:: 2012 29 July :: 3.37 am

Here is a link to my more modern, grown-up life:

http://meehan0125.tumblr.com

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:: 2010 3 September :: 11.30 am

At school...
Getting ready to pick Jayce up from his preschool...
Just wanted to throw in this update here...

Gonna start using this again...

I'll start back up Tuesday..

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:: 2007 5 November :: 8.55 am

KDKA
My dad's news report at 5:00... I don't know if we're watching it...

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:: 2007 5 November :: 8.49 am

Craziness.
That's what's been going on.
I'm pretty sure my life is fake.

Mom's funeral.
So many people.
I don't even remember it.
Just remember taking a million xanax.
It was fake, anyways.

The night of, Liz was with Ben and Sarah Bishop saw them together so to start trouble, she text Ben.
The night of his girlfriend's mom's funeral??????
My dad says people like that don't have hearts.
and then the girl's mom called my house and I answered and I tried to be adult about it but she... wasn't.
She just said this all has to stop.
I said it had to come from both sides and it would stop from my sister if it stopped from her daughter.
I didn't even really know what was going on. All I know is that my sister had Ben locked in the bathroom and she was beating him up and he was yelling for help.
Liz wouldn't tell us what was going on and I found out when the mom called my house.
She said she wanted to talk to my dad, I was like, "it was our mom's funeral today, he's had a rough day, we've all had a really hard couple of days and he is sleeping."
She said, "i know and i'm very sorry to hear that but i need to talk to him." what a bitch??
at one point she was like, "sarah talking to a boy does not mean anything."
i was like, "well in most cases i would agree but sarah has sex with every boy she talks to."
she was like, "you have sex with bubby!!"
i was like, "uhhh...well he has been my best friend since 7th grade, my boyfriend for like almost three years and my son's father..."
she said, "i know and i feel really sorry for you.."
i interrupted her, "don't feel sorry for me, we're happy but this doesnt concern me in any way except that i've gotten caught up in it at 2am and my sister is in hysterics... i'm just looking for a way to settle it."
she wanted to talk to me dad... again... what a bitch.
In the morning my dad said something like, "ohh i'll call her alright, she'll be sorry she wanted to talk to me."
that's when he said the part about people like that not having hearts.
we all were yelling at my sister to leave ben alone and told him the girl was a liar.
my dad yelled at her and told her since the girl can't get to me she tries to get to liz.
my sister stopped and they were fine.
except for ben's black eye.
we all made fun of him for that.
but we definitely agreed he's a good guy for putting up with that.
we would've slammed her. haha.

leanne and michelle came from chicago but leanne had to fly out two days later for work.
michelle is still here, actually.

we were in wal-mart one day and she sees this hot chocolate.
she was like "he looks good!" i was like, "i knew you were gonna say that."
beacuse.. well.. he did.
soo.. we were finishing up our shopping when we noticed he was following us.
we were about to turn down an aisle when I turned around and he was staring at us.
i was like, "girl he's lookin at you!!"
so we turn down the aisle and he mustve ran because he was at the other end of it when we got there.
i thought for sure one of them were going to say something to the other and then he looked at me and was like, "what's good? what's your name?"
haaa.. i'm standing there, pushing a cart full of food, holding a bottle in a baby's mouth. i was like, "haha, i have a boyfriend." he was like, "i can't get your number?" i was like, "no but you can get my sister's number."
he asked her how old she was. she told him 23. he said he thought she was way young.
soo they got each others numbers and before we were out of the store he was texting her about chillin that night.
haha she was telling jayce, "babe, ya mama's a pimp!!!!"
haha i was so embarassed i was like, "only because he thought you were 16!!!"

other than that, it's been crazy with liz suspended every time she goes to school.
i think we are going to get her homeschooled or phase 4 or something because it's ridiculous. i think mr z is looking for reasons to get her in trouble.

plus, she is going to court for harassment charges because i guess she grabbed a girl up at a game and said something to her and then told her again in school or something like that. well, it was with good reason. the girl said, "it's liz's fault. she should've been in the hospital with her mom instead of out getting drunk."
????????? you don't say that.
we weren't allowed to see her.
and when liz DID see her, she had to run out crying because it was horrible.

the girl told the police she said, "i feel bad. it's too bad liz couldn't have been with her mom more."
he knew she didn't say that.
but he cited liz so it could be taken in front of a judge.

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:: 2007 5 November :: 8.45 am
:: Mood: depressed as always

excerpts from my blogdrive for my woohu friends to read...
on July 29th my mom went to the hospital in ridiculous pain.
They thought it was gull stones...
They did some tests and a biopsy and found she had pancreatic cancer.
It's like, one of the worst to have because by the time they find it, it's too late..

Around the 10th of August or something we found out she had it and she was transferred to UMPC in PGH.
They said she didn't have long to live.. maybe a year with treatment.

We found a "miracle doctor" on KDKA.
Willing to go across the country for him, we were surprised when he was in Mon Valley. He operated on her there and it was hopeful. He removed all the cells and she was due for chemo.

...but things went wrong...
she caught an infection from being exposed for 12 hrs during surgery.
the infection basically shut all her organs down. Her bowel ducts, her kidneys, her liver, a perforated colon.. all this and all that.. they operated and she pulled through it all... at one point she was internally bleeding and it stopped itself...

