:: 2006 25 July :: 8.47 am
:: Mood: tired and cranky

i just wanna go back to sleep!

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:: 2006 24 July :: 2.47 pm

whoa, cowboy!

RoCkeFeLLeR021: Haha your my best online friend I can tell you anything


soo i did nothing this morning.
i layed around by the pool.
but mostly ate in the kitchen.
i suck at laying out. i always want to go in to eat.

i swam aroudn the pool for a little bit,
i can only do like 4 laps, i'm so pathetic.
i felt soo weak so i got out to see how many push ups i can do.
i did 10 before liz looked at me like a moron.
i'll probably try to do 10 push ups every day.
that's a good start. it'll get me SOMEWHERE.
my arms are like.. little baby arms. i'm the weakest girl everr.

last night i talked on the phone with chubs for forever.
we had to catch up on shiiitt!!!
after that i curled up with tubby in my comfy bed.
i haven't slept in my bed in so long, i forgot how good it feels.

tubby slept with me all night, apparantly.
he must've opened the door himself in the middle of the night to use the kitty box because he didn't wake me up in the morning to go out and when i woke up the door was open.
he was still sleeping by me. =)
me and liz came to the conclusion that's hes a little panda!!!
he's my baby panther.
you shoudl see him sprawled out on my bed as i write this.

anywaaaaaaaays.
i'm gonna hop in the shower for .2 seconds and throw on some clothes.

i got that interview at 4 (i don't know if i already said it, i have a 2 second memroy) and surprisingly bitch bishop has one the same time.
i think we're gonna blaze one afterwards.

i dunno, peace bitccchesss.

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:: 2006 24 July :: 11.38 am

whaaaaat daaaa funkkkk?!

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:: 2006 23 July :: 11.54 pm
:: Mood: aggrivated

liz is watching The gay Notebook.

uhh so all i've been hearing the past couple of days is,
"sarah needs her ass beat for picking a fight with christina,"
"i bet you wish you could rock sarah for beating up christina,"
"how pathetic is sarah for bragging about fighting chrstina?"
"...."
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

quite frankly, i'm sick of this.

?

#1. what goes on between christina and sarah does not concern me,
although i do love christina to death.
#2. i never "beat sarah's ass," our fights were separated too quickly.
#3. sarah knows i'm down to rumble, i've placed the offer on the table, and she knows where and how to find me.

so yeah, leave me alone about it.

kkkkk thankssss. =)

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:: 2006 23 July :: 9.53 pm
:: Mood: uhh bored, yet PUMPED
:: Music: D4L - Geeked Up

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:: 2006 23 July :: 5.11 pm
:: Mood: pissed bc i wrote an entry that got erased

FUCKKKKERRRSSSS.
let's go, for real. i want to fight and i MEAN IT!!
since i last wrote,
they got back form doing that shit,
and me and justin went for a smoke ride with barry.

barry dropped us off back here and we took a bubble bath.
after that, we just kinda sat around and did nothing.

we fell asleep on the couch because i refused to sleep on the air mattress. i hate that thing now, it always loses air.

this morning,
we sat around and did nothing.

christina called me to tell me about hwo her mom went to the cops with the threatening voicemails that sarah left christina. she wants to press charges even though christina told her to drop it.
roxy doesnt want to though, especially after they went to the doctors and found out christinas nose is a little bit broke and she had to get one or two stitches for the little cut on it.

the whole situation doesn't concern me, really,
but it makes me mad.

sarah stole $5 off of christina in front of bubby.
when bubby told christina about it, sarah said he only said that becuase she wouldn't hang out with bubby that day.
which really didn't make sense, because we were on our way to go swimming with him at the wave pool.
justin said christina was stupid for even saying anything, knowing sarah is going to want to make a big deal about it.
and seeing as though christina is 5'0 and 90lbs (if that), she wouldn't really stand a chance against someone a lot bigger than her with a lot of rumblin' experience (haha).
i agreed with christina, though, because its the principal of the thing.
you know? they were supposed to be friends.
anyways,
i knew the conversation with christina had to end after my temper started to build up about the whole situation.
it makes me mad that girls can't stand up for themselves or people they're supposed to be friends with.
like, in defense to herself, christina brought up how liza walked in on sarah stealing cigarettes out of her [liza] purse.
i love liza, but i thought it was wrong of her to deny the truth to sarah when sarah called her to ask her about it. especially when she knew was christina was talking about, whether or not sarah was STEALING liza's cigarettes or just "felt bad to keep asking her for one," which is what sarah said when liza asked her what she was doing.
i dunno.
and i love amber, too, but it frustrates me that amber called sarah to fight christina that day. if amber wanted christina beat up, she should have done it herself.

girls are just REALLY backwards.
and justin was totally right when he said, "i wish i was a girl cause i would lay all of them out."
i just don't understand??

