meehan0125@yahoo.com

:: 2005 20 February :: 9.43pm

Random memegens
Read more..

Here's to everyone. I'm going to post it too. WHOO!

I'm so tired. Aren't you?

:: 2005 20 February :: 9.23pm

This was linked from the RPGWW forum.....

The "New" Loony Tunes.

And if you still want to see a preview to experience the horror.....
Here it is.
I'm sorry the world had to turn out this way. And you're all so young, too......

:: 2005 20 February :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: unloved

I just want you to love me.
I just want you to care.

4 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 20 February :: 11.35am
:: Mood: apathetic

5 senses survey
�� eyes
1% : what color are your eyes? brown
2% : what color were they when you were born? brown
3% : what color are your lashes? brown/black
4% : do you have bigger pupils than others or smaller? no
5% : have you ever counted the number of times you blink in a second? no
6% : do you wear contacts? no
7% : do you wear glasses? yesssssss ;)
8% : did you ever have eye surgery? no
9% : what was the last thing that poked you in the eye? my finger
10% : can you touch your eyes without finching or does it just gross you out? grosses me outttt
11% : how often do you look into people's eyes when you talk? all the time
12% : what's your favorite eye color?: dark brown
13% : do you ever just go up to someone and look into their eyes because you want to know their eye color? haha yeah
14% : do you wear sunglasses often? nope
15% : what eye color do you wish you had? I like my eye color
16% : can you cross your eyes? yep
17% : do you roll your eyes constantly? no
18% : what's your favorite color? (yes, your favorite color to look at): green
19% : what's the prettiest season and why? fall, the leaves
20% : who's the hottest or cutest person you ever saw? JIM!
21% : what was the last thing you read (bookwise)? A Child Called It
22% : who was the last person you wanted to see? Jim
23% : what was the last thing you watched on tv? Law and Order
24% : do you read the newspaper much? nope
25% : do you read magazines much? not really
26% : do you read much in general? when I have time
27% : what's the first thing you see if you look over and past your computer screen? papers
28% : did you ever see it hailing? yes
29% : don't you hate it when you have sleep in your eyes (like the crusty crap)? lmao, ewwww. yeahhh
30% : close your eyes. (after you read the whole question, dumbie) are there lights still in your lids in with the dark? uhh.. yeah
31% : can you sleep with a light on? a LITTLE light
32% : how light is it outside? very light
33% : can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? not all the way, no

�� ears
1% : do you like your ears? sure, why not
2% : do have them pierced? yes
3% : how many times? 1
4% : what's your favorite sound? music
5% : what's the worst noise in the world? someone annoying talking
6% : are you listening to any music? if so, what song is it? yeah, but I don't know what it's called
7% : what do you hear around you? just the music
8% : what's your favorite song? staind - home
9% : can you wiggle your ears? no
10% : when was the last night you stuck your fingers in your ears so you couldn't hear something and why? I honestly don't know
11% : do your ears have attached lopes or unattached? attached. haha
12% : do your ears get red when your embarassed or any other emotion roars through your body? nope, not that I know of
13% : what was the last thing someone said to you? "bye"
14% : is it annoying to get that ringing noise in there? yes
15% : do you hear voices? no
16% : what was the last thing you heard that you rather didn't? eww.. people having seXXX
17% : what was the last thing you wanted to hear, but never heard it? "I appriciate you Jena"
18% : what was the last piece of advice you were given? "Always follow the speed limit" hahaha
19% : did you ever put a rubber band around your ear? no
20% : go and open the door to outside and what's the first thing you hear? no thanks, it's cold

