:: 2006 10 July :: 7.57 am
:: Mood: pissed because justin woke me up this early AGAIN

soo.. i love the comments, just wanted to acknowledge that.
keep 'em comin, babies!!!! *muah muah*
friday
uhh yyyeah.
so i can't remember what i did since the last time i wrote?

i know i tried to update like five times but justin got mad that i was on the computer "talking to guys".. regardless of whether i was signed on AOL or not. hahahaaaaaaaaaaa.

after justin came back from the bank, i can't remember what we did.
i know that we ended up goin for a smoooke ride with barry.
then we ended up going back to denol's and we chilled there.
i got to see FLIIIP!! i wonder if rich's baby is that big? he's a house.
i played with him foreverr and we broke a toy. =/ he's strong.
soo we drank a little bit. i was feeling a VERY nice buzz which is exactly why i didn't drink anymore than i did. hehe, i'm kinda a crazy/stupid/silly/embarassed the next day drunk.
plus, we was kindas partyin like millionaires. so i def have to say i was having a good time. =)
HAHA then some boy asked if i was "mrs. denol," i guess because we were sitting there talking. bubby was like, "no..." before i got a chance to answer. HAHA it made me feel cute.

speaking of making me feel cute.
yyyyeah he's always picking on me, so yesterday i told him that he actually DOES make me self conscious. i said theyre things i never even thought of before and now im worried about 'em. he didn't believe me, but i think i made him see it.
ehh i don't think i'm a very pretty girl and so sometimes i get kinda insecure.
and then i was like, "JESSICA SIMPSON HAS A BUTT CHIN" cause he's always making fun of me saying things about my chin. he was like, "yeah well, she's hot. i mean, you are too, that's why it doesn't matter. in dukes of hazard SHE IS BANGIN'."
i was like, "i think she is ugly."

haha =)

soo we left denol's at about 2 or something because barry had to get up early in the morning for work.
me and justin went home and talked for everr. about everything.
we told each other eveeerryyytthinngg. we were in talkative moods.
i told him he's exactly the kind of boy that i would like to date.
he's nice, def cute, smart, i can carry on a conversation with him, he has a really good job, his license, he takes care of me.. etc.
he said he hates whores and girls that have sex with lots of guys aren't the kind of girls that he would want at all. i don't know if he was calling me a whore?? i didn't really take it that way because i'm not, considering i've only had sex with two people and i dated a boy for 9 months and we never had sex.
(oooh i liked that boy. now that i think about it i'm glad i didn't get into his pants. prob would've been hooked)
so yeah i asked about a million questions and he was very patient about answering them. it made me feel good. ya know?
i only got yelled at.. slightly. for talking to cody, which at the time i wasn't even talking to him. but, i can understand.
it's kinda like when you.. forget what things were like, and you can remember bits and pieces of how good they were, becuase you pushed out all the bad.
like, personally, i forgot that me and cody can't hold a conversation without fighting. and justin says that sarah is annoying the way she always wants to pick a fight.
justin said it's like how, i can call cody at any time and know that he will drop everything to be with me becasue i knwo he loves me. and that he can call sarah anytime and know that it woudl be the same way.
so i guess it would suck to be second best and know that you're only called as a rebound.
and it def sucks to get fucked over after you think he meant what he said.
that's why i'm glad i was never a replacement.
but anywyas, we talked for a long ass time and at liek 7am,
neither of us were tired so we just layed there for a second, arguing about having sex first or smoking a blunt first.
he won (figures. me and my weak self) and then we went to sleep.

saturday
we didn't wkae up officially until like 3pm.
and you know, i can't really remember what we did after we woke up?

oh i know!
i was like, "can we ppppplease go get chicken noodle soup?"
and he was like, "okay"
so his mom dropped us off at eat n park.
mmm. we haven't been there in a while!
(i miss my car.)
we got bowls of soup and chicken tenders,
but we didn't eat the chicken & fries so i took 'em home.
reminding me that they're stil in the fridge now, hold on..

damnit, tossed out.
anyways.
barry picked us up at eat n park and we went to the mall.
babe needed new jeans so he bought one pair that i picked out and made him get. hehe. from hollister. they are sooo freaking cute!
and then one pair from abercrombie, they're cute, not as cute as the ones i picked out, though. =)
also!;; he got a new shirt.

so i'm standing there in abercrombie looking at these cute shirts.
i hear behind me, "hey sexy. oooh baby! SEXAAYYY"
i didn't expect them to be talking to me so i dont pay very much mind.
then the voices get to be in my ear and i turn around and its amber and lexi.
ambers like, "you here with bubby??"
i was like, "yep, he's over there. go grab his ass."
haha he said he just would've thought it was me, anyways, becuase he already thoguht it was me when she walked over to him and said, "whatcha buy me?!"
soo then we went to lids and he bought this cute black on black pirates hat. i liked it but then i couldnt decide whether i liked the white on black better.
he made a good choice, regardless, because it looks cute on him.
so he spent $200.
HAHAHAHA.
whiich was all he had left over from his pay after giving his mom half for his fine and his gram money for his phone bill.
so he said next weekend, we have to go out again so he can buy me something. (since he only got four things.)
his mom yelled at him when we came home for not buying me anything. haha.
i don't need him to buy me clothes, cause my mom will buy 'em, so i'm glad he didn't. when he asked me in hollister if i see anything i like, i just told him, "my mom is going to bring me back."

we went to denol's from the mall.
well actually we had to stop at century III first.
we chilled at denol's for a second and then justin asked if barry could take us home.
on the way home, i called liz to see what was goin on.
the first thing she said to me was, "OMG LISA EW!! HAHAHAHA YOU HAVE TO READ SARAH'S THING ON THE INTERNET!!!!!," and you know liz, she talks a freaking mile a minute so i didn't understand.
when i got off the phone, bubby was asking a million questions because all he could hear was my side, saying, "HAHAHAHA oh my gosh. HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHA IS SHE FIVE?!?!?!...."
i just told him that i couldn't understand liz and sarah wrote something on her journal thing on the internet.

when we got home, his cousin josh was there with john mike and cody and they were all getting ready to watch a UFC dvd.
i went upstairs to go pee and change into my jammies and when i cmae back down justin and josh were on the computer, laughing their asses off, reading sarah's journal.
first off, i think it's kinda lame that she made a journal after seeing that i have one, just so she can make her little argument. wtf? then don't read mine if it pisses you off..??? duuuh.
so yeah, i don't know, they were highlighting parts and laughing.
josh got the biggest kick out of it and then he wanted to leave her a comment. hahaha. whooo does that??? justin kept on saying, "don't write this, that will make her think it's lisa because lisa calls her a clown. don't write this, lisa accidentally called her a freak the other day. change whore to something else, lisa always calls her a whore."
josh finishes typing and says, "THERE. i hope the pig-faced whore cries."
oh yeah josh THAT'LL get her. not like people don't call her an ugly whore every day. ????
haha, she deleted it, though, so i guess it affected her somewhat.

then we went upstairs and watched t.v. and stuff.
and then hecameinsidemeonpurpose.
yeah sh. that's what i said. i don't know. don't ask questions.
i don't know what i think, i don't know anything. so just sh.
he said from now on he's just going to do that every time. i said, uhh no he's not.. not unless he's fully accepting of the consequences and being stuck with me forever and ever.. he said alright.. but definitely didn't care at all. grrrr. kinda scared me when i said, "that never happened to me beofre," and he replied, "that you knew of." and then he straight up just said he's not worried about it, and told me not to be.
so i'm not. i guess.

