i am sooo tired
i'm about ready to pass out, seriously.. im soo tired...

in fact, im just writing a little bit tonight to let you all know that Wednesday, February 11, 2004.. i dropped out of my college prep english and for the rest of the year i have 2nd period study hall and 5th period child care... wow, it's about fucking time huh?

i stayed for detention with nicole(feb. 11) but sat and talked to josh on aol on my phone the whole time haha

i got home and me and my mom went driving around for a couple hours, haha we had nooo idea where we were, we just kept exploring, i love when we do that, i think we get to do it again today(feb. 12)

i didnt do anything the rest of the day except talk on the phone and we watched american pie and roseanne...

okay i am soo extremely tired i cant stand it, im going to bed... good night

speechless..haha thats because of josh...
hmm.. last night i fell asleep in liz's bed because we stayed up late talking...
i had a dream i had sex in a car with tracy driving and my mom in the passenger seat.. i am like.. grossed out and i dont think that weird feeling will ever leave me alone for the rest of my life.. i am truly traumatized and i cannot believe something like that came from my imagination.. i am ashamed...

i went to school today and noone was there.. well josh was.. so it was cool.. haha grr hes so cute i cant get over it.. haha ah okay...

i came home today and fell right asleep.. i talked on the phone with josh and sarah a little bit.. but i pretty much passed out all day.. i woke up about 6:30 and called josh and then came on here and voila.. here i am...

.. yeah.. exciting day i'll tell you.. haha...

sooo i guess that's it.. peace

haha whoops
haha yeah josh, you weren't supposed to read this.. haah now im all embarassed.. but yeah.. you make me nervous anwyays remember?

okay so this weekend, friday i was stuck at shcool and jen was going to give me a ride home buuuut i ended up seeing jesse ludwick there instead and asked him if i could go home with him... so i did...

me and sarah watched some fucking weirdass movie.. merial's wedding.. or something fuckign dumb liek that.. let me tell you, it was one fucked up movie, hahaha

um.. saturday.. me and russ did nothing.. no wait, that is SUCH a lie.. we spent the whole mother fucking day on her damn bulletin board.. haha but its jsut so pretty now.. we're sooo proud, maybe next time im over there ill take a picture of it, then i can put it on ehre to show you..

sunday.. me and russ made her hair all curly n pretty and stuff.. and then we sat around with ryan for a while.. ryan left and then we sat around some more, and then i left...

pete picked me up and we went to wal mart for a couple things and then i came home.. rich was leaving to go home to fix things up a little bit or something.. i think hes buying a house down my exxon or something... todd road or something?

anyways, thats cool, but he went home.. soo.. i talked to josh a little bit on the phone and now im talkign to him and like a million other people on here.. but anyways, hes so cute, haha.. soo today i guess we're talking since thats what we both decided.. haha aw hes so cute.. okay okay...

well im done i guess...

oh, as for the dreams, i had a weird one the other day about going to school with jsut all my friends, noone else, only my friends, and i was stuck in this big mess with decisions and everything, it was so sad, i cried...

and well to tell you the truth, i have weird dreams every night lately.. and i used to never dream.. i think its cause my head is so confused and im so fucked up.. ahh gr...

okay this time im done.. bye.. night

<*please like me best*>
the rest of the day was okay.

there's just some kids that you really like.

rich lives here now.

my room will be done this weekend, minus carpeting.

just talked to josh for like an hour.

my day's alright, i guess...

if you wonder what you do that's got me into you.. it's your blue jeans baby
you got everything that i want
you got everything that i need

haha im so FUCKING EXCITED!!! i have to be like the most excited person ever (thus the mood: i'm soo excited and happy and overcome with good emotion that it's indescribable!!!!

(p.s. only a few choice people know what im so high strung about this lovely afternoon...)
...let's just say there's this boy that i have thought he had to be the HOTTEST boy IN THE WORLD ever since the first time i saw him, and today he asked for my number when i didn't think he exsisted...
even though we've hung out before, i didn't think i was worthy enough for him to remember me..

awww im soooo much more excited than i was this morning ahhh!!!!!!!! im going to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, school was completely a normal day... me and cowen wore the same color shirt.. again... and yeah school was gay except for the end!!!! ahh!!!!! im sorry im sorry, okay i have to pull myself together.. breathe lisa, breathe...

