everyone we know is growing old

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 26 January :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: down

Yeah.....just feelin kinda down. I tried to call you like twenty minutes after you left, but nobody answered. I miss you hun, my heart hurts it really does. I wanna talk to you, we haven't gotten to talk much lately, and it sucks hardcore. I kinda feel like maybe you don't want to talk to me, but maybe that's just a false pretense. It's hard, cause we have a lot of shit to talk out, but I don't really wanna, I just want things to be good like they should so that I can just love you and not have worries. I want you to be my crying shoulder, love suicide, better when you're older, the greatest fan of my life. I miss you, and my heart is cracking......please fix it before it shatters.

:: 2006 26 January :: 5.32pm
:: Mood: energetic

HOW THE WORLD WORKS (FUNCTIONING PEOPLES)

People often say that God created earth. But that isn't true. They also say that the earth was created in "the big bang". But this too is very untrue. The gnomes made the earth out of poppy flowers and sun screen and calculator buttons, which they ground into a fine powder using little gnome hammers. This is the truest thing that has ever been uttered by anyone.
I like to tell myself that these gnomes made humans. But there is no proof to support this statement. No one knows where humans come from and what our purpose is. But that isn't what this story is about. This story is about how "The People" interact with each other and function.
People function. They "use" their brains. They engage in problem solving activities. They move their limbs about violently. But has anyone ever taken the time to know and appreciate a person? If they did, they would realize that people can be deep and say meaningful things, such as, "I love you." And they can mean it. You may think it odd that humans have this ability to share such feelings, but they love to love. But humans also love to hate, which, in a sense is still loving. One time, I was walking down some stairs and this guy totally punched me in the face and he was all, "Dude! I love to punch people!" And I was all, "Excuse me, lame-O!" They we got into a bloody fist fight and I emerged victorios, with the skin of my advisary fashioned into a new robe. I taught that SOB to hate.
But humans possess many other qualities and emotions. And they preform many different tasks to interact with each other, my favourite of which, is hugging. Don't ask me why, because even though I have an answer, I won't tell you.
So remember, everytime you look at a human, you're looking at a human who lives on a planet that was fashioned by gnomes.

-FIN

:: 2006 25 January :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: rawry
:: Music: Sum 41- Pieces

God damnet. I don't know what to do anymore. You know what, I think I'm done reaching my hand out there to try and help people and help those people help others. I am working on a giant fucking game, to salvage this planet, making the able more able, and over all just help. It pisses me off, it really does, that people don't know what I'm doing, and they just take hear say, and are content living with lies about what I do instead of actually taking a look. If anybody actually got up from where they're at, and made a decision to rise above the mud this world has blinded people with as a social veneer, then go and see that there are beings out there willing to put everything they've got into helping everybody that asked for it, one would assume those actions are a good thing. But you know what, I can't, and am not going to hold out my helping hand to those who don't want it, I'll move on to those who want to better themselves, no matter what stage in life their in, because they are able and want a bigger game. If you read this, don't take it personally, it's just to all the namby-pamby ass paintywaist bunch of dilletantes (summed up weak weakass bunch of superficial bitc.....people) who want nothing more but to lead their "content" lives without ever moving far from the comfort zone. You know what, fine, fuck it. I'm not trying anymore for them, I'll move on, others out there want more outta life, and I'm willing to help them. I'm sorry, I'm just rawry right now, and sick of being disrespected and not actually looked at for who I really am. Forget I said anything, I just had to get it out.

"what is true for you, is true for you, never forget that"

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 25 January :: 3.54pm

"s.t.u.f."
so here i go. have fun.

:: 2006 24 January :: 9.58pm

i'm sorry for today...

honestly, i'll try harder not to be a bitch. i'm so tired and stressed, but that's no excuse, i need to just get over myself.

i need to stop being me so much and be just there. i don't want to do anything but exist... well, i shouldn't do anything but exist until jeremiah gets back. so yeah... i suck.

so tomorrow is my hair thing and then yeah... thursday is dad day. and i'm so glad i don't have to work.

so yeah. today i felt used, abandoned and betrayed. so i waas pissed.

