iM THE GiRL WHOSE SWEEPiNG<br>YOU OFF YOUR FEET<|3

Think about smoking cigarettes?

:: 2005 10 February :: 9.15am
:: Mood: contemplative

If you never read anything in my journal, click these links and read. kthanks.

Weed.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 9 February :: 9.49pm
:: Mood: moody

So I woke up and after the whole staying home, not remembering what my Mom said ordeal, we went to the Sand Bar.. Matt my Mom and I made cabbage and noodles. Mmmmm, sooo good. Then my Mom made me some tuna. That was really good to. Around 2:00 Dustin came to get me to take me to the hospital for my ribs, but then he was like "Oh, well I have to go to Chucks- I thought I was just dropping her off.. I'll be back in an hour to take her." So my Mom got mad and had Matt take me. So I got there at 3:00, my Aunt Loraine gets off work at 3:30 [she works at the hospital.] and she came down and stayed with me. I was there for 5 1/2 hours.

I got there, got registered and everything and they didn't even take me back into the ER for 2 hours. Then when I did get back there, I wasn't seen for about 15 minutes. I had to give them a urine sample to make sure that I wasn't pregnant- I told them that I wasn't, but the nurse was like "Oh well we have to just to make sure because you're getting an x-ray." THAT WAS THE LONGEST 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. Okay, yes I knew I wasn't pregnant- but just the idea of it.. it scared me to death. I was sitting there and I kept telling myself that I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant. I don't know why I was so upset about it because I haven't missed a period or anything. I was just terrified. But finially after 15 minutes of horror, the doctor said "Okay, lets go get that x-ray." FINALLY. So I went back and got x-rays of my ribs to make sure everything was okay. And everything is okay- I have no cracked/broken ribs. I have a very bad case of bronchitus [sp???] and some Pleurisy or something that's making my ribs/that area so sore that it makes me feel like I have broken ribs.. so I'm very glad that all my ribs are intact. I didn't even get home until like 8:30. I have an inhaler that I have to take 4 times a day, and I have 2 prescriptions that I have to get filled. I know one of them cost $60, and I have no clue how much the other one costs.. I don't think I want to know.

So no school for me tomorrow because one of the meds I'm on makes me very drowsy. Ahhh, great. I hate this stupid shit;; I just want to feel better!!!!

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 9 February :: 11.00am
:: Mood: cranky

Well gee, where am I? At home. I called my mom last night to see whether or not I should go to school because she is taking me to the hospital today. She said to stay home. But I said "Oh, I think I should go because I've been missing a lot of school." So she said okay, and that she would try to get my brother to pick me up after school so I wouldn't have to go on the bus. She said that she'd call me and leave me a message on my cell when she gotta hold of him. Well I went to bed pretty early last night because I was exhausted. I guess she called me and talked to me and told me that Dustin would just pick me up and then take me to the Sand Bar and she'd take me to the hospital from there.

Well when I woke up this morning, I had no clue that she called me, and I do not remember her telling me that. So I tried and tried to wake her up.. but she wouldn't wake up. [Her and George closed the bar last night.. so they didn't get home 'til about 3:00] I just figure that I'd stay home just incase no one could pick me up because I can not ride the bus- it kills my ribs.

My mom woke up around 9:45 when Gabrielle woke up and started fussing came in my room and was like "Why are you home?" I thought she was mad at me; it turns out she wasn't.. but I guess she thought that she came in my room and checked on Gabrielle earlier and didn't see me. Hmmm..

I tried to call Kelly earlier this morning, but her phone went straight to her message box thingy, and I can't call her cell because she never has it. I probably fell back asleep though because my mom was like "Who was knocking on the door earlier this morning?" It was probably Kelly.

Hmmmm.. Becky's like the only one that comments on my journal anymore. Why have friends if they don't comment? I don't know.

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Jim in my ear.

You are Cool!