*thanks winn-er... i appreciate the not-literal "kiss".. haha

the rest of you.. FOLLOW THE LEADER!! haha

When you call my name, it's like a little prayer...
I see you on the street and you walk on by,
you make me wanna hang my head and cry...
okay so i didn't get a chance to write for a while...

tuesday: racquel was the only one of us besides me.. we had a delay and a play(it was a fun one)... lunch looked disgusting so i got nachos, haha we pulled off this slick trick and stole the freshman's buns.. haha

WOOHOO! i got the highest grade out of my spanish class on the quiz we took this day!! yeah!

wednesday: i came in school really late and ate lunch (chicken and biscuits), and then went to spanish and got a 9/10 right on my spanish test (double woohoo)...
hahahahahaha cowen had OSS today hahahahahahahahaha

today: i'm just sittin here.. haha.. i am waiting for a ride to school.. i have to get ready before i go though and that includes running down my grandma's and getting my purse which i'm a little lazy about..
oh well...
hey guess what!!?
WOOHOO i did homework this morning while i was eating frosted flakes.. thats right, and not just any ordinary homework... WORLD CULTURES!!! and i actually tried and i think i got a lot of them right...
and yesterday... I DID SPANISH HOMEWORK!!.. i'm really doing good guys...
i haven't done homework since the second grade, that's not even an exaggeration.. i swear to you...
third grade, i stayed in everyday for 20 minutes from the play ground to do my homework as a punishment...
fourth grade, i spent a year learning my lesson, and you know those brown tablets they gve you in elementary school at the beginning of each year? well the first week i had mine i spent every day filling each page with, "I Will Learn To Do My Homework" and such writing assignments.. every day we had homework, the next day before playtime i'd rip a sheet out of my notebook and run out to the playground...
...well anyways, the point is, it kinda gives you a feel of accomplishment inside you know?... like, after i did it, i really felt good and proud... it's even stronger when you actually do it, as opposed to copying someone else's... i kind of like it...

ooh... mae...

I started to ache when I started to think of you...
wondering how long it will take until i step into something new...
there's only so much i can fake,
there's only so much i can prove...

can we try again?

well im a wreckm
i really can't explain it but I hear the music when I look at you...
orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment...
well, I'm so in love with you.

i'm in deep whenever i'm with you

i loooove taking showers!...
well, saturday after i wrote, i went to willowbrook with my mom for a second to make fun of people and then she dropped me off at ludwick's...
ryan was there for a little bit.. it was his birthday.. we watched The Matrix, and then ryan left and me and sarah watched some freaky movie with witchcraft and fell asleep...

we woke up yesterday morning.. sunday.. at like 10 to get ready to go to someplace and eat spaghetti with her grandpap and his girlfriend and her mom and dad... pretty good spaghetti, i couldnt eat it all because me and sarah hogged down a whole large pizza all ourselves the night before.. plus, it was morning, im never hungry in the mornings...
me, sarah, and jeff went to the flea market.. i bought pens!! yay!! haha i looove pens! its some weird genetic fetish me and tracy obtained from my mother...
we looked at everything there and then we went back home... ryan came over and me him and sarah went to the movies to see The Butterfly Effect(new favorite movie!!!).. it was the best movie ever... i seriously am in love with it... if you're going to go see ANYTHING, see that!!!!!!!!!!!...

hmm then we went back home and my mom picked me up and i came home to watch the superbowl.. i fell asleep for a half hour and then watched the game with my mom....
she was sooo upset that the patriots won.. she said new england is a team full of cocky bastards... we were sharing grief watching the face of this cute panther player after the game... haha
(my moms going to write him a letter... ahah!)

anyways... thats it and im out...

p.s. i cant wait to get my computer again!!!(it broke and we have to take it back...)

i make believe that you are here
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

well yesterday was friday, and i went over albig's with meagan sutton... first we went to a basketball game at mount pleasant.. yough won.. woohoo.. haha.. and then we went back to her house...
amanda had these three boys come over who me and meg never met.. they were soo funny, all three of them had us laughing soo hard.. we played trivial pursuit for dummies.. me and the kid i was playing with of course let them win the first two times, but the second time we had it.. woohoo... ;o)

they went home at like 3 in the morning and we al pretty much went to bed

backstreet boys - as long as you love me
how you got me blind is still a mystery
i cant get you out of my head

well the night before last i had a dream, hmm, pretty intense dream, lets just keep it at that...
last night i had a dream that i went to wal*mart with bubber and chooch and there was a guidance office in there that i had to pick up soe papers at...
bubber wanted to drive so chooch let him and they circled the parking lot til i came out, then they took me back to what i'm assuming was my house... liz was sitting in there on the computer and i went in and informed her of my trip at the guidance, where i found out.. the counselor told my mother liz and i were not trustworthy and we're just trying to get as much out of her as we can...
me and liz of course flipped and i told the lady to fuck off and eat a dick... pretty harsh, i know...