anyways, me and justin got into this really heated conversation after i got off the phone with her. we were agreeing with each other, but still found us yelling at one another. haha, we get fiesty.
got me in the mood to fight, though!
i mean, i understand what justin was saying when i kept on saying that i didn't udnerstand how they all think, but still, even if a girl is bigger and badder than me, i am STILL going to run my mouth and i am DEFINITELY still going to defend myself.
i don't care how many teeth get knocked down my throat.
and that's just the way i'm always going to be.
i stick up for what i think is right, and i don't care how bad i get my head beat in for it.
it hasn't happened yet, but i doubt my opinion on that would change if it did.
i dunno, i would like to get beat up just to say i have.
i think people who bleed are tough. =)
you don't win a fight but you deal with pain so that makes you BAD ASS!
anyone wanna fuck me up?
let's get it goin!! for real, i'm down!!! hehe.

anyways, we went to A&W with his mom and after we ate, justin went to the river.
i didn't wanna go because #1. i wasnt swimming in that water, #2. i dont have a bathing suit, #3. i didn't want to be around a bunch of boys who some i don't even like, #4. i don't even think it's hot out enough to be swimming in there.
soo i stayed here and im about to go for a walk to smoke some of this blunt that he left me.

peeeaceee.

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:: 2006 22 July :: 3.24 pm
:: Mood: DISGUSTING! i totally need a shower

let's fuck each other up

okay so.. over the past couple of days there has been so much fighting!! just the thought of it all makes my adrenaline rush like crazy and also, me want to punch a wall.. if not someone's face.

anyone wanna fight?
i know bishops down for it and i told bubby i was gonna fight her today. he said, "no. no. not while we're gone, wait til i can video tape it!!" and so i said i was going to wait til they all got back, but then him and jordan said to jsut wait til a nice day so neither of us could use it to our advantage and so the excuse "it was slippy and muddy out," can't be used.
i dunno, fighting a bitch in the mud sounds cool regardless.
maybe that's just me...
?

,
yesterday,
after i last wrote..

i just sit here and eat practically all day while justin's at work.
that's all i do.
wake up, put clohtes in the washer, eat, update this thing, take a shower, brush my teeth, dry my hair, do my make up, eat, watch tv, put clohtes in the dryer, take a nap, wake up & eat, fold clothes, watch tv, take a nap.
that's my schedule every day.

anyways, i was making some soup and butter bread when justin comes home and yells at me. =(
he yelled at me for making food!!!
...BECAUSE HE MADE DINNER RESERVATIONS FOR 8:00!!!
i was soo excited.

we hurried and raced the clock to try to fix my car to make it to the back porch in three hours!
unfortunately, we didn't make it.
BUT FORTUNATELY! johnny let us borrow his car!!

fuck the caddy. !!!!!!!!!
it makes me mad.

i rushed around with no clothes to wear and no time to run to my house.
luckily, i found a pair of jeans.
a shirt was still so far away.
so i texted liz while justin was on his way back with johnny's car.
she said we oculd stop over jill's to get a shirt!! =)
BUT THEN! i forgot that i didn't have shoes becuase one of my flip flops (AND MY DAMN FAVORITE PAIR) vanished. =(
justin came up with the idea to get the key to kaylin's room.
so i was looking in the hall closet when i remember DUHH all of her clothes were in there!
so i borrowed one of her shirts and a pair of flip flops.

dinner was absolutely amazing.
if i didn't mention before, we went to the back porch.
justin got baby back ribs and i got "tuscan chicken."
it was soo delicious. my meal was chicken stuffed with spinach and red peppers. both dinners were accompanied by cheesy potatoes and a vegetable medley.
it was seriously the best meal i ever ate in my life.
well, it should've been because our bill was like $50.
i had the best time ever.

we were on our way back to johnny's afterwards and justin's on the phone with kris because he was supposed to call him when we peaced from the back porch.
kris said christina got in a fight!!
BABY christina got in a fight! she is 5'0 and 90 lbs. and the tiniest thing you will ever see.
i couldn't believe it.
and the next words to come out of justin's mouth when he was retelling me the ordeal was that christina not only got into her FIRST fight, but she also fought sarah bishop!!
she said she was beat up really bad and we were meeting them at johnny's.
jordan pulled up nex tto us at the red light at wendy's so we told him to follow us there.
we got there and i saw how bad christina was exaggerating.
haha she really wasnt beat up at all, she just had this little cut on her nose.
i was expecting her to have to get stitches or atleast have some black eyes. but nope, nothing. just a little cut.
but apparently that cut was a bleeder.
kris showed me the t-shirt she put on over her own shirt so it wouldn't get ruined and it was COVERED in blood.
i would NO WAY have expected that much blood. i was so amazed.

she had some scratches all over her neck and back but other than that she was absolutely fine. she's so cute. i told her i was proud that she was so brave.

jordan and kristen left and we chilled at johnny's for a little bit.

we left there and drove around with kris and christina, trying to find something to do.
when we gave up, kris dropped me and bubby off at bubby's house.

