Jaganshi
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2005 24 April :: 12.28am
I should never take just one or two shots late at night.
Get all melancholy.
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2005 23 April :: 10.25pm
:: Mood: depressed
Okay, sorry about the last entry, I was just upset. I'm okay now? But anyway..
Jim came to pick me up at Beckys and we talked. We're still just friends, and we're both okay with that. But he does have a date tomorrow with some girl. I'm happy for him.. He was like "Jena, I do still love you. You know if anyone hurt you, I'd kill them." then he paused and said "But I know someone already hurt you by the way you're acting." Haha, it was cute. We went to Sheetz around 7:00 to get some gas, then we went out to the mall. I got a whole bunch of cute things and spent all my Kennywood money since I don't think I'm going anymore.
Yeah, I love you Becky and Amy.. thanks for being there for me. I know I let things get to me more than I should. But I'm okay now. :-P Love you girls..
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2005 23 April :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: disappointed
Well this weekend sucked, I stayed over Amys.. Things happened, Jim 'found someone'. I suck, I'm over Beckys house right now.
So fuck you, and you and you. And just leave me alone.
k thanks!
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Jaganshi
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2005 22 April :: 5.10pm
Apocalyptic Hail
Recently (in the last few minutes) 1/2 to 3/4 inch hailstones created whiteout conditions on the Butler campus for about fifteen minutes.
There is now about an inch of rolling ice on the ground in seventy-degree weather.
This has been your latest weather update from FUCKING INDIANA! Damn the weather here is odd.
Last night the thunderstorms were so loud they set off car alarms. -_-'
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jaganshi
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2005 22 April :: 11.21am
If Butler were Mainframe.... I think we all know who I'd be.
Not even a question, is it?
Though, I'm probably closer to Sprite Hex than original viral Hex, now. Brian fixed my mask.
"I simply adore children. But I could never eat a whole one."
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2005 21 April :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: sad
School was okay, I brought in the 2 big bag of starbursts for study hall.. we had that ice cream party today for 7 & 8 period.. I walked around half the time. 'Cuz I'm a loser like that.. then after school I had to go with my Aunt Loraine to take care of somethings.. we stoped at Toys R Us, and we bought Gabrielle some clothes.
I came home and left again, Amy and I went up to Carmel Park to see George.. we hung out.
Then we dropped Amy back off at her house then I stopped at McDonalds then came home. Now here I am.
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2005 20 April :: 10.23am
:: Mood: sad
Blahhh.. nothing's going right. I suck, I'm a loser. No wonder why no one likes me, and I have no friends. Ha.
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2005 19 April :: 9.44pm
Panzer Cardinal Selected as Pope
http://www.guardian.co.uk/pope/story/0,12272,1463902,00.html#article_continue
Profile: Joseph Ratzinger
From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
Bavarian who deserted Wehrmacht was a liberal but turned to conservatism in face of 1968 student rebellions
Stephen Bates and John Hooper in Rome
Wednesday April 20, 2005
The Guardian
Joseph Ratzinger was not always considered a reactionary. Born in 1927 in Marktl am Inn, the first German pope for nearly 1,000 years comes from the country's traditionalist Catholic heartland, Bavaria.
His father was a police officer from a family of farmers whose career suffered because he refused to become a Nazi. The young Ratzinger served briefly and unenthusiastically with the Hitler Youth and later with a German army anti-aircraft unit guarding the BMW factory in Munich. He says he never fired a shot.
Article continues
Ratzinger has defended himself from criticism of his war record by claiming - not strictly truthfully - that he could not have avoided military service in the circumstances. Others did and maybe he could have used his training in a seminary to dodge the call-up.
But there is no doubt that his heart was not in his military service and he deserted in April 1944, ending the war in an American prisoner of war camp.
Ordained with his older brother, Georg, in 1951, Ratzinger was a liberal theological adviser at the Second Vatican Council in Rome but became a conservative after the 1968 student movement prompted him to defend the faith against secularism.
In his autobiography, he wrote how he realised he was increasingly out of step with his fellow Germans as early as the 1960s.