sunday
what? that was like, yesterday?
we woke up and.. COOK OUT!!
yeaaaah baby. his mom and her boyfriend made so much food.
and it was all delicious. you should've seen us feastin'!!!
even one of the neighbors shouted over, "is it bring your own buns?!!?!"
i would've, too.. it smelled yummmmyy.

after that, we got ready to go swimming with kris and baby christina.
i loove them. instead of going to south park, we went to shetler's cabin.
me and christina watched people jump off the diving board from the underwater window, expecting to see boobies. a lady down there said there was a boy who dove in head first and his shorts slid off. HAHA. we couldn't wait for kris and bubby to jump in.
they did, but nothing fun happened.

then they tried making us jump in, but we knew better because we knew what happens at that window underneath teh water. where the boys take pictures with their camera phones and everyone laughs at how you look when you jump in.

soo we went in the wave pool.
creepin' in, because the water was freezing.
and then what to do know but kris comes running in from one side and bubby jumps in from the other.
kris dunked christina and bubby tried to pull me under.
then, bubby got out and had me almost peeing my pants as he hurdled the waves. he looked so funny, we were cracking up.
and then he jumps on me and finally gets me under and my top comes off.
so he insisted on tying it tighter, even tho my circulation was cut off already.
the bathing suit i was wearing was way too small and my junk was hanging all out. i felt like a hoochie mama.

on the way home, i fell asleep. first, i was sitting up.
then, i was leaning on justin's shoulder,
and then when he woke me up,
i had my head in his lap with my shoes kicked off and my feet up on the seat with my legs curled up to my chest covered with justin's towel that he put over me as a blanket.
haha cute, i guess.

kris and christina dropped us off.
and i think we pigged out. i can't remember.
but we probably pigged out.

he was about to spark a dutch but then mav called so we waited to go for a ride with him.
we saw jeremy and marcus on broad so we stopped and talked for a minute.

speaking of jeremy:: so, bub has to work tomorow, which is kennywood day..
well, chubby does, too.
so me and jeremy decided to go together.
but like me and bubby started arguing about it.
he said he would just wait until he got off work.
well im not going to go at 8:00 at night...?? you know?
and he got all mad and was like, "fine then, when i get there, dont talk to me."
and then he tried talking me out of going and said,
"if you don't go, we can go another day. but if you go, then i don't even want to go another day."
but i kinda do wanna go because i never get to see anybody.
but then i don't wanna go because sometimes im glad i don't see anybody.
(same reason im going to CCAC instead of WCCC)

soo i don't know.
but anyways, mav took us back to bubby's and we watched some t.v.

we fell asleep pretty early.
i slept good, too. too bad the fucker woke me up so early.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

soo how about, we watch this show called Take Home Chef.
we love it.
hte other day there was this lady on there, and curtis asks his usual question, "soo who all are we cooking for tonight?"
the lady laughs.
she says, "well you might think this is a joke but..
it's going to be me, my son and my husband.. and coming over for dinner will be my husband's ex-wife, who is now my best friend, and her husband, who just so happens to be my ex-boyfriend with their son for his birthday."
me and justin laugh and he kinda pointed to the t.v.
i was like, "hmm i bet people think she's crazy.."
curtis is like, "this might turn out to be a food fight."
and all through the show he kept on saying, "soo you are like, all one big happy family?? you like, all get along??? and you guys liek swapped boyfriends????"

uhh other than that, i think this was a pretty damn good update.

today
justin left for work.
i can't fall back asleep.
he left me some weed to smoke.
i think i'm gonna toke it up and fall back asleep for a couple hours.

if anyone wants to go shopping, hit me up mothafuckaaasss. leave me a comment, e-mail me (meehan0125@yahoo.com), or try to get at me on AIM., i might be on.

peace, babies. <3333333

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:: 2006 7 July :: 3.09 pm
:: Mood: refreshed.. ??

justin's home from work!!

sooo i ate a sandwich.
(oh yeah that reminds me..
how about, every day my step dad comes down into my room and asks me if i ate today. when i reply yes, he asks me what i had, when i give him a list of things i ate that day, he says, "alright." and leaves. whyyy???)

and then i took a shower.
justin came home as i was getting out and cmae up to tell me he was going to the bank with his gram.
he's opening a bank account right now.

soo.. i'm bored.
it sucks that i don't have a hair dryer or a straightener or ANYTHING here. i hate that. i hate when i can't do my hair.
ALSO;; i lost my foundation (my beloved $14 skin-clearing neutrogena foundation) and my eyeliner (ohh my waterproof, 14-hour wear, $8 Almay eyeliner!). BOTH were brand new!!
I'm pretty upset about that. Especially when those two peices are the most crucial in my make-up. If I don't have them, I might as well not even wear anythign else. =( that sucks.

On a good note:
my legs are supa smooth. and i am super clean. =)

ehh sorry for rambling on, i'm just borred. PEAACEE

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:: 2006 7 July :: 1.28 pm
:: Mood: groggy

it doesn't matter what they say
in the jealous games people play..
soo yeah..
justin had johnny's car, so he picked me up and we went to red dawg's to go get johnny.
johnny was drunk. hahaha.
sooo justin drove us to his house and we got dropped off and johnny drove home.

we played a little bit, but then we just went to sleep because poor baby worked 18.5 hours and he had to get up for work in the morning.

today
he woke me up to tell me he was leaving for work.
he shut off all the fans becuase it was surrsly fuckin freezing in that room. he said it was really cold during the night and that at one point he pulled me to him and i said, "good. i was just getting really cold."
hahaha i don't remember saying that. i'm so gay in my sleep.

i do remember that his hair was amazingly atrocious when he woke up. haha what a cutie.

how about the other day he says to me, "i'm so glad you have big boobies.. and nice nipples."
hsahahahahahah who says that????
i guess other girls have uhh not.. nice.. nipples??
haha i hate boobs.

soo yeah apparently people ARE reading this.
and i didn't know that.
but yeah one of my sister's friends said she reads it every day and knows everything about my life.
=)
that's soo cute.

you people should leave me comments, like chub!!!
i love when people do that. =) makes me smiiiile.
even if they're annonymous ones, you don't have to leave your name.

uhh so i went back to sleep after he left and i just woke up at like 12:30.
i sat upstairs watching Hogan Knows Best for like an hour.

Justin called April's phone and she was surprised I was there.
Haha, she says Justin is a psycho and that I deserve better.
I don't care, though, because I'm a retard and I will never listen to anyone.
I think she thinks he hits me because the other day I was sleeping on the porch swing and she saw this HUMUNGOUS bruise on my thigh.
When she asked me what it was from, I was like, "uhh i dunno? jusitn probably? my legs bruise easily."
she knows we wrahstle, though. haha.

anyways,
he called and said that he was going out to lunch and then just coming home becuase his boss said since he came home so late last night that he could just work half a day and said that he would still pay him for the whole 8 hours. that's nice, huh?
yesterday we estimated he made about $300, so this pay will be sweet. =)

i like him having this job, I'm glad I talked him into keeping it. hehe.

soo to throw in a little b.s..
apparently sarah keeps telling people that i talk to her and tell her all this stuff, when in reality, i don't talk to that girl.
she might get her info from this thing, but she is certainly not getting it from a conversation with me.
i tried being cool with her like a million times. i just wish she wasn't so childish.
like, i would really like for all this stupid drama to stoppp.
she sent liz a message on myspace saying something like, "don't talk to cody and tell him i had sex with a bunch of guys."
meanwhile, liz uhh.. doesn't.. talk.. to cody???
so i don't know.
and then another one is that she told one of my friends that i was talking shit on them, when i wasn't? and then she told someone that i told her that they were talking shit on her. when, no one talks shit on her. and why would i tell her if they did?
i think she's probably just insecure or something.. i don't know.