'oh, hun, i miss you...'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 24 January :: 5.41am

yeah. so... i bet it's boring that i start all my journal entries with 'yeah'... sorry.

anyways... i am so... boring.

so today i hang out with amber. and i work again by myself until nine... it isn't so bad, but whatever, i don't like working after jo because she leaves a fucking huge mess. i saw paul yesterday and i totally ignored him because he's a bitch. i ignored antony too. so blah. kevin wasn't working so i couldn't ask to have the weekend off because he'd already made the new schedual.

semester is almost fucking over! fucking hell fuck yeah! fuck man it's the shit.

wow.

so now i hung out with anna yesterday... that was cool, to see her again.

and i got to talk to my faovurite <3 i love you my favourite!

and yeah.

so i'm boring and i'm done writing this now.

'management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things...'

love,
amelia

6 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 23 January :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: annoyed

I just want to disappear.

Fade away forever.

:: 2006 23 January :: 5.54am

wooo! ten hours baby!

i'm feeling still tired! woo...

and i work today... wo...

but then i get to come home and call jeremiah! wooo!

tomorrow i work too...

but i get to hang out with amber!

jo's okay. she's getting better, she's younger than me. her birthday is in july and mine is april and we're both seventeen. she's getting her GED.

woo...

bed... i miss you... but not as much as jeremiah...

'as if i would care for someone other than you...'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 23 January :: 5.27am
:: Mood: cold

I'm just some girl who can't convince herself that love is real.

:: 2006 22 January :: 8.42pm

Well I went out and got my hair straightener....boy that was akward.....but I got a ceramic one, so I'm happy. I won't have to do that again! Until this one breaks I suppose.....

"Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed"

p.s. I found my old teddy bear! He can sleep with me and Jury tonight....psh, since I'm so lonely. Now I really understand why people have stuffed animals, it's for sleeping with them when you're lonely.

4 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 22 January :: 6.57am

band trips...
yeah...

the ride home was pretty fun... ish... until i was honest completely and made those girls angry. hah. too tired.

and then i got to talk to my sweetie! i love you, watashi no darling.

loves.

being in loves.

it's so great.

to be in loves with yooooou.

anna's home (i think) yesterday.

i love you, jeremiah. antonio. henderson. the most sexy man in the whole wide world and the only man who i love.

'living is simple...'

love,
amelia

Namu	:: 2006 21 January :: 9.45pm :: Mood: ... .............. i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 21 January :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: allamericanrejects

move along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

Namu	:: 2006 21 January :: 12.12am ... i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 20 January :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: happy

Haha, and Quin totally deserved it too!

Good times.

:: 2006 20 January :: 6.29am
:: Mood: refreshed

I feel so great after sleeping it. Oh, it's so nice to have slept an extra hour and a half this morning... ahhh... I'm still tired, but so much less tired than before! And it's Friday! Yes! and I'm going to buy some clothes today and I'm going to look so cute tomorrow and when Jeremiah comes back, I'll look so cute for him, too. I'll be the cutest girlfriend ever!

The concert was okay... It could have been better, but it was still pretty good. The Souza march gave my mom goosebumps! hehe. And Kellen actually showed up and hung out with me! Wow! I was all like, Where's Kellen? And Kellen was all like, I'm wearing a hat for disguise! And I was all like, There's Kellen, wearing a hat! And then I saw him in the hall and he said hi and walked past me, and then he found me later and talked to me and Brooke. I was really glad that he didn't just ignored me. I even extended an invitation to a movie. So there, I'm cool. (His voice is different...)

So yeah... Sorry about yesterday, sweetie. I'm really... Strung out and I'm feeling so much better today. We'll talk about it when you come back and we can talk about that thing you wanted to talk about, too. We'll talk everything out because I'd much rather talk to you about this kind of thing in person, not over the telephone.

Tomorrow is the competetion in Moscow, ID. Wish us luck!

Yup.

'say all you have to say in the fewest possible words, or your reader will be sure to skip them; and in the plainest possible words or he will certainly misunderstand them...'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 19 January :: 8.58pm

Wow. I'm kinda confused.....and a little worried....and pretty tired. Every one get better, it tears me up to see things go down hill. Just remember that you are in control, don't be effect of this universe.