i wasn't tired at all and he was passing out, and it was pissing me off.
i said, "let's smoke a blunt."
he said, "okay," but didn't move.
after i sat and begged, he told me to roll it.
so i'm sitting there, rolling this blunt as the lazy dickhead is sleeping.
"juuusssttiiin, pleaaasseee. this leaf won't stay onnn..."
he said, "okay just wait til i wake up,"
so i just rolled it myself.
then.. he wouldn't get up to smoke it!!!
i told him i was smoking it myself. he said "peace"
i got up with the blunt and walked to the dining room,
"don't you smoke that blunt!!"

finally, i gave up and sat and whined in the living room.
shaun called and i was in the middle of a conversation when justin's barely conscious arm came right towards my face to get the phone.
he got the phone all right, he went flying out of my hands as his fingertips hit my mouth.
he said, "i'm soo sorry. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to. i'm sooo sorry."
i stomped away and sat outside.
then i came in and layed on the couch.
i don't even remember laying back on the bed with him, but i woke up there.

today
we got up and smoked that blunt with shaun.
we came back and their boss called them and asked if they want to help him move furniture for $50 each.

shaun left and me and justin layed around.
we smoked half a blunt when shaun and jordan got here.
they left to go work for a couple hours and here i am.

i am going to put clohtes in the washer and take a damn shower.
peace ya'll!

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:: 2006 21 July :: 2.48 pm

P.S.
run your mouth about me again, bitch.
you're getting punched in the face next time i see you anyways.

you know who you are.
say it to my face. even girls 10x smaller than you can do that.



i am nice to everyone and i try to get along with everybody,
but some people just need fucking knocked out.
sarah's the only person i ever had a problem with, really, and even she has more balls than to block me on AOL and then talk shit behind my back.

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:: 2006 21 July :: 1.44 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

to finish what i was saying before...

july 19
....soo my mom jumped me and justin drove around the block for a little bit to make sure the car was running good. it was, so she left.
liz got in and ben was about to go ride bikes with jerm and stuff.
just then, the car shut off.
FUCKER.
my mom came back and jumped us again and we made sure the terminals were tight incase that was the problem.

we drove around for a little bit.
i can't really remember what we did.
we dropped liz off at jill's. =)
we just drove around with nothing to do, trying to charge the battery up a little bit.
after driving around for like 20 minutes, we met christina.
bubby had to go do a favor for everybody so he left with scott.
me, christina, and racquel all just waited, driving around.
we saw kris at BP so we parked next to him and chilled there for a little bit.
bubby called and told us to meet him at val's so we headed out.

we got to val's and just waited.
he showed up shortly after. he had to go pick my car up at BP and bring it to val's.

he put $10 in my gas tank because i had 5 gallons left.
and then he split an 80 with mav and gave me some.
THEN we went on a hunt for his little thing for his wallet.
he lost it once in wheeling and i stole him another one,
but this time he had his ID in it, all his cards, and my pictures. =(

we chilled out val's and then went for a smoke ride.
when we got back to his house and found his ID thing.
well, actually IIII did.
he said he would give $10 to whoever finds it.
after i found it i slipped it in the back of my shorts and said,
"well what if I find it? do i stil lget $10??"
and he was like, "yeah! whoever finds it!"
i was like "okay, here, hold this," and handed it to him.
hehe.
i told him he didn't have to pay me though.
he bought me arby's after we left the mall, anyways and he always coughs up cash whenever i need it, so i'm not worried about that $10.
i'm glad we found it, though.

i was going to go home around like 11:30, but i got in my car and the damn thing wouldn't start.
i called my mom a bunch of times and she didn't answer. i figured she'd be pissed if i wouldn't call.
justin called her a couple more times and finally she answered.
he told her the car wouldn't start and if she didn't want to pick me up right then, i could stay over and we'd fix it in the morning.
she said okay.

we went to sleep after him and john mike fought about blowing up the air mattress in the living room because john mike has his own apartment.

july 20
[[yesterday...]]
he got up for work and stuff.
and i got up and went to sleep on the couch.
about two hours later april wakes me up and says justin is sick.
she says, "thats what you get for doing drugs."
soo i go with his gram to greensburg to pick him up.
we go home and go right to sleep on the couch.
he says, "i wasn't really sick *evil grin* i just wanted to come home and sleep with you!!!"
haha he WAS sick, though.

we slept til about 3 in the afternoon.

we got up and i decided i wanted randall's RIGHT NOW.
actually, i wanted bev's place, but.. same thing.
i didn't want to go in becuase i was lookin' a mess,
so justin was going to just run in and get the food to go.
BUT he ended up talking me into going in, anyways,
wearing some short shorts and a t-shirt with some dirty, messy hair,
fresh off a blizzy when i didn't have any contacts because my step dad took them for his own personal use. =(

after that, we came home and he left to go to tatsch's because i HAD to shower.
i got a shower and justin said my car wouldn't start.
soo justin tatsch picked me up and took me to his house.
my justin, jordan, and pozza were there.

