godessalthena
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2006 20 April :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Hellogoodbye - I Saw It On Your Keyboard
60d 70d4y w45 50 fuck1n6 4w350m3
it was so so so beautiful out today!
i worked things out with my best friend!
i got kimono material!
i hung out with kirk!
i went for a walk with kirk!
i ate lunch with kirk!
i feel like listening to happy music!
I'm in love with Kirk.
And it's so nice. So so so nice. It's the best. I'm loving every second and I just want to be around him and hug him and smell him and laugh with him and touch him and talk with him. I just love spending time with him because he's so happy and positive. And loves me for me.
(and he can pick me up)
'can you see me at all...?'
love,
happiness
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 20 April :: 2.51pm
wow...
life is so weird... and i'm a little disturbed by it.
thank god this isn't life yet, though. high school sucks some serious ass.
so, yeah. i feel a little gross and a little floaty.
p.s. i really hate marching band. hXc.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 19 April :: 10.00pm
Cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die
<3
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 19 April :: 8.22pm
let me clear some things up... in kirk's first relationship, which was with kelly, they didn't do much of anything but sit around and talk and eventually they stopped talking, they lasted eight months and never had sex... his second relationship was just sex, and it disgusted him so he got out of it because that wasn't what he wanted at all and he hated himself for it.
and he doesn't want me to kiss other people and probably expects me not to because that's just how it works in relationships. but he was using it to show how laid-back he is. which is really nice because there is no insecurity. he knows i won't cheat on him.
and he loves me. and i'm loving him the best that i can after jeremiah.
and that's that.
so, yeah... pretty much whatever. i don't really know what i want to say or how i should say it... so yeah.....
i just, i don't see the sex-driven person. i don't see it. i don't feel it. i feel like he really cares about me and wants me to be happy. we were all alone today for an hour and we didn't do anything. we just talked, and it was so nice. we went for a walk because he noticed how much sunlight affects me. we sat on the roof. we played with a love calculator site. we didn't have sex, we didn't make out, we didn't do any petting... we just hung out.
but my opinion doesn't count for much...
i'm just tired of this. i'm sorry for getting mad at you. it's stupid, i'm stupid, everything's stupid.
forgive me?
'feeling all alone... but i'll be close at hand...'
love,
amelia
13 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 19 April :: 6.31am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Armor for Sleep - Basement Ghost Singing
i hope you know i'm down here...
just for you.
i don't really know what to say, either.
and when you said you wanted to talk things out and i said okay, you just stopped talking. wtp?
i'm finding it hard to be happy around you. i feel like either you're keeping things from me because the way you feel about him seems very radical for just a "feeling" you get from him. and that you pretend more than you're just "curteous."
and a part of this might just be that you're moving soon, like last year. i just don't know.
i just really don't know anymore...
i feel like the frech revolution and this is the monarchy.
'how many times do i have to tell you..? you're beautiful...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 19 April :: 6.36am
I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave
No, you won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 18 April :: 6.16am
hang that ugly head
over the heart of the broken
don't forget to drop your malice
on their upturned eyes.
heavy weights chained to their feet
from your eyes which can see everything
they know how you feel
and they can't help but feel it too.
their self-esteem is running on empty
they can sense everything
especially what isn't there
because it's all they used to fill their lives.
get your painful eyes off of me
unfounded are your feelings
your judgement unwarrented
just forget me.
i'm nothing but a disappointment to all of you
nothing but a disappointment here
locked inside your two walls
crush me until i have the shape of perfection
because we all know that'll happen.
thank you, my friends
we all are in this together.
forever.
we're in love and it's so blissful, right?
friends forever...
at least accoring to pinkle purr.
good morning. today i get a ride to school. and then i get to exist at school. yey.
'i can't live, i can't breathe...'
love,
bitchzilla
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 17 April :: 9.02pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - Kill
good god please don't tell me this has been in vain...
hello, my name is amelia.
i'm dating a wonderful boy named kirk sexton.
i have a couple friends, including brooke, jeremiah and zuzu.
i'm eighteen years old.
from now on i'm going to let everyone be exactly as they are.
be jealous, angry, hateful, happy, pleased, artistic, whatever you want.
i don't care anymore what anyone thinks except for the people who have never betrayed my trust (namely, my family).
so, whatever you feel is great, don't expect me to give a rat's ass about it because i'm so sick and tired of feeling like a bad person because i'm living my life how they want.
i go to lewis and clark highschool.
i'm going to go to univeristy of washington.
thanks,
melmel
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 17 April :: 5.49am
hmm... white strips are wierd and i hope i'm doing it right..
a half an hour never took so long!
i'm not going to be at school next week on wednesday and thursday. i wanted that to be true this week, but it wasn't so whatever.
wasl schedual starting tomorrow... i didn't practice my clarinet. i need to memorize that song... good think it's so repetitive and easy. i hate marching season.
i should also study hXc for that stupid test. i should take that book to school.