i thought i had alreayd tlaked about this, but..
she told justin that she read through cody's myspace and there were a bunch of messages to and from me, talking aobut us datng and stuff. but like, i knew it wasn't true because even when cody would say something trivial about dating me, i woudl tell him i didn't want a relationship and that my heart was broke at this point in time.

so then when that didn't work.. i guess she told justin that i called jimmy's phone crying yesterday, but justin knew that i talked to cody that day because i had told him about it. it was when (and i even wrote it in here) cody yelled at me for "giving sarah his password," and it turns out i didn't even know what it was anyways.

so this is all dumb, at one point i told justin something like, "look i'm done with this. i'm sick of all three of you lying. and i don't want to deal with this anymore when i'm sitting here telling the truth."
justin told me that he wasn't lying about anything and that he was just trying to figure out what he was told.
his mom said maybe she is starting trouble because she doesn't want justin to go back with me and wants him to keep talking to her.?
justin said that is dumb because sarah doesn't want to go back with him,
and then that's when i asked him why she was sending him text messages, and told him how upset she was about it..

soo i don't know.
either way, this is ridiculous and i'm glad justin and i are done with it.
...atleast i hope so.

other than that, i'm about to pee my pants so i think i'm gonna peace out. i'm starving, but i hope justin brings me home food from wherever he eats lunch at. he probably will, though.

okay, bye fucks.

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:: 2006 6 July :: 11.38 pm
:: Mood: mmm anxiouss...
:: Music: Aqua - My Oh My

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:: 2006 6 July :: 3.27 pm

sooo AIM doesn't want to upgrade. whatev.

I cleaned my room pretty good.
I want to go get paint so bad so I can paint this sucker.
Also, I need to stain my door to match my desk and stuff.
Mom says she's buying me a new bookshelf.
I want that to match my desk, too.
Also, a new entertainment stand. =)

My room is going to look so nice and green and nice and pictureful.

Boyfriend yelled at me for being on AOL.
He gets mad when I am on the computer..??
Ahh whateva.
I just can't wait for him to get home.
He'll be back in Greensburgh around 9, he said.
Sooo it's 3:30 now and I guess I should find something to do.

Peace, fucks.

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:: 2006 6 July :: 11.24 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Kanye Wesssttttt

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:: 2006 5 July :: 10.16 pm
:: Music: Blaque - 808, 808 Remix/D4L - Betcha Can't Do it Like Me

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:: 2006 5 July :: 6.52 pm

okay soo i'm sick of this.

i break somebody's heart to make myself happy and i get fucked over for it in the end.

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:: 2006 5 July :: 1.27 pm

ahh so i still haven't showered yet.

i got backtracked.
i was putting groceries away for april and we noticed that someone didn't put the lid on the oil and there was vegetable oil all over the floor.
(that someone is justin because he used it to make cuppycakes)

soo i cleaned that mess all up.

ahh.. we were talking yesterday and i think we're joining the gym when my car gets fixed.
or atleast start exercising.
because i don't like the way my body looks and he is a lil pudgy.
hahahaha. me loves him. i can't help it.
well, actually i would really like to exercise and i told him he'd probably be built nice if he did, so we agreeed on it. =)

we will be the sexiest ones ever.

anyways,
i just got finished talking to his mom.
...about, like, everything..
she asked me if i noticed how empty his space looked when i first came back. she said he didn't touch his dirty clothes all while i was gone.
haha, and actually.. it was one of the first things i did when i came over.
his laundry was atrocious.. and smelly.

sooo how about, i wanna go shopping.
like, desperately.. really.. wanna go shopping.
and not even for me! (okay a lil for me)
mostly for everyone else.

i have $300 that i don't know what to spend it on.. hmm..

i mean, i think i would spend it on myself,
but why??? when my mom will just buy that stuff for me?

soo im thinking..
ill have my mommy take me out and buy me stuff
and then i'll keep my moneysss and buy stuff later. =)

you know what?
i finally appreciate this journal right this second.
i love it because i can rant and rave all i want about whatever i want and i don't give a fuuuuck who cares because they don't have to read it.

soo im about ready to pee my pants.
that's my cue to take a shower.

soo i think im gonna go up in the bathroom,
smoke a couple bowls,
and then take a shower.
peeeace.

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:: 2006 5 July :: 11.31 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: none

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:: 2006 5 July :: 8.28 am
:: Mood: miserable
:: Music: blank

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:: 2006 1 July :: 1.17 pm

and the thing is, i didn't just lose a boyfriend,
and his whole family who i absolutely loved to death,
but I lost my best friend.

and this, is why they tell you not to date your best friend.**

because, even though, if it would've worked out, I would've had the best relationship IN THE WORLD because he was the one person I loved more than anything,
the fact that it DIDN'T work out is waht ruins me because I lost the one person I could count on for anything.

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:: 2006 1 July :: 12.53 pm
:: Mood: i don't know

sooo.. as usual, i couldn't fall asleep last night.
so i resulted to plan A and smoked about 5 bowls.
I layed there all high, thinking all kinds of things,
and I actually have to admit that I was relatively happy.
Yes, happy. Weird, yes, I know.

I don't know why i was happy, because I was thinking bad things,
but the bad things weren't really getting to me, and I was just..happy.
And instead of complaining to God in my prayers,
I thanked him for everything I could think of.
And I fell asleep, without saying one negative thing.

And then I woke up.
I have to add that I HATE to wake up.
I layed there for a second,
remembering the dream I had last night.

I hate when I remember my dreams,
because they're usually something awful,
and they're usually something true.

I'm not going to go into details about all the dreams that I've ever had that actually happened,
but last night I had a dream that Justin and Sarah were somewhere..
I didn't know where they were at, I've never been there before,
I am assuming it was a party, but I can't place any of the other people that were there.
Anywyas, so they spent all night there and I woke up to remember it.

That's nice. =)

Soooo right now I am about ready to try to fall back asleep,
cause you can't cry when you sleep.
and I don't get the urge to call him.

and you know, I really don't know what to say,
becuase I don't even know how to ACT.
My stomach is killing me,
and I know it's not because I'm hungry,
because I do not feel like eating.
My heart is soo broken.
and I want to pretend like I'm happy but I'm soo not.
I'm not one bit happy and nothing that would usually make me happy even phases me.

and I want to sit there and tell myself everything I didn't like about him,
and I tell myself that he was a jerk,
but I know that he realyl wasn't.
Towards the end of the relationship we started getting mean with each other but that was just because we were spending every day together.
I just wish I could go back.

and for some reason,
yesterday while I was sleeping during the day,
I had a dream of this one time he came over my house when we were little.
I was probably in middle school and he came to my house for the whole day and we just seriously sat in my room and talked, sat in the living room and talked, sat on the porch and talked,
I remember that I used to talk to him for days and days and never run out of one thing to say.
I remember that we were in my bedroom and he was laying on my bed and I was sitting on Liz's bed and we were laughiong about something and when he left that night, and I layed in my bed to go to sleep, I just put my face in my pillow and smelled him.

and Sarah keeps on trying to tell me that he loves me.
But I know he doesn't.
She realyl doesn't know.
She said "all he does is talk about me."
and I can't ever believe that is true.
She told me, "i bet if you called him right now he'd like, get a boner."
Yeaaahh and then I called him the next day and made it so obvious that me calling him was the last thing he wanted.

and so I sit here and tell myself,
I was with Cody for 3 years and it was 39458x easier to stop talking to him.
Why was that so much easier when I've only been with Justin for 11 months??

and I think what makes it so hard is that I've never felt the way I feel about him. He is everything perfect to me.
Every guy that I've ever talked to was compared to him,
and none of them could ever match up.