"I found the mood in the church and among theologians to be agitated," he recalled. "More and more there was the impression that nothing stood fast in the church, that everything was up for revision."
He has written a number of books and within hours of his election as pope yesterday, several leapt up the Amazon bestseller list, including Salt of the Earth, The Ratzinger Report, Introduction to Christianity, and his memoirs, Milestones, which cover his life until 1977.
It was in 1977 he became archbishop of Munich and a cardinal. He was one of only two cardinals in the conclave that ended yesterday to have been elevated by John Paul's predecessor but one, Paul VI.
In 1981, Pope John Paul called him to Rome to take over the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. It is the department that was once known as the Holy Inquisition.
Ratzinger's defence of conservative orthodoxy has been part of his job. But it has not made him popular, especially in more progressive corners of the faith.
An opinion poll in the German newspaper Der Spiegel found opponents of his election as pope outnumbering supporters by 36% to 29%.
It was an open secret before the conclave that all but two of the German bishops were opposed to his candidacy.
In western Europe and North America, in particular, there is an acute perception that the church is losing ground and needs to reinvigorate its flock with a less uncompromising hostility to the outside world.
In Latin America, he disciplined the advocates of "liberation theology" and cracked down on Asian priests who saw non-Christian religions as part of God's plan for humanity.
Before the death of Pope John Paul, his theological watchdog spoke passionately of the need to clean up the "filth" in the church, an allusion to successive child abuse scandals involving clerics. His remark held out hope that he would tackle vigorously one of the church's most pressing problems.
However, he has himself been accused by campaigners of shielding a prominent alleged paedophile.
The softly spoken Bavarian, who is an accomplished pianist with a fondness for Mozart, turned 78 last Saturday, but is in apparently excellent health.
Three years ago, he became dean of the College of Cardinals, a position which made him the key figure in the interregnum between popes and enabled him to exert immense influence on his fellow cardinals as they prepared to choose the next pontiff.
At Pope John Paul's funeral, he impressed his listeners by deftly balancing solemnity and populism in his homily. He drew roars from the crowd when he pointed to the window from which the late pope had delivered his blessings, saying: "We can be sure our beloved Pope is now at the window of the house of his Father and he sees us and he blesses us."
Days later, he seized the initiative again at the mass immediately before the start of the conclave when he inveighed against the moral relativism of today's society. In what was seen by Vatican insiders as a blatant campaign speech, he warned the church to withstand the "tides of trends and latest novelties".
Clearly, his fellow cardinals were listening hard.
But when looking at his life so far, it is hard to know which is more memorable: the things that have been said about Ratzinger or what he has himself said.
Five years ago, a former colleague in the theological faculty of Tübingen University, Hans Küng, whom he banned from teaching on the church's behalf in 1979, described a document published by Cardinal Ratzinger's department in the Vatican as "a hotch-potch of medieval backwardness and folie de grandeur".
He was referring to the document Dominus Jesus issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in Rome, which, in highly unecumenical language, described other Christian faiths and world religions as "deficient or not quite real churches". When the Lutherans complained, the future Benedict XVI dismissed their objections as "absurd".
Another liberal Catholic and former priest, the late Peter Hebblethwaite, called him "the big, bad wolf of the new Inquisition ... For some, the thought [of his becoming pope] is just too terrible to contemplate. To have him as pope would be inconceivably divisive, runs the common wisdom."
It is not just people who do not believe in Roman Catholicism who attract the new pope's ire. Four years ago, he wrote that rock music was "the expression of elemental passions which, in the big musical festivals, have taken on a cultural character, that is to say, [the character] of a counter-cult, opposed to Christian worship".
Only this week, he declared that "having a clear faith based on the creed of the church is often labelled today as fundamentalism. Relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along by every wind of teaching, looks like the only attitude acceptable to today's standards."
Small wonder that the 78-year-old German has won nicknames such as God's Rottweiler and the Panzer Cardinal. Even Corriere della Sera, the voice of the Italian moderate right, which is normally deeply respectful of the church hierarchy, recently labelled him "Cardinal No".