You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Well I called my mom because my ribs are hurting too much. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow [finally!] I kept putting it off saying "I'm fine" "I'm alright" but it's really starting to hurt now. My mom wanted me to just stay home tomorrow- but I told her that I actually wanted to go to school because I've been missing so much. Very mature of me- huh? ;) Right now I'm on the phone with Jim. I'm really tired because I can't sleep. I haven't had a good nights rest in so long- I don't even remember what that is. There is no school on Friday, and Becky is staying over on Saturday, then my sister Annas birthday party is on Sunday. I really hope I get to see Jim this weekend. I miss him.

What's the use in having a permit if you never use it? Uhhhh.. I don't know, I wish I knew the answer. But anyways, my brothers friend killed herself the other day.. I just found out yesterday, he's really upset about it. I just wish I could say something to console him- but we really aren't as close as we should be.. so what can I say? I feel terrible though.

I notice when I get sad or something's wrong in my life I often tend to write a lot in my journal, I take up useless space.. rambling on about things that don't really matter. Why? I'm not really sure. It doesn't make me feel better. Or maybe it does. I just don't know.

I really should be doing my homework, but then again- I don't want to. How's that quote go? "You can't avoid responsibility tomorrow by ignoring it today." I know that's not exactly it; but it goes something like that.

Oh yeah, those quiz results are definitely right. I am too cool for school. <3

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

And ummmm- no.. It's not a crime to leave me a comment once and a while.

6 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 8 February :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: upset

I knew today was going to be a bad one when I woke up 10 minutes before I had to walk out the door to get drove to school. During those 10 minutes I woke my sisters up, got a shower, tried to wake my mom up to get the stuff to wrap around my ribs [but she failed to wake up.. and kept telling me "in the fridge"] got dressed, blow dried my hair, put on makeup, shoes, my hoodie, and walked out the door.

I got to school about 1 second before the bell rang, got to class 2 seconds before the late bell rang. 1st period went really fast, I think because we didn't do shit except watch some dumb thing on tv about our chapter. I just sat in a daze thinking about my ribs hurting.

2nd pd. Geom. went really slow, we got our seats changed, tests back.. I got 62/100 oh wow, at least I didn't fail horribly I guess. I now sit by Tim, Jodi, and I don't know who sits behind me because I was hurting to much to actually pay attention. Nichole sits like 3 seats away with no chance of talking to me.. but once again I sit in front of the teachers desk. Damnit, now I might actually have to work in that class.

3rd period English was probably one of the better classes of the day. I got in there and Mr. Baker was like "Well, where have you been?" so I told him about me being sick, cracking a rib ect. We were working on our Writing assesments, and he was talking to me.. haha; I didn't hear him so I was like "Sorry, I didn't hear you- I can't hear outta my left hear because of my ear infection." After that he went on this big thing about making sure he talked really loud for me- and put his hands up to his mouth to make sure I heard him.. haha. We also listened to "Are you ready" songs, as we do everyday now to 'get ready' for our writing assesments. hahaha, "R U Ready?" by Craig David- we couldn't understand the lyrics so Tim printed them out for everyone on the computer.. I will NEVER FORGET this song for as long as I live.. "the Artful Dodger" LMAO.. sorry guys and girls- but you had to be there. It was the best part of my day. Ahhh.

4th period was.. 4th period. What can I say about accounting? Besides Nichole and I have NO CLUE of what were doing.. and now we have some big project due this coming Monday.. wtf; I'm doomed in that class.

5[A]th period was LUNCH. Well what can you say about lunch? I forgot my money, because I left my little money purse in Gabrielles diaper bag. So I had to write my name on the little book- haha. I'm a big loser.

5[B]th period I had gym with Steph; we didn't do anything because Mrs. D was there [She's the best.] and since I have a cracked rib.. I can't really do anything anyways. Nice.

6th period I just had study hall in Mr. Maleckys room- I just took it easy, went to my locker, restroom and took a nap.