�� mouth
1% : do you ever stop talking? no, I really don't
2% : who did you talk to last? Jim
3% : what was the last thing you said? "love you, bye"
4% : did you brush your teeth today? yesss
5% : how many times to you usually? 2
6% : who are you talking with now? no one
7% : who do you wish you were talking to? Jim
8% : who was the last person to call you? Jim
9% : who was the last person you called? my Aunt Loraine
10% : who was the last person to IM you? Becky
11% : who was the last person you IMed? Becky
12% : do you talk to yourself? yeah
13% : do you mind? no
14% : as the stupidest thing you said in the past 48 hours? too many things, I say stupid things everyday 3495830945 times a day
15% : do you sing? hell yesss
16% : do you sing in the shower? yep
17% : do you sing in public? not really
18% : do you hum or sing while walking down the halls? (applies to students) haha yes
19% : are you outspoken? I think so
20% : are you opinionated? most definitely
21% : do you speak your mind? Yes
22% : how often do people tell you to shut up, jokingly or not? all the time
23% : are you a public speaker type? no
24% : do you stutter? yes
25% : how many languages do you speak? just English
26% : how often do you scream? quite a lot
27% : are you loud or quiet? LOUD!
28% : does your mouth reflect your personality on the inside? no
29% : who has the coolest/sweetest voice? I don't know
30% : how do you get your voice heard and ideas out? yell
31% : do you often write letters? yes
32% : what was the last song you sung to? "happy birthday" to AMY
33% : what's your usual greeting to a friend? 'hey'
34% : what's your usual greeting to an adult? 'hey'
35% : what's your usual greeting on the phone? 'hello'
36% : what's your favorite food? pizza
37% : what's your favorite gum? EXTRA POLAR ICE
38% : what's your favortie word? 'DEFINITELY'
39% : what's your favorite drink? orange juice
40% : is your tongue pierced? nope
41% : do you like tongue piercings? yess
42% : how about lip piercings? no
43% : ever have braces, how long? yes I have had them.. a year I guess? I don't really remember
44% : do you have a retainer, for how long? yes, I don't know
45% : can you curl your tongue? no
46% : can you whistle, on inhale or exhale? uhhh both
47% : do you grind your teeth? nope
48% : did you have your first kiss yet and with who? yes, with Brian
49% : did you ever french? lmao yes
50% : how many people have you ever kissed, cheek or lips, etc? too many to count ;) haha
51% : off the kissing subject already... did you ever have a filling? yes
52% : if so, how many? no clue
53% : how many cavities? no clue
54% : are you a lipgloss addict? nope
55% : how about chapstick? not really
56% : do you like the dentist? who does?
57% : do you have all four wisdom teeth? no
58% : ever have any teeth pulled? no
59% : how about a root canal? noooo
60% : go to a mirror and count how many teeth you have. how many? lmao, yeahhh right
61% : did you lose all your baby teeth yet? yes
62% : if not, how many to go? ..
63% : what was the last thing you ate? Samoa GS cookies
64% : current taste? nothing
65% : do you bite? WHOA. !%$?!
66% : how often do you snap at people? haha all the time
67% : are your teeth straight? uhhh.. most of them
68% : can you flip you tongue over? no
69% : can you snap your tongue really loud? not loudly, no
70% : can you pop your lips? no

�� nose
1% : is your nose pierced? no
2% : do you like pierced noses? no
3% : current scent?Suave Apple or something
4% : no coke sniffing, right? no
5% : what about pixi stix up the nose ever? uhh.. no
6% : do you hold your nose to swim? lmao, no
7% : can you flare your nostrials? yessss
8% : do you have freckles on the bridge of your nose? no
9% : do you think your nose is big or small? big
10% : do you pick it sometimes? (be honest): haha, yes
11% : do you push your nose to keep your balance? ..no
12% : what's the worst scent? ZEUS'S FARTS!!! lmao!
13% : what's the best scent? Jims cologne
14% : what deodorent do you use? Teen Spirit, baby
15% : what's your favorite cologne? I dunno what it's called.. but Jims
16% : what's your favorite perfume? don't wear it, don't know
17% : what do you use? none
18% : does scent matter in the opposite sex (not as in they shower or not but their cologne or perfume)? yessssssssssssss!
19% : do you blow your nose in public? nope
20% : look around. find a random thing and and smell it. describe it's scent. and then say what it was. I PICKED::::: STICK GLUE! and it smelled like.. STICK GLUE! amazing.