I would give anything just to talk to him,
even though I pretend like that's the last thing I want.

I'm going back to sleep.

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:: 2006 30 June :: 9.16 pm

hahaha wait, i was going to get off but i was talking to chooch and i had to add this in..

he was like, tryin to make me feel better..
so we're talking and we said the exact same thing at the same time.

lisa3019: i dont know what happened there
F4llOutBoychooch: i dont kno what happened there
lisa3019: HAHAHAHA
F4llOutBoychooch: haha now thats crazy
lisa3019: i know
F4llOutBoychooch: c were meant to be
lisa3019: how did you do that?
lisa3019: haha
F4llOutBoychooch: do what
lisa3019: knwo waht i was gonna say!!
F4llOutBoychooch: i dont kno.WERE MEANT TO BE, REMEMBER THAT
F4llOutBoychooch: haha
lisa3019: haha alright alright, i believe you
F4llOutBoychooch: it puts a smile on my face
lisa3019: haha me too

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:: 2006 30 June :: 9.04 pm

wellllll..

i didn't really do anything much today.

'specially considering i woke up at like 3. hahaha.
well, i was up all night last night!! and boys don't let girls get off the phone ever.

i did, however, jsut get out of the shower.
and i'm probably about to do something.
pete is letting me take his little gay car. haha.
it won't be as luxurious as the caddy but it'll do.

tomorrow =) =),
me and chooch are going to the regadda.
i told him i got my pay check ($35 ahahah),
but he just laughed at me and told me i can bring it IF I WANT.
haha.

he's a cutie.. always there.

me and cody were supposed to smoke when he got back from ohio today but he's not coming back til late tonight.

so anyways, i'll write later. i gotta go get dressed.
can't sit here naked all night!!

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:: 2006 30 June :: 3.22 pm
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: Lil Kim - Lighters Up

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:: 2006 29 June :: 8.34 pm
:: Mood: mischievous
:: Music: TRIIII-NA!

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:: 2006 29 June :: 7.51 pm
:: Mood: shiesty.

kisses to my bitches.. muah muah.

soo last night..
me and justin get into a little argument.
he is a bullshitter.

girl does not like bullshitters.

he "looooves me"
he wants to "be with me"
he's "sorrrrryyy"

yeah. he doesn't even know what sorry is yet.

so yeah, last night i spent the majority of my night crying,
for 2 seconds before i realized he is not worth my time.

he tries to control my freaking life and what's good for me isn't good for him so i'm uhh not putting up with that shit anymore...



billsfriend01: keep messaging him

Auto response from lisa3019: uhh probably throwing up every five minutes or so

lisa3019: you fuckign ahd sex with ehr
lisa3019: andf uouitr going tob itch at me for comemtning him1?!!?
billsfriend01: not only once
lisa3019: yeah i bet the whole time we dated too
billsfriend01: i hope that heart in your info is for cody
lisa3019: thanks for reminding me, it was for you. DELETED!
billsfriend01: and its funny you run right to cody crying saying you shouldve listened to him
billsfriend01: your so fucking lame
lisa3019: yeah ebcause when he was suitting there sending me emssages saying "yeah well hima nd sarah are callign each other blah blah blah" i cfucking trusted you to talk to her
lisa3019: like afuckign dumbass
lisa3019: while you're having sex with her
lisa3019: and i actually trusted you for some stupid fucking reason
lisa3019: why??? i dont fucking know because i never trusted anybody
billsfriend01: well you two can talk now
billsfriend01: good luck!
billsfriend01: bye
lisa3019: too bad we wot because i want to fucking die
lisa3019: and now i see the only reason why youre a dick so much to me is so i will stop talking to you
billsfriend01: he has lots of game for you so youll be fine
lisa3019: because the whole time you just used me anyways
billsfriend01: used you for what
lisa3019: for anythign you wanted until you could get sarah back
lisa3019: right??? "well see who she dates after your pfa is up"
lisa3019: and we do see
lisa3019: just remember that she had that pfa on you, and someone who actually cares about you wouldnt do that
lisa3019: someone who actually acares about you wouldnt try to ruin your life
lisa3019: or spread rumors about you
billsfriend01: yeah i wasnt serious when i said that, and its weird it ended up sort of like that
lisa3019: i should have seen it all along, you were jsut fucking waiting
lisa3019: i ebt if i go check your messages you have tons sent to and from her
billsfriend01: yup
billsfriend01: check em
lisa3019: why would you do that to me when i used to care so much about you
lisa3019: i dont remember your password
billsfriend01: cause we werent dating
billsfriend01: its not complicated
lisa3019: so that means you had to cheat on me
lisa3019: the whole time we dated
lisa3019: you make me sick
billsfriend01: just date cody cause you know you been trying to
lisa3019: yeah right
lisa3019: thats why i gave you my password to read my messages
billsfriend01: i dont care to read them cause its none of my business what you do now just like what i do is none of yours
billsfriend01: just date him yins look cute together
lisa3019: qwhy woudl you pretend to care abutme?
billsfriend01: i do care about you
lisa3019: i have a peice of shit car, im not pretty, i suck at everything, im a fucking moron
lisa3019: what woudl you possible use me for
lisa3019: why did you have to pick me
billsfriend01: nothing
lisa3019: why did you have to ruin me
lisa3019: you never cared about me
lisa3019: pweopel who care about other people dont do this to them
lisa3019: they dont cheat on them and lie to them
lisa3019: thats what people do to people they DONT care about
billsfriend01: okay well i guess i dont care then, oh well
lisa3019: you have no heart
lisa3019: and i hope one day when you fall in love and love someoen and they break your heart
lisa3019: because then you'll know what it feels like
lisa3019: and you'll feel remorse for ONCE in your life
lisa3019: MAYBE
billsfriend01: okay
billsfriend01: quit wasting my time
billsfriend01: peace
lisa3019: kl;njiop
lisa3019: 'IK FUCKIGN AHTE YOUI
lisa3019: dont slit my tires because im moving my car tomorrow
billsfriend01: im not
lisa3019: so i never have to see your fucking ugly face ever again
billsfriend01: touching that piece of shit
lisa3019: like you said, im ugly
lisa3019: im stupid
lisa3019: im a waste of yuor time
billsfriend01: your not ugly
lisa3019: i shoudl jsut fuckigfn kill myself
lisa3019: everythigna bout me fuckign sucks thats why they tell you treat everyoine hwo you want to be trreated
lisa3019: and then i treat people so ncie and they treat me like shit
lisa3019: and the one person i put all my trust into just throws me away and treats me like dirt
lisa3019: and sits there and lies to me and makes me believe that he cares about me and that he actually does love me
lisa3019: and he would get so mad when i said otherwise
lisa3019: so i actually end up believing it because i wanted to and i told you so manyt ime, "dont say what you dont mean"
lisa3019: i say, "dont say it if you dont mean it"
lisa3019: and you would sya, "i do"
lisa3019: and you cheat on me with someone who cares nothign about you. she costs you 1,000s of dollars worth of fines, the possibilty of getting in trouble for 6 months while she has a PFA on you, as she is going around telling the cops you sell weed to try to get you into even more trouble.. cheats on you, tells people you have a small dick, STDs, and all kidns of other things
billsfriend01: oh well
billsfriend01: it dont change anything
billsfriend01: we arent dating
lisa3019: meanwhile im here, you cheat on me, lie to me, you cost me my car to need a new paint job, 3 new tires, a new mirror, my family to hate me for months, and all i do is just love you, i never did one thing wrong to you. and the time that my ex boyfriend walks to my house to try to be with me i sit there and tell him, "i love my boyufriend, please go home." and then when the story gets FUCKED UP i am still the one who fucking kisses your ass to be with you
billsfriend01: if your name was sarah, you might have a chance..nothing against you but sarahs are my girls
lisa3019: and im still sitting here trying to be civil with you adn trying to show you how bad you hurt me so that MAYBE you would STOP FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND and just say something nice and say youre sorry and that you would talk to me another day and that youre sorry things didnt work out so good
lisa3019: but instead you take the fact that im sitting here hyperventilating over YOU
lisa3019: YOU YOU YOU YOU
lisa3019: and use it as a chance to make me want to kill myself
lisa3019: and make me feel liek shit
billsfriend01: well sorry