They thought she was a miracle. She survived everything and SO much was going wrong for her. One thing would get better and something else would give up on her.
She wasn't too coherent and my dad said it was best for the kids not to go see her like that. She didn't know if we were there or not and if she had been aware, she wouldn't have wanted us to see her like that.

...but on October 8th my dad told me to come in..
she was sleepign but they told me she could hear me so i told her to please wake up and come home and that i missed her so much and that my baby (jayce) missed her so much and that she has to come home and be his grandma. (my boyfriends mom drives me nuts and i cant stand her) i told her please get better and everything.
i didnt want to leave but she had to have surgery on her bladder because it wasn't working...

I cried so hard that night and couldn't sleep.
It hurt me to see her there... it even hurt me when she was home with us and sick... she was in sooo much pain all she could do was lay in bed. I would just lay with her all day...

The next day... I went out to my friend's house and then got sad and wanted to go home. My boyfriend was watching the baby so I went to his house and picked him up and said I needed to go home...
My boyfriend was nervous because I never wanted to go home while my mom wasn't there.. but somethign felt wrong.

THe phone rang after I'd been there 20 minutes. It was my mom's nurse telling me we needed to be there with her because they were having trouble with her heart rate...

I cried and begged my dad to let me go.
He said I needed to stay home for when my little sister and brother came home from school.
My dad called and said she was fine and he would call me back.
My brother, sister and I were all sitting in the lviignr oom when he walked in and told us that he had to talk to us.. he was crying. my sister jumped up and yelled, "NO!" he hugged my brother and said "mom didnt make it..."

i can't even remember the rest of the day..
or barely remember the funeral...




i know now exactly why God has given jayce to me.
he had given me the best gift he could before taking away the best person i've ever known... Jaycen Marish is the reason I am holding myself up through this struggle.
He is my rock and my entire life.

There is so much I could say about the loss of my mom and yet words could not explain how I feel about losing someone who had the greatest impact on my life...
The reason I have life....



....i'll see you again, someday...





Friday, October 26, 2007
the entry i never thought i could write.

babe smiles first thing in the morning and that makes me happy
but then i look over to my mom's chair at the kitchen table and then drink my coffee and watch Ellen Degeneres by myself. I get sad again because that's something we always did together.

what makes me sad the most?
Muna will never be Jayce's favorite grandma because she is someone he will only know through what we tell him.
He may wish he got to know her but she can never be his favorite because he will never know how she really was.
That's why my dad says we will have him grow to be the way she wanted him to grow.
To know that people have hurt feelings, so you have to always be nice and watch what you say.
To know the difference between the people you can help and the people you can't change and have to accept, instead.
To teach him to believe in God and go to church because that is the only way any of us will meet her again.



You know how they say to live every day like it's your last because you never know what to expect?
Well that is more true than you could ever imagine.
"A minute spent mad at someone is a minute of love you can never get back."
..those minutes don't add up until you realize you can never show that person how much you love them ever again.
In the last year, I've brought a beautiful, wonderful, happy baby boy into the world, I just started probation for something that I did almost two years ago, I moved out onto my own for the first time with my new family, I've gotten more close with both of my dads than I ever thought I would be, I heard the devastating news that my mom, my best friend in the whole world, has cancer, then even more devastating I heard the news that she only had a year or so more to live... about two months later I lost my mom, my best friend in the whole world; my son's grandma, his "muna" who I had been helping me through everythnig that was going wrong in my life (which basically seemed liek everything).

I really thought that if the day would come, I would definitely choose not to live anymore because, like I've said before in previous entries, I can't live without my mom.
..but then I realized how much the rest of my family needed me.
what would happen to babe?
would my dad start drinking? who would take care of liz and shawn?
and how would everyone be able to deal with two losses??

But now I know that you just have to take everything life throws at you and you just have to live.
You have to accept everything, good and bad and make yourself into a stronger person.
I know that I have to be the person my mom wanted me to be and teach babe to be the person he needs to be.

Every day is a struggle.
..but every day it gets one step easier.
If I think about her too long, I cry too hard.
but each time I cry a little bit less and remember that she wants me to be happy for her because she is where she has wanted to be for SO long.

I didn't know when I would be able to write this entry but I'm glad I have now.
My biological dad told me that some of the things I was thinking before are things I shouldn't hold in my mind because they're things I can't change.

This happened for a reason. "No one here is smart enough to know how our lives should be." --the Bible says something like that. I just can't think of the verse.
Maybe God saw something in her future that he knew she wouldn't be able to take?
--My gram said that to me right before my dad told me that the doctors found cancer everywhere in her body. The infection took over too fast before chemo could start and without the chemo the cancer spread all through her body.
..Maybe God took her from us so she didn't have to fight anymore. My mom was definitely strong enough but she didn't deserve to have to live her life fighting.
Like the Bible says.. no one is smart enough to know why.. but if you do what you need to do.. you will see her again.

Two months doesn't sound short.. but when you're losing the person you love more than ANYTHING in the WORLD.. two months comes in the blink of an eye.

You need to realize what you have and CHERISH it. You have to recognize the people that LOVE you and LOVE them back. The people that don't? You need to FORGIVE them and move on.. everyone has problems and my mom has always said, "hurting people hurt people." You can hate someone for simple reasons.
Life isn't about that. Life is about living the best you can and being the best person you can and knowing what you're going to do when it's OVER.


