godessalthena
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2006 27 May :: 9.30am
:: Mood: impressed
i feel good all over.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 26 May :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: happy
today was a remarkably good day. i'm surprised.
skipped first period. which was really nice. it made me feel a whole lot better. then i went to mythology where i learned about norse mythology, which cheered me up because it's interesting and i love it. then ap euro where we joked about posioning cookies haha. then was lunch, where kirk took me out to eat and that made me feel better too. and i saw aq, which also cheered me up. then we talked about senior pranks. and i talked about killing someone. and then that fucking prick tried to talk about weeding and i was all like, 'bitch fuck you' and he just kept trying to talk. and it was great because i didn't really say anything. then it rained on mr. neff's parade of an attempt to weed the ecogarden and mauricio whistled at me and it made me laugh. then i did his work with him so he would stop bitching about poor grades. then was japanese, where me and alex had the coolest kaiwa in the whole wide world and it made me feel really cool. then i went to english, which i had forgotten about the stupid swing dancing crap and walked into the classroom. and to my surprise there way my kirkery, waiting so he could dance with me! and that totally made my day for the first time. and we had so much fun, i was blushing and laughing and it was really, really fun and oh god it was great. then he did some homework in gerard's class because today was the last day for late work and all that shit. and it was really fun to ride home with him... then i did job finding stuff...... then i went to work and had fun with aq and sam. and then, ironicly.... fusman showed up. hahaha. it made me laugh. the best part of work, though, was when jacob butcher visited me! it made my day for the second time! i felt so happy that someone visited me.
so, today was a really good day. all because of my positive attitude and being cause rather than effect (hahahahaha) i can't stop laughing on the inside... haha. it's just so funny...
hahaha haha
ahaha
hahahhahah
ahhah a hhahah ah ahhaha
hah.
ahhhhh, yeah. i'm glad people understand. but it's a real shame that some don't.
'goodbye... you pleased me some of the time...' 'you never pleased me...'
love,
amelia
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 26 May :: 6.23am
well...
i offically hate friends. and ex friends.
and i hate being to trusting. and i hate being alive.
i hate everything today. but i won't let it ruin anything.
but if i could kill anyone right now and get away with it, it would totally be brookelynn gamble. and i really do mean that.
'every little thing i do... i do for you...'
love,
the guilty
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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::
2006 25 May :: 11.54pm
you fucking whore. you assured me, comforted me, told me I had nothing to worry about, and yet the whole time YOU were the one lying. And as soon as we broke up , you were so fast to blame ME for not being faithful to you. I hope you liked it, I hope it was worth all that, all the pain I feel now, all the pain you've ever felt. Where the hell was YOUR faithfulness to me? Fuck. You told me you loved me, that you would NEVER FUCKING EVER cheat on me, and look at what you did. I hope you are proud of yourself, cause I'm sure not. It's funny how you hide behind your finger pointed at me, yet the whole time it must just eat you up inside to know the truth about what you did.
Who are you to tell me I wasn't good enough for you? Now I understand why you were " so unsure about us", and " you were worried about not getting to make out with other people". It's because you already fucking had. Wow, that must be the best stunt you ever pulled, huh? And you get to live with it haunting you forever. Try not to step on the broken shards of my heart.
"I hope you choke on those words kissed that bottle, CONFESS"
7 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 24 May :: 5.12am
tech romance - her space holiday
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 23 May :: 9.14pm
i love you i love you i love you.
you make me feel so wonderful.
you make me feel so good.
you make me feel so important.
you make me want to write happy poetry.
you make me feel... happy.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 22 May :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
I was so close to breaking down. I was this close to bawling my eyes out...
why am i broken..?
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 21 May :: 8.23am
:: Mood: cheerful
Yesterday was so much fun! I love it when I don't have to work and I can do whatever I want without too many interruptions.
I went shopping with Kirk yesterday. I bought two shirts and some shorts! I really like my bunny one, it's so adorable! And we saw The DaVinci code, which was a really good movie and I liked it. Then we went to his house and he made me lunch! It was really good, mostly because he was there with me and anything done with him is really fun. Then we watched The Shawshank Redemption. Then I went home and took a nice shower and shaved my legs (which wasn't so nice because I started to bleed and it was gross). Then I got to march in the parade, which I love despite how much I dislike it. I had a huge ordeal with my shoes. And I had to borrow black socks even though I was wearing some.
It was a really nice day.