Auto response from lisa3019: billsfriend01: if your name was sarah, you might have a chance..nothing against you but sarahs are my girls

billsfriend01: i wish things couldve worked out
lisa3019: yeah well now i know thats bullshit
lisa3019: cause you already told me what you meant
billsfriend01: okay peace
billsfriend01: have a boring life
billsfriend01: take that shit out of your info

soo yeah.. that's when i was beign nice and he was being a dickhead.
because the way that kid works:: when i'm nice, he's not.
when im a bitch, he sucks my dick.

soo i sit on the phone with cody talking to him about justin.
saying that i was sorry i hurt him and that i don't want to be with him and all this other shit.
meanwhile justin is blowing up my phone.
i flipped out on him adn told him to stop calling.
did he? no. fuuuuck no.
so i get cody to call him to tell him to stop.
he tells cody that i have "more problems than psycho sarah" and that all he wants me to do is stop calling him,.
ME STOP CALLING HIM?!?!?! HAAAA!
soo i laughed at that as justin called my house 39534587 more times.

finally, i get off the phone with cody and shut off my ringer.
i go down here to see that he sent me all kinds of messages wanting me to answer the phone and blah blah blah.

i put 11.02.02 in my info....

billsfriend01: im glad that date sticks out for you

Auto response from lisa3019:


good night!:-)

lisa3019: stop talking to me, you've hurt me enough
billsfriend01: answer the phone
lisa3019: leave me alone
lisa3019: you said completely ignorant things to me every day since i can remember
billsfriend01: okay
billsfriend01: whats up with 11/02/02?
billsfriend01: told you that cody was still on your mind
lisa3019: yeah i figured hey, i dont love him, but that just means i wont get hurt
lisa3019: atleast he'll give me everything i want and actually care about me
billsfriend01: good luck
billsfriend01: he dont have shit to give himself let alone give you
lisa3019: atleast it wont be bad comparing it to what you've given me
billsfriend01: yeah not all the weed ive smoked or ntohing
billsfriend01: that he cant even afford a quarter of
billsfriend01: maybe he'll buy you new car seats too
lisa3019: who cares?
lisa3019: dont be so immature
billsfriend01: its already done
lisa3019: just leave me alone, im elaving you alone just liek what yuouve wanted
billsfriend01: if you want him back then more power to you
billsfriend01: look at the kid
lisa3019: you act like you're jealous
billsfriend01: and you probly did fuck him when yins hung out
lisa3019: which would mean you care about me which is a lie
billsfriend01: not a lie
lisa3019: and i didn't
billsfriend01: i bet
billsfriend01: i dont see why not when you run to him everytime we have a fight
lisa3019: and he just told me that sarah saw you walking hoem from tanning one day and randomly made out with you
billsfriend01: thats the day you knew i saw her when we werent together
lisa3019: he said it wasnt
lisa3019: yeah you cant keep track of how many times you've fucked me over
billsfriend01: you can talk to him but not me?
billsfriend01: thats cool
billsfriend01: i didnt that many times
lisa3019: im over yu
billsfriend01: what
billsfriend01: i bet
lisa3019: im over you.. just like you wanted, you said dont talk to you dont waste your time
lisa3019: so im not
billsfriend01: your actually serious?
billsfriend01: you and him are gonna date again
lisa3019: yeah im actually serious when i say im over you
billsfriend01: i doubt that
lisa3019: alright
billsfriend01: you were just balling your eyes out
lisa3019: yeah because i felt like a fucking idiot
billsfriend01: yeah
billsfriend01: your not over me that fast
billsfriend01: im the best thing you ever had and will ever have
billsfriend01: hope your 4 year anniversary is good
lisa3019: well, i dont have any problem not answering your calls for once in my life, i dont feel liek throwing up, im not crying nor do i feel like im going to
billsfriend01: thats good then
lisa3019: and when i think about everythign you've said to me that used to give me that pit in the bottom of my stomach, it doesnt even phase me
billsfriend01: you can say all this all you want
lisa3019: so im going to say yeah im over you. it's easy when i hear how bad you hate me and never could stand me
billsfriend01: i know its all bullshit
billsfriend01: no one said i couldnt stand you
lisa3019: you did
billsfriend01: i just needed time by myself
lisa3019: yeaaaaahhh and you said, "its not over" blah blah blah all that bullshit. you don't say you want to be with soemone, take a break, and a week later have sex with someone else
lisa3019: well good for you not ever being able to get hurt because you dont have a heart
billsfriend01: you wouldnt know what i have
billsfriend01: i didnt want it to be over but i guess it is cause you want to talk to cody
lisa3019: you didnt want it to be over?!?!
lisa3019: are you kidding!?!?!
billsfriend01: no
billsfriend01: i planned on trying to work this out
lisa3019: if you wanted things to work out you wouldnt have fucked someone else
lisa3019: the one thing you knew would get to me
lisa3019: and you were right, it got to me. for a second before i realized how low you were for doing that
lisa3019: and realized that if you could do somethign like that, obviously that means you have no feelings towards me whatsoever
billsfriend01: call me
billsfriend01: i have 5 things i want to say and then im going to bed for work
lisa3019: why cant you say it here
lisa3019: i dont want to hear your voice
billsfriend01: just fucking call me
billsfriend01: its easier to say it on the phone
lisa3019: youre a pig
billsfriend01: so that means you cant call
lisa3019: its probably something rude that i dont want to hear
billsfriend01: you never know
billsfriend01: just fucking do it asshole
billsfriend01: last time ever maybe
lisa3019: no, the last thing you said to me on the phone was fine for me
billsfriend01: just call me
lisa3019: say what you have to say now
billsfriend01: before i fuck your car up even more
lisa3019: are you threatening me?
lisa3019: you're threatening me to call you.
billsfriend01: no
billsfriend01: its a promise though
billsfriend01: just call
billsfriend01: you may have left some things here too
lisa3019: like what?
billsfriend01: hair dryer and shit
lisa3019: not seeing you again is worht them
billsfriend01: not seeign your car will be worth it then
lisa3019: you cut up the seats, slit my tires, broke off the mirror, and ruined the paint, what else could you do to it
billsfriend01: it will be towed when i get up
lisa3019: why do you want me to call you that bad
lisa3019: you dont care about me why do you want me to call
lisa3019: you told cody to tell me never to call you again
billsfriend01: just call
billsfriend01: i do care
lisa3019: no, you don't
billsfriend01: yeah
billsfriend01: just fucking call so i can go to bed
lisa3019: do you know how much i love sarah ludwick?
lisa3019: do you see how easy it was for me not to talk to her after how bad she hurt me?
billsfriend01: no clue
lisa3019: i love her more than i ever loved you
billsfriend01: yeah right
lisa3019: okay, be a dick and rub it in, its making it easier
lisa3019: you already did the worst to me, what else could you do
billsfriend01: im not being a dick
billsfriend01: nothing
billsfriend01: just fuckin call me please
billsfriend01: it will take 2 minutes