For the past 24 years, he has headed the Vatican "ministry" responsible for defending and enforcing Catholic orthodoxy, particularly in the world's theological faculties.
Ratzinger once denied being "the Grand Inquisitor".
However, under his guidance, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has issued a stream of hardline instructions and rebukes.
The hand of the new pope has been seen in most of the more reactionary proclamations made by the Vatican in the final years of John Paul II's papacy, as his health waned.
They sometimes took away the breath of the more progressive elements in the church: from denouncing homosexuality as intrinsically evil, to suggesting that parishes should limit the use of female altar servers and choristers.
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2005 19 April :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: blah
Ahhh Mr. Malecki is finially back so we can actually talk again in study hall.. YESSSSSSSSsssssSSSSSSS
Today was good.
I don't really have anything else to say.
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2005 18 April :: 9.03pm
TODAY- Amy, Becky, Kelly, Jake and I went to the baseball game. I went to see my best friend George play. He's the coooooooooolest guy I know.
It was a good time. ;)
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Jaganshi
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2005 17 April :: 2.27pm
if it hadn't been for that meddling chair
I am now the proud owner of 5 or 6 stitches in my scalp.
I was dismissed from the hospital at 5.5am, and am no longer bleeding copiously, although my hair still has some blood in it.
I am largely unharmed, and the stitches come out in 7-10 days.
The official story is... I tripped and cracked my head on a chair. When it has healed, then we will tell the rest of the story. I demand secrecy until then. Only then can the world know how hilarious it is. It's funnier with scars than actual present wounds.
I've done my best to contact people from last night to let everyone know that I did have a reason to leave so abruptly. I had to go to the emergency room.
On the upside, my anesthesiologist was an enormous geek of the finest order. When I was being admitted, we made matrix references and a couple or star wars ones too. It made me feel better. Then he walks in with his stuff and asks us if we roleplay. *facefault* He specifically asked if we used any of the White Wolf systems, to which we replied we played D&D. Brian also noted that GURPS tends to be the favorite, however. The man responded, "Ah, now you're speaking my language."
Also, according to Brian, as he moved toward me ominously with his giant anesthesia needle, he pointed it down at me and asked, "Where is the rebel base?"
He also gave me a new title to add to my list. "Ashley The Chairslayer Holmes, we have a room for you."
I'm going to get that chair. That chair is so fucking dead, it doesn't know what kind of horrible crap I'm going to do to it. But it's coming.
On a related note, my mother had to expressly forbid me to go to work because I have a shiny new head injury. I was worried about the forty dollars. I may be a workaholic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not nearly as bad as Gregor Samsa. He was a giant vermin. I think even I would stop worrying about work at that point.
Also, I think Brian has some things he wants to comment on himself, because it has to do with the way the cops responded to him. It was rather unexpected. I'll paste them to this blog so you guys can experience more interesting shit vicariously.
That's why Jughead's wearing that crown hat. Because he's king of Archie's world.
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2005 17 April :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: confused
So Jim and I are just friends now.
He's trying everything to get me to come back though.
He makes me feel guilty.
But I'm not happy anymore. I haven't been for a long time.
We'll see how things go.
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jaganshi
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2005 16 April :: 4.46pm
a. Post a list of 15 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each one.
c. When guessed, embolden the line, include the character name, and write a sentence about why you like that character.
1.LotR-Aragorn He's a hardass. How can I not love that?
2.Anne Rice vampire chronicles-Lestat Self-explanatory. Anyone who knows who this is is forced to love him or God smites you.
3.InuYasha-Kikyou She's inextricably connected to InuYasha. She has nothing to live for, and when she tries forget what she is and live like a normal woman, it all goes wrong and she's back where she started. Her sense of duty toward Naraku and InuYasha is also something I can sympathize with. "Your life is mine, InuYasha... and I'll surrender it to no one."
4.Trigun-Legato Legato is the ultimate dispassionate sexy bishounen. His loyalty to Knives is commendable, and his willingness to die strikes me as a refreshing lack of cowardice in that arena.
