:: 2005 12 January :: 9.24 pm

uhh I just love him so much. Words cant even begin to describe how much I love him. We talked for most of the night and I love it. ahhh I am so in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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:: 2005 10 January :: 9.57 pm

UH I CAN NOT TAKE THIS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I CANT KEEP WONDERING, ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY. UHH GOD TODAY I WAS SOOOO SCARED I STARTED CRYING AND SHAKING AND I LOVE THAT HE WAS THERE FOR ME BUT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I HAVE TO KNOW. AHHHHHHH I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME OR IF I AM JUST BLOWING THIS WAY OUT OF PROPORTION. UH I JUST REALIZED THAT I WROTE THIS WHOLE THING IN CAP LOCK UHH I AM FUCKING STUPID UHH I FUCKING HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

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:: 2005 9 January :: 9.11 pm

This weekend sucked. Me and nate were just uh fighting about stupid stuff all weekend and got into a huge fight at the movies and missed a half an hour of it. I know he loves me and I love him but this weekend was just bad but I am glad that we resolved things a little last night and then today. I love him and I dont wanna lose him. I would do anything for him and he would do the same. Sometimes I just get scared and I think that one day he will just wake up and not love me anymore. uhh I am weird but its just the way I am and I can't help that. I guess I have some changing to do. I realized how much I love him today though. When his mom called and asked if I had seen him because he was supost to be somewhere about 2 hours ago and hadn't showed up uhh god my heart just stoped, my mind was racing with what ifs. It was driving me crazy to not know where he was and to not know if he was ok. And about an hour or so went by and he called and said he couldnt find where he was going and then got lost. I was so glad to just hear his voice and to know he was ok. I know it may sound stupid to some of you but I dont really care because after that funeral I just havn't wanted anyone out of my sight I just want everyone to be safe uhh I am not making any sense. But anyways Jess I love you and I hope you feel better. I love how we are always there for eachother when we are puking lol I love you Jess!!

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:: 2005 8 January :: 7.07 pm

This morning was the funeral. I thought I would make it though the whole thing with out crying but then after when we all went downstairs and stuff I saw my grandma and everyone crying I just lost it and starting crying like a mad women ehh It was horrible. I Love you Marge :)

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:: 2005 8 January :: 9.33 am

Yesterday was a really good day!! After schools nate came over for a little while then me and jessica got ready forever at her house and went to the game and the dance. The game was gay of course but the dance was so much fun. I hadnt hung out with Jessica in so long and it was the best time I have had in a long time. But today will prolly not be a good day I have to go the my Grandmas funeral. :(

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:: 2005 6 January :: 7.50 pm

Well my Great Grandma died yesterday and the funeral is on saturday so I have to cancel babysitting. uh its just not fair she was to young to die. I know you are all thinking she has to be old she is your great grandma but she really isnt that old she is only just in her 70's. I dont deal with death well at all. And I know that nobody does but uhhh I am not very strong at all. Uhh I cant handle this.

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:: 2006 1 January :: 12.40 am

So tonight was fun. I hung out with Jessica at barkers for awhile and then went over to nates and played 3 games with the whole family. Me and nate actually won a game..very exciting. And then for the first time I got a new years kiss at 12:00 hehe!! I love hanging out with nates family all of them are just so great!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

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:: 2005 29 December :: 12.01 pm

Last night was great. He is great. I am just so happy that we are together but there are a couple things that have really been bothering me and I think its time for me to talk to him about it. I have been avoiding it for so long but I cant go though it again so I have to do something about it. It ruined my last realationship and I will not let it ruin this one. I cant I love him way to much.

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:: 2005 28 December :: 6.52 pm

hehe so me and Jess are taking Nate and Josh to the movies because me and her are sick of sitting at their houses and just watching movies. Now dont get me wrong but a girl likes to get all pretty and dress nice and go out so we are taking it upon ourself to make them go lol. Nate has taken me to go see two movies but now I wanna do something for him and well in cedar what else is there to do but go to the movies uhh it sucks but hey its something and as long as I am with him I am happy.

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:: 2004 26 December :: 12.04 pm

So Christmas got better when I was with nate. We watched a movie and then I started crying out of no way about my great grandma and the whole thing with my grandpa uh and he was just so perfect about all of it. He was just so nice and we talked for a long time and then we played a game with his family uhh I love all of them. hehe my boyfriend is the greatest!!

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:: 2004 25 December :: 4.53 pm

Overall Christmas was ok. I got lots of good things but Uh on Christmas eve we had my moms side of the family over(about 25 people) and it was hell. I am not gonna get into the details but it just wasn't the best christmas. Well nates coming over and that will hopfully cheer me up! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

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:: 2004 23 December :: 12.16 pm

I had a really good day. I got to hang out with nate all day and things are alot better now cause things were kinda uhh on edge a little I dont know why but we are really good again. :) I love nates mom she is so sweet she got me like 10 things for christmas. I love being over there they make me feel like part of the family. oh and linds thanks for just showing up;)

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:: 2004 22 December :: 12.20 pm

uhhh I dont even know what to think right now. I am so frustrated with how last night went. He just seemed so distant and like he wanted to talk about something but didnt have the balls to say something. I really dont like how things were left last night at all. And then for him to tell jess to tell me sorry last night online uh thats just stupid fucking call me up and tell me yourself. uh god guys are so stupid sometimes. Sometimes I just dont know about this...

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:: 2004 20 December :: 4.41 pm

uhh really shitty day my car got another flat tire. I got home at about 4 and i got that the flat tire at like 12 so thats what I did all day. uhh now I am just gonna sit home iam so sick of being in town and in the cold.

do you love me?

:: 2004 20 December :: 10.46 am

I am just so happy right now with everything. He means so much to me. I have never had a guy care that much about me to go and buy a dozen roses and the most beautiful card just to say sorry. And what he wrote inside meant so much to me uhh I can not believe this is happening to me. I have always wanted a romantic kind of guy and never got got that and now I do. Its like a dream come true! ehh I cant stop smilling:) I love you to Jess! Your the best!!

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