HAAAA!!!!!
so i go to get my car today..
and i go in to get my shit. he was sleeping so i didn't even want to bother talking to him but i couldnt find my stupid hair straightener and dryer.
i stood there in the doorway and was like, "uhh wheres my shit?"
he was like, "upstairs in my brothers room."
i got it and was walking out and hes like, "olease come here"
blaH BLAH FUCKING BLAH
so im sitting there in the living room, talking to him.
actually, hes talking, i was just listening to him and not believing a word he was saying.
he was telling me how "he loves me and he doesn't love her".
blah blah blah
"just ebcause he had sex with her didnt mean anything,"
"she doesnt mean anything."
yadda yadda yadda.
yeah suck a dick.
i don't care about you anymore.

he said he doesnt want to stop talking to me,
he would rather talk to me than her,
he misses me, he lvoes me, hes sooo sorry.
all BULLSHIT that i didnt want to waste my time listening to.

so im leaving.
i get in my car and the seats are all cut up because he got mad at me for not calling him.
what a fucking cry baby.
he is soo not worth my time.

then he is standing on the porch.
he wants a kiss, he wants a hug blah blah.
he picks me up. i pull away.
finally, he put me down.
i walked away.
he said, "i love you."
i walked away.
he said, "HEY I SAID I LOVE YOU."
i said... "i heard you."

hehe. =)

soo i talked to him on my way home.
he was like, "please come back. pelase."
"come back and have sex with me, i'll give you $20. please"

uhh yeah right.

SEE YA!!!

soo yeah, basically, to sum it up, he's a liar and he grosses me out.
and that's all there is to it.
so i got my car and i came home and went to sleep and now i'm being goofy.

like my away mesasge says,

"ohhhh..
being a very, very good girl...O:-)
...who is up to know good.;-)"

he called me a little bit ago.
he was mad because he thought i was with cody..
who, by the way, is in fuckign ohio.
when i said i was by myself and he didn't believe me,
he was like, "well call me back when you're done hanging out with whoever you don't want me to know you're ahnging out with."

ya fuckin retard.
we'll see how things go.
i am in a good mood. =)

lataaaaa

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:: 2006 28 June :: 10.18 pm
:: Mood: bouncy, but bored
:: Music: the spill canvas

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:: 2006 28 June :: 9.01 am
:: Mood: miserable

sooo.. my hearts in the bottom of my stomach and i feel like it should come out my throat everytime i throw up.

justin called me a million times last night and this morning.

i really, really, really love that boy.

i guess i'll be going to school even though i'm probably not going to be getting my diploma until the end of august.

i'll update later...

Comment me!!

:: 2006 26 June :: 3.34 pm

haha soo.. i was reading my old journal...
becuase i forgot about it and i love to read what i used to write.

i think it's funny because i wrote about justin soo much.

this is the entry i'm on now..
i was reading about the first confrontation with laura in wal-mart.
haha

ahh anywyas, i just wanted to add that in. peace.

Comment me!!

:: 2006 26 June :: 3.08 pm

my love is like whoa
my kiss is like whoa
my touch is like whoa
my sex is like whoa
my ass is like whoa
my body's like whoa


yesterday,
i went to chub's and got dropped off.
we went to go eat at the church after picking up alycia.
(funny i had to tell her how to get there when i never even hung out with alycia before.. haha. silly erinn)

when we got to the church, erinn realized her mom was there,
so we left and went to eat n park.

hahahahah:
alycia is talking about this one bitch waitress.
me-"i never had her before, what does she look like?"
alycia-"shes liek, real ugly. she wears a stupid headband with her hair pulled back.."
*i look behind alycia where a waitress wearing a headband with her hair pulled back is wiping off the table behind us.*
erinn turns around and we both start cracking up.

after that, we left and went for a ride to jam to soem jams.
we get back to chubs and chill a lil.
erinn left cause she needed to take the car home,
and jaron and dave came over.

eventually, after everyone got candid pictures taken but none other than moi,
we left.
well my mom came to pick me up,
and chubby and alyica went with dave and jaron.
chub made jaron take her to devin's and alycia made him take her home.
they left at wuarter to 11, when jaron had to be home at 11:00.

my mom said jaron's mom and dad were going to be soo mad.

i got home and called my baby.
he was sleeping cause he had work this morning.
he's sooo cute.
i was like, "you miss me?"
*pause because he is sleeping*
"thats a no.."
"yes i do!"

hehe.

i couldnt fall asleep but when i finally did i layed on the living room floor next to my sister with my tubby kitty (even though he's not allowed upstairs.. ((espeically in the night time because theres no litter boxes))..) and fell asleep.

today
i woke up and i was supposed to go to school,
but since i was up til like 6am, i couldn't wake up.
i got up at like 1:00 because i hear ben run up the driveway,
through the house, to the kitchen and say to my mom,
"DO YOU HAVE AN EXTRA KEY FOR THE CAR?!"
my mom-"no.. why? did you break it?"
ben-"well. waht happened was... i unlocked the doors ebcause i knew the back was locked, and i got out of the car and closed the door and heard *click* so i went around to the back and it was locked. then i went to every single door and tried to open them.. all locked."

hahaha he locked the ONLY keys in the car WITH THE CAR RUNNING.
and my uncle was standing there shaking his head at him as ben frantically ran to every one of the doors.

sooo, my babe called.
he was mad i didnt go to school so i told him i was going late.
he asked if we were going to do something today.
i said yes, so he told me to be at his house 5:30-6:00.
(that's when he gets off work.)

soo i've just been chillin'.
pissed because my brother fucked something up on my computer and i can't upload pictures from my digital camera for some reason...

anyways, i'm out.

Comment me!!

:: 2006 25 June :: 1.04 pm
:: Music: runnin' her hands through my fro,
bouncin' on twenty fo's.

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:: 2006 23 June :: 3.04 pm

well, yesterday, after i got off here...
i waited on the porch for bishop.

she picked me up and dropped me off at cj's.
ugh, i am soo thankful because walking in this heat is a bitch.

i chilled at cj's for a little bit.
umm ripped off some kids i didn't know for 40 bones.
it was funny.

went for a walk with jeremy and cj.
went to tatsch's house.
went to lazarri's house with him and jeremy.
went to cj's house where everyone was.

when justin got off work he was with mav and shaun i guess or somethin, i'm not sure, i wasn't really listening.

we all hung out at cj's, i don't even remember who was there.

eventually, everyone left.
justin came over.
i fell asleep.
we went home.

we got in a fight because..
well, i don't remember what it was becuase.
sometimes, he's really good at making me feel liek shit.
oh yes!
that's what it was because!!!!
i am sick of him and everything he does,
and he was high on an OC and annoying as FUCK.
and since i was in the state of mind to speak my mind,
i told him what was up, and i didn't give a fuuuuuuck.

so basically, ew.

anyways, he dropped his phone in the sewer.
so he's buying a new one today.
except he's switching to verizon..
and um...
we were supposed to get a family plan,
but since he is getting one TODAY and we didn't plan on switching this soon, and being that i don't have a job, he doesn't want to go through with it.
umm okay?
so he wants to get a brand new phone of the one he had and give that to me.
when uhh DUH no thanks, I HATE that phone.
like seriously. i hate that phone.
so whatever.

anyways, so we go to sleep.
in the morning we get in a fight because he woke me up for school.
haha, yeahh, i kinda cherish my sleep, ya know?
i am like a total bitch when it comes to waking me up.
so anyways, he tried to get me ontime for school but i flipped the fuck out.
then eventually i stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door.

i went to school and umm came here and here i am.
i am about ready to dry my hair and go to cj's.

cept im afraid everyone is going to make fun of my bangs.
i messed them up the other day, okay1?!?!
and now i'm waiting for them to grow in..
but they are so short that they want to be straight instead of pushed to the side like how i wear them.
so.. i look like i have a really big forehead and i look and feel liek shit.
so shut up.