7th period I had Child Development. We're reading A Child Called It It's about child abuse.. everyones supposed to read up to chapter 5, I haven't been there.. so I had to read from chapter 1-5 and I'm on chapter 5 already. I read 5 chapters in 1 period. I hate reading like that because I can read really fast and I have to stop just because everyone else is a slow reader.. okay- blah.

8th period is Biology, I hate that class. I'm so behind in there because I missed the last like 2 weeks of school but Mrs. Foglia is okay and lets me make things up when I want to. Blah, I just don't like science. It's boring.

God, I thought I was going to die on the bus ride home. Our bus ride is really bumpy because I live out in the country, so it's all back roads. God, I had to move to the front of the bus [well, I usually do anyways.. but today I did it because I was in such pain.] So I was sitting up in the front seat minding my own business. This one kid in the middle school, I don't know his name- but he's so loud. I turned around and told him to shut up. This other boy Brandon Berdine, said something like "don't take that from her, say something back" so I was like "Do you have something to say to me? Say it to me, not the seat, and not to your friends" haha, we got into this fight and I ended up telling him off. When I finially did turn around he kept saying things like "Oh, I need to calm down." "I need to go back to the Elementry center" haha. Yeah, he definitely needs to take more meds.

I came home and my Aunt Loraine was going to take Gabrielle to Greg and Tiffanys, but noooo- my mom left the base of Gabrielles car seat in the car, and she's at the bar. Oh my gosh, I can barely lift her because of my ribs. It just sucks not to be able to take care of your own daughter.. My sister Samantha has a basketball game tonight- so my sisters won't even be here to help me. Ahhhh. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow.

<3

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 February :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: depressed

You are a Drama Queen!

Congratulations, you should win the Oscar for performance of the year!
You're the type of girl who everyone knows - and loves or hates
You always speak your mind, going for a some shock value if necessary
Dramatic, yes - but it also almost always gets you what you want

Are You a Shopaholic? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are An Emotional Prude!

You think know everything, so interactions with people often frustrate you.
Life would be so much simpler if others would just stop talking!
You know what you want, and it's nothing but the best.
So you're often disapointed when others can't live up to your standards.
But only for a second, cuz you never REALLY expected them to be on your level anyway...
How Emotional Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

:: 2005 7 February :: 9.31pm

i still dont know what im gonna wear to swirl.. but it really doesnt matter. because im gonna be with keegan, and alyssas going, and beckys going... and its just going to be fun.

i love alyssa... im so glad she comes to things like this... this is her 2nd cedar dance, and i've been to 2 of kent citys dances.... *hugs her.

everyone should meet her this weekend.. you'll love her gaurantee!

aww.. valentines day... and i'll be with keegan, and we'll be together, and it'll be close to perfection, because we experience moments like that alot, together.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 February :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: depressed

I wish someone cared.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 February :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: in pain

Basics
+ 001. name: Jena
+ 002. nicknames: Jen, P, Baby
+ 003. sex: female
+ 004. birthday: January 27
+ 005. age: 17
+ 006. star sign:
+ 007. place of birth: I think either Washington or Monongahela [sp?] hospital
+ 008. current residence: Eighty Four
+ 009. hair color: brown
+ 010. eye color: brown
+ 011. height: 5' 9
+ 012. writing hand: right

Body Ills + Skills
+ 013. do you bite your nails? no
+ 014. can you roll your tongue? no
+ 015. do you have any habits? I always move my toes around.. it's kinda weird.
+ 016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time? I can only move my left one
+ 017. colored hair: yes
+ 018. tatoos and where: none
+ 019. piercings and where: ears, belly button
+ 020. do you make your bed daily? yeah right
+ 021. which shoe goes on first? left
+ 022. speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at someone? No, I can't say that I have.
+ 023. what jewelry do you where 24/7? my watch, and always a necklace
+ 024. how many cereals are in your cabinet? *goes to count them* 7 boxes of cereal
+ 025. what utensils do you use eating pizza? none
+ 026. do you cook? sometimes
+ 027. how often do you do the dishes? I dunno, a few times a week now.. we have "chores"