"I have a 139 IQ!"

5 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 19 January :: 5.59pm
:: Mood: crushed

yeah, bad thoughts are running through my head.
they all make me wish i was dead.
so sometime soon i'll crawl into my bed.
and try to forget what all the songs said.

yes, i feel so tired. maybe that's why this is hurting me so... so, uh, okay. who cares. i love you, too. i miss you aswell.

acutally i don't care, you bitch.

but we love eachother. i just feel so unimportant and horrible because i've been so busy with existing... i don't want to do this anymore, i don't want to tear myself apart like this anymore... i don't want to constantly question if i'm good enough, if i'm the problem, if it's all my fault that i feel like the last sentences are being written and soon the words "the end" with a heart and a cross is coming soon...

i just want to go and sit on the bathroom floor, cry in my bed and hide in the corner and never ever have to talk to anyone ever again because it's a constant battle for me...

i'll NEVER be GOOD enough... and it kills me.

so you know what... if i'm not good enough, who cares? i'll die someday... and i'll be good enough then because everyone has something nice to say about a dead person...

i'm sorry. the weight of my heart is crushing me. and it's really hard to ever believe that fireflies existed and that owls are really that cute. i can't see the moon from behind this blood-soaked clouds and rosy-fingered dawn is dead.

'it happens everytime when i open my eyes...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 19 January :: 4.13am

so.. fucking... tired...

7 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 18 January :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: contemplative

4 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 18 January :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Chesney Hawkes

Star Wars Quiz.

1. How many cloaks has Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi gone through since the start of the Clone Wars?

2. What type of land speeder does Luke Skywalker own?

3. What is the name of the 2-handed lightsaber combat style?

4. What type of skyhopper does Luke Skywalker own?

5. What race is Kit Fisto?

6. What type of holster does Han Solo carry?

7. What is the cylinder located above the hips of a storm trooper?

8. Mace Windu is a master of what lightsaber form?

9. What does form VI consist mostly of?

10. Where does a lightsaber get its color?

11. What are the three different variations of the DC-15?

12. What standard firearm and side arm do the Imperial Stormtroopers use?

Five points for every answer. Ten points for every correct answer.

[electronic kisses.]

:: 2006 18 January :: 5.48am

i might get trained at edo! <3

yeah, i work today.... but not until five, so i'm going to go buy a bag because i want one.

and after work i'm going to come home and talk to my lovie kins, jeremiah and be happy that he's not moving to florida. and i'm going to tell him all of the wonderful things i think about him.

so i have a concert tomorrow. seven. lc auditorium, be there or be square, yo.

so.... tired...

'groove is in the heart...'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 17 January :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: placebo

brookelynn -

i listened to those placebo songs.

[i like them]

<3<3

:: 2006 17 January :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: snow patrol

spitting games

I broke into your house last night
And left a note at your bedside
I'm far too shy to speak to you at school
You leave me numb and I don't know why

I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies

I struggle for the words and then give up
My heads up with the birds on the t-hut
A little piece of mind that I know better
That the plain disgrace of all my letters

After that the floodgates opened up
And I fell in love with everyone I saw
Take your time I'm not in any rush
And it's in everything I ever write

It's not as if I need the extra weight
Confused enough by life so thanks a lot
Lonely written words for company
Just raise the roof this once and follow me

Namu	:: 2006 16 January :: 9.39pm I don't have to leave her.....yay!!!! i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 16 January :: 7.19pm

what a wonderful day today is.

<3<3<3

5 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 16 January :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: anxious

i was watching boy meets world today. and it was the episode where tapanga moves to pittsburg and leaves corey in philadelphia. tapanga runs away and visits corey and his mom says that they shouldn't be together and they should see other people... then corey says all this heart-filled stuff and tapanga's all like 'i'm so glad that i get to do everything that people who are in love do with corey and no one else.' and i was all like, 'wow that sounds like someone i know.' and then my parents asked me why i was smiling and i told them and they were all 'oh' and yeah.

i <3 b.m.w.

'love means faith..'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 16 January :: 9.00am

I'm downloading a Japanese word processor.

It's not that exciting...