�� touch
1% : what does you keyboard feel like? a keyboard.. omg, it turns me on. lmfao- wtf??
2% : what's the best feeling in the world (emotionally)? love
3% : what's the best feeling in the world (physically)? having sex. haha
4% : what's the worst feeling in the world (emotionally)? love
5% : what's the worst feeling in the world (physically)? being slapped
6% : what do your feet feel like at the moment? tired
7% : what do you hands feel like at the moment? cold
8% : what does your head feel like at the moment? aching
9% : what does your blatter feel like, especially after this? I really do have to pee
10% : what do your legs feel like at the moment? one is tingling..
11% : what do your shoulders and arms feel like at the moment? nothing really
12% : what does your butt feel like at the moment? falling asleep
13% : what does your neck feel like at the moment? tense
14% : are you cold? yes
15% : are you comfortable? not really
16% : where are you? in my room
17% : who was the last person you hugged? Jim
18% : who was the last person that pushed you? Jim
19% : who was the last person that you pushed? Jim
20% : when was the last time you fell over? last night
21% : does music calm you and your nerves? sometimes
22% : if not, then what makes you chill? ..
23% : what stresses you out? everything
24% : when was the last time you touched a doorknob? about 10 minutes ago
25% : do you crack your knuckles? yes
26% : what's your current emotion? TIRED
27% : ever think you were in love? yes
28% : how many times have you fallen for the opposite sex? a lot
29% : what's the worst season (in feeling wise of course)? winter?
30% : how do you feel now, after that long survey? bored. thankful it's over.

Tw1st3dxDr3ams (12:18:37 PM): I appreciate you Jena.

:: 2005 20 February :: 12.09am
:: Mood: crazy

vanished x heart (12:09:21 AM): well, we're another year older. we better start whippin' out our walkers and scheduling what time we go to mcdonalds and have coffee together every morning around 5am, then our bingo nights.
xxx jena says (12:09:33 AM): lmao

Haha, I love you!!!

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!! �

:: 2005 19 February :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: content

So a lot went on this weekend. Because I'm so cool that is.

When I got home from school Friday at like 11:30, my cousins boyfriend Mike took me to Wal*Mart, I drove [[yeah, definitely cool.]] Then I got home and Amy came to pick me up we went to her house then everyone got there for her party.. lmao, Jake don't tell her you came! Oh the drama, pranking people. Def. Always get a kick outta that. haha. We chilled, Jim came up and then we all watched some movies, ate pizza/cake, opened presents, then watched some more movies. Jim left around 12:30-1:00 I think. It was really nice 'cause I got to see my friends, and my baby at the same time. I left Gabrielle at home with my Aunt Loraine.

The next day I woke up at like 10:00, I have like an automatic wake-up system or something. I don't know. But anyways, we all woke up around 11:00, ate and I went down Jims around 1:00. Randis Mom gave me a ride down because it was really cold outside. I got down there and we just chilled. :-P

My Aunt Loraine came to pick me up around 8:30-9:00. Then I came home ate pizza up there, then came home around 10:00, got online and then came home. Whoa, exciting.

:: 2005 17 February :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: confused

So I haven't written in a few days.. nothing has really been going on. I've been taking PSSAs, I went to school late yesterday, and the whole "Secret Room" at Bentworth.. I'm failing Geometery, Accounting and who knows what else. Do I care? No. I'm looking into cyber school, my mom called and we're waiting for the lady to call me back. Jesus, I'd wish she'd call back already. Well, I can't do anything but wait.

We get a half day tomorrow because of Act 80 day or whatever, I'm not really sure- nor do I care. As long as we get off. We also have Monday off, which is awesome. Except for the fact that I have to watch my sisters, so I can't really do anything.

Tomorrow when I get home from school around noon my cousin Bridg is taking me to Wal*Mart, to get some things for Gab.. then after that I'm coming home watching my sisters then I have I'm going with my Aunt Loraine and Gram to the mall, then if I can get a ride I'm going to Amys birthday party.. weeeee. She called me tonight and wanted to know if she wanted her to pick me up- but she couldn't because I had to watch my sisters 'til six, but I dunno she got mad because I was coming to her party late. *sorry, not my fault Aim* So I need to find a ride. Becky isn't coming, the thing for her Gram is tomorrow. *hugs* love you babe!