Posted at 1:12 pm by meehan0125

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:: 2007 5 July :: 5.35 pm

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:: 2007 30 June :: 1.32 am

if my boyfriend had a myspace or facebook i would have the most embarassing pictures

We got our printer the other day and I already printed out probably close to 2million pictures. There are pictures all over our refrigerator and some sitting on the kitchen table that i have to buy frames for.

What does Justin print out as soon as he sees it?
He wastes about 10 photo papers to print stupid pcitures of me out that we can't even hang up or anything. haha.
i don't know why he likes those pictures.
i'm flicking him off in one and in the other one, i am in the middle of flicking him off and my fingers look like a sped hand.

Ahh I have been so BORED lately.
How about the other day Justin goes to the wave pool with my friends and I couldn't go because I had plans to get my consultation at the gym!!
I was so mad!!!!
Well, not mad--jealous.. I really wanted to go!!
Haha oh well though he was the only guy and had to swim by himself!!

I feel like a fat cow lately.
I mean, I guess I'm not trying to watch my weight at all.. but.. I wish I was because I feel like a moose.

I start back to work on Monday and I've come to DREAD it!!
I, no way, want to leave my babe AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't know how i'm going to do it.
i was crying and i told justin that one day i am going to marry someone rich for my babe.
he said, "...go for it."

hhaha,
anywyas.
i'm super tired because i am never up this late and i was at tracy's playing Jeopardy! on Nitendo until 12:30.
She took me out to eat tonight at Wing'n It, her and Chriss.
I was supposed to go over there and chill with her, chriss, and evan but i had to take liz to joey's and drop shawn's friends off so i got there after evan left.
it's okay cause me and tracy played a million games on jeopardy.

i'd say we're both pretty kick ass.

anywyas, i'm going to bed.
night!!

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:: 2007 25 June :: 11.37 am
:: Mood: freaking tired!!
:: Music: we have to take our clothes off, we have to party all night

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:: 2007 24 June :: 5.11 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Amy Winehouse - Rehab

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:: 2007 22 June :: 11.35 am

damn you, dog

I'm waiting for the water in the dish pan to cool down and then I am going to do the dishes. When these clothes get out of the washer and go in the dryer, I'm throwing in a load of towels. As they wash, I'm goin to hop in the shower.

Then, I need to run to the bank to put money in Justin's bank account and then go back to my mom's to play wii and wait for Denise.

I have a busy day.

To make it worse--my mom told me to bring Jayce down NOW so I can get things done quicker. Well.. Nore pushed out the door so I was like, "okay whatever, he can go for a ride. Well--he pushed out the car door when we got to the house so I hurried and ran Jayce and the diaper bag upstairs to the kitchen and then went to go outside to get Nore and when I go outside him and Haley (my brother's pit) are stuck together. So I'm like damnit what the fuck.
I ask my mom, "aren't you supposed to spray them with a hose or something? GET THEM APART!!" and I'm liek freaking out. She said it's an old wive's tale to throw water on them but that just makes them run apart and rips the girl.
So Haley is like biting Nore and freaking out and yelping.
I'm yelling at them that it's what they deserve.
My mom said they have to relax to get apart and I said when Nore's thing gets red, if you pet him it goes away. She said, "go pet him then." I was like, "Yeah right I'm not going near Haley, she'll bite me!" cause Haley was liek freaking out.
ANyways.. we waited and it took about a half hour and they got apart.

But now we will be blessed with labra-bulls. fuck.

Justin and my mom were yelling at me liek it was all my fault.
I mean--okay, I know it was my fault, but oh my gosh I'm a freaking moron okay!? I'm sorry!!

YTRSSS SWEERETTT my printer came in!!
But I'm done for now. I am going to svae this application for ABC Program to get Nore neutered and then I am going to wash dishes, put in a load of towels, take a shower, go to the bank and then go to my mom's.

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:: 2007 22 June :: 12.07 am

so much for trying to lose weight..

..I just downed like four cheeseburgers and gave Nore one.

You know who I miss? Tubby. I was uploading new pictures
(click here to see them)
and I had a bunch of me and him. I missss him.
Too bad Nor' would eat 'em.

I'm super tried.
Justin wanted to sleep over tonight but I told him not to.
It's only been ONE night. I have to stand my ground and show him I mean business!!!

Jayce is sleeping in his crib. I'm about to wake his ass up to cuddle with him and the puppy.

I freaking can't wait til my printer gets here. I am going to have picture frames all over my house and the first thing I'm going is making a scrapbook for Jayce at the hospital.

Okay. I think this is it. I'm dead tired.
I have to meet with Denise tomorrow at liek 4 or so, so you know I'll be going down my mom's like two hours early to play wii while i wait for her.

ughhh okay if i don't go to bed now i will never be able to handle jayce when he wakes up in the night.

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:: 2007 21 June :: 11.39 am

good morning

I am sitting here, drinking coffee, watching Hollywood's 50 Most Shocking Confessions.

My babe is sitting next to me.. He's mad cause I turned off the Doodlebob's. Yeah, he watches t.v. He's cool.
He's just drinkin his bottle, chillin'.

I spilled coffee all over the couch because I tried to pick up my cup with my foot. Haaaa.

Next nap the babe takes I'm washing the dishes and taking a shower to get ready for the day.

I uploaded new pictures. Click here to see them.

