godessalthena
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2006 16 January :: 6.07am
:: Mood: cheerful
i'm better now than yesterday. maybe i just get tired...
Brookelynn comes over today!! yay! yay! yayayayay!!
I'm also going to watch Unsolved Mysteries or Cold Case Files (or whatever) and American Justice! I love those shows!
today is going to be a great day!
'they say that love goes anywhere...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 15 January :: 8.06pm
and we're getting good
at passing out in motion,
on our strangers floors,
and our wandering hearts,
numb our blistered fingers and our burning throats
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 January :: 4.24pm
finished my japanese research paper in three hours or so... give or take an hour because i wasn't paying attention. but's it's an okay paper... good enough... i want to fucking cash my check damnit.
hanging out with brooke tomorrow probably! ureshii deshoo! now all i have to do is write my nikki that i totally blew off.
sigh.
i feel cold and lonely right now. especially my toes...
sigh.
'louisiana, they're trying to wash us away...'
love,
amelia
p.s. for my love: Read more..
<3<3<3 i love you, sweetie poo kins!
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 January :: 7.28am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Starting Line - Hold On
what happens when i smile
Read more..
i hate life sometimes.
'don't be afriad to let them show... you're true colours are beautiful like a rainbow...'
love,
amelia
p.s. i fucking love cher.
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 14 January :: 4.39pm
I wanna watch Drop Dead Fred.
Where are my siblings? I feel so alone.
...and hungry.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 January :: 7.24am
i got paid! and it's pretty good paycheck. lucky!
so yeah, crystle thinks she got 'laid off' so she wasn't horrible angry about it. yesterday was kelly's last day and antony's birthday... and i talked to lauren a little bit, but not much and i got off early... i was going to sleep in, but those damned doggies.
plays in fast forward are great.
i can put my hair up in a half ponytail! yay!
'do do do'
;pbr,
amelai
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 13 January :: 9.59pm
Man, sometimes I wish I wasn't such a "valuable being". It makes me want to not show how able I am sometimes, just because people ask a lot of me cause they know I'll be able to handle it. I've been in the org for a week, and I'm already placed as one of the best employees there. It's weird......whatever. I guess I like the responsibilities though, even though I have to wear a lot of "hats"( meaning jobs, like a fireman wears a fireman's hat, when he puts on that hat, he becomes the owner of that job and it's responsibilities).
I feel love though, I really do. I guess all I need to keep me going is that she is in my future, and I will keep on living, in order to see her beautiful face yet another day. We're all going our ways, but it'll be all right, I know it. I'm gonna get done with my training, and live my life with my lovely wife, and eventually our children. That future is already created out there in the universe, so there is NO reason that it's not going to happen. I love you baby.
"Isn't everything better when you're in love?"
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 January :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: indescribable
today was...
beautiful. ravishing. amazing.
i feel so loved, so happy, so perfect right now. i can't believe that everything is so fine just because i don't let things get to me... and music is the most beautiful thing that man's ever made... it's like the one redeeming qualitity... his ablitily to create and compse music...
i am so glad and thankful that i had the chance to play an instrument with such a magnificent band... i feel so sorry for those who don't have the blessing of music in their lives... i feel so complete after an excellent concert...
god i love being a band geek.
'everything will be all right...'
love,
want-to-be-optimist
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 January :: 5.36am
:: Mood: mellow
i think my bed takes away horrible things. honestly, when i crawled into my bed last night i felt so fine. it's was so nice to just be there, lying with the light on looking at the stars. writing in my journal... everythng was perfectly fine for a while... i couldn't remember my problems, what i could remember feeling seemed stupid so i couldn't write them because i didn't feel that way anymore. so i just wrote things...
so i'm better now... my bed fixed it. sleeping is the best cure of not being happy for me.
i'm all dressed up today. with my white wanpiisu. i teach today. zuzu says you can see the polka dots of my panties through my skirt, but i don't know how to fix that because i don't have any white panties or white anything that goes on my legs... and i can't wear jeans all day...
i acutally decided that i'll wear this skirt all day until work. because i went through the trouble, i might as well not cut it off short.
i feel so loved and special.