Out of everyone in my school that's had a baby, I'm the only one that's had a girl. Hmmm, cool. *random*

I dunno, I came home and crashed today. I get so tired I can't even help it- school takes everything out of me and I don't have anything left when I get home. So I feel terrible that I don't spend time with Gabrielle. There just isn't enough time in the day to do what I want.. I feel like I'm not a good mother because of it. I don't know, I'm just insecure about some things I guess.

Jim and I are going to see the school play on Feb. 25. **Jims 20th birthday!** Just thought I should inform everyone.

Well, this was another useless entry. I'm calling Jim and heading to bed- night.

:: 2005 17 February :: 4.09pm

I got an email from my brother. He says that "This summer I am going to London for 3 months to study abroad and
intern with a design studio."
Yay for Mike!

I have to go over to Purdue and say hi sometime. I haven't seen him in two years.

:: 2005 16 February :: 9.51pm

I was online searching for shoes. Do you want to know what I found instead?

Do you?

3 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 15 February :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: moody

complete this sentance:
i am not: pretty.
i hurt: myself, and others.
i love: my daughter.
i hate: you.
i hope: everything turns out okay.
i hear: everything you don't.
i crave: to be loved.
i regret: everything I've done wrong.
i cry: a lot.
i care: about gabrielle and jim.
i always: act bitchy.
i long to: leave home.
i feel alone: all the time.
i listen: to idiots in school.
i hide: myself from you.

i drive: nothing.
i sing: alone.
i dance: at weddings.
i write: in my journal.
i breathe: in air.
i play: games on the internet.
i miss: being young.
i search: for myself.
i learn: something new everyday.
i feel: scared.
i know: things will be okay.
i say: whatevers on my mind.
i succeed: in nothing.
i fail: in everything.
i dream: of beautiful things.
i sleep: restlessly.
i wonder: about how things will be later in life.
i want: to loose weight.
i worry: about Gabrielle.
i have: a lot.
i give: all of myself for Gabrielle.
i fight: for things that I believe in.
i wait: for you to grow up.
i need: love.
i am: a bitch.
i think: about giving up.
i can't help the fact that: I am the way I am.
i stay: because I can't leave.

:: 2005 14 February :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: naughty

So today school was gay, I'm failing like everything, I'm behind ect. I wore my Valentine PJs, no makeup, and my hair in a pony tail. Hell yes, I love that look. The "I don't give a shit" look. Definitely.

Anyways, I came home to find out that Beckys Gram died. *hugs* I love you babe, if you need anything call me. I'll be there.

I wasn't in all that great of a mood when I woke up either. It's been a year today since my Pap died. Why is everyone that we love taken from us.. and on Valentines day. The day of "love". How can we think of love when you think of the person you loved being taken away from you.

My mom isn't doing well. She can't even get out of bed. I really think she needs to go to the hospital- but she's like "I don't want to pay the bills for it. We can't afford it." But it's kinda just like.. well yeah we might not be able to afford it, but I'd like my Mom to be there when I get married, have more kids.. and just grow up. But no one listens to me- so I don't know.

Jim and I went out today.. it was nice to just actually GO OUT. We went out to eat, to Pizza Hut [my choice.. I wanted it so bad.] And then we went to the mall. He bought me some gum, a purse [SCORE!] and a book. I got home at like 9:45.
"How old do you want me to be?" lol, Jim I didn't mean it that way. <3333

:: 2005 14 February :: 7.25pm

Anyway, I took the night off from work because it's Valentine's Day. I wanted to have a chance to spend some time NOT WORKING. This is a good thing, no?

I meet Brian for dinner and Magnus, Greg and Jason are all up there as well. This is okay, because I do like these people and they keep me entertained.