I'm not srue what I'm going to do today but it's probably not going to be anything interesting.
Maybe I'll go over my mom's house for a little bit to play Wii.
I do need to caulk the sink so I can clean my bathroom though.
We put in a new sink and stuff and everything that was in the old one is now all over the bathroom floor because the sink we have now leaks because it needs caulked.

Nore is so cute, we put his crate in the kitchen because it's cool in there and we aren't locking him up anymore when we go out so we left it out incase he still wanted to go in it when we locked the bedroom door. Well--he still lays in his crate in the middle of the kitchen. He's so freaking cute.

Okay, as you can see I'm rambling on becuase I'm bored. The babe fell asleep so I'm going to go get ready for today.

Byee.

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:: 2007 20 June :: 11.47 pm

my babes.. i love 'em

Today, I didn't do much of anything.
I drove around a lot after me and Justin got in a fight.

Here's the story:
We were chilling out on the deck with the babe and nore babe.
We came in and we left the door open.
I kept on asking where Nore was and everytime I asked, he would say, "sleeping out on the deck."
And each time I would say to him, "Okay, because if he gets hit by a car, I'll kill myself."

Well, I am taking a nap and he wakes me up to hold Jayce while he washes some bottles.

I am sitting on the couch with Jayce and Justin goes outside and yells for Nore. I put the baby down becuase I heard Justin's voice get mean. I went outside to make sure that he didn't hurt Nore and just as I walked out on the deck, I saw Justin stomp over to where Nore was cowered in the yard. Justin picked him up by his loose skin and fur and threw him as he kept yelling at him.
I started to freak out. I was screaming at him and flipping out.
He tried to justify it by saying Nore was out on the highway but I told him tht was HIS FAULT because I told him to make sure he was watching Nore. If he didn't want to watch him he should put him on his leash.

Well, I fought with him a long time and he kept trying to justify what he did before turning it around on me nad saying it was my fault for leaving the door open.

I wasn't about to fight with a retard so I took the babe and nore babe and I left while he followed me out the door, down the steps, and to my car, begging me not to leave.
I told him to get his shit and stay somewhere else.

I took my two babes and I drove around all day.
I saw Amber and Christina at Exxon so I chilled there for a minute, talkin to them.

I drove around Belle Vernon for a while and then I came home.

I fixed my layout and I don't know what I'm doing wiht it so this is going to have to do for now.

Anyways, it's about freezing in here becuase the air was on all while I was out.
Justin keeps calling but it's a waste of his time becuase I'm not going to asnwer for anything.
I don't want him near me or my son if he is going to treat my puppy that way.

Well, Nore's not a puppy anymore--but he stll is my puppy.

Anyways.. I think I am going to go eat a t.v. dinner and go to bed.
Tomorrow I have a lot of nothing to do.

Actually, I have to put in a new bathroom door and caulk the drain to my sink..

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:: 2007 19 June :: 11.47 pm

being bored

Well, Justin and the babe are sleeping and I am getting tired but I can't pull myself away from cafemom.com

Also, I am watching a movie about fat girls or something.
Well, it came on t.v. after Entourage so I'm kinda watching it.

Last night we didn't do much of anything. Justin cleaning while I slept with the babe.

This morning, we went out to lunch with my grandma and pap pap and took Jayce with us. He was really good and i had a delicious cheeseburger. Justin and my pap didn't like their lunch so it went in a doggy bag for Nore.

After that, he went grocery shopping with Serg and I went to my mom's to play the Wii.
What a work out!!

Anyways, it's time for bed now.

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:: 2007 18 June :: 10.33 pm

babe's first father's day

Yesterday, I went to the pool with Nicole, Jenna and Aiden.
After I got home, we had a cook out at my mom's house for father's day and Justin came over to eat.

Tomorrow we're going to lunch with my grandma at the Blue Flame. I never ate there.

Anyways, I don't have much else to say..

Sorry I didn't get around to changing my background and layout.

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:: 2007 17 June :: 1.06 pm

it's good to see i'm still on your mind, baby girl

=D
I love to see who looks at the stuff I write.
Like it's any of their business? But okay. I guess what I have to say is that interesting.

Last night, after I got home from the pool,
I got ready and went to Jenna's for a crunk fest.
Haha.. Yates and Jessica Teitze were there. Oh, and Nicole.. but that is a given.
Haha we took a lot of pictures.. well, as much as my camera would hold. It sucks. At one point, Jenna's chair got stuck to her belt and she was spinning around like a crazy bitch, screaming and me and Jessica almost peed our pants.

Overall, the night was really funny.
After Yates left.. Me, Jenna, Nicole, and Jess went to Eat n Park at like 4 in the morning a little inebriated.
We were sitting there, deciding on what to order and all of a sudden.. some pancakes get thrown at us. We were like what the fuck?
We turn around, and the guys at the table behind us were very drunk and decided on a food fight while their wives/girlfriends yelled at them.

I dunno, I pretty much inhaled my chicken sandiwch--as I did with all the munchies at Jenna's house. Me and Nicole chilled in the kitchen for a minute.

"Do you have a brother?"
"yeah.."
"does he wear glasses?"
"...Sunglasses..."

"Guys.. I think I am just going to drunk work."

"I'm painting my fingernails purple."
"What does purple mean?"

"I DO NOTcondone drunk driving. You're definitely okay to drive.. here.. drink another one and we'll leave."

This morning we woke up to go to church.
Me and Nicole picked up Joey and TK and dropped TK off at BP.
Nicole took me back to my car and we headed to church.