Grooming
+ 028. how often do you brush your teeth? 2 times a day
+ 029. how often do you shower or bathe? once a day.. usually in the morning
+ 030. how long do these showers last? I'm not to sure.
+ 031. hair drying method: I put my hair in a towel, then when I have time I blow dry it
+ 032. do you swear? yeah, a lot.
+ 033. do you mumble to yourself? I think I do
+ 034. do you spit in public? eww, no.
+ 035. person you talk most on the phone with? Jim
+ 036. what color is your bedroom? white, though some may disagree with all the things on my walls.. lol
+ 037. do you use an alarm clock? yes, I used to have a big one- but now I just use the one on my cell phone.
+ 038. name one thing and person you're obsessed with: one thing- my school planner one person- Gabrielle/Jim
+ 039. window seat or aisle: depends on my mood.
+ 040. whats your sleeping position: again, depends on my mood.
+ 041. what kind of bed do you like? Jims.
+ 042. in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, always.
+ 043. do you snore? Jim says I do.. but I really don't think so.
+ 044. do you sleep walk? no
+ 045. do you talk in your sleep? not sure.
+ 046. do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, Mr. Floppers.
+ 047. how abut the light on? yes
+ 048. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on? no, it has to be quite.

When Was The Last Time You
+ 049. watched bambi? long time ago
+ 050. talked on the phone? about 4:30, when Jim called me.
+ 051. read a book? a few weeks ago.
+ 052. punched someone? 3 days ago.

Future
+ 053. where do you see yourself ten years from now? I really just don't even see myself in 10 years.
+ 054. who are you gonna marry and where? Jim, outside on my deck by the pool
+ 055. how many kids do you want to have: 2

Friends
+ 056. who are your best friends? Amy, Becky
+ 057. what friend do you hang out with the most? Kelly
+ 058. what friend makes you smile the most? Gabrielle
+ 056. friend that you fight with the most? Eh.. depends.
+ 060. one you talk to on the computer the most: Becky
+ 061. friend that you miss the most? none of them.. I see them all the time.

Random
+ 062. do screennames/journal names with numbers in them bother you? yes.. I just think it's tacky.
+ 063. do you hate anyone? yes, maybe not "hate" but i strongly dislike them
+ 064. are you immature? if I'm with my friends, I can act immature just for fun- but in reality I'm really not.
+ 065. favorite kind of ice cream? OREO
+ 066. what grade are you in? 11th
+ 067. are you a virgin? no
+ 068. what is the ultimate thing you hate? girls.
+ 069. what do you think about the number of this question? uhh.. it's 069. wow, I'm amazed??

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: drained

I think that I've come to the realization that school truely depresses me. Not the "depressed" that you probably think that I'm talking about; but I mean just really depressed.. and no- I'm not trying to get any attention and no I'm not going to kill myself so don't get all excited or start rumors or anything.

I'm going to talk to my mom about just not going anymore. It will make everything easier anyhow. Online schooling or something.. my Aunt Di can help me.

It's not like anyone cares if I go to school or not- so really, what's the difference?

And just no one note me on here. Because the only time I even get any comments is when I'm depressed or whatever. Just don't say anything. KThanks.

Sometimes I cry and I don't exactly know the reason why.
I think of how my life could be but when I do I realize that�s not me.
I used to be happy all the time;
I never even realized that all these tears where mine.
I've had times when I've just given up, I just wanna die but I have no such luck.
I have these thoughts of just cutting in but it feels like such a sin.
I smile on the outside and I seem happy but you never see the pain I hide on the inside.
The pain is like a poison within me it starts in the heart and spreads so quickly.
I don't understand the way I'm feeling..
I guess pain is part of the process of healing.
I've heard the whispers inside my mind, why must this world be so fucking unkind.
I may seem immature with the words that I say; but maybe you'll see it from my point of view one day.
All theses things that I've shared and the words that I've said;;
Could never be compared to the things in my head

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 6 February :: 1.20am
:: Mood: my ribs hurt.