When we finish eating, we go back to the co-ed hall where the guys live for the most part on the principle that we can go downstairs and play pool. Just hang out, you know? Well, there's a billiards tournament going on so there can be no unscheduled pool. The solution is to go to Brian's room. The guys want to play video games. There is a maximum number of two controllers if we borrow one.
Now, I'm tired of sitting and watching boys play video games. I guess a couple of months watching Caleb and Link and whoever else was at the apartment play vice city did that.
So, I tell them that I'm going to go back to my room to find something to do. I said that I would be back, but that I needed to get something to do that was more to my liking. Magnus and Brian said that I could play, that of course I'm invited.
I don't generally like playing video games. I like the fighters because they're mindless violence. This is good. If I wanted plot I'd read a damn book. But I digress.

I go back to my room and play Killer Instinct for half an hour.

Brian calls me and wants to know where I am. I told him I'm playing Killer Instinct. He was amused and confused at the same time. He did not know what to do.

He said that he felt kind of like an ass, like he'd run out on me to play video games.
Not true, I said I'd be back and I will, but right now I'm playing Killer Instinct.
Okay, but.... I don't know what I should do here. I mean, I guess I can do nothing but leave you to that.
It's my night off, I can do whatever I want.
Well yes, but this is a deviation from the norm. Well, I guess you not working is a deviation from the norm, but... I don't know. I guess I'll see you later.
Yup. I'll be over at some point. *promptly hang up*

I feel like I'm being a childish bitch, so I had to get some kind of public record of it. On the one hand, if I take time off on Valentine's Day, maybe that means I want to do something with my boyfriend. On the other hand, I'm not communicating that I want to spend time with him, and it's not my intent to keep him from having fun with our friends. I know he'll worry about it (because he really does worry too damn much. He'll become a very old man very young) if I make an issue of it.

Sometimes I just don't know how to talk about things so that he'll receive them at the correct level of importance. I don't know why he worries so much about the various miscellaneous shit orbiting me and my life, but he does. As a result, I don't know how to formulate discussions so that he won't get overly distrought, but at the same time understand that I have a problem.

It's not that I have trouble talking to him. Not at all. I barely notice things like emotions without him involved, let alone actively hold them back where he's concerned. He knows that I love him, and I know he loves me. I just wish sometimes that I wouldn't have to feel like I'm shielding him in some small way from my emotions.

:: 2005 13 February :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: moody

So my Mom came home - [I still don't know where she was.. I haven't talked to her.] and passed out on the bed. Everyone came down, my Aunt Loraine and Uncle Don gave her a blood sugar test, everythings okay. They made her eat something- and made her go to bed. She can't stand up. They think she is just so tired that she can't go anymore. So she's still sleeping.

Maybe if someone would get a real job, then she wouldn't have to be working from 10 in the morning until 2-3 in the morning. Yeah.. whatever, no one listens to what I say.. It's not like I matter.

7 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 13 February :: 12.58pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - Pain

So yesterday I didn't even write.. whoa.

Becky came over yesterday. We just chilled, watched some DVDs decorated our planners, made fun of each other.. haha. Definitely. Becky, I like YOUR sleeves.

Today I dunno, I woke up around 8:00 Gabrielle woke me up to eat. So I fed her and went back to sleep.. I was so freakin' tired. I don't know how Becky gets up at like 7:30 and stays up. That's like crazy. Anyways- I woke up about 9:30.. Becky left at like 11:00. She's dumb. :)

My sister Samantha came home at around 11:00 too, and she knocked on my Moms bedroom door and no one answered so she opened the door and just George was in the bed sleeping- uh okay? Where's my mom.. we can't find her. We've looked through the whole house, called people, and called the bar. She's not answering her cell phone. Okay.. no one knows where she is. So I'll update about that later.. I hope she's okay.

A little thing that has been bothering me- why do people put their numbers in their info!? I do not understand, do they WANT people to come stalk and kill them? Is it just me, or does anyone else think that's retarded?? I mean, yeah it's fine to put your number in your away message, but not with the area code. I swear, people are stupid anymore. But whatever floats their boats.