5.Digimon (season 2 to make it easier on you)-Ken Ichijouji: Digimon emperor turned would-be hero. He was the only digidestined child to react to the other kids like I would... after the whole 'digimon exist' revelation of course. He didn't want to be around them. He would save their asses in a way that some found morally questionable, and then he'd leave again.
6.Neil Gaiman's Sandman novels-Dream: Maybe it's because he was technically Gaiman's main character in this series, but I identified with him more. He seemed the most like a normal person. He's fallen in love, made mistakes, been lonely, made enemies and sarcastic jokes about Freudian symbolism. How could I resist.
7.Yu Yu Hakusho (this one's obvious if you know where to look)-HieiI'll clarify this. Hiei is my hero... plain and simple. In fact, if you know your YYH trivia, you'll know that his full name is Jaganshi Hiei.
8.Slayers-Xellos: The Mysterious Priest. He shows up, manipulates everyone into following his plan, and then refuses to explain anything... from his presence to his knowledge to his rediculous power. "Sore wa... himitsu desu..."
9.Hellsing-Integra Hellsing (though Alucard is a close second): This is a theme you'll notice. The cold-hearted badassery is not something I can ever turn down.
10.Stargate-Daniel Jackson: Anthropologist role model. If there were any chance my career would take the same turns as his... the opportunities he's had would make everything worth it. He gets to see ancient cultures first-hand.
11.X-Men-Rogue She can't touch anyone. I used to literally wear gloves so that people couldn't make skin contact with me because it made me so uncomfortable. If anyone so much as brushed my shoulder, I could still feel it a minute or so later as a sort of crawly feeling in my skin.
12.Lexx-Kai: Cold-hearted badassery. Insists he doesn't have feelings, and it's probably more his belief in his own emotionlessness than an actual deficiency that makes Kai Kai. I also partly named myself after him on the RPGWW forum. I don't care if he's a guy. It's a good gender-ambiguous name.
13.Dune-Alia: Abomination.
14.X-Files-Mulder: Geek. Hopeful, cynical, geek on a doomed quest for the sake of someone he can't save anyway.
15.Chobits-Chii I actually made an entry about this a while ago. Here it is if you want to read it.
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jaganshi
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2005 16 April :: 3.40pm
Sometimes I feel like people are competing to see who has the most baggage. I get the impression that it's a point of pride for far too many people.
The fact is, there are a lot of people who can't participate in that shit. You know why? The difference between angst and actual emotional problems is in the manifestation. If people want you to know they're fucked up... just wait until they stop talking about it. Then you'll know they're serious.
Until then, it's just a bunch of teens and young adults trying to outdick each other any way they can.
I'm tired of it, and I can't believe I had so much tolerance for it before. I used to think that maybe if I could catch people and help them while they're still at the angst phase, they'd never have to know what it felt like to be fucked in a way that isolated them even from other insane citizens of the younger generation.
Not any more. I won't do it. I will not spend my time trying to help people. In a way, by developing emotional tendencies, I'm even more inexcusably cold than I was before because I know what it is to feel and I actively refuse to do it for anyone else's sake.
No one can make me feel anything I don't want to feel. That's the way I live, and it's the way I've survived.
Anyone else... let them make their own choices. Let everyone else live or die according to their own whims and efforts, not mine.
"If they're to die let them do it quickly and decrease the surplus population."
I am not in control of anyone else. Anyone who even considers handing their salvation over to me will be very disappointed, because I've changed. That's not my game anymore.
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2005 13 April :: 9.30pm
The nights that help me survive my job...
I received my yearbook in the mail today. Huzzah. It's awesome. *thumbs up*
Also, our calling center was recognized for being at least 10% above ALL of our quarterly goals. These emails came from Brian Donnelly (The O in RuffaloCODY), and Duane Jasper (The D). We're excited. We rock.
I had one man talk to me for two minutes about how mature I sound on the phone and how refreshing it is not to hear 'a giggler'. Apparently his wife gets calls from PhiDelt girls, and they live in Florida. He commented that the young women there 'sound like children' and he couldn't believe I was a freshman. I was actually calling to talk to his wife, and he did end up telling me when I could call back. I thanked him for the information, and HE thanked ME for sounding wonderful on the phone. He was so excited.