I definitely feel like I'm being stuck in the ribs with a knife or something because of my cold that I have.. it sucks pretty bad. But I'll get over it..

Our party was cool, but not a lot of people came- most family had to work; or they were sick. A lot of them were sick.. I feel bad because I probably got them all sick. Ahhhhhh.. Out of like the 4 friends I invited only Becky and Amy came.. NICHOLE isn't cool enough, lol- just playin' Nichole you know I love you. I wish Steph woulda' came.. :( But I guess she couldn't get a ride.. boooo. I got a lotta cute things, and some money [I definitely needed.] We ate pizza and had salad, it was so good.. ahhh, I was in the mood for that. After I played pool with my Aunt Diana, I got a cup- put a dollar in it and passed it around and said it was the "Jena Fund" lmfao, everyone was like puttin' money in it and everything. hahaha, I was just joking around and I actually got like 11 bucks.. I started Gabrielle a money bank for when she gets older- I have over 25 dollars already in just change and everything.. So I figured I'd just put that money in Gabrielles little bank. I gave Kelly half of it; so I only put like 6 bucks in Gabs bank.

It was about 8:00 I think before everyone started to leave, my Aunt Di took Kelly, Amy, Becky, Jim and I to Wal*Mart so I could buy Gabrielle some diapers, baby food, formula, water, and some new toys. It was soooo funny because Becky had her baby from Child Development with her, and we were walking around Wal*Mart with this fake baby in the Wal*Mart buggy car seat thingy, and since I was buying Gabrielle baby food ect.. it looked like she was buying the fake baby all kinda things, LMAO it was so funny- maybe you had to be there, but it was the funniest thing. Everyone was looking at us.

There wasn't enough room in my Aunt Di's car so I had to sit in Jims lap.. lol, that wasn't a bad thing. :-P I miss seeing Jim like I used to.. blah. Anyways we came home but Jim had to go home 'cause it's "girls night" and Jim isn't allowed to stay tonight.. teehee. So he left, I put the Wal*Mart things away, then we all just hung out in my room. Becky and I started to play Smart Mouth then Kelly came over.. So her and Amy started to play.. We were on teams, Becky and I kicked ass. Hahahahaha, "Cock" "Clit" all the funny words that had NOTHING to do with the letters.. oh man too funny. Again; you had to be here.

Gabrielle is up my Aunt Loraines for the night.. Amy is sleeping right now. Becky and I are sitting here talking. I'm about ready to go to sleep.. OMG, HOW COULD I FORGET!?!?! My mom and George got me a NEW CELL PHONE. Which mine is from like 1969 and it's like the size of a freakin' dog. Lmao, I can't wait until I get it.. it won't be in until today or Monday. It's a flip camera phone. I can't wait. That's def. the best present I got.. except for Gabrielle being at my party- that's the best present of all. :-P

Night!

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 6 February :: 1.27am

i want to die, my life is awful, im going to kill somebody..
whine.. bitch.. complain.

look at me, i'll confess my desire to take my own life.
oh gawwd, i just love sex and im a whore and will profess it online.
im soo fat, now please tell me that im not because that was probably my intentions in the first place.
fuck fuck fuck.. thats my favorite word, lets make sure to use it incessantly.
i hate everything.
whine whine whine.
i have no friends.

now please feel free to comment.. because thats what it takes isnt it?

pathetic.