we went out to bill's house to get a bigger battery for my car,
but bill said we had to get new terminals FIRST.
soo we'll come back tomorrow and we went back to tatsch's.

they played stupid Xbox.
me and justin took pictures of ourselves. haha.
the camera on his phone is fucking sweet.
there's a cute one set as his wallpaper now.
we kiss so pretty, how could it not be a background?! hehe

after we left there, which horrell had to jump us
(becausr remember, my car wouldn't start?)
the battery didnt even charge enough for my headlights to turn on,
so we drove through BV with them off.
at liek 1 in the morning. haha.
we made it to the corner of dr brazons and the car didn't wanna go anymore.
soo his mom had to come jump us and we got it to his house.
what a fucking fiasco. like i said.

him and john mike got to arguing about blowing up the bed again.
but this time they REALLY got to arguing.
then john mike started saying something as he was walking up the steps to go sleep in cody's room and justin ran after him.
april was already up by this time, with all their yelling and bitching.
we tried to stay between them but they were throwing fists left and right.
i tried to pull justin away but i knew i was bound to get knocked in the face once.
justin pulled off john mike's chain and broke it and john mike swung a couple times and missed. he hit justin in the side of the head and justin came around and bloodied his mouth with a left.
me and april were yelling, but trying to be quiet.
and meanwhile she has neighbors that are trying to sleep at 2 in the morning.

justin started yelling for john mike to come in the street but he just ignored him and stayed up in the room.
poor baby was sooo worked up i was just kissin him and kissin him.
he got all his stuff together because he didn't want it stolen or.. i don't know what he was doing.
he said he wanted to put it all in my car where he knew it was safe.
i think that was because tara has been wearing his t-shirts when he comes home from work.
he gets mad about girls wearing his clothes because "they get washed twice and wear that way."
girls besides me, anyways.

(just the night before we made liz strip down in the middle of BP parking lot becuase she was wearing his shirt and my shorts.)

i made him come back to bed and he was saying sorry and stuff.
it was okay, though. we layed and talked for a little bit..
trying not to wake cody up who was sleeping on the couch.
eventually, we fell asleep.

today
he had to wake up at like 4:30 for work.
actually he ahd to wake up at 5, but he set his alarm early for some lovin.
we were having sex and about to go upstairs to the bathroom,
he went to the kitchen for a drink with no clohtes on.
his mom comes downstairs (i pretended to be asleep),
she looks at him funny.. ".........what are you doing??"
he said he was looking for underwear and forgot that he took them outside.
we laughed and laughed when he came back in the living room.
he siad she walked down the stairs and into the dining room and he was standing there holding his balls in the kitchen.
hahahahha.

he got ready for work and slick came and picked him up.
me misses himmmm.
i'm just waitin for him to come home.
we have to go get that new battery today. ugh.

other than that, i dunno.
things have been the best, though.
and i am totally happy.

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:: 2006 20 July :: 7.21 pm
:: Mood: ugh! ready to take a shower.

yesterday morning was the last time i wrote in here.
since then, i didn't go to school.

buuut i got bitched out at by justin for it.
"you're 5 days away from being finished...!!!"
yeah, yeah.

he didn't have work because he hadn't got home until like 4 in the morning.
so i just went over his house. =)
after i dropped my little brother off at my nephew's house so they could walk to a party.

i can't really remember what we did.
we picked up jeremy and went to the mall.
i was not a happy camper. i didn't want to be there at all! =(

after the mall, we went back to justin's house and we were about to leave to go.. somewhere.. where? i can't remember.
we were driving down the road and BAM.
my car started to act funny.
sooo, i parked next to Simple Indulgence and shut it off.
(i was annoyed).
the battery was dead so i had to call my mom and tell her to bring the ORIGINAL battery.
she had to jump me and the whole thing was a fiasco.

tara's out of the shower now, though.
soo i'm about to jump in there so i can get ready to go to tatsch's.

i'll finish this later.

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:: 2006 19 July :: 5.40 am
:: Mood: not tired and can't sleep
:: Music: Head Automatica - Beating Hearts Baby

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:: 2006 18 July :: 6.03 pm
:: Mood: HOT! and not like sexy hot, either.
:: Music: dem franchise boys - ridin rims

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:: 2006 18 July :: 6.03 pm
:: Mood: HOT! and not like sexy hot, either.
:: Music: dem franchise boys - ridin rims

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:: 2006 17 July :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: frickin' exhausted, dude!
:: Music: Young Dro - Shoulder Lean
Brooke Valentine - Girl Fight

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:: 2006 16 July :: 11.56 pm
:: Mood: happiest girl alive
:: Music: Foo Fighters - Blackbird cover

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:: 2006 16 July :: 12.24 pm

hmm.. last night, justin went to cyktor's with kris until like 4 in the morning and he called me and i scolded him for coming home so late.

him and kris said it was *boys night out*
me and christina established that *boys night* is stictly boys.
[[homos]]
and then they made it clear that it means no other girls, either.

sooo..
i talked to justin for a while, teasing him.
and then i went and curled up in my mommy's bed.
with her nice air conditioned room that she keeps freezing,
but it made up for it with the big comfy blanket and her egyptian cotton sheets.
mmmm. i slept like a baby.
i woke up only to tortue rocky and make him sleep with me.
i love that little taco bell dog.