Today I went for a jog. And then I'm going to work... Which is okay. Last time I was at work, Jimmy showed up to talk to Kevin and my stomache was all twisted into knots. It was pretty horrible. But AQ was there and it was all good. And yeah. Kirk was there with me for a little bit too.
Oh, also, at marching, I found my three bracelles I had lost. The one Jeremiah gave me and then just two jelly ones. It was so weird.
So... After work, or now, I'll do some poetry stuff.
'i don't want to be changed by anyone but myself...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 20 May :: 6.40am
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday
we're gonna die like this...
It looks like I'm going to start looking for a better paying job. So, I need to do that and tell Kevin if I'm going to totally quit or just ask to be part-time and stay with him. I'm not sure what I want to do... But I definiately am finding a better paying job, but I'm not sure where... Probably Dakota or something like that... Customer Service (it's what I'm good at).
Went to bed at midnight, woke up at six so I can do my fucking homework. And maybe some of Brittany's... I don't know yet.
Today is going to be so much fun! Depsite the rain, I get to hang out with Kirk and march in my final parade! I'm more excited about the Kirk thing than the parade, but ces la vie. I love hanging out with him... He's so wonderful! And I'm so thankful for him.
I love having caring people in my life. Too bad I suck at caring about other people. I really need to work on that......
'think of all the fun we had...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 19 May :: 11.20pm
ugh.....your picture's just so......heartstopping
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 19 May :: 5.43am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Presidents of the United States of America - Kitty
fuck kitty you're gonna spend the night outside
Today, I get paid. I'm going to ask for more money. Because, I am getting paid minimum wage (I checked) but I think I deserve more than that. Who wants to work the ENTIRE summer in a shitty minimum wage job when I could work MOST of the summer in a decent paying job?
I've been really messed up lately. And it's my fault that I've been like this... I'm just so affected by people it's ridiculous. I'm working on it.
Last night, Kirk hid me a gift in the little circle park by my house. A wall scroll with the word "Victory" on it... It was so sweet and wonderful... I love you, Kirk, you're the best.
I don't have any clothes. I have to go find something to wear... My new friends want to hang out after work. I don't know if I'm going to be able to... But you know, whatever. We'll have time in the future.
My parents want to go shopping for college. It's pretty neat. Last night I almost starting crying when I realized that after this there will be no more Mr. Jay in my life... And I also realized that I'm almost out of my entire life so far... And I am leaving so many people here...
And fucking chandiler is going to UW. that fuckwhore.
'do you realize everyone you know someday will die..?"
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 18 May :: 6.05pm
just go away. i'm so sick of you being how you are.
being a bitch to me.
i don't care if i'm a bitch to you. i'm sick of hating you secretly for everything you say to me.
so good bye.
(god, i feel disgusted)
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 18 May :: 6.20am
Concert tonight... Hells yes! The last one EVER!
I want to be different now, I don't want to have to wait and become, I just want to be. Because the me I am is too... Contradictory... Passionate, apathetic, confident, self-loathing, happy, depressed... Shallow, complex...
God, I'm a mess...
Someday, I'll be a good person and I'll love myself. All of myself.
'i wanted to see something that's different...'
love,
amelia
p.s. sorry if any of you are disappointed in my short entries, i haven't really had time to write lately.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 17 May :: 6.19am
yesterday i went out to sushi.com, we had crunchy rolls and a dragon roll and a spider roll some gyoza and tempura ice cream. then we went back to his house and we talked and we watched thir13en ghosts and some of friends. and i remembered all of the friends coolness i felt when i was little.
then i came home around nine and went to bed.
and i got to talk to my friends and feel like a person again.
and yeah.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 16 May :: 8.53pm
that was un fucking believeable. i can't even spell.
i'm happy, today was really awesome. despite the shitty parts.
now, for bed.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 16 May :: 3.49pm
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World
so, today was so strange. i don't like it when the weather matches my day. but whatevs.
so, i'm going to to sushi.com eventaully today. i talked to brooke today, which i love. i love to talk to her because... i don't know, i feel like she really understands me and she acutally knows what's going on in my life. i also talked to brittany just a little while ago and it's reassuring that she still feels like she can talk to me. i was afraid she thought i sucked or something. i also had to hang out with kyl and marty and brooke, which was painful to a certain extent because of the strange feelings between all of us...
and yeah... i'm a little hungry. just a little.
more like bored.