I love this little boy down in the dowstairs room. His name was Colby he was the cutest little boy ever and he eats everrrryytthinngg so he was my perfect friend.

Now, I am about to head to Shop n Save to grab Jayce some more formula and then we are going to the pool. I think Justin might stop by to spend time with us.. he said he wanted to so I dunno.

It is weird because when I dated Cody I would always be so afraid to go out with my friends especially to hang out over Jenna's house. He would freak out on me and be pissed and I would end up having to fight with him on the phone all night and hang up on him and uugghh.
So like, I found myself trying to explain myself to Justin last night when I told him I was going over there.. he was like, "uhh.. it's cool, lisa... do you want me to watch jayce?.. i wll just sleep over Serg's so I don't have to stay home alone..."
He was going to stop by last night to see me for a little bit but he ended up getting sick and passing out at Serg's. I felt bad for him we were texting each other all night.

ANywyas, I'm gonna go now so I can get Jayce.
I miss my baby!!!!!! .. and Justin and Nore.
But Jayce first and then Nore and then Justin.
I loooooooove my babes!!!!!!

Peace.




P.S.
I KNOW THIS BACKGROUND IS DUMB I MADE IT IN TWO SECONDS. I am changing it, I know.. it's lame. So shut up and no comments on it.

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:: 2007 16 June :: 7.28 pm

I want to make a new layout for here..

Any ideas?
I am in the middle of changing my mind that's why it looks like this.

Anyways--comment me with ideas for a layout or background.

I just got home from the pool. We were playing a card game called Phase Ten and my back was to the sun so it's liek burnt. It will be tan tomorrow. I was trying to get some sun on my GROSS stomach but I'll work on that tomorrow.

I'm about to hop in the shower and get ready cause tonight I'm going over Jenna's with Nicole to spend the night and go to church in the morning.

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:: 2007 16 June :: 1.10 pm

Dummy!!!

My baby is sleeping so I took the opportunity to update real fast before I hop in the shower and get ready for the day.

You know how I said Justin went to Creek Falls the other day with Ben? Well, haha--he got a littering fine!! Game commission was watching them with binoculars. There was a bunch of people up there and a few got fines. When I asked Justin what he littered, he said he stopped in mud and thew his socks over.

Anywyas, Justin went to Mercy a few minutes ago with his uncle to see his gram. She needs to get open heart surgery Monday and her birthday is tomorrow. Poor Shirley. =(

Anyways, I don't know what I'm going to do today but before I do anything--I need to take a shower.

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:: 2007 14 June :: 4.46 pm

Well..
Liz and I just got back from eating lunch at the Olive Garden.
Mmmm..

Justin went with Ben and CJ to Creek Falls..
=( I told him it's too cold today!!

I called Becca today because I heard she finally fought Bishop and that Becca got a lot of punches in on Bishop but that bishop scratched her all up. (Figured that one--HAHA)
I wanted to ask her if Bishop is going around bragging that she whooped her ass yet because that's what happened when we fought. She tried to get her story out before everyone heard the truth. That's what happens when people who care a lot about what other people think about them end up looking stupid.
Anywyas, if she is dumb enough to say she beat Becca up everyone is gonna know that ain't true--if a girl can't beat my ass when I'm ON CRUTCHES with a gimp ankle then she sure as hell isn't going to beat Rebecca up. That's what I say, anyways.
I called Becca to hear the story but she didn't answer. She is probably at work or something.

Anyways,
Last night me and Justin went to the movies with Serg and Nicole.
We saw Ocean's Thirteen. It was pretty good. Ocean's Eleven is still my favorite though.

Afterwards we went to Belle Vernon to pick Jayce up at Justin's mom's.. she wasn't there because she had to take his gram to the hospital.. she's okay though.. she had a slight heart attack. Justin was up all night worrying about her. =(

Tuesday, my mom watched Jayce while I took Justin to the tattoo shop. He got "Jaycen" like on his wrist in red. It looks sick. It's my favorite one he has!! THe only thing that sucks is that I was going to get his name written on the inside of my wrist really small but.. I can't do that now cause I'll look like a copycat. I might get his name on my heart at like the top of my boob.. you know? Who knows.
I know what tattoos I want to get but I don't know where to get any of them. I think I will draw one up and decide where it looks best. Haaa.

Other than that... not too much is going on.

Went to a few grad parties this weekend.
I went to Christinas and my mom and my brother were there but he left to pick Liz up so I sat with my mom for a while. Then pretty mcuh everyone started to leave. Well, everyone my age. I sat and drank with my mom and when they ran out of Shmirnoff, she got me wine? and I drnak three glasses. Haha.
When we left there, we weren't ready to go home so we went to Dena's! Dena's mom and my mom like love each other so they gave each other big hugs and stuff. I started drinking again there and kinda got a little crunk?.. but nothing I couldn't handle. I was just having fun. I sat with my mom and Ashley Merella like the whole time. I talked to Meg too and Covol showed up.. then Brown came to pick them up and they wanted me to leave with them but I wasn't about to roll out on Jayce and my mom.
When the party died down we helped Denise clean up and then we left.. mom almsot wrecking my car..

Anyways, me, Nicole, Bubby, and Serg are going to have a drinking contest. Justin was like, "we need yuengling though," me and nicole say at the smae time, "fuck that--we're going with liquor!!!!"
serg and bubby say they can out-drink us but they want to drink beer and said no way to liquor.
HAha, we'll see when it happens... but were not drinking beer I'll tell you that. Yuck.