Then, I finally woke up for real when I started having bad dreams and didn't want to sleep through them anymore.

And now.. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I wanted to go to the flea market with Chubs..
=(

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:: 2006 15 July :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: uhh..
:: Music: D4L, nigga!! it's what we bout.

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:: 2006 15 July :: 11.24 am

He came home from work yesterday and Shaun, Mike, Compton, and some other kid came over.
After they left, we went to the mall with Shaun.

After the mall, we went to Arby's.
I love food. Especially chicken sandiwches and curly friessss.
Oh and chocolate milkshakes. =)

We came home and did absolutely nothing, really.
We went to sleep.

And now, here I am.
He went to the bank to put money in.. or something.

I am about to go eat some Rice Chex.

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:: 2006 14 July :: 5.17 pm
:: Mood: ready to rumble

you're beautiful

I went back to sleep after I ate a sandwich.
Actually, I was laying in bed, eating the sandwich when I fell asleep.

I washed clothes and so now all me and Justin's clothes are cleeeaann.
I folded a whole fucking lot of towels and they barely fit in the closet.

After I woke up,
I cleaned the bathtub and took a shower.
I still have the smell of bleach in my nose.

I'm waiting for Justin to get home from work.
He'll be back pretty soon, actually.
He said he'll be home around 5:30-6:00.
Me misses him. I am going to tackle him with kisses when he walks through the door, I think.

My hair needs straightened, it's all poofy and frizzy.
Justin laughs at me for that and says, "i love it frizzy."
It's atrocious, really.

I think I am going back to my house on Sunday.
I gotta get my mom to buy me new eyeliner and foundation.

I'm out now, though.

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:: 2006 14 July :: 10.42 am

meehan0125: when justin gets home, im calling her
Liz Wypych: thats gonna be sick!

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:: 2006 14 July :: 9.59 am
:: Mood: surprisingly tired

Well, yesterday,
after I last wrote,
Kris picked me and Christina up and we just drove around.
Justin came home from work, so I got dropped off.

We burned some CDs and did nothing.
Just pretty much sat around.

I told him how Sarah called Christina's phone to talk shit,
and that she said he told her how "she can beat me up,"
He got all fiesty.
He was like, "She was bitching about you talking to Cody so I said, 'what the fuck? beat her up then and stop bitching about it.'"
Christina was telling me that Sarah was like, "she's back to obsessing over my life."
Yeah, that's why she's the one who reads my journal every day and leaves me pathetic comments.
Do I read her stupid thing? No. Do I leave her comments? No.
And the only time I talk to or about her is on here when she does something retarded. I don't just sit here and say "damn, i hate sarah. damn, sarah is so ugly..."
And then someone calls me last night to tell me that Sarah wrote this big thing about me on the Internet. I told Justin and he laughed. He was like, "she's a stupid bitch.. She's obsessed over me and you. I don't know what she lieks better, talking about me or trying to piss you off."
UGGHH. I guess he's right. Anyways, she erased it.
I'm just going to ignore her. That's what everyone tells me to do, anyways. I'm just stupid and #1. don't listen to people, #2. HAVE to say something back.
I'm retarded.

Soo Tiffeny Kelly stole my sister's phone, right?
And then when I confronted her about it at one of Cam's party a couple months ago, she got all defensive.
She was like, "I have money. I don't need to steal anything. My dad buys me whatever I want. Why would I steal your sister's phone? I just got a new Motorola Razr this morning."
and then after she left the party she sent me a million text messages explaining how she didn't steal my sister's phone and she's really upset that I would think that and she didn't want me to be mad at her and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Yesterday, one of her friends told me she has Liz's phone right now and turned it on and is using it.
I told Liz and Liz was PISSED.
Kris was like, "Are you going to beat her up? Are you going to beat her up?"
Haha, Kris loooves fights.
Anyways, my mom was pissed and she wanted to go to her house.
Justin was like, "i'll show you where she lives!!!!"
hahaha.

I start school on Monday. =)
Soo excited. I'll probably be done with it on Friday.
THAT means I can start real school in the fall.
DAMN i'm pumped about that.

Forecast
Today: Sunny to partly cloudy. High near 85F. Winds light and variable.
Tonight: Some clouds and possibly an isolated thunderstorm late. Low 69F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 30%.
Tomorrow: Scattered showers and thunderstorms. High around 85F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 50%.
Tomorrow night: Scattered thunderstorms during the evening, then partly cloudy overnight. Low 66F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 40%.
Sunday: A few clouds. Highs in the low 90s and lows in the low 70s.
Monday: Mainly sunny. Highs in the low 90s and lows in the low 70s.
Tuesday: Partly cloudy, chance of a thunderstorm. Highs in the upper 80s and lows in the low 70s

It's going to be NIIIIIICE.