Comment me!!

:: 2006 22 June :: 2.46 pm

uhh so yesterday, after i wrote..
i can't really remember what i did.

i am pretty sure i just sat here all day.
actually, you know what i did?
i ate a whole lot of cereal,
some carrots,
a cucumber,
and then made a bag of popcorn.
there really wasn't anything to eat in this house.
i took my bag of popcorn and sat on the porch swing.
well, actually.. i fell asleep.
i woke up when justin got home, laughing at me,
becuase popcorn had spilled all over the porch and all over me.

i walked to cj's.
well, i didn't get very far up the road when i spotted this cutest kitty.
i couldn't help but say, "HIII KITTY KITTY!!"
in some retarded high-pitched, squeaky voice,
and that kitty kitty ran right up to me, rolling around on his back.
i sat and pet that cat for like 10 minutes when justin comes riding his bike behind me (i left before him so i could get a head start), and yells, "WHAT'S WRONG?!!?... oh.. a kitty kitty."
i continued my walk to cj's and justin rode along, getting there first.

that faggot filled my purse up with a bunch of junk, so i was about ready to pass out when i walked up cj's steps.

anywyas, so i chilled there.
bubby left.
umm..
chubby and erinn came over.
umm we chilled.
i was going to stay over chubbys
but then justin flipped out on me
and told me all of my clothes and books will be on the porch???
um okay,
so i was going to stay there for the sole fact that he's a dick,
but then i remembered that i wont have my books for school or any clothes to wear.

UGH!!!!

and i regret not staying there, too,
because when we got home, justin was a dickhead,
picking fights with me because i added cody on myspace??
what the fuck?
might i add, he has sarah added on his list..
but did i bitch about that? no. because i don't care.
i'm not three years old like he is.
he makes me so mad.

anyways, so we fell asleep fighting and then i forgot and rolled over and put my arm around him and he rolled over and pulled me close.

this morning, i woke up at like 8:00 and got ready for school.
oh yeah, and justin told me that my bangs look stupid because i accidentally fucked them up.
well, i dont care, they grow, so he can SHOVE IT.

anywyas, i made some broccoli and cheese soup.
((go ahead, call me gross.))
and i ate some of it but now im sick.
i was about ready to walk to cj's
but sarah said she'll give me a ride, so i'm just waiting,
that way i dont have to die of heat exhaustion today.

oh.. also.
justin changed the password for his computer so i couldn't get on,
too bad i guessed it on the first try.
AGHAHAHA dickhead.

anywyas, im ouit. peacccee.

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:: 2006 21 June :: 1.56 pm

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Uhh yesterday, after I last wrote...
well, I went to get in the shower but April was in there,
so instead I ate as much as I could.
Haha. As always.

Speaking of which, I'm starving right now.

Then, I got in the shower.
After that I just kinda sat around the house 'til Justin got home from work.

He got me a ride to CJ's with Cam, Mav, and Sessy.
They dropped me off and I played a lil basketball with Jerm n CJ.
Justin got there shortly after and we all played with Duke.

CHUBBY!!!! came over and Jenna stopped to say hi.

Jenna left and we all went upstairs and chilled.

Yeaaahhh. so...
I can't really remember.
Eventually, Chubs left.
People stopped through, as usual.
That means I saw my loves lovesss: Amber, Lexi, and Liza.

Uhh, eventually, I started drifting asleep.
So Justin said it was time to go home.
We got home and watched a little bit t.v. and then went to sleep.
I was very, very tired.

Today
I woke up and got ready for school as Justin left for work.
School was very nice.
When I got there, I was the only person there.
I got a whole lot of work done and then Justin's gram picked me up.

She dropped me off and here I am.
I'm starving hungry, though, so I'm about ready to go eat.

As a general update,
I scored the highest on this state-required test we had to take for school. I think they might award scholarships for it, so we'll have to see.

Also, I IMed Sarah yesterday and we started off smart with each other, how our usual conversations start out.
We're bitches to each other.
Anyways, we always end them getting along,
and that's just what we did.
We were like, real cute and added each other on myspace and everything.
Haha.
Having the same boyfriends makes people close.
Especially if those two people are like.. exactly the same,
like me and sarah. we're both soo gangster like that.

anyways, i'm out before the acids in my stomach eat away at my insdies from starvation. PEAAACEEE!!!!

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:: 2006 20 June :: 12.50 pm

well, yesterday,
justin's gram took me to the bank,
and then to cj's to get the xbox.
cj was about ready to go to his class,
so i went back to bub's.

he got home from work,
so we went to cj's.
well, he rode his bike, so he got there first.

when i got there he was like all flustered.
"did you take that money that was here?"
i didnt know what he was talking about,
but i guess when cj was at his class,
someone came upstairs and took bub's money that was left out.

and we didnt notice at first, but apparently,
they took kash's cd player as well.
well, we told kash not to call the cops because it would cause a lot of trouble that we don't need,
but he did anyways.

his mom got there and everyone left.
we went to lexi and liza's
and soon after, cj called us to tell us everyone is in trouble.

i don't see how we could get in trouble, though.
someone steals things off of us and WE get in trouble..??

im not sure how these backwards ass cops work around this town,
but quite frankly, i think it's B.S.

anyways, that's pretty much all we did yesterday.
oh and bubby kneed joey morgan in the face at exxon.

today
is my lazy day.
im about ready to go get a shower
because i cant stand not to.
just talking to justin on here a little bit.

im out, though.

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:: 2006 19 June :: 1.35 pm

Yesterday, Sunday, June 18
after i last wrote.
umm i did absolutely nothing.
liza called and asked if there was anythign to do,
and i told her i'd call her if i found anything.
but we never did.
i just chilled with jeremy and justin for a while.

soon after, me and jeremy walked to cj's.
we chilled there for a little bit with jordan, lexi, and amber.
lexi and amber left
and i was there hanging out with the boys as usual.
we smoked a couple bowls and just waited for bubby.
well bubby never came because he is an extremely big douche bag.
finally, around 9:00,
jordan and jeremy went with me to change my tire.

i was pretty pissed, because justin was supposed to be there at 7:30 to help get my car running again, but he never came back.

he pisses me off to the fullest extent.

well, by the time we finally got to my baby car,
i realized i forgot the keys.
so jordan and i walked all the way back to cj's and then all the way back to my car.
jeremy wasn't there...??
ray came out and helped me change it.
he let me use his phone and i called bubby to tell him that the car wouldn't start (stupid alternator!!!!).
me and jordan walked back to cj's.
soon after, jeremy and jordan left.

i fell asleep,
and woke up to bub blowing up cj's phone.
at about 12:30 i walked to his house to find that i was locked out.
i layed on the porch swing and waited for him.
i yelled at him for a very long time.
i went upstairs and went to sleep.
he got in bed and pulled me close(even if im mad, i still melt when he does that((pulls me close like a baby into his lap.)).).
he asked me if i hate him, told me he loves me,
and we fell asleep.