i'm not too sure on what happened next, but all i remember is next thing i know, i am somewhere with justin cowen and this black girl that he like loved.. haha i dont know what was going on with that.. he was dating this girl and she was black and he liked her sooo much and i was so mad..
...it's not like i should've been mad, i don't even talk to him anymore, but hey, it was a dream, and i was really jealous in it...
so anyways, something about this girl hurt my feelings so bad.. i have no idea why.. he liked her so much and i was so jealous...

...yeah it was a crazy dream.. anyways, i woke up this morning as meg was leaving and me and amanda woke up and she had somewhere to go so we got dressed and her sister dropped me off and now here i am... hmm.. any other day i wouldn't even be up yet haha...

so anyways, i dont know what im doing tonight... hopefully something... i dunno.. we'll see.. im out.. later

shake it like a n-n-n-nasty girl
*you betta bring money out ya crib cuse you aint gettin none of mine tonight*

yeah.. im listening to a bunch of music.. britney spears - toxic, comes on in between every song i have haha.. i love her

i'm addicted to you
don't you know that you're toxic??

well today i stayed home from school, as too with wednesday and thursday, didn't really have a choice tuesday and monday considering it was cancelled...
i meant to go to school today, i just.. forgot
...i wanted too, i just woke up and didn't get around to it i guess...
...i'll go next week.. i PROMISE

update on my room: nearly completed.. there's running water in the bathroom, YEAH! haha...

last night i wrote a like 6-paged letter since i was sooo hyper and then talked on the phone with cowen for a little bit...

i wonder what im going to do today?.. hmm, it's so much easier to figure this shit out when you go to school.. that's why i wanted to...

last night i had a dream that a bunch of people were over my house... jsut liek covol, steph, becca.. i forget who else, and they were all getting ready.. they were going to a party and i wanted to go but pete said i couldnt because i was high (????).. haha so i started flipping out and everything and yeah, that was all i can remember basically...

anyways, i'll write more if somethin comes up cause im done now.. peace

im addicted to you...don't you know that you're toxic??
britney spears is fucking hott and that's all there is to it...
she comes soo awfully close to jessica alba and yet, jessica alba is the hottest fucking woman in the world...

damnit, and im not even a lesbian...

good and bad points..
okay there is no bad points..
britney is just amazing because she makes out with everyone and shes fucking hott
and jessica alba can do anything and shes fucking hott
and they both have perfect bodies


new outlook in life: everything happens for a reason, nothing happens for no reason, and you're you for a reason
...you know?... i mean, dont change yourself and just go with the flow... dont sweat the small stuff and, life is small stuff...
**be the best that you can be...
look at those two women.. theyre so incredibly amazing, they're my idols, and good role models to idolize...

ive been thinking lately, like for the past year, or more... about... i want to grow up and have this nice life right?.. well it's time to start you know?... basically my choices that i gave myself are:
-*interior decorator
-*fashion designer
-*designing houses

...that's what i want to do with my life, which one of those is what i have to decide.. well, we all know what i really want to do is act but you know thats not going to happen...

let's go.. you want it.. you know it
whats shakin?
woohoo guess what?
math-a
algebra-no clue
art-a
english-well yeah i have to take this over in febuary cause let's just say things didn't quite work out and i want to get a fresh start and pass this pretty good...
biology-b or c, i dont know
spanish-a or b, not sure.. i just remember senora gave me a speech telling me how i have the "potential" to do so much better.. haha yeah watch me ace it third nine weeks, im gonn try
world cultures-i tend to not care about this class, so im screamin, probably D.. oh well, maybe ill actually put some effort into it this time.. i mean, i just dont care about this class at all... i dont know why...

well nothin's been goin on here.. it's about 12am and im going to school tomorrow because i didnt go yesterday or the day before... so yeah its cool...