Anyways, so me and Justin did nothing and then went upstairs and played a little bit and watched TV. ;]
I was soooo freakign tired.
I don't even know why..??
We fell asleep around 1 and then woke back up at 3:00 and had sex again. Haha, yyyeah I don't know. When we were done I was like, "geez, way to wake me up, sluttttt."
He thought that was funny. I always call him a slut.

Today
He left for work at like 7:30.
Mentioning, "I'm tired cause you woke me up at 3 in the morning."
Hahaha I was like, "IIII woke YOU up?!?!"
He said, "yeah i felt it seeping through your shorts."
He gave me kisses and left for work.
I went back to sleep though, luckily. I can never fall back asleep.

I woke up just now, actually. I threw some clothes in the washer.
I am actually still really tired, I think I'm going back to sleep.
In fact, I am. peace.

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:: 2006 13 July :: 3.24 pm
:: Mood: annoyed..

well i am at christina's house right now.

we walked to meet each other and then we watched a movie.
Just Friends. It was a really good movie. I'm glad I talked Christina into watching it.

Soo we came up here and we're watching The Hills.
We cleaned a little bit and I've just been trying to fix her computer.

Ugh. She got a shower and we did our make up and stuff and we're just sitting around so I decided to come on here to check my shit.

I had yet another comment from Sarah.
I was telling Christina about the last one and then I just saw this new one.
You can click here if you want to read it.
I asked Christina, "Why would she keep up with it? After I TOLD her I knew..??"
Christina said maybe she doesn't know what an IP address is.
But wtf?
How hard is it to understand?
When you're not logged in and someone posts a comment, you just see the date and time.
Then, once you log in to view your account and stuff,
it will show you your comments and everything WITH an IP address.
Well, the IP address on "nicole's" comments match the one of the comments Sarah leaves me.

This reminds me of the time she made up a fake person on myspace to talk shit on me to make me think that it's not only her who thinks I'm lame, a pussy, ugly, etc.
She set the profile as Private and added only herself as a friend, leaving comments about me and sending messages to me.
Sometimes, Private profiles don't always come up as Private if there's a defect in the server.
Liz clicked on the girl when she saw a comment that was left on one of Sarah's blogs to view the girl's profile.
Usually, being set as Private would disable Liz from viewing the girl's entire profile except for her default picture.
Except this one time, something must have been wrong with the server and Liz was able to see the profile which included ABSOLUTELY nothing except for the default picture, and her two friends: Sarah and Tom. (The myspace guy automatically accepting into your Friends once you join Myspace... I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.)

When I wrote about it on here, saying something aobut how lame she is, she added about 7 more friends, put a little color and filled out some information about herself.
I mean "Linda."
Ugh.
And then she continued on with it, and even later told me that she wasn't Linda, and Linda was just some lesbian who is obsessed with her.
Strangely, Linda first started out being from Belle Vernon, but when I wrote about how nobody has ever heard of her, she suddenly was from McKeesport (or soemthign liek that) and only comes to Belle Vernon to meet her dad.


ALRIGHT. i'm done with this. I just wanted to stress about how sick I am of hearing from her.
After all, this blog is just for me to write my nonsense, right?? =)

keep making yourself look dumb.

that's why some little boy came up to me and Christina at BP yesterday and asked me if I was the girl who beat up Sarah Bishop.

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:: 2006 13 July :: 9.11 am
:: Mood: awake.
:: Music: Dead Prez (again)

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:: 2006 12 July :: 11.11 am
:: Mood: happy as can be
:: Music: Dead Prez - Hip Hop

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:: 2006 11 July :: 10.22 am
:: Mood: happy =)

actions speak louder than words.
i pay attention to what you do, not what you say


i just woke up. =)

yesterday, justin came home from work and i was at my usual, sleeping on the porch swing.
we did absolutely nothing for a second and then i made him find me a ride to my house so i cna get shit.

he sucked at that.
luckily, my mom came to pick me up.
i get in the car, "can we go to gabes real quick?"
"no, i have food in the car."
"please? i need jeans."
"no! the milk will get ruined."
"MOM! you said you were taking me!"
"we can only be 15 minutes!"

hehe. we ended up taking an hour.

i don't know why, though..? i only got two pairs of jeans and a shirt that makes me look fat so i refuse to wear it.

i saw jenna and adam there. i was standing there, lookign through clothes and jenna was apparently standing three feet away staring at me and adam was behind me clearing his throat.
i was like, "la deee da dee daaaa.." not paying any attention, i dind't even see them there..
and then the throat clearing got annoying.
so i turned around and in lifting up my head i saw jenna staring at me.
they laughed.
i'm a little oblivious sometiems.

