everyone we know is growing old

:: 2006 15 July :: 10.51pm

I really want to learn how to fly airplanes.

Like really really really bad.

rawrg.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 15 July :: 9.22am
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: living in a dollhouse - long knives

i cannot wait for sunday.

[i make the shortest and boring-est journal entries]
haha

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 15 July :: 5.56am

i feel worse than i did yesterday...

:: 2006 14 July :: 10.10pm

because we all need someone to have and to hold...

because we all need a little lovin's sometimes...

because we all feel old and alone...

because we all get a little afraid of the dark....

because there is always someone out there who will love you...

because missing you is so easy...

and maybe... someday...

there will be flowers in the winter

'it isn't how old you are that counts...'

love,
amlielieolanfne

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 14 July :: 10.36am

sooo... i'm having a party.

on the 13th of august.

everyone should come.

to cannon hill park around three until midnight or something.

it'll be fun. it's a going away thing.

for friends and family and co workers and all that good stuff.

(hopefully i won't be sick anymore)

'maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dreams... or maybe someday love...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 11 July :: 2.01pm

"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave."

brave is all i ever wanted to be.

:: 2006 11 July :: 1.25pm
:: Mood: down
:: Music: trading yesterday

i hate feeling this way.
i hate being down. i hate not feeling happy. i hate it so much... and i hate feeling disappointed and feeling angry and sad... and abandoned and lonely and i hate going to work.

i feel sick again. i think it's just because i hate work so much and it's almost over... it's so close to being done... i can't believe that i've lasted this long... i just hate being there so much... it's not that i really hate my job or the people or anything... it just feels like such a huge was of my time to stand there and pretend to be happy and take those little abuses and rudeness and stupidity and just general monotony of it...

i hate how everyday is the same at work... it's like i just go there to be a piece of meat or a bitch and then i leave... the best part of work is getting to see my kirkery after it when he comes to get me...

i think i just need a change of environment and all that good stuff. i need some life in my life... haha, like i need to see people and acutally be fun again....

instead of sitting on my ass all the time... my eyes are all blurry and i need to go do my hair and makeup.

i got a sliver in my foot last night... i was like... wtp? where did this come from..? it was strange... i don't want to take the stupid bus... i don't even want to go... i mean... what's today? tuesday? my "friday" only I get only one day off a fucking week. wooo... but that's changing next week thank god...

i really want some sushi. yum.
i need some anti-depressant sitmulation... i need to do something... anything... and i think zuzu is taking a shower so i can't go do my hair or makeup... damn it.

gerrr....

i'm so... meh...

'oneday...'

lovemameliaenfapenfpae,
me

:: 2006 11 July :: 8.37am

because everything in my life is great i'm going to start making myself great...

i know i say this like... all the time... but i really want to change and i just get so lazy... i hate it.

so i'm trying to change it. and it'll be hard... but i can do it....

(i feel a little lame because i don't have anything profound to say anymore... maybe it's because now that i'm happy all the time i don't need to think of profound things to feel like i could be happy)

'emily will find a better place to fall asleep...'

love,
amelia

p.s. 31 days until i quit! 40 days until i move! <3

Namu	:: 2006 10 July :: 9.06pm sorry bout being away, my phone is currently juicing, so I can be reached now. <3 i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 9 July :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: queen bitch

i dont want to be here

6 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 8 July :: 10.49pm

passed.

i'm happy
my life = awesome.

lala	:: 2006 8 July :: 3.30pm i haxxor j00r faaaaaaaaaaaaaace yeah. thats write. 3 told me \| i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 8 July :: 3.00pm

rawr!!

its so scary!!

:: 2006 8 July :: 9.55am

i'm really nervous.
i hope i pass...

my parallel parking has really taken a dive...

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 8 July :: 8.17am

drive test niban today. i'm a little more nervous than last time only because i failed last time... but i'll do fine i think... i hope...

knock on wood.

so everyone... how are you all? this place is a little dead... which is lame because it's still my favourite place... so i'll put my story here for your reading enjoyment!

Read more..

so yeah.

loves

'when i'm with you everything is fine...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 7 July :: 10.36pm

once upon a time a heart was broken. and the heart, though it still worked, was afraid it would never be able to work properly ever again. so the heart kept beating, hoping that maybe, despite everything, it would become normal again. eventually it found something new to beat for...

but... it didn't feel the same and the heart was frightened. the heart didn't feel the same way as the first time it was beating for something... but it continued beating, hoping that this new fascination would fix the breaks. but the feeling continued and the heart began losing hope once more... and the fascination left because it was scared by the heart...

and then a day passed... and the heart missed its fascination and the fascination missed the heart... the heart was determined to get it's fascination to return and fixed most of the cracks in its skin and showed it to the fascination. the fascination returned, but it had changed...

it had transformed from a fascination into something more important and valuable. it had transformed into another heart and perfectly fit together with the heart.

and the beat together. and love was created.

'the future is haunted with memories and hope is just a stranger...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 7 July :: 8.14am

so, right now...

i couldn't be happier. or feel better about myself or love some one else more.

right now i'm amazingly happy.
and amazingly comfortable with who i am.

and it's great and amazing and everything i want.

i can't wait to move to seattle. it'll be so great!

i don't know what else to say...
i love you.