I also called one or two of those old ladies who just sit alone in their houses all day and all they want is to hear a human voice every now and again. They seemed so happy just to talk to someone. I'll call those women over the people who whine at me ANY DAY.
So... overall it was a good night at work tonight.
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2005 13 April :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: bored
Bridg picked me up at school today, then we stopped at McDonalds to get something to eat.
I went over Jims house about 6:00, then we drove out to McDonalds again to see all the teachers work.. we drove around for like an hour and a half to different places, we stopped and saw Ben he was walking somewhere.. then we went back to his house and chilled, then Gab him and I came back out here and then he went home.
BYE
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2005 12 April :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: stressed
Yesterday Aunt Loraine, Donnie, Gabrielle, Gram and I went to get the rest of my things at Darlenes house [I no longer call her Mom.] We had stopped out at the Sand Bar to see if they were there, they weren't so we went to Jays Sports Bar because Matt told us they were there. So we went there and Anna was in the front room playing a game all by her self.. Darlene George and Samamtha were on the deck. They were yelling at her because she stole something. They were both drunk off their asses, sitting there telling Samantha in front of everyone. It had to have been embarassing for her. So I asked Darlene if when I stopped at their house if I could take the crib, or if she wanted it. She was like "No, it's mine- you can't have it." I said fine. Then my Aunt Loraine tried to talk to her and Darlene started yelling at her to get out of her face, to leave her alone and all this other stuff. So she went to try to talk to George about getting the old house tore down and he told her to "shut up and leave." So we left, I gave Anna a hug, and Samantha a kiss.
We went to the house and they had bolted the door shut so I couldn't get in with my key. I called Dustin and he said that he'd just come get me today and I could get my things. On our way back through Southpointe, I saw Samantha standing outside the bar so we stopped so I could see what was wrong. She was crying and saying that she hated Darlene and that she wanted to go live with her dad. I told her that if she ever needed anything or if she wanted me to go pick her up that all she needed to do is to call me.
An hour or so later Sam called and told me that Darlene hit her. So I told her to go up and just lock herself up in the bathroom.
I no longer talk to her, or want anything to do with her. If she's going to be like that- I'll do the same right back to her and throw it in her face. She can have Gabrielles crib. I'd much rather get another one than to use ANYTHING that she's bought Gabrielle.
Today was my Uncle Dons birthday so we had a little cake and everything for her.. it was nice Greg, Tiff, Hailey, and Jim came out.
<3
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Jaganshi
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2005 10 April :: 9.20pm
http://education.guardian.co.uk/higher/sciences/story/0,12243,1448487,00.html
Relax about sex selection
Nature itself manipulates whether a particular couple has a boy or a girl, says Vivienne Parry. So fertility clinics won't be skewing population ratios by offering choice
Read more..
· Vivienne Parry is the author of The Truth about Hormones (Atlantic Books).
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2005 10 April :: 8.45pm
OMFGZ
find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
Wow.
Me to a tee. But what can I say? I'm the party's Bard. (I'm seriously the only one in my group of friends who's stereotypical enough to literally have a D&D character class.)
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2005 9 April :: 2.17pm
I steal everything. I stole this from a bunch of Brian's friends.
I don't really expect oodles of comments, since most of the people on here now don't know me as well as before, but hey. I'm bored.
a. Post a list of 15 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each one.
c. When guessed, embolden the line, include the character name, and write a sentence about why you like that character.
1.LotR
2.Anne Rice vampire chronicles
3.InuYasha
4.Trigun
5.Digimon (season 2 to make it easier on you)
6.Neil Gaiman's Sandman novels
7.Yu Yu Hakusho (this one's obvious if you know where to look)
8.Slayers
9.Hellsing
10.Stargate
11.X-Men
12.Lexx
13.Dune
14.X-Files
15.Chobits
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2005 9 April :: 11.28am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: three doors down - loser
Everything's just pissing me off anymore.