i wen thome. danced around to aqua.
put a bunch of shit together and kris, christina, bubby, and RACQUEL picked me up.
i burned baby christina this rad aqua CD but kris wouldnt let us listen to it.
we went to johnny's.
a bunch of people were there.
johnny, pj, greg, bria, deidra, harve, bria's boyfriend, me, justin, kris, christina, racquel, cydney eventually came over... i think that miiight be it...
they all played poker.
i was christina's consultant.
well, ever since i saw her call a flush.. i decided to give her my opinion.
i mean, i'm not good at poker, but i sorta know when to bet and stuff.
all i know.. Jack, Queen, King, and Ace are all good together. haha.

we hung out a little bit.
and we went home at liek 12.
i didn't realize it was that late!!

kris dropped me and bubby off and i ate some food.
mmmm. oodles n noodles. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
with like four peices of butter bread. his brother called me gross.
wtf? since when is butter bread with soup gross?

aaaaanwyas,
justin lost something.
so we tore the house up looking for it.
the only solution is that someone took it.
he was soo mad, he was like, "i'm not a fucking idiot. i know where i put it."
i helped as much as i could.
he kept on saying, "I'm soo fucking pissed the fuck off!!"
poor baby.

then he was like, "you don't have to wash clothes every single day."
i was like, "excuse me? are you trying to blame this on me??"
he was like, "i just dont know where ti couldve fucking gone. i had it RIGHT here in these shirts!!"
soo we looked everywhere. no luck.

we went upstairs and smoked a fat blizzy.
and then we eventually went to sleep.

today
he is at work right now.
i am about to get a shower and stuff and then walk to the bank to deposit a check and then walk to christina's.
we are probably gonna lay out by her pool until the boys come home.

then we's goin to kennywood.
me, her, kris, and christina. =)
uhh other than that.. you might wanna check out my profile on here, i updated it. yayyyy.

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:: 2006 10 July :: 3.16 pm

do you see what i mean aobut her not beign able to get over antyhing?
After I posted that last update,
I checked my e-mail and saw that she left me a little comment.

To read the entry along with the posts, click here

I told you that she always has to get her word in.
Look at how she stresses her points about having a journal for two years.
I will say what so many others have said to me, "she tries wayyy too hard."

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:: 2006 10 July :: 3.14 pm

uhhh i am pretty moody.
and right now, i am completely happy, actually. no lie
alright so uh..
i just cheered myself up.

hahahaha.
sorry for all these updates, i'm bored.

i'm about to get in the shower.
i am still upset about my douchebag mom.
and i don't know what i'm going to do about kennywood.
but i know that i'm starving.
and happy.
and my boyfriend is leaving at 4:30 to come home.
so he'll be here at like 5:00.

and you know what?
i just wanted to say..
in case you don't follow my life like some people,
justin and i were having a little bit of trouble.
and for a while, we fought constantly.
every day we were so sick of each other.
and every day i would want to leave.
but when it came down to it, i didn't.
or he would talk me out of it.
when really, that's all we needed.
because we both drove ourselves to the point where,
we weren't sure that being together was what made us happy.

we forgot what *WE* were all about.
all i had in my head was what an annoying asshole he was and vice versa, i'm sure.
we forgot that we loved each other.

i talked to some guys and thought about being with other people.
there's this kid i went to school with and had a total crush on and he found me on myspace and we just started talking.
when me and justin broke up, i wanted to date him.

and like, he started talking to sarah.
they would talk every day and sometimes spend a half hour to an hour on the phone.
meanwhile, i was talking to cody on the phone almost each night.

i knew that i didn't want to be with cody.
although i knew that our families like each other, he is nice, he loves me, and a bunch of other reasons.
and i remember telling my mom one night, crying, i said to her, "i love him but why don't i want to date him?"
she said, "because you don't love him. you love justin and your heart is broke. you love cody as a friends. you two were close and good friends for four years."
my mom is almost always right.

and in that case, she was.
perhaps i missed cody's company.
i don't know.
all i knew was that i didn't want to be in a relationship with him.
i wanted to be friends.

and on the other hand, justin was there,
thinking that he wanted to be with sarah.
which is duhhh totally normal if you know him.
when me and justin were friends, him and sarah had a lot of problems.
every day i would talk to him and try to help him.
i wanted him to be happy.
when i started having feelings for him, i didn't tell him right away.
because i didn't want to be with him, because i thought him and sarah could work it out. and he seemed happy with sarah, regardless of how it kind of bothered me that she hurt him all the time and played a lot of games.

soo we got closer.
he started staying at my sister's house with me.
and all the while, neither of us were looking to pursue anything.
i just wanted to help him out with what made him happy.

and then we had sex.
and i told my sister and he told ben.

when me and my sister were talkign abiout it on the way home from creek falls one day, she told me that she said to him, "don't have sex with her!! she will think you like her!" and he said, "who ever said i didn't?"
i remember that.
it made my heart kinda flip over.
and my stomach like.. got butterflies and knots.
you know.
but instead of jumping around for joy, i said to her,
"don't tell him that. i won't think like that. i jsut liek to have sex with him."