Today. Monday, June 19
justin woke up to get ready for work.
i was kinda half-asleep but he was talking to me.
im not sure if i was responding,
but he was kissing me and stuff and that's all i remember.
i told him have a good day at work. =)

when i woke up-woke up,
i watched some of The Hills. (i think i love that show)
i checked my myspace and justin called me.
i got a shower and here i am.
his mom is taking me over cj's to get the xbox
and to the bank so i can get some of justin's money.
it stopped raining, though,
(today is an ugly, shitty day)
so i juuuust might walk.
i've really grown to like walking.

speaking of exercise,
i ate so much yesterday and the day before.
i weighed myself at cj's and i wasn't very happy at all.
i am trying to go down to 103.
(why 103 you ask?, i just think it's a good number.)
((get it?? 5'3, 103lbs??))

i don't know what that has to deal with exercise, but okay.
when i get my car fixed, i think im going to get a job.
well, actually, yesterday ray told me i could work with hsi wife
in greensburg.. 8-4:30, getting $8 an hour.
jordan says i should go for it.
i am trying to talk justin into keeping this job.
if he keeps it, i'll think about that telemarketing opportunity.
i would have a ride with her everyday,
so its a good chance to save gas.

soo.. my mom talked to my dad.
(that reminds me, i forgot to call him yesterday)
he wants to give me my car,
so sometime this week after the baby caddy gets fixed,
i am going out there with justin.
(i mean it!!)
and i probably will give my dad a present cause i feel bad.

okay well i think im done for now.
i'm thinking about changing my layout again.

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:: 2006 18 June :: 12.39 pm

soo i last wrote on the 16th??
i walked to the bank to deposit money justin gave me.
i walked to cj's.
and you know what??
i actually don't remember what i did.

ohh, yes i do.
it was Friday, June 16th
we went to Layton.
It was me, Liza, Jeremy, Ben, and CJ.
We met Kris and Christina.
Becker was drunk.
It was funny because Becker, Paul, and some other people were on the one side and me and Liza were laying out on the other.
They were yelling my name so I waved.
then, "how'd you know it was me??"
paul-"your ass"

we drove to the other side and smoked a blunt on the bike trail.
then.. we went back to cj's.
well, liza dropped us off because she didnt get a shower yet.

bubby was at cj's and we chilled.
i can't really remember what we did, actually.

liza definitely gave me a ride back to bubby's though, so i didn't have to walk. (i love her)

Yesterday. Saturday, June 17th
umm we woke up.
after we got showers, we went to cj's.
ed gave me a ride over.
bubby went to sunoco, first,
and then to meet bishop.
i can't remember what we did, actually.
but i do remember it was hot as a mother fucker outside.
kris and christina came and we all went to layton.
kris, christina, bubby, me, jeremy, and cj.

me and christina jumped in due to people taunting us.
ehh.
we chilled for a little bit,
ate some kit-kats.
then we left.
kris and christina dropped us off at cj's.
we chilled there for a little bit.
i can't remember what we did.
everyone left, eventually.
then...
uhh.
oh yeah.
jenna and nicole picked me up and i went to jenna's house to chill for a minute.
they were drunk.. and funny.
especially becker.
nicole took me back to bubby's eventually.
we watched The Ringer
and then went to sleep.

Today, June 18th
we woke up and we were supposed to go to the wave pool.
but liza couldn't.
jeremy got here and now we're just chillin. peace.

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:: 2006 16 June :: 12.16 pm

Yesterday, June 15
After I last wrote, I walked to CJ's.
CJ and I chilled and then Amber, Lexi, Liz, and Ben picked me up.
We went to the Wave Pool.
I must say.. hot guys everywhere.
Soo we googled at some goodies and basicallly just layed out.
I got 0% darker. because i'm a ghost.

After a while, we left and they dropped me off at CJs.
Justin was there so we chilled.
Liza came.
and you know what... I can't really remember much.
Justin left to go somewhere, but I forget where.
To ride his little bike, I think. and meet his dude*.
Me and Liza started walking to meet Christina so I could give her back Kris's hoodie that I used the other day while bike riding.
We saw Jordan and Jake and they gave us a ride to meet CHristina.
By the time we got to her house, she was at CJs.
Soo.. me and Liza got out and took a walk with Christina.
(Down the road to CJs house)
WHile Jordan dropped Jake off and then went home to shower.
Liza went back to her house and me and CHristina chilled outside.
We went upstairs and chilled with CJ for a little bit.
Kash and Jay were up there.
Liza came back.
Lexi and Amber came over.
Lexi and Amber left.
Justin came back.
Jay and Brandon left.
Jordan came over.
Soo then we find out that Jordan's gf is at this 24 yr old guy's party.
Me, Christina, Liza, Bub, and Jordan leave.
This is where the excitment starts.
We get there. We're walking through Voyager.
We find his house.
Jordan starts pounding on the side door.
Mike and the kid who's house we were at come around the side.
Jordan says, "where the fuck is kristin?"
Mike says, "in here, follow me."
we go inside and sonny is there with kristin and she sees Jordan walk through the door so she says, "uh oh.."
Jordan sarcastically starts yelling, "UH OH! UH OH!"
and catches Kristin trying to run through a room and hide.
He yells in her face, rips her purse out of her hand,
breaks her sunglasses.
we all start running down the street, back to Jordan's car.
Kristin is running down the street,
and everything in her purse was all over the road.
We go to Kristin's house so Jordan can give her mom her wallet,
Jordan takes all of his things and we leave.
So meanwhile, Sonny and Kristin call Christina flipping out.
"why would you bring him here? blah blah blah"
We go back to Christina can fight someone.
(Us three girls are sitting in the back, ready to rumble.)
We see Sonny and this big bitch on the road,
Jordan is talking to Sonny.
(more liek yelling to each other)
sonny slaps him, he spits on her.
we drive away.
we see kristin and chalee run through soemones yard.
we stop.
christina gets out and starts yelling at kristin,
"do you wanna fight me kristin? is that what? fucking fight me, come on."
kristin says, "i never wanted to fight you, those two did."
(referring to sonny and the other girl.)
kristin and jordan yell at each other.
we all get back in.
kristin stands in front of jordan's car.
then for some reason, she says something to liza.
liza snaps.
"i didnt fucking say a word to you bitch so shut your fucking mouth. say something else, go ahead."
krsitin didnt say another word.
im antagonizing liza to get out of the car and fight.
but kristin didnt say anything.
she wouldnt move from out front of the car and her titties were hanging all over the place.
justin asks her to please move.
she moves and runs down the street.
liza-"who wears a skirt and a tank top in 50 degree weather?"
me and christina-"a slut."
jordan yells out the window, "SLUT!!!"
we went back to CJs.
Well, me and bubby got dropped off.
Jordan took Christina to Kris's, Liza went with.

Justin rides his bike home shortly,
arranging a ride for me so i don't have to walk.
I chill with Jeremy and CJ.
Jordan gets there with Liza and Lexi.
Jordan drops me off at bubby's.

me and bub go to sleep.
before getting in a fight.
"dont ever ask me for anything," he says.
i told him i love him. he told me he fucking hates me.
i told him i dont care, i still love him.
he rolls over, puts his leg over me, and cuddles.
he says he loves me.
we go to sleep.

in the morning, he has work.
he wakes me up and asks me to clean the room when i get up.
he left me some bud and the iPod.
he gave me $60 to put in the bank account.
and left $5 for me to eat if i get hungry.
he tells me he loves me as he walks out the room.
i told him i love him.
he says, "waht?"
i said, "i love you."
he says, "oh i thought you said thanks, i was gonna jump on you."
me, "thanks."
he walks out the room.
a second later he walks back in,
"ohh you WANT me to jump on you?!!?"
and takes a flying leap ontop of me.
he's such a cutie.

anyways, im going to dry my hair,
go to the bank,
and then go to CJs to see what's up.
peaaaceee.

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