... gonna have us some good times im guessing... giggles*

the game friday was awesome... i dont generally get into sports... but that game was pretty "exhilerating"... geeeeze, i make it sound like some sort of sexual experience.. MAYBE it was.... *dun dun dun.

this weekend has flew by WAY to quick...makes me sad.

but yeah... god is calling, i must be on my way.

make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 20 February :: 12.09am
:: Mood: crazy

vanished x heart (12:09:21 AM): well, we're another year older. we better start whippin' out our walkers and scheduling what time we go to mcdonalds and have coffee together every morning around 5am, then our bingo nights.
xxx jena says (12:09:33 AM): lmao

Haha, I love you!!!



HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!! ©

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


xxinterrupted

:: 2005 19 February :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: content

So a lot went on this weekend. Because I'm so cool that is.

When I got home from school Friday at like 11:30, my cousins boyfriend Mike took me to Wal*Mart, I drove [[yeah, definitely cool.]] Then I got home and Amy came to pick me up we went to her house then everyone got there for her party.. lmao, Jake don't tell her you came! Oh the drama, pranking people. Def. Always get a kick outta that. haha. We chilled, Jim came up and then we all watched some movies, ate pizza/cake, opened presents, then watched some more movies. Jim left around 12:30-1:00 I think. It was really nice 'cause I got to see my friends, and my baby at the same time. I left Gabrielle at home with my Aunt Loraine.

The next day I woke up at like 10:00, I have like an automatic wake-up system or something. I don't know. But anyways, we all woke up around 11:00, ate and I went down Jims around 1:00. Randis Mom gave me a ride down because it was really cold outside. I got down there and we just chilled. :-P

My Aunt Loraine came to pick me up around 8:30-9:00. Then I came home ate pizza up there, then came home around 10:00, got online and then came home. Whoa, exciting.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2005 17 February :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: confused

So I haven't written in a few days.. nothing has really been going on. I've been taking PSSAs, I went to school late yesterday, and the whole "Secret Room" at Bentworth.. I'm failing Geometery, Accounting and who knows what else. Do I care? No. I'm looking into cyber school, my mom called and we're waiting for the lady to call me back. Jesus, I'd wish she'd call back already. Well, I can't do anything but wait.

We get a half day tomorrow because of Act 80 day or whatever, I'm not really sure- nor do I care. As long as we get off. We also have Monday off, which is awesome. Except for the fact that I have to watch my sisters, so I can't really do anything.

Tomorrow when I get home from school around noon my cousin Bridg is taking me to Wal*Mart, to get some things for Gab.. then after that I'm coming home watching my sisters then I have I'm going with my Aunt Loraine and Gram to the mall, then if I can get a ride I'm going to Amys birthday party.. weeeee. She called me tonight and wanted to know if she wanted her to pick me up- but she couldn't because I had to watch my sisters 'til six, but I dunno she got mad because I was coming to her party late. *sorry, not my fault Aim* So I need to find a ride. Becky isn't coming, the thing for her Gram is tomorrow. *hugs* love you babe!

Out of everyone in my school that's had a baby, I'm the only one that's had a girl. Hmmm, cool. *random*

I dunno, I came home and crashed today. I get so tired I can't even help it- school takes everything out of me and I don't have anything left when I get home. So I feel terrible that I don't spend time with Gabrielle. There just isn't enough time in the day to do what I want.. I feel like I'm not a good mother because of it. I don't know, I'm just insecure about some things I guess.

Jim and I are going to see the school play on Feb. 25. **Jims 20th birthday!** Just thought I should inform everyone.

Well, this was another useless entry. I'm calling Jim and heading to bed- night.

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 February :: 7.07pm

my messenger isnt working.. but im kinda happy it isnt.. i really hate talking to people on that thing.

i've gotta turn in my lazer skate app tonight.. OH, danielle is spending the night... *gets excited... *loves her.

i was supposed to go to micahs meet tonight.. but ended up not being able to make it.... awwwww

i love my room.. i just like to look at it.. alot. esp when its clean.

theres no point to this... im just oddly happy.... like really happy.. lol, i dont know.

aww jenna and jess.. i love you girls, yearbook is the best cuz we can be all girly together and talk about boys and bad people and fun things... lol. *triple hugs... awwwww.

ok, thats enough from me for now....... *loves you all.

make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 February :: 10.09am

awww.. i know im gonna sound like a broken record.. but LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST!

lol... im so girly sometimes it kills me....

we rented the notebook last night.. and we had a picnic on his bed.. (he has a dvd player in his room).. it was so sweet. i made shrimp dip, and we had grapes and jello cut into little hearts (cuz we're cute like that).... when i got there he had it all set up with a blanket down and roses and everything.... everytime i think we've spent the ideal night together.. it just keeps getting better. the notebook was SO good... you have to rent it.. i cried. then i cried again.. just because i was so happy. i look at him, and i just think wow.. how is he mine? because i dont think many people see him, and i mean REALLY see him.. but thats the best part.... we see eachother.



but anyways.... that was my night. *smiles.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2005 15 February :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: moody

complete this sentance:
i am not: pretty.
i hurt: myself, and others.
i love: my daughter.
i hate: you.
i hope: everything turns out okay.
i hear: everything you don't.
i crave: to be loved.
i regret: everything I've done wrong.
i cry: a lot.
i care: about gabrielle and jim.
i always: act bitchy.
i long to: leave home.
i feel alone: all the time.
i listen: to idiots in school.
i hide: myself from you.