and me and him got closer and closer.

and then we got to the point where we couldnt be without each other for one single day.
but it still wasn't a *said* thing.
i was still trying to help him out.
so we wouldn't tell sarah that we were having sex, because we didn't think it was a big thing.
he would buy me things and i would do anything for him.

everyone who we hung out with thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
it got to the point that we wouldn't correct them anymore.
and then.. one day he didn't want to be with sarah anymore.
and he didn't care if she knew that we had sex.
and he didn't care if she knew that i was sleeping over.
and when he didn't care, that's when i stopped caring.

then, one night, one of the many nights we spent hours on the phone,
falling asleep on the phone,
he told me that he wanted me to be the only girl.
he siad he wanted me to be his girlfriend.
and when i replied, "you talk to too many girls,"
he said, "no more girls."

and for a while, we were perfectly happy.

and a year later, we started having our differences.
our *first* differences.
we are so cute.

becasue why?
becuase we worked through them.
when he was confused about who he wanted to be with,
i gave him time. just like in the beginning.
i didn't tell him to stop talking to sarah.
i didn't beg him to be with me.
i jsut sat still.. and waited.

then one day, he realized that he wanted to be with me.
and he stopped talking to sarah.
and then she called him for bud,,
and he asked me if it was okay.
i said yes.

i thoguht me and sarah were cool.

but then, she started to say all these things about me.
justin told me everythign she truly thought of me.
and when i told him, "i will talk to you only if you don't talk to her,"
he said okay.

and i think she was hurt by it.
because she sent justin all these text messaes and left him all these voicemails saying about how heartbroken she was and how depressed she was.
so she went back to cody.

its like this.
we all love each other.
my number one and sarah's number one are justin.
justin picked me over sarah even when i gave him teh option not to.
i know that nobody is going to love me like cody loves me.
just like how justin will always have feelings for chub.
even though he says he doesn't. i know that boy better than the back of my hand. we will probably always all love each other. we went through a lot with one another.

and like i told justin,
i don't care how long he was on the phone with her every night.
i don't care what he said to her.
i don't care what she said to him.
nothing matters.
if i sit here and think about it, i'm just going to tear myself up, right?
we were broken up and going through a hard time.
it's completely normal to think you might want something else.
the important thing is that in due time, he came back.

right??
and now once again, sarah and cody are together
and justin and i are together.
and all four of us are happy, regardless of whether sarah would rather be with justin than cody and whether cody would rather be with me than sarah.
and you can't change the past so why even stress over it?
obviously, when i sat there telling justin that i didn't want to be with him adn i told him to be with sarah, he chose me.

he has his reasons. he said she will never be the girl he wants to be with. he said too many thigns have happened between them for him to look at her that way. and he said there are too many things that she can't get over, either.
i can totally understand her point, because some things just sink in and stick in your head forever.. those are the things you always think about.
but what he did to her was something big.
he has never hurt me that way.
and i told him.. all that matters is the present and the future.

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:: 2006 10 July :: 2.37 pm

so the good news is, i'm not pissed off anymore.
the bad news is, i feel like i want to die.

justin called me a little bit ago from work.
he was mad at me for being sad.
well, not mad. but.. he just told me not to be.

but i can't help it.

and i miss sarah ludwick. like, a lot.

why does everything have to break my heart?
i don't do a single thing to anybody.
and now my mom is being a douche and she's not getting my alternator fixed.
nothing ever goes right.
and i'm sitting in justin's house, crying.

i'm going to take a shower.

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:: 2006 10 July :: 1.38 pm
:: Mood: cranky

soo i went back to sleep and now ehre i am.

i'm about ready to take a shower.
but i don't have shit to do.
where the f is chub?

the mirror on my car is fixed but now i need a ride out there so i can go get a new tire.
and justin is being gay anf POSRDKFGINDSFOKA[SDGJ
PISSING ME THE FUCK OFFF. grrr.
okay he didnt do anything, but i feel liek being pissed off.
hes like, "dont drive your car without your inspection, get the tire first til dusty can inspect it. if you get pulled over you'll be in trouble."
BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCK YOU.

i'm pissed off at him at the moment.
and then i was like "wahtever"
and he says, "why whatever?"

whatever measn fUCK YOU in bitch language.

i feel like being pissed off right now, i guess.

anyways.
i washed all of our clothes even though i should rip his up.

i'm mad at him.
and i feel like crying right now.

i can't wait til school starts and i can freaking move to pittsburhg.
caitlin, cna i live with you?

Attention. Attention.
I need a ride to my house a-sap.
$10 for whoever wants to take me =)

ugh i feel liek shit right now.
i kinda feel like jumping off of a bridge.

WHERE THE F IS CHUBBY!@!?!?!@?@@?@?@?
and hwere is jeremy?????????????????????????

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:: 2006 10 July :: 9.32 am

OH, AND I MEANT GO SHOPPING TODAY.*

i need someone to run me to Gabe's and if you wanna go to the mall, that's up to you.

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