'baci do you remember that day you killed a gopher..? that was a good day...'

love,
amelia

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 6 July :: 10.26pm

once upon a time...

love existed.

the end.

:: 2006 6 July :: 10.11am

wake up so i can love you.

i'm sorry i didn't call. both of you...
yesterday was not a good telephone day...

so i'll make it up to you.

'most of wha i remember makes me sure...'

love,
amelila

:: 2006 5 July :: 7.02am

yesterday was so great!!
So, i drove with my family to porcupine bay, but there wasn't any room so we drove back (we left around ten and got home around one) and we just ate our food on the front porch (but there were bees so I wet inside) and i got online and saw that kirk was back so i called him and i went over to his house and it was so great to see him again! then we got a ride downtown and went to sushi.com and then we walked around and then we went to buy some movie tickets and then we talked and then we saw X3 and then we went to the fireworks!!!

and the fireworks were so pretty and it was so nice to see them with kirkery. even if we had to sit on hard cement and the guy next to me was really uncomfortable and a little girl kept leaning on my leg... but it was so cool because there was lightning going on with the fire works.

and then after the fireworks it started to rain... and then it stopped... and then i began to pour right when we got back to kirk's house.. and we walked home in the downpour! and it was so wonderful...

it was so so so nice to see him again... i'm so glad he's back!

'dear did you know people love eachother just like we do..?'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

Namu	:: 2006 4 July :: 10.36pm ........and another not fun or celebrated fourth of July passes....... i want to hear the stories of your love for me

lala

:: 2006 4 July :: 4.54pm

Step 1: Put your MP3 player, iPod, or music library on random.

Step 2: Transcribe the first line [or two] from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song (Skipping may of course be neccessary in the case of songs which use their titles in the first line, instrumental songs, and, depending on the literacy of one's friends list, songs with non-English lyrics).

Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from. (It goes without saying that using Google is cheating.)

Step 4: Strike out each song that has been guessed correctly

1. Haven't seen you in quite a while/ I was down the hold just passing time

2. Where have all the good men gone / And where are all the gods?

3. Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white

4. All the things you said to me today, / Change my perspective in every way.

5. I solve my problems and I see the light / We gotta plug and think, we gotta feed it right

6. I�ve got another confession to make / I�m your fool

7. Saw you 'round the other day, / Shorty she was all the way

8. If everybody had an ocean / Across the u.s.a.

9. Long ago / Just like the hearse you die to get in again

10. I'm on a mission / I made my decision

11. Educated / With money / He's well dressed / Not funny

12. I was totin my pack along the long dusty Winnemucca road / When along came a semi with a high canvas covered load

13. T`was in the early evenin` / Near the presence of the moon

14. Everybody's got something they had to leave behind / One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time

15. "Mystery after gala night," / if says, "Mystery of soprano's flight!"

16. Try to see it my way, / Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?

17. Ready or not the years are blurring / Running away the mind is turning

18. Big wheels keep on turning / Carry me home to see my kin

19. There's a song that's inside of my soul / It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

20. Well, I'm dressed up so nice / An' I'm doin' my best

:: 2006 4 July :: 8.03am

today is going to be so great! I get to see kirk and fireworks and eat picnic food and i don't have to work. what could be better??

i'm so excited to see kirkery again... i miss him so much...

sigh...

Namu	:: 2006 3 July :: 10.04pm if I could only give you one kiss just one kiss to show you all the emotions tied up in me it would explain how I really feel.... i want to hear the stories of your love for me

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 3 July :: 11.24am

i feel so bad, but i feel like i dont know the whole story.

i am disappointed... she knows better.

i say sorry too much.

:: 2006 3 July :: 12.26am

foweijflskdfjlskdj

how can you be so fucking dumb....

i hope she isnt grounded all summer..

:: 2006 2 July :: 7.56pm

he's coming home starting tomorrow
and then we get to see the fireworks
<3
because there's nothing i'd rather do than be in his arms and watch fire blossom in the night air.

(today was a bad day. i never wanted to cry so badly)

:: 2006 2 July :: 9.15am

five hours of sleep! woo..!

yeah so latey i haven't really slept which is so fucking ~~cool~~ lame. so i've been all moody and bad stuff. i was depressed for a little bit, but i'm past that.

last night was so much fun. i went and saw theo and hung out with julius and then i kicked it with my sister and it was so great. i had a lot of fun even though i was around people i don't like for a while. i don't lilke theo's friends really at all. especially when they tell stupid jokes that are insanely rascist. especially the mexican jokes.. they are pricks.

but i got off work an hour early last night which was great.. <3 but yesterday at work wasn't cool. the only cool part is whn i talked to Paul and he was all nice to me about things. he even told me i was pretty so i could be happy. it was really nice of him.

and i saw trace. and josh, and brittany and jordan and zack and cody and sam and everyone and their dogs. but i didn't see the one person i really, really wanted to see....

kirkery.

i got a letter from him yesterday! i love him so much. i need to do something nice for him starting nowish. <3

'if i died this very instant i wouldn't fear...'

love,
amelia