'welcome to the record...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 16 April :: 5.09pm
you are everything I want
cause you are everything I'm not
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 16 April :: 7.18am
Happy Easter, yo.
happy one month kirk.
it's a little ironic, i think, because last night i was bored so i picked up an issue of pita-ten and it was totally the one jeremiah got me on our one month and it said "welcome to month #1. [...] Remember I'll always love you." on 12/12/04. it made me a little sad.
yuppers.
Listening to Cher dawgs. my hair cut is bugging me because i cut the first part of it too short so it stabs me in the eye! gah! and it's all choppy because i'm not good at smooth. so i'll work on it.
i think people should ask me to cut hair more often so i can be good. professionals suck! just ask Peter Cunningham!
so yes, i love. i love... stuff... my belleh hurts.
i remember easter last year. or was it the easter before that? well, i was wearing this shirt. hehehe.
anna talks about sex way too much. it makes me uncomfortable. it's not that i'm a prude, but i just don't like hearing about sex since it isn't a joking matter to me anymore...
'this is a different kind of love song...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 April :: 3.39pm
:: Mood: calm
don't pretend.
whatever.
make shit up.
don't let me scare you.
honestly, it's my best policy.
can we just stop now?
the world - it's all mine, only when it is your's.
god, do i miss you.
everything is fluffy when i'm sleeping.
forget it, it's my fault anyway.
don't you remember that one time?
i don't want to hurt you.
infinity lasts forever.
can't do you anything but complain?
stfu.
don't tell me what to do.
i'm only good at pretending.
sometimes i get so lonely.
bread smells so beautiful.
i don't know WHAT TO SAY.
except i think it's better if i don't.
'you promised me starry night skies...'
love,
amelia
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 April :: 7.44am
:: Music: Hellogoodbye - Bonnie Taylor Shakedown
why can't you lie close to me?
i hate those pangs of sadness. that sudden overwhelming feeling of sad and dread. it makes me want to just go die. what's worse is the feeling of guilt afterwards or during.
but it'll be okay. i think i'm just lonely. i hate being lonely, but i don't really want to be with anyone either. i want some lovin's right now. that's what i want and need.
i have something to be said inside me... but i don't know what it is or how to say it.
i want to write a story.
i want some inspiration.
'say what you mean to me...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 April :: 6.03pm
and now to just forget all that depressing stuff :P
If I died tomorrow, you would never ever get a chance to see
me ever again...
What are 5 things you would want me to know before I died? It can be anything.
1]
2]
3]
4]
5]
What would 5 questions be that you have been wanting to ask me? They can be anything.
1]
2]
3]
4]
5]
If I died, would you come to my funeral?
If I died, would you cry?
If I died, would you forget me eventually?
If I died, what would be going through your head?
If I died, would you tell me you loved me before I died?
Would you mean it?
If I died, would you regret anything you said to me?
If I died, would you regret anything you said about me?
If I died, would you regret anything you did to me, including breaking up with me?
If I died, would you be wishing you told me something that you haven't already told me?
If I died, what would be your last memory of me?
If I died, what would you remember me by?
If I died tomorrow, I would want to know your true feelings about me. What are your complete feelings about me, up to this day?
What is are best memory together?
What did we laugh the hardest at?
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 April :: 5.48pm
I feel like listening to sad music. The music to make me cry. The music that changes your world and makes you feel so insignificant because you'll never ever make anything that beautiful.
Sometimes it's all I can do to keep existing. I feel so imperfect, so not unique. But I guess within imperfection lies some type of perfection. Or your imperfection becomes you, your imperfections become your perfection. No two roses are the same, nor are they ever perfect, but they can always bring you to tears with their startling beauty.
I admire the world so much. I admire the living things in it that just exist. They take all the bad and all the good and keep living. Strong, proud, amazing.
I wish I could be amazing. I wish I could be worthy of admiration. I wish that I could be someone you look up to and strive to be like. I want to be in your dreams and in your hearts and someone you could never, ever forget, no matter how hard you tried.
But that's just a wish, a dream.
'i wanted to see something that's different...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 13 April :: 7.44am
good morning!
Ah, I just had some nice eye rubbins.
I'm still tired though.....shit.
Maybe I'll take a nap at lunch break.
mish you all
jerkyjoe
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 April :: 6.18am
:: Music: Juanes - Nada valgo sin tu amor
"doesn't that song remind you of jeremiah?"
"yeah, so?"
i dreamt i had a slumber party last night and it was all creepy.
i went for a walk. it was nice.
tomorrow is cbc.