'the stars are dimmed by clouds and tears..'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 January :: 6.53pm
i totally forgot until i looked at the date.
Happy fourteen months my lover! I'm so glad that we've lasted so long! Sorry I haven't called you, but I haven't really felt like I would be able to talk without ruining your day! I love you so much my sweetie poo kins! You're the best ever and I know we can do anything!
I love you so much! I'm so proud of the most handsome, wonderful guy in the whole wide world.
I love you, Jeremiah Antonio Henderson!
love,
amelia grace helena rose bergh
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 January :: 6.39pm
i just want to be alone. leave me alone for a week or so, i think i'll be okay by then. i'm sorry everyone.
honestly, i am. i just am trying to deal with this. it's fear. it's loneliness. it's selfishness. it's me.
so, just let me crawl into a dark corner for a week or so, so i can feel safe like i do when i've done something wrong and my family comes to check on me and i hide in my closet so they can't find me because i don't want to see them because i feel so horrible. that's how i feel right now.
so i'm going into my dark corner. i hope it will make me feel better and not ruin anyone's life more than i already have.
i'm sorry. i truly am.
so good bye for a while.
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 January :: 3.24pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: The Killers - All These Things That I've Done
sorry for today anyone who was affected by it... usually i'd say that i'm really stressed out, but honestly i'm not at all. i feel more relaxed and calm than i ever have... i'm not looking forward to the near future right now.
remember when i told you what my biggest fear was..? yeah, and not this fear is being realized and i really don't want to face it again like before.
and everyone is so racist or piggish or digusting around me exept my friends... and it makes me feel so dirty because i'm related to them. i feel so ashamed to be a homo sapien. it's such a filthy thing, like a bad word, the most baddest word in the whole wide world.
i wanted to cry for most of the day, i wanted to cry for part of the day yesterday. i wish i had something to do so i could forget about everything i'm going to be missing when i move away and all the people i won't get to see for a long time. it's just so sad to think that i won't be here.
but i guess that's all part of growing up, inevitable..
i really don't think anyone understands how badly i want to go to University of Washington. if i don't get accepted i'm going to feel so horrible, low, failurish, stupid, miserable. it's something i have to do to prove that i'm not a waste in the school system. not getting in is like not being accepted as a living breathing thing to me. it's denying me an existance that's worth while.
so yeah, if i don't get in... hell.
'if you judge people, you have no time to love them...'
love,
amelia
p.s. mother teresa is my hero forever.
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 11 January :: 9.05pm
I'm so sad and angry and not cool feeling....
I don't even know what to say.....
alskjdflkajsdflkhsadglkjasdglkhsdltjsdglhasldgkjsd
[totally freaked out]
I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry, even though I have nothing to be sorry about.
<3
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 January :: 4.50pm
i'm going into work from five to eight, probably by myself, which sucks, but whatever. more hours=more money. yay! well... i'm going to go do more homework before bus comes...
i love you jeremiah.
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 10 January :: 9.00pm
Wow, it all came down to me forcing a problem that wasn't there so that I could help. Haha, that's so stupid. But now I know that I can help in other aspects of life, so that makes me tremendously happy, cause I thought that was going to not happen. I thought that my help was going to all be denyed, but no, it's only on the self betterment cause that's not needed anymore. I'm sorry hun, but now we can move on and prosper like we must. I don't know if you realize it, but this is a HUGE turning point for you and I. It really opened my eyes, to how much I need to communicate to you and see the whole picture. I am so sorry. But now that we can move on, I hope you're okay with me putting my two cents in where the other aspects of your life need help where you see fit.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 10 January :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: the shins
I need to see Better Off Dead.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 January :: 4.53pm
i hate how most people never see eye to eye during arguments... how illogical we get, how impossible we act... and then after all the hurting is done and the healing is started, we go back to the way it was, as if nothing happened, like feelings never changed... we just exist as if we were in some vacuum of blind ignorance... it's so strange and causes so much discomfort...
and then no one can let go when they rationalize something. even if they do it irrationally, if they are wrong, they can't realize it because they don't want to admit they are wrong...
humans are so... digusting sometimes...