once again i HATE computers!
um okay ONCE AGAIN! I’ve tried typing this thing and it didn’t freaking work!!! Of course I wasn’t smart enough again to copy it before I sent… ha, of course not, that would be the logical thing to do!!!
I hate computers, I’ve given up…

Okay, I lied, I actually didn’t and I’m giving it another try…

How did you like that unusual dream I had the other night? Yeah ive been dreaming weird stuff like that for a while now, I don’t know what’s going on… like last night, I had a dream I was on a road trip with two boys, one of them being seth pollacci, and I cant quite picture who the other one was.. anyways, the reason I recall seth being there was because I didn’t have any money with me, I had forgot it or something, and seth had all this extra and he was paying for my food and stuff because I had promised id pay him as soon as we got home… im thinking it was a continuation of an earlier dream I had a couple weeks (months??) ago where I was on a road trip in a hot state like texas with a bunch of friends in a convertible.. I couldn’t eat the whole trip because I didn’t have any money there either.. that’s the reason im thinking there was a connection…

Well, to update you on today’s news… we had yet ANOTHER cancellation.. I’m not really sure on why though because there really was no need… figures.. that’s Belle Vernon for you, we never have cancellations or delays on days we actually need them!!

My day was actually not boring at all though, we started out having a lot to be done.. we went out to get my hair cut (which actually looks pretty nice, I got a layer in the back and my bangs angled in to blend in with the rest of my hair), and then we went to save-a-lot (did you know this place doesn’t provide bags and you have to bring your own??.. they give you little carton boxes but, I mean, come on…)
…after that we went to sweeny’s so I could fill out an application… If you didn’t know, I had filled out an application for there a couple months earlier but katelyn’s mom said they didn’t really need any waitresses at the time, but Christine told me the other day in school that they needed them pretty bad… so anyways, I came in and katelyn’s mom gave me an application and told me I could come in for an interview tomorrow at 3:00 so that’s what I’m going to do…

I’m not real sure if we’re going to have school tomorrow or not, it stopped snowing, but then again, that’s what I said for the last two nights… if we do have it I’m going in around 8 or so anyways, because I don’t have a ride to school and I have to ride nicholas’s bus there.. oh well…

I guess that pretty much concludes my day for today… oh and hey…
if you want to leave a comment, anyone can, this setup isn’t like xanga where you have to be a member to post anything… all you have to do is click Give a Quick kiSS and post a comment, you can check “anonymous” if you’d rather not give out your name… anyways, I like kisses so leave me something…

~later

2 Comments | Comment me!!

I HATE COMPUTERS!
grrr you cannot even BEGIN to imagine how pissed off i am!!!... i typed, what i feel, is to be the best interpretation of the dream i had this morning, and i clicked "Update Journal", and the server decides then to not work!! all that i typed was gone!!!...

im going to try to recollect my thoughts and gather as much of it as i can back again... wish me luck:

today i woke up to my sister telling me to sleep in her bed since she was letting that maniac dog lucy in, and if i hadnt left, it would probably have been a repeat of yesterday morning when she kept jumping up on the couch to play with me as i was asleep.. and this isnt no little puppy, this is a great dane.. not a dog you'd want sitting on your lap, let alone launching ontop of you while you're sleeping...

i woke up in my sister's bed to my mother calling my cell phone.. for what, i can't remember...interrupting one of the most odd dreams i've had in a while....