:: 2005 5 February :: 11.43pm

i love this... arghh, cant even describe it.

work sucked tonight.. sometimes i just wanna shake people and be like SMILE.. why would somebody be so miserable all the time.

hmmm.. not sure why i got annoyed tonight.. must just be my girl nature or something... i dont know.. its irrelevant.

im to tired to update.. instead i think i'll go get warm under my blankets... MY blankets.. MY bed.... i could make a zillion "MY" updates, but i'll refrain due to repetitiveness.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 5 February :: 11.14am
:: Mood: exhausted

So yesterday was okay. I stayed home from school; then around 6:00 Jim and his mom came to pick Gabrielle and I up from my house, we went to his house.. ordered some things from up Kuzins, I drove up and got them.. teehee. Jim doesn't like that I have my permit.. I don't think he wants me to have the freedom to just go do what I like. I don't know if he thinks I'm gonna go out and "meet boys" lmao, yeah.. I know hundreds of guys just lined up waiting for me. hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I came home at around 11:00, I called my mom and left a message on her cell phone saying that I would be staying up Aunt Loraines because I didn't feel like walking the 20 steps home.. and then at like 12:35 [I remember the time exactly, because she fuckin' woke me up.] she called and was like "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU???? I TOLD YOU TO BE HOME EARLIER, YOU BETTER BE HOME IN 5 MINUTES." I was like "I am home, I'm up Aunt Loraines, I called and left you a message on your cell.. LIKE YOU TOLD ME TOO, so shut up." then she was like "No you didn't. It doesn't say I have a message." I was getting really mad, so I just hung up. It really pissed me off. Don't fucking call me at 12:30 at night and start screaming at me just because SHE didn't check HER messages. Haha, grow up and think before you speak. Ahhh.

On another note, Kelly and I's party is today.. I don't even feel like going- but I will. Blah. I know I'll perk up by then though.. I just hope some other friends come beside Amy and Becky.. I know I forgot to invite a lot of people though; so if no one shows up- it'll be my fault. But for real, don't make up excueses not to come, if you don't want to come just say so. Nothing pisses me off more than lame excuses.

I'm tired and bitchy, so I'm gonna go.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 4 February :: 12.05am

im sitting in my room, at my desk, on my computer, using my internet, looking at my pictures, listening to my cd player, in my house, with my own yard, with my own car parked in the driveway, and my own cat sleeping in the hall, and my own little sister sleeping in her own room and my mom sleeping in her own room.

sometimes i lose faith in the one thing that i should be focused on... and then he appears again, as if to tell me, he never left. i feel cradled in his arms and that feeling of peace is so comforting no words could ever do proper justice.

MY own past, helped set up our computer tonight. MY past was standing in MY livingroom... talking, laughing.... and so real. so incredibly real. there is a such thing as second chances... and there is ALWAYS hope in the future.

:: 2005 3 February :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: tired

Well, today was pretty shitty again. I feel like shit, so I got up didn't get a shower, went to get my permit.. *PASSED* [now I'm a drivin' gal!!!] haha.. then I went to get MORE meds. I have a "Bad Virus" thus I have a 2 terrible ear aches, my upper back hurts, and I'm still coughing. I want to die.. and I'm not going to school again tomorrow. Wow, I've been missing a lot of school. I want to just finish school online or something.. which I just should because I'm so behind in everything already, but I don't know. I guess I should talk to my mom about it.. I was going to do that in the first place, but I changed my mind. I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired right now..

Kelly and I's birthday party is this Saturday.. I'm STILL sick; but we're not changing it again. I will go if it kills me. Jim and his mom are going to see Jeff this weekend again.. they wanted me and Gabrielle to go with them; but since I'm sick and the party- I can't. I hope Jim stays home.. but I don't know..

I'm going to bed. Night.

:: 2005 2 February :: 2.11pm

last night we spent the first night in our new house... we still have no water, but i slept in my own bed, and it felt so good it almost hurt.

this morning i went over to keegans to take a shower steepen his water bill a little... we got ready together this morning... awww.

yesterday was very good. better than expected.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 2 February :: 6.38am
:: Mood: crappy

No one will ever guess what I did in the shower this morning.. it was something I hardley EVER do.. now GUESS before you read more..