ANyways---I'm gonna text Justin and see when they are leaving cause vben has to be back by like 6:30..

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:: 2007 9 June :: 12.01 am
:: Mood: wayyyyy too tired

this is why i rock!!

i'm going to bed.
i just got finished cleaning up a little bit and i am going to take the boys into the bedroom for the night.

tomorrow jayce is going with april. =(
I am going to run a couple errands and hopefully i can get justin to tag along so i don't have to go alone.

we put in the new bathroom sink and i need to get a new drain for it because the one we have now is cracked... or something.

alright, other than that.. nothing.
i'll update later.

This is my wallpaper for my phone:

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:: 2007 6 June :: 11.42 pm

stupid woohu

it pisses me off because when i try to update i always accidentally hit something on this stupid keyboard that redirects me and makes me lose everythign that i type.


to sum it up--
i never have time to update anymore so i was trying to get a quick one in before i go to bed.

we went to rob's wedding on saturday which was really nice.
the reception was fun and me and justin never drink but we did there a little bit. it was funny because neither of us ate a thing all day so once u got a little alcohol in us we were a little tipsy but once they opened the food it was over, haha. we weren't feeling anything at all because we definitely pigged out. i never saw justin eat so much!!

he has to work tomorrow which is lame ebcause i will be lonely all day.
he was with serg tonight and said as soon as he got home, "i saw bishop at val's and she's still trying to cause trouble--she came up to me saying that cody tells people the baby is his and serg heard her say i looked hot.. i think that was the funniest thing i've heard in a while!!"
i was like ??? uhh alright. i said, "i bet cody doesn't even say that and she's just saying that."
why would cody say that? he would be dumb to. jayce was born in april which makes him made in july or august.
aaaand that's funny because i hadn't talked to cody since like.. february.. haha.

anywyas.. it's 12:30 i've been reading past journal entries and now i'm beat. going to bed!! lata!!

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:: 2007 30 May :: 8.21 pm
:: Mood: i have to pee.
:: Music: Blue October - Into the Ocean

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:: 2007 27 May :: 11.45 am

since when are raccoon eyes with light eye shadow hot?
some girls need lessons in putting on make up

I've been meaning to update but everytime i come on here i forget and i do other shit.

but anyways..
i am about to get in the shower right after this.
i was on self.com and to get down to my 'happy weight' they told me to eat 1365 calories a day.
in 2 more weeks my body is supposed to be done "fixing itself" but I can't imagine it tightening my stomach the way it used to be. plus, i wear a huge jeans size that i would love to down. haha.
i complain about it and then eveeryone says, "you had a baby 3 weeks ago..."
i didn't expect my body to be right back the way it was, of course, but it just sucks to feel like this.
i kinda feel like a cow.

yesterday, saturday, we went over cassie and josh's with jayce.
they were having a cookout
is was me, bubby, cassie, josh, chuck, marty, and boo.
and then of course jaedyn was there.. and kaleigh was too.
i hadn't seen kaleigh in sooo long. she is seriously so big.
i can't believe she is 4.. i was talking to boo about it and i couldn't believe it.

after that, i dropped justin off to go to cam's with serg and i went to my mom's so she could see jayce--she missed him.
i stayed there for a while because we went to wingin' it and ate ice cream.

i went back home and answered jsutins calls cause he was blowin up my phones. he said he didn't have a ride home and i wasn't going to come get him, so he stayed there and i was annoyed because he's so freaking messy so i hung up on him and cleaned the house a little bit before i went to bed.
we slept in til like 10 today and now ehre i am.

the day before yesterday, friday,
we took nore and jayce to the park.
well, first we put nore in the bathtub to cool him off a little bit and he loved it so we took him to play in the watewr at the park.
he didn't want to get in the water so justin was throwing treats in for him to get.
when he got out pretty far he was doing circles and chasing his tail and hopping around like he was trying to run ontop of the water.

on the way home he passed out on my lap, haha.
we dropped him off and went to bill's for lunch and then went down to the mall so i could try on some shoes cause justin was going to buy me some new ones cause he got new shoes and i'm jealous.

on thursday,
april wanted to watch jayce so i took him over there and went to gabes with my mom.
i should've known going with my mom was a bad idea.
i just wanted to get like 2 pair of jeans but instead i ended up buying a bunch of shit i didn't need and spent $80!!
i guess i needed it.. i don't have any clothes that fit right now.

anyways...
that sums the recent activities up..
i'm going to take a shower..
lata!

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:: 2007 22 May :: 12.08 am

my baby is sleeping past his usual time to wake up

..Usually he sleeps like--8-12, then wakes up to eat but goes right back to sleep 12-4 for a bottle and goes right back to sleep, then 4-7 and rtight back to sleep and then 7-9 and that's when he gets up for the day.

he was following that except it's 10 after 12 and he's still sleeping and doesn't look like he's getting up anytime soon. hmm.. we'll see what happens..

soo..
it was a good weekend because justin came home a day earlier.
i asked him to go to grand march wih me so he came home thursday night instead of friday. =)
we did go to grand march. i did liz's make up and she looked pretty cute. haha.
she made me jealous, i wish i would've went to prom--it's the one thing i really regret.
in fact, justin had said that he wished we went last year. =(
oh well, too late now.