'don't it feel like sunshine after all..?'
love,
amelia
p.s. omfg i love alastar.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 May :: 9.24pm
:: Mood: blah
so, my family ditched me for pizza. that really hurt my feelings...
tomorrow is brittany's birthday! and then it's jeremiah's birthday!
tomorrow is also two months with kirk! we're going out for sushi and stuff. it'll be so great!
i also bought some pants today. pretty pricey, but whatever. it's my money.
so blah. i'm angry. and my heart hurts a little... i don't really know what is causing it to hurt, but it's there...
sigh.
'to be free once more... yeah, that's worth fighting for...'
love,
amelia
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 May :: 5.47am
let's reschedual lauren. my next wekk is really shitty though:
monday - marching practice and finding new work pants
tuesday - two month celebration with kirk
wednesday - marching practice
thursday - concert
friday - work (5-10)
saturday - parade (report 5:45 ish, so maybe saturday?)
sunday - work (11/12-7)
sorry i didn't write you jeremiah, i just kind of didn't feel motivated to say the things i wanted to say or ask the questions i wanted to ask because... most of me doesn't feel like it.
gr.
well, i'm tired and i don't want to go to school.
'because you're a god, only i am not...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 15 May :: 12.29am
Hmm...
Life is going along all right I'd hafta say.
Somebody needs a pillow to lie down on....
Somebody never emailed me.....
Somebody with red hair is still a goofball....
Somebody else still likes making waffles...
yea.......peeps.
It's coming! I don't even feel older......I feel younger actually.....
miss you guys <3
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 May :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: blah
yeah, whatever. just whatever.
i'm tired. going to go do some girly crap.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 May :: 10.07am
sometimes i really miss what i had. i hate the feeling of jealousy i get... it's worse now because of the secret she told me. i feel bad about that because i told her i wouldn't be mad, but i can help it.
it's eating away at me.
and i know it's better like this. but i still miss it.
i wish i didn't have to exist because everything hurts in one way or another and i'm so sick of it.
god.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 May :: 7.33pm
off work early. hells yes.
i'm gonna go do stuff like shower and stuff.
i hate feeling like this.
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 May :: 10.29pm
Made some new friends today. Ely, Ben, Katie and Beau. They're from Reardon or something. I've known them for a while, but we just became friends tonight. It's pretty cool. Beau gave me a carnation and some mints.
And I hung out with Kirk today. That was really fun. We went to the park and it was so nice outside and so nice inside my heart. And the compliment about being a mom really made my day.
I love Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I love Kirk, too.
I love things.
'i will not buy this record, it is scratched...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 12 May :: 6.22am
omg. william is so cool.
oh yeah.
best play ever
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 May :: 8.51pm
today was... interesting...
i had a wonderful time with Kirk. i really needed that... some down time with him. and it made me feel pretty good about myself.
time for bedz0rs.
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 May :: 6.15am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday
this is going to be hard... i hate this part of relationships... simply because i have to motivate myself for the other person and for myself... motivating for myself is extremely hard because, yes, it's true, I don't love myself...
And I really, really, appreciate what Kalie said. Thank you Kalie, you're awesome.
so... not looking forward to school. not really looking forward anything but sitting around and the fucking end of school.
i want school to be over.
'if i talk in my sleep would you just keep trying...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 10 May :: 8.03pm
:: Music: stereophonics
i want to disappear.
im afraid to grow up.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 May :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Michelle Branch - Drop In The Ocean
today sucked. hardcore suckage going on in my life. and frankly, i'm tired of it.
and today was beautiful. outside, where the ugliness of humanity hasn't penetrated every crook and cranny... it was devastatingly beautiful. and that was ruined with the darkness in my eyes.
so yeah. i'm pissed. and tired of this endless stream of shit.
i need to learn to love myself so i can stop people from taking advantage of me and ruining my life. but god, it's hard to love someone like me.
i really need to just stand up for myself. i'm sick of the way you treat me sometimes. really, honest to god, sick of it. and i don't want to feel like i'm a bitch anymore. and i don't want to ruin his day because you ruined mine.
fuck.
yeah, i hate this. i hate being alive sometimes.
'she has beautiful eyes... like you.'
love,
amelia
9 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 May :: 7.19pm
i hate
my stupid inabilities;
to be good at anything
(at all)
that really matters.
i hate it
how so many people are better [than me]
and how
so
many
people
have what i want[ed].
i hate having to be a carbon copy (cat)
of anything
(everything) i ever
thought i could
be[come].
it[he] all [tries to] depends on me
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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