Read more..

I know, it's to overwhelming. Like whoa!

[Edit//5:23 pm] I didn't feel like writing a new entry, because I didn't feel like it, so I'm adding to this one. I feel like shit, but I went to school for the FBLA trip. Nichole and I placed 5th in Desktop Publishing. I feel like shit, I have an ear ache in each ear, and I'm very hungry. Jim called me and I yelled at him for no reason, basicly because I'm just tired, sick, and I just want to sleep.. but can't ever seem to do so because I'm always being disturbed by my sisters, the phone or Gabrielle. It just sucks. My Aunt Loraine just called me back and told me that I needed to either go to the doctors tomorrow or to the Emergency Room tonight because it's not good to have ear infections for long because it can cause damage or something.. I don't know. I got my report card today, I pretty much suck in everything. But I'm too sick to give a shit. I'll worry about that later. Gabrielle is hungry.. time to go be a Mommy. [//edit]

:: 2005 1 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: blah

I just wanted to update saying that.. I miss Jim.

and that if you have a myspace to add me. Because it is way cool. ['Cuz I said so.. duh.]

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 1 February :: 5.08pm

Nothing ever seems to go my way no matter what I do, it always gets fucked up.

God, fuck it. I don't give a shit anymore. Everyone and everything can go to fucking HELL.

[Edit//6:45] I want some orange juice.. right now and I don't fucking have any. Why? Because nothing ever goes my way. Piece of shit. [//Edit]

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 31 January :: 7.21pm

So today was dumb.. I woke up went to school felt like shit, Kellys dad came to pick us up from school so Kelly could get her permit.. but the place was closed.. So we're prob. going tomorrow. After that I came home, did my chores [yes.. we all have CHORES now.. lmao] then I learned that my.. BIRTH CERTIFICATE came in the mail today.. I almost peed my pants. I can finially get my permit. So I'm going tomorrow with Kelly.. hopefully I don't fail. Teehee.

Wednesday is the RCL or RLC [I forget the order???] for FBLA.. Nichole and I are competting in Network Design. I'm gonna get all dressed up on Wed. WATCH OUT!

:: 2005 31 January :: 6.16am

we moved all our stuff in saturday, but we dont have water, so thats what we're waiting on.

friday night i went to kent city to hang out with alyssa, we went to their basketball game and then to steak n shake with like 12 people.. kent city people are fun. met a bunch of new people, it was great....

then saturday alyssa came and helped us move.. and keegan came over after he got out of work. we went to meijers and got me a dresser and me and keegan put it together... more like i just watched and held a few boards for him. lol.. i didnt know how to help! but yesterday we put my sisters bunk bed together, and i TOTALLY dominated that. *dusts shoulder off.

we have so much fun. saturday night, and he's spending it with me, putting my furniture together.... :)

yesterday i had to work, but after work he came to the house again and my mom was working on the kitchen, and we working on my room.. i couldnt help but think how insanely lucky i am. we all didnt leave last night till about 11:30, he fell asleep while i was doing stuff... i just smiled and kissed him. he's a beautiful person.

now on for the rest of reality..

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 30 January :: 9.34pm
:: Mood: sleepy, tired of coughing

It's kinda weird how everyone agrees with me on this entry. And the notes I got about it.. But anyways.

Amy got a journal on here now. I don't think she's written an entry or anything yet. But hello Amy, now you can be cool like Becky and I!! Nice. And yes, that's cool because I said so.

Today was boring.. I woke up around 6:20 with Gabrielle, went back to sleep for an hour or so then my Mom woke up and we started putting away our Christmas decorations. Yeah, we just put them away today. Haha. After that I sat around the house.. then around 4:30 we all went up my Aunt Loraines to eat dinner. That was very good. Greg and Tiffany were up there [the ones that lost the baby..] they seem to be doing okay. I don't think seeing Gabrielle bothered them any. I was scared at first; but towards the end of the night they both held her; and I just hope they're okay.