'you should just be here, be with me here...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 January :: 6.07am
i love ti when you think its going to be a bad hair day and then it turns out that it isn't so bad...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 9 January :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: fuck
Okay now I'm worried......I just don't know what to do between her and I. This isn't fucking fair. My heart is just.....pounding. God fuck. She deserves better than this, right? But I want to be that better, that one there for her. My heart hurts......
somebody plug the whole with the solution to this problem......
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 8 January :: 9.52pm
I'm excited to start work tomorrow, it's going to be a lot of fun. And I absolutely love my own place, it's great.
I am worried about my babykins though....I don't want her to be in this funk. We still have a lot of time before I.....leave. I couldn't ask for a better partner, she's done so much for me, and will stick with me through it all. I love her so much.
Well, good night, I've had a hell of a day.
"I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans"
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 January :: 7.01pm
i've made a decision!
i'm going to have a black kitten and its name will be bakudan.
and i'm so excited to take jeremiah and brookelynn on a trip around the coast , rainforest and wyoming/south dakota and montana... it's going to be so great, those trips were so magical...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 January :: 7.38am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - The World You Love
Don't it feel like sunshine?
Even though this thing with Jeremiah is coming, my life is pretty sunny. Nothing bad is really happening anywhere else in my life. People aren't talking behind my back, people are trying to destroy my life, people aren't trying to do anything mean to me! And better yet, Anna's coming back soon and I'll get to hang out with one of my favourites again!
And so many people love me it's great. I feel so showered and loved... It's so nice to have supportive friends and family. Even Jeremiah's family is being supportive and offering me things I never thought they would. It's amazing! And I have new friends who are interesting and fun and they think I'm sweet. I'm happy that they like me, I was worried that I would be annoying in my cheeriness.
Oh! I saw Wolf Creek yesterday! With my Jeremiah. It was an okay movie, it could have been better... And I don't understand Australian very well... It was pretty gory, but it reminded me of Battle Royale, which I don't know where it is and am hoping my sister wakes up so I can ask her where it is... I hoping I didn't lend it out to anyone who hates me... Not like there are many people out there who openly hate me where I can see it.
Brookelynn, do you know where Battle Royale is?
'we're only as happy as everyone else thinks we are...'
love,
amelia
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 7 January :: 10.18pm
Okay hun, well it looks like we're leaving at 9 tomorrow. Just promise me that two weeks is all that we have to wait, okay? You be good while I'm away, I will miss you dearly and always be thinking of you. Remember how much I love you and you love me, and the connection we have together. Stay in communication with me as much as possible, and I will try and do the same to you. I love you with all of my heart, and know that you are the one I will always be with. See you in a couple babe, let's make time fly by.
Love, your one and only Jeremiah
p.s. You can visit me if you want by bike or whatever if you want before I leave, but I am getting up at eight, and from then till nine packing, so I really won't have time to visit you. Another thing is that my family invited you to go along with them to Seattle THIS weekend if you wanted to go, and you would get to see me and my new place and everything then. If I don't see you, then I WILL call you when I get there, and we'll talk then, and through emails and stuff to save on my minutes. Love you babykins
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 7 January :: 5.01pm
today is sad and sleepy.
i mish you. <3
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 7 January :: 7.26am
:: Mood: melancholy
i don't know really what to say... if i say what i want i might start to cry... it's so hard not to...
i'm sorry i cried so much last night, i couldn't stop it... it was like an explosion that i couldn't hold in... but i'm so glad we talked about it, now i know what's really going on...
i'm proud of you and happy for you, but i'm still sad... sad isn't the right word... it's so strang how horrible i feel since it's mixed with happy good emotions too...
i just... i really want things to work out because i'd be so lost without you... you're the light that keeps me going and i don't want that light to go out... what would be left?
just the stars. they all go out too...
'the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 6 January :: 11.17pm
I feel SOOOO much better now. Not perfect, but that I know for certian that my love wants to be with me forever, and we can go through anything. It was really hard on her, and it's the hardest I've ever seen anything upset her, but we will be all right, and I'm SURE of that now. And that I am in love, TRULY in love, with the absolute best. The time has come where helping this world is of the utmost importance, but I surely do not want to lose what I have worked so hard for, and love to death. I am truly lucky in the sense of the word that this happened against all odds. It is hard though, cause helping others in this world and being in love....you can't sacrifice one over the other, they both are just that important. Thank you so much honey, I fucking love you to death.