after grand march tracy watched jayce and we went out to eat at speer street grill. we had a lot of fun.. i miss going out with him.
our waiter talked me into getting this dish i had questions about by saying it was one of the best things on the menu.
justin got a steak and they were both delicious.
our rib appetizer was pretty amazing, too.
when we were finished justin talked me into getting dessert but there was no more chocolate cake. =( luckily, our waiter talked me into getting some sort of brownie cheesecake and it was one of the best things i've ever tasted.

after that we went to cam and serg's apartment for a while.
eventually, we picked jayce up at like 11:30 and went home to sleep.

this weekend went pretty good, it was sad when justin had to leave again.

last night, right after shaun picked justin up, nicole came over with a couple jack daniels malt drinks which were pretty tasty.
after she left i dropepd jayce off at my mom's so i could run to shop n save to get him more formula and then i went back down there and ate dinner and made brownies for my brothers and step dad.
i went home and went to bed..

today i got up and went to meet denise in king's parking lot but when i called her to tell her what kind of car i would be in, she told me she might not make it. she is the lady in charge of my parenting course thing. it's pretty easy, basically she comes over and we talk about how cute the baby is.. last visit she tried on liz's prom jewelery.

i went to the probation office and met her in the waiting room.
i took my drug test for the court order and then i went home!

jenna came over and then left for school around 6.
she called to tell me her class was cancelled.. and then she went home, got adam, and came back.
i knew they were here because i could hear them yelling at each other outside.
haha.

anywyas.. that;s about it. thye left about an hour ago and now here i am.. about to go to bed..

sooo.. im out.

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:: 2007 16 May :: 5.04 pm

here's why i haven't been updating much...

Well.. Did I tell you how Nore chewed my $300 cell phone?
Yeah.. he did..
That was before I even had Jayce, though.
THEN!! I was at my mom's one day recently.. and Nore had my phone AGAIN!

It's been rough for me to walk because they had to cut me like.. a lot.
I was using my meds sparingly because I wanted them to last but sadly they came to and end and I haven't got around to calling the doctor for anything else.

I'm pretty much all better now, though.
Monday was Jayce's first check up.
He's gained exactly a pound since he was born--8lbs 11oz now.
He's so fat--all he does is eat! Haha.
..and that means I don't get much to eat. I gobble down food every chance I get because most of my time is spent with naps.

In 4 weeks I get to resume with normal activities--and that means I can start exercising. I'm probably going to get a thing at the gym, but I don't know--I'm so lazy.
I weighed myself at Jayce's appointment while we were waiting for Dr Dawn and so far I've lost 20lbs.. but I dno't think that's really all that good? I don't know.. I'm not so sure on how that works.
It's weird to have almost my normal figure back.
I can sort of fit into my old jeans except I can't really button them yet.
That kinda figures considering I still weigh almsot 30lbs more than what I did before I was pregnant..

It's weird it's already been 2 weeks!
My mom was like, "kinda tough, huh?"
but.. actually.. it's kind of a lot easier than I thought it was goiong to be.
The only thing that sucks is the depression.. sometimes I get soo stressed out about the most stupid things.
They say that you're not supposed to worry about how messy your house gets or if you didn't get a chance to take a shower that day--but I can't help it.. Those kinds of things are in my nature to get worried about. Like.. when I don't get a shower I feel lazy and disgusting and when my house is a mess I feel frustrated and nervous.
So when he naps.. I will take a shower and clean up and then he gets up and eats and when he goes for his second nap, I sleep with him.

The nights haven't really been that hard.
I woke up more to go pee when I was pregnant.
At first he was waking up at 12, I would stay up til then, feed him, and then go to sleep.
He would wake up at 2:00, 5:00, and 9:00.
Now.. he sleeps from 10-12, wakes up at 4:00 and then again at 7:00 and staying up until 9:00 when he takes a nap.
So at first I was sleeping in until 9:00 but now I am getting up at seven..
that kinda sucks but I got used to it because when we first got Nore, that's about when he would wake us up to go pee.

He's a pretty good baby so far--he only cries when he's hungry--he doesn't even cry when he needs changed or anything. YOu just kinda gotta guess.
And at night, he doesn't get up and stay up like he does in the day.. at night it's just little whimpers when he's hungry, I hold a bottle and we both fall asleep like that.

It sucks that Justin had to go back to work--but atleast he's not staying away for weeks at a time like before--that blew.
He comes home on the weekends for now.
Ugh, I can't wait til he gets a dumb job around here.

Anywyas--so back to why I haven't been updating.
Nore chewed the power cord to Justin's lap top so I called Staples and they said the price ranges from $80-$140.
I was like, "oh my gosh, I hope his is the $80 one!"
Well, he checked--and they had none is stock for his model but told me to bring the lap top in and he'll see if they can find something to fit it.
Justin looked on the internet with the last little bit of life that his computer had left and found one on some site for like $25.
THEN!!
Nore chewed the charger to Justin's phone. Right through the cord. It honestly takes him 2 seconds.
That was Sunday and that was the day Justin had to leave to go back to work. So! He had to hurry and run to the mall to get a new one but they didn't have one--I knew they wouldn't--his phone is from Singapore. He had to buy an adapter for his phone to even plug into American outlets!

So.. he found one on the internet with his computer beeping 10% life left. It was $5.95. Haha.. but $16 to ship it... and the asshole picks priority shipping when he wouldn't even be here!
So.. that cost more.
They delivered it Monday and he won't even be here til 1:00 in the morning on Friday.