My gram is doing great. My Aunt Diania on the other hand isn't. She can't have kids and her husband is a jerk. [as you know.. right Kel?] Well, she went home crying. I just wish things could be different for her. It's kinda hard to explain what exactly is wrong with her.. you just have to be part of my family to understand.

In other news my brother Dustin is going to jail on Feb. 18 for his second DUI. Jim called me a few days ago.. or maybe a few weeks ago; I'm not sure. But he called and told me. I just remembered today. He's in there for a month but he has work release.. which is a good thing. I'm scared for him; I don't know what it's like in jail- and I don't want to find out- but I know he'll do alright.. I'm just hoping for the best.

Back to school tomorrow.. I'm so behind in everything again. I doubt I'll ever get caught up.. but that's life for ya. Haha.

Tw1st3dxDr3ams (9:34:21 PM): pssh, I wanna be cool.
BECKY, YOU ARE COOL. Because I said so.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 29 January :: 10.33pm
:: Mood: sick, but in a GREAT mood
:: Music: Meet Joe Black [the movie] on tv

Well, if people don't care about what I say, why read? Why pay attention to just some 17 year old girl that makes everyone try to feel bad for her because her life is so much harder than everyone elses. I don't think I said or implied that, but I did imply that you shouldn't think that your life is so hard, because things could always get harder.
People do read, and I think some people get mad because I actually have the balls to say shit that normally would not be said. Is that wrong to say those things? No, I don't think so. I say what's on my mind.. if you have a problem, please don't read. It's not hurting me any.

In other [sad] news, a few days ago my cousin Tiffany lost her baby.. she was 3 months along. She's not doing well. I feel horrible about it; but what do you say to someone when something like that happens? I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to pry.. so I'm not sure what to do. I'm scared to even bring Gabrielle around them because I don't want to set anything off. I would feel more terrible than words could express.

In better news my Gram is home from the hospital. She was only in for 2 days, but ANY hospital time is bad. I don't like when she's in the hospital. But she's up and ready to go to the mall already. [lol Kel] So I'm glad she is. That's why Gabrielle's up there right now, she makes my Gram feel better.. and plus it will be a year that my Pap died on February 14.. so that date is coming up fast.. no one is going to do well then.

I still have a fever or 101.4 and I'm coughing non-stop. I've been on meds for 4 days now. It should be stopping.. but I don't know. My mom is getting worried. But I think everythings okay. This is the first BAD things I've actually had all year.. except for my kidney infection when I was 5 months along with Gabrielle.

Kelly and I moved our birthday party to Feb. 5. Because of just a whole bunch of things.

So for the past week or so, I haven't been calling Jim. He'll call me but I'll only talk for a few seconds. I think it's starting to bother him, because he's calling more and more.. today he actually asked me to his house. I usually just say "Jim, I'm coming over tomorrow" or something like that.. So yeah, I definitely like how he's acting really cute and caring.. like it used to be. Now all we need is some together time withOUT his mom, or my mom. Just him Gabrielle and I. That's what I think.. I'm going to call him as soon as Gabrielle falls asleep. Right now she's just laying in her crib talking, cooing and just making little noises. Too cute. Way to cute.

I know, this is probably stupid.. but I kinda miss Jeff. [Jim's brother] Yeah, he was a little pain in the butt sometimes.. but he was nice sometimes to. Things are a lot different since he's been gone. I mean we weren't close or anything. And I really don't think that he even liked me.. I think he kinda disliked me; but anyways he was so cute around Gabrielle. Almost like he was a different person. I liked that person he was around her. But I know he's not coming home for a while.. and I don't really know what even made me think of him..

Amber had her baby today, Mason Ryan. Congrats Amber and Josh!

:: 2005 29 January :: 5.25pm

once again.. read >>this<< before you read my journal. k thanks.