So my mother stopped by my Aunt Loraines house Friday to see Gabrielle and my Gram I guess. She told my Gram that she was definitely not moving back to where we were.
My Mom and George went down to Flordia for last weekend- they're looking for a house. Good, let them leave I'm probably better off without them anyways.. I'll miss my sisters Sam and Anna. But what am I going to do? I don't know.. it just pisses me off that because I moved out- my Mom won't talk to anyone on our side of the family. Yeah, GROW UP! Live in REALITY- not your own little world! But whatever- once again what can I do about it?
I just feel bad for my sisters because they still have to deal with her and all her shit she puts everyone through.
I feel so dumb because I don't have anything anymore. It's weird. We were in Child Development Friday and Mrs. Taylor was like "all of you can bring in stuffed bears" I was like "well, I don't have one" and Sarah was like "Who doesn't have one??" Uhhh-- I don't! Everything in my house had to be replaced. Lol, it made me feel bad.. I'm more worried about getting Gabrielle everything that she needs more than I'm worried about myself. So whatever, I'd rather her have everything than myself.
But enough about depressing things.. let's go on about Friday night.
Amy & Beck came to pick me up and we rode around for a little while then we went to the talent show and worked the consession stands.. after that we went back to Amy's house, then drove down to Jims house and he drove us to Wal*Mart, then his Mom called and started screaming at him because she wanted the car.. uhhh- so we went back and he dropped us off then we all went back to Amys house and watched American Pie 2 then fell asleep.. this morning Becky went home then I came back here to Amys Grams house.. I'm going home sometime tonight, going to Janies birthday party, then tomorrow I'm heading back down Cokeburg with Jim.
Gabrielle is with my Aunt Loraine.
DEFINITELY FUN WITH THE GIRLS LAST NIGHT!! HAHA
No eggs Beck! -He was sleeping?!?! YEAHHHHHHH right. Who was SAM?? ;)
Good times- no drugs! ;)
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2005 6 April :: 10.33am
:: Mood: content
I went to Jims house last night. He asked me why I was so happy.
:)
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Jaganshi
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2005 4 April :: 2.41pm
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Read more..
also...
You Are Megara!
Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love. Which Disney Princess Are You?
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2005 3 April :: 11.42pm
Do you want to know how much of a geek I am?
I think I'm going to write up a journal for my RP character (my main one, anyway). This will create a pseudo-narrative-thing for the campaign Brian has been GMing. But mainly, it will allow me to be more of a hopeless geek.
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2005 2 April :: 1.35pm
:: Mood: bored
Report cards were given out on Friday. Yeahhhhh.. anyways.
Yesterday Gabrielle turned 6 months!! We had a little cake for her, we all bought her a little toy. She's to cute.
Today Bridg, Leah and I are hanging out.. Tomorrow I'm going to Jims I guess.
I'll update later. I'm going to get a shower.
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jaganshi
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2005 1 April :: 3.17pm
ты жираф?
ti giraf?
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Jaganshi
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2005 31 March :: 11.37pm
this quiz taken rather tongue-in-cheek, as I thought it was too cheesy to resist
Read more..
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2005 30 March :: 10.18am
:: Mood: bored
Back in Bentworth today.
My mom called last night and told me that she was going to call the cops on me if I didn't come home. I told her to call them because I wasn't coming home. Anyways my Aunt Di and Aunt Loraine talked to her or whatever.. but my mom was all mad still.
So much Drama.. tonight Aunt Loraine and I are going to Wal*Mart I think so I can get some things, then hopefully I can run to my moms house to pick up all of Gabs and Is things.
I'll update later.
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2005 29 March :: 3.43pm
I'm coming back to Bentworth as of tomorrow or the next day.. (depending on when my Aunt can go in and sign papers)
I'm no longer speaking to my Mom.. a lot of things have happened over break.
Gabrielle and I staying with my Aunt Loraine for now.. I kinda hate staying out here only because I have to look at the house all the time. I walked down there today to look around. I just started crying. Just to lose everything. It's hard.
Anyways, no longer call my cell phone. My mom was paying for it. So I gave it back to her. new number: 258*6461
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