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 April :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
we've done nothing...
i really just want to say stuff.
i love having a person to talk to. it is really, really, really nice. it's so nice to talk to him because he is so understanding... it's so neat that he is so apt at reading me. it's really nice.
and it helps me figure things out. most of it i've known, but hearing it coming from a stranger helps me see that it's true. and i like that.
i love not being judged.
i think it's funny how much you can miss someone.
i also think it's funny when you can want something so much, but you don't want to go for it.
i wish the things i wanted just came.
i really hope that it happens romantically.
like i've always wanted.
it's so beautiful outside.
my birthday was really nice and not rainy, but the sun didn't come in through the window like it usually does... the day wasn't so lazy. but that's alright.
i'm excited to move away. i got a hello kitty bowl.
and the dorm doesn't have a "no mutilation zone" in it.
it'll be cool. i'll get to hang out with kirk and make new college friends.
and that road trip is going to be SO much FUN.
and yeah...
i really want to go to bed, but i should do my homework.
i want a new icon. i hate all of the ones i have right now.
so yes.
i love you.
'go ahead and lie to me...'
love,
amelia
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 11 April :: 9.43pm
It hit....and hard. How much I honestly miss you. Just ask the tears on my face, they'll tell you all about it. I watched the video of you holding me before I had to leave for idaho, and it's just so sad. I miss it....I miss it all....
" I promise I won't get jealous. We'll make a song, and when we hum it, or whistle it, or sing it, then we'll know that we love one another"
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 April :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: contemplative
tomorrow... it would have been a year and a half.
i forgot about that until now... maybe subconsicously i remembered... maybe it made me want my birthday to not come...
everything was so jeremiah today.
and that picture... honestly i didn't think he could get any hotter.
congrats, jeremiah, you so sexy.
so kirk gave me zoolander and a hello kitty purse for my birthday! it was so sweet of him! today was so much fun (only boring at the same time). and playing ddr was so fun, and going home was fun, and having the windows down was great and yeah... watching zoolander was funny. and not getting yelled at by my parents was awesome.
the star spangled banner on the tiger growl... then fourth period... hahah. mauricio is so funny. i wish i could delete that. he said i should audition. haha.
So... yes...
i really, really love you. don't forget. it's a secret.
'it was always meant to be...'
love,
killed
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 April :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: pissed off
so... this is what my birthday week looks like:
tomorrow i'm getting my tooth in. yay.
wednesday is my birthday. i have an appointment and then i go home and hang out with my family, eat cake with just my family, open gifts with just my family, then maybe go to dinner WITHOUT ORI. which is unacceptable.
thursday i'm not allowed to get another piercing. my mom completely denies giving me permission to do any piercings. and no tattoos. no anything because i'm only eighteen. it's because i live in their house with their money feeding me.
friday is the day for my friends, only, now that i think of it i have that fucking band competetion three hours away and then work an hour after i get home so never mind.
saturday i work.
sunday... who the fuck cares anymore?
so, dear friends... please don't say happy birthday to me because my birthday this year is going to suck. and i hate it and i just want to cry because it really isn't going to be fun because i don't get to have any time with my friends or anything like that. i won't get to do what i want. i won't be an adult... it'll be like i'm turning twelve all over again. yay...
so yea... happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear not yet an adult because you suck, happy birthday to you.
grr.
'please don't make me cry...'
love,
whatever
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 9 April :: 7.09pm
........
i really really don't understand people...
.... at all. wtp?
anyway, i had a good day. it was nice to hang out with brooke, go shopping and see kirk...
so yeah.
i don't really have much to say other than... what the pope? honestly.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 9 April :: 1.07pm
i really do not want to do more wasl testing.
oh lauren, did you know it was me and ori that pulled up next to you and ryan the other night, cause it totally was. we followed you all the way up the hill.
p.s. i am hungry-ish
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 April :: 10.35am
So Frickin BORED.
I'm so bored right now. I haven't been this bored for forever.
There is nothing to do!!! Gaaah!!
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 April :: 7.31am
:: Music: CC - I'm Not In Love
no no...
i remembered my bad dream. i was stuck in the desert with my "mom" and my "sister" and there were aliens that were trying to kill us and we bought ice cream but it had been used so we exchanged it... then the rv went out of control and sped down the desert hill into a beautiful valley and then i woke up.
i went jogging this morning. it didn't help me feel any better because i remember jogging with jeremiah.
i wish i could just forget him.
'everywhere i kiss your face... all the sacrifice in vain... how could you put all the blame upon me... that's not fair...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 7 April :: 10.21pm
once upon a time i died.
the end.
love,
amelia
p.s. "happy birthday, amelia, you don't really matter as a person."
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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