i dreamed i was attending some kind of preschool with two classes, one for little kids, and one for the older ones, kind of like AE, open for students who dropped out, failed, missed too much school, are on explusion...that sort of deal... i of course, was with the older kids... (noone in particular i really recall being there except for a select few)...which was one group being taught by three teachers all at once, one of the teachers being Mr. Charlton...
(now, if you're not familiar with the belle vernon area school system and teachers, i'll inform you; mr. charlton is a middle school and high school substitute teacher whom i have tortured since the first time we've met.... going on...)
well, it so happens i got kicked out of the class, and sent in with the pre-schoolers. we did fingerpainting, sing-a-longs.. that sort of deal, which was fun at first, but i soon tired of.. so out i walked and in the room with the older kids i went...
mr. charlton was in the middle of some lecture, boring i, of course, conjecture.. and i walk in like some sort of badass and announce that i'm "staying in here now"...
Shana Ferrante, one of the few students i took notice to be at present there, made some smart remark about, "fingerpainting" or whatnot, when, in all reality i have no problem with this girl, and i can't even put together why she was ever even in this dream...
anyways, this pissed me off and i told her to, "shut the hell up," and "fuck off, bitch."...she shut up but charlton didn't.. he went on, ranting and raving about how he refuses to have me in his classroom and this and that, on and on.. meanwhile everyone there was slowly filing out of the room... sure enough, my attention was diverted to an ample crowd forming in the hall, (maybe i should be in with the pre-schoolers after all....
my older sister, tracy, came skipping into the room, which now was only occupied by justin cowen and myself, just as he was making fun of my "Volume 1" book(even though he had one, being he was in my class).. she came about, hopping around liek a fool.. i joined in and we ran about the room singing of "magical pills"... justin found this not one bit amusing and sat there giving us looks like we had mental issues...
this, at once, stopped when my eyes caught justin marish run by the doorway down the hall... now, this was not your present day justin marish, no, this was a younger justin marish, cerca 8,9,10 years of age, but with the same long, bleach-blonde hairstyle he has today...
i ran out to the hall immediately, pushing through the enormous crowd that had now formed, jsut to see him push through the heavy doors of the school building...
i must have, obviously, been friends with this little boy
(perhaps we were in the same pre-school class)
i chase after him and take 4 footsteps outside, searching around for a bleach-headed nine-year-old, some faces i recognize, most i don't, when all of a sudden im pushed over by some over large football player...he snatched the book and papers i had in my hands... my 'volume one' schoolbook, my fingerpaintings, coloring book pages, math worksheets, that type of deal... and starts poking fun at me...
"give those back!", i demand...
"what are you going to do about it, you dumb lesbian", he shouts, tearing up my artwork, and ripping pages out of my book...
my heart explodes with hurt feelings and tears barely start to form in my eyes... those papers hes destroying, that i once held in my arms had special meaning to me, i spent time on them...
"stop it! please! just leave me alone! i didnt do anything to anybody!" i plead...
...everyone is watching, but noone seems to care or make an attempt to try to help me out one bit...
"hahaha this is what you get you fucking lesbian for ruining my class", he shouts back..
.. confused, i take a second to think and automatically assume this is mr. charlton ...
(why i'd ever think this is beyond my mind, and that this could ever make sense is preposterous, but it is, however, only a dream...)
"please!!! leave me alone!! someone please help me!!!" i beg...
all of a sudden four black, grandiose, football players, wearing different school colors stepped through the doors of the school building and through the crowd without effort and grabbed the guy i saw as mr. charlton and threatened him to leave me alone...
and that's when i woke up.. yeah, just as it was getting good.. i wonder what would have happened had i jsut kept sleeping...??

anyways, that was pretty much the highlight of my day, except for when tracy and john left me alone to watch the kids for a few hours while they ran to circuit city.. around 10-15 minutes after they left emily slammed jack's little fingers in one of the upstairs doors and jack screamed for atleast a half-hour... i gave him some children's pain reliever and told him to hold an ice bag i made for him on it...
me, nick, jack, and emily all layed on the couch eating graham crackers and popsicles the rest of the time, watching a couple cartoons.. only one i recognized, beign tarzan, the animated series

so yeah, that was pretty much it i guesss.. and that was pretty close to what i had typed before.. i am smart enough to copy it before i send it this time...

~later

my first entry!
grrr.. these journals are all special in their very own ways... i wish i could like, make my own site by taking all their good attributes and putting them all together for the "UltimateOnlineJournal"... i'd call it, Yewohjay.. that's kinda funky, maybe i should work on the name a little bit more to make it something catchy...

anyways, it's about 2:30 in the morning, yeah i have school but you know what? i dont care, i have to wake up at like.. 5am too, to take a shower.. wait... scratch that, we have a two hour delay... those roads are awful but it stopped snowing so i know we'll have school tomorrow... that sucks, i really dont feel like going, plus i think i have strept throat...

so, im waking up at 7am to take a shower and im leaving the house at around 9.. FUCK!!! i dont know how im getting to school!!! i completely forgot about that since im at my sister's... daaaamn, that sucks... haha maybe john can take me when he gets home from work.. hmm...

anyways, im kinda just rambling on about nothing and nothing so i think im gonna head on out now... later...