"Everything.....EVERYTHING....WILL.....it will be okay"
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 6 January :: 9.43am
Ah.....I don't know what to do.....I'm so confused and so many things have happened within the last few days. This little mascarade "behind" my back is starting to hurt my heart, cause I'm supposed to trust her. Maybe if I let it be, the right thing will happen, but I'm just afraid that it won't. Psh, like fucking hell there isn't a crush.
I'm super afraid that I'm gonna lose that which is close to me in the future. I dunno, if I go through with this job thing, I'll be one out of only 400 people on this planet that have made it up to a Class 6 auditor....my dad is only a class 4. But if....when I do, I'll have the ability to help every situation and problem on this planet with certainty, and essentially start saving the world....all by age 20 or so. Gah, so much bouncing around in my head.
Honey, I know that things are going to look rough for us here in the near future, but if we are going to go through with us staying together, I'm gonna need you to be faithful to me 100%, no exceptions. If you can't do that, or feel like I'm not who you want to be with anymore, I need you to tell me now or soon. You're supposed to be better now, there is no need for you to share your sad stories with anybody, because they have already been solved. Only reason you'd be doing it would be so that somebody would like you. I already LOVE you, and I hope you realize that, and also that is all you should need. I'm sorry if this has come off harsh at all, it's just bouncing through my head, and I'm being honest.
"I can't get those statements out of my head....and they're stabbing my heart in every way"
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 5 January :: 10.12pm
:: Mood: fucked up
I'm kinda scared now. My dad offered to pay for my apartment and stuff so that I could do just one job instead of two for a while. He's on the phone with my whorebag called a mother, and she is really angry about that. I'm even shivering a little bit. I don't feel good. man she is a whore.
On top of that, I'm going to be here for about 2-3 months, working and training at the org, starting next monday. It's five days out of the week which is nice, so I can come home for a few weekends. Only thing is, is that I'm such a valuable being, that if I qualify, they're going to fly me down to flag(the biggest org on the planet, located in Florida) for my auditor training. I'm both excited and crushed at the same time. I don't know what I'm going to do about her.....or her best friend......I'm so sad.
I love you hun, I'm coming back tomorrow. If my mom isn't too much of a bitch, I'm gonna visit, but no gaurentees. I'll visit as soon as I can though, I promise you that. Maybe one or two weeks or somethin.
Maybe I am just.....nevermind.....
"I feel like shit right now"
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 5 January :: 7.30pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World
somethings never should change
my heart feels funny... i just don't know what to do... but i don't know if i really mean that because it's like i know everything is going to be fine and work out, but i'm so scared that it might not... i don't know what would happen if this all fell apart... so much of my time 'wasted' on something that didn't last and so much time in the future that i don't know what to do with... it's so horrible, thinking that my world might crash and burn and i'll have to just pick it up, put some tape on it and move on... i never want to do that... so it just won't happen.
it will always be like this... we'll always be in love and we will always work things out... please tell me this won't ever go away...
school pisses me off less... i think it's because i'm too tired to notice how horrible it is... the only class that really reminds me of how isolated i am most of the time is my english class... i totally hate that class because i'm not a part of it at all... i don't fit in... i can't get all the thoughts out of my head... i just need to write it all down... i need to get it all out...
i want to scream!
but hush, hush, because no one wants to hear your bitching you worthless human being who has a dark soul and heart because you don't come crawling back to the ones who take you for granted.
i'm so glad dale doesn't hate me. he's such a sweetie. i need to take him out sometime...
i need to buy some flowers for the bitch drama queen. and no, it isn't a girl.
'i always believed in futures...'
love,
amelia!
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 4 January :: 6.44am
and everything is bunnies and sunflowers. and everything is dying soon because fall's coming and the distance between me and the sun is going to get big. and things will be a little chilly. let's hope winter never gets here, or all of the bunnies and sunflowers will die in desparation for the sun.
and everyone is bunnies and sunflowers. the happiness just exudes from every orifice. yay. so have a good one.
'i'll lick my wounds, could you pass the salt?'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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