i drive: nothing.
i sing: alone.
i dance: at weddings.
i write: in my journal.
i breathe: in air.
i play: games on the internet.
i miss: being young.
i search: for myself.
i learn: something new everyday.
i feel: scared.
i know: things will be okay.
i say: whatevers on my mind.
i succeed: in nothing.
i fail: in everything.
i dream: of beautiful things.
i sleep: restlessly.
i wonder: about how things will be later in life.
i want: to loose weight.
i worry: about Gabrielle.
i have: a lot.
i give: all of myself for Gabrielle.
i fight: for things that I believe in.
i wait: for you to grow up.
i need: love.
i am: a bitch.
i think: about giving up.
i can't help the fact that: I am the way I am.
i stay: because I can't leave.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 15 February :: 5.46am

i have the best boyfriend ever... no really..

that was the most memorable valentines day, and by far then best.

he took me to the olive garden, he bought me butterfingers, and he got me johnny depp..........(SIGNED johnny depp thank you... *smiles really big*)

the best part about the night was being with him.. laughing with him, holding him... the best part about the night WAS him.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2005 14 February :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: naughty

So today school was gay, I'm failing like everything, I'm behind ect. I wore my Valentine PJs, no makeup, and my hair in a pony tail. Hell yes, I love that look. The "I don't give a shit" look. Definitely.

Anyways, I came home to find out that Beckys Gram died. *hugs* I love you babe, if you need anything call me. I'll be there.

I wasn't in all that great of a mood when I woke up either. It's been a year today since my Pap died. Why is everyone that we love taken from us.. and on Valentines day. The day of "love". How can we think of love when you think of the person you loved being taken away from you.

My mom isn't doing well. She can't even get out of bed. I really think she needs to go to the hospital- but she's like "I don't want to pay the bills for it. We can't afford it." But it's kinda just like.. well yeah we might not be able to afford it, but I'd like my Mom to be there when I get married, have more kids.. and just grow up. But no one listens to me- so I don't know.

Jim and I went out today.. it was nice to just actually GO OUT. We went out to eat, to Pizza Hut [my choice.. I wanted it so bad.] And then we went to the mall. He bought me some gum, a purse [SCORE!] and a book. I got home at like 9:45.
"How old do you want me to be?" lol, Jim I didn't mean it that way. <3333

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 13 February :: 7.45pm

ok, ive decided not to update in detail about last night.. because nobody cares... as it is so blatantly obvious on this site... and i'll just leave it at it was a blast... and i love my friends.

bahh... i have no desire to update this thing.. *shakes fist at woohu.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2005 13 February :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: moody

So my Mom came home - [I still don't know where she was.. I haven't talked to her.] and passed out on the bed. Everyone came down, my Aunt Loraine and Uncle Don gave her a blood sugar test, everythings okay. They made her eat something- and made her go to bed. She can't stand up. They think she is just so tired that she can't go anymore. So she's still sleeping.

Maybe if someone would get a real job, then she wouldn't have to be working from 10 in the morning until 2-3 in the morning. Yeah.. whatever, no one listens to what I say.. It's not like I matter.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2005 13 February :: 12.58pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - Pain

So yesterday I didn't even write.. whoa.

Becky came over yesterday. We just chilled, watched some DVDs decorated our planners, made fun of each other.. haha. Definitely. Becky, I like YOUR sleeves.

Today I dunno, I woke up around 8:00 Gabrielle woke me up to eat. So I fed her and went back to sleep.. I was so freakin' tired. I don't know how Becky gets up at like 7:30 and stays up. That's like crazy. Anyways- I woke up about 9:30.. Becky left at like 11:00. She's dumb. :)

My sister Samantha came home at around 11:00 too, and she knocked on my Moms bedroom door and no one answered so she opened the door and just George was in the bed sleeping- uh okay? Where's my mom.. we can't find her. We've looked through the whole house, called people, and called the bar. She's not answering her cell phone. Okay.. no one knows where she is. So I'll update about that later.. I hope she's okay.

A little thing that has been bothering me- why do people put their numbers in their info!? I do not understand, do they WANT people to come stalk and kill them? Is it just me, or does anyone else think that's retarded?? I mean, yeah it's fine to put your number in your away message, but not with the area code. I swear, people are stupid anymore. But whatever floats their boats.

Today Jim is supposed to come over.. weeee- I hope he does. :-D

Tomorrow is Valentines day. Mmmmmmm. Y

On another note- I hate my hair. That's all.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation


brokenmentality

:: 2005 13 February :: 3.38am

i had more fun tonight then i have EVER at a dance.

i'll update details more tomorrow.. or when i feel like it.... but the basics...

keegan came over.
me, keegan, becky, and alyssa went over to sam ballews (sp* i know).. there were 16 of us.
we all went to applebees.
we went to the dance.
me, micah, keegan, becky and alyssa went bowling on plainfield.
then we went to steak 'n shake... us girls got hit on while micah and keegan were in the bathroom.... te he he.

we just got home a little bit ago. .i think we walked in at about 3:30.

i'll go into detail later... but tonight was the best.



you're perfect for me.. you really really are... and you made tonight perfect..... agrh.. i cant even put words to it... and i hate that.. cuz i REALLY wanna just express to everyone how perfect we are together.. but i cant.. and i want to so bad.. and i want to at least express it to you... but maaaaaaan.... you're amazing.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

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