Grr.

Anywyas.. I'm out for now this was a good enough update.

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:: 2007 10 May :: 11.56 am

p.s.s.

I uploaded more pictures to my facebook that aren't in my other photo album yet.
They are of our hospital visitors and such.
Click here to view them.

okay i gotta take a shower now.

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:: 2007 10 May :: 11.18 am

happy birthday jenna

Well the last time I updated I ended up sleeping with Jayce all day on the couch. I seriously couldn't move and I ended up with a temperature of 103.. yeaaah.

justin comes home tomorrow!!
waaaaaaahoooooooo

anyways.

jayce is sleeping in his swing so i am going to take the opportunity to take a shower real fast and get ready for the day.

yesterday i spent the whole day at my mom's..
i napped for a while with jayce and when we woke up we had visitors.
it was ashley and noah!! noah has so much hair i couldn't believe it.
haha. it was nice to talk to her, she seems a lil lonely.

After that we chilled for a little bit and then took Liz to the gym.
We came back to my mom's house to take my brother to his friend's house only to find that the little brat already left!!!

Soo.. we went to Wal-Mart to get Liz cookies and then we picked her up from the gym.
We sat at my mom's house for a little bit and then me and my mom came back to my house.

Okay.. today I have to call the gas and the electric company.
oh, and also my doctor to make a follow-up appointment.
but first!! i am going to go take a shower...


p.s.
did you see my pictures of my pretty baby?
Click here if not. =)

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:: 2007 7 May :: 5.39 pm

jmm lmm jmm

just an update.
jayce is a week old today.
=)

i feel like shit today.
uggghhh.
i haven't moved from this couch all day--for real.
except to change his diaper.

justin left yesterday to go back to work.
he'll be home friday but i don't know if i'll make it.
i didn't get a shower yet today and that makes me feel even worse but i can't help it.
kaylin wanted to come over to see the baby but i'm definitely not up to having anyone over right now.
i am pretty sure i have a fever and i am about to take a nap after i am done with this.

yesterday was my grandma's birhday.
we had a party for her but i fell asleep through cake and ice cream (my favorite part.) i wasn't feeling too hot yesterday either.

i have a script of hydrocodone that tells me to take 2 every 4 hours but i think i would die if i did that so i am taking one in the morning with two ibuprofen and then the same before i go to bed.
if i do anything more i get sick.

i have to call and make an appointment for my follow-up and also for jayce to see the pediatrician but i just haven't got around to it.
all i feel like doing today is laying around.
i definitely have to call tomorrow though.
i've had since wednesday..

anywayas..l. no more complaining.
i'm going to go take a nap with my pretty boy.

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:: 2007 5 May :: 1.05 pm
:: Mood: sleepy

perfect.

I am about to take a nap.
Jayce has been passed out in his swing for hours and Justin is laying across from me on the couch, sleeping.

Since my last update...

Those contractions?
I didn't know if they were real or not because they didn't really hurt me.
Justin left with Shaun for Maryland and I went to my mom's.
We timed the contractions which turned into 4 minutes apart.
Justin was going to turn around but I told them not to because I wasn't sure if they were real yet or not.

Then, they went crazy and were jumping all around everywhere and were 3 minutes then 9 minutes then 12 minutes...
but then they started to hit me at 4 minutes for about an hour around like 8:00 or so.
I asked my mom when we were supposed to go to the hospital and she kept on saying I would know.
Well.. they were hurting pretty bad by now but I was still feeling okay.
Finally, at 10:00, my mom said we should leave.. so we were on our way to the hospital.

When I got there we walked in the ER and the lady had us filling out all these papers. When she started asking questions and I was jumping around on my tip toes, she asked what was wrong... I was like, "well.. i think i'm going to have a baby..."
like duh.
what does it look like?
her eyes went wide and she said, "oh hunny you dont need to fill ANYTHING out--you go straight upstairs!!!!"

They put me in a wheelchair and took me in this room where they hooked me up with morphine and made me pass out, pretty much.
I was super high and April (Jusitn's mom) got there and laughed at me.. I couldn't even keep my eyes open.
Dr. Cervone came in and hooked me up with an epidural.. I was so scared about getting one. He totally said it was going to be fine, though and explained it to me what it meant.
When the lady checked me, she could feel the baby's head but didn't know how many centimeters I was dialated.
She told me I have a weird cervix and called another nurse in.
That nurse told me the same thing and I was like, "what do you mean? is that bad?"
and they told me that i was tight but very stretchy and it would probably help me out, hahah.
wheeewww!

well.. i took a nap and justin got there when my epidural was wearing off.
They asked me if I wanted another one and I said yes.. she told me she recommended against it because it would slow down my labor and i can take the pain anyways because i have a high pain tolderance.
I was thinking, "what?? how the hell does she know my pain tolerance?! i will get another one because i would rather it go slow with no pain than fast and painful."
so they gave me another one..
..and then i got it understood that im not even to start pushing until it wears off.
so what;s the point of getting one?!?! ahhhh i was pissed.

so yeah it hurt pretty bad, just as i imagined it would feel like.. like all 21.5 inches of a 7lb 11oz baby coming out of your vagina.

Click the thumbnail to see his pictures

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:: 2007 4 May :: 9.11 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

i just have to drop in and say that jaycen marish is the hottest baby ever.


haha

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