Today Jim is supposed to come over.. weeee- I hope he does. :-D

Tomorrow is Valentines day. Mmmmmmm. Y

On another note- I hate my hair. That's all.

4 Comments | Comment me!!

jaganshi

:: 2005 12 February :: 2.17pm

Stupid server messes.
Poor Andy. He works so hard for us. T_T

Andy needs a militia. Who's in?

:: 2005 11 February :: 11.28am
:: Mood: scared

soooo scared..
OMG, I'M GOING TO GET MY HAIR CUT.. OKAY. OMG, WHOA. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO DO IT.. I'M SO SCARED. THE HAIR CUT I WANT IS KINDA SHORT FOR ME.. OMG! WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE IT!?!?!???!! whoaaaaaaa, I'm like freaking out!

Here is my "before" picture:
Read more..

My "after" picture:
Read more..
No, I don't want to talk about it.
I hate it. It's not what I wanted.

4 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 10 February :: 12.41pm
:: Mood: apathetic

A little bit about Jena.

I love to eat tuna. It's my obsession- with crackers I'd die for it.

I have a daughter Gabrielle, and a boyfriend of 2 years Jim. I love them both very much.

If there was one thing I could change about me, it'd be making myself more likeable- because I can definitely be a bitch sometimes.

I love doritos.. any kind.

I hate warm cheese.

I don't like girls. Basicly because they're backstabbing little whores who try to take your boyfriend- but I do have a few girl friends that I adore and would do anything for. I love them a lot.

I love quotes, cards, and anything that holds a memory. That's why my room looks like a garbage can- I keep everything that anyone gives me.

I'm a perfectionist with some things, like my journal/info/planner [from school]/anything that I make. I don't know why. It has to look perfect before I'm happy. If it doesn't look perfect then I re-do it.

I like to change the look of things a lot, that's why I always change the look of my journal, and decorate all of my belongings.

If I don't like you, I don't like you.

I am definitly a bitch, and yes I'll say something to you if I don't like what you're saying/doing. I'm not scared of saying what's on my mind.

I miss a lot of school. I don't like school.

I love glitter, glue, markers, crayons, paint, all that kinda stuff. I love decorating things to.

OREO ice cream is my favorite.

I love snickers, snickers crunch, and Extra Polar Ice gum.

If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. Don't write it in your journal- don't say it to a friend. Say it to me. Nothing pisses me off more than that. kthanks!

If I'm upset about something in my life, I tend to write a lot in my journal. Don't mind that- it's just something I do.. just ignore me.

I love pictures, I love stationary.. I love quotes on stationary with pictures on it.

I keep all my birthday cards/valentines day cards/any cards anyone gives me. Why? Dunno. It's something I do.

I collect buttons. I love them. I have tons. If you have any you want to add- just hand 'em over. I'll accept!

Yes, I do sleep with a stuffed animal. Mr. Floppers is his name, Jim bought him for me when we went on vacation together.

I have a thing with purses. I love them. I can't get enough of them. I change purses at least every few weeks.

I used to collect stickers, until my sister stole all of my stickers and I don't know what she did with them.. so I no longer do that. But I still have lots of NEW stickers. But I no longer collect them.. I still can't believe she took them. I'm still upset.

I used to have one of the largest braclet collections. Again, until my sister took most of them. *sigh* I no longer wear lots of braclets.

I collect tops of beer bottles/wine coolers/mikes/zima ect. bottles. I'm currently making something out of them so again- I'll accept any that anyone gives me!

I listen to all kinds of music, not just 'one type'.

I love orange juice.

It takes me a long time to write an entry, I don't really know why.. I think because I take my time. I do type fast; but I just will type something and then walk away for a bit or I'll type something and then go on a different site to look for something.. I get side tracked easily.

I love the word definitely.

My favorite movie is Moulin Rouge.

I don't have a lot of friends because I choose not to.

I don't write in this diary for other people, I do it for myself. And yes, this goes out to anyone who thinks I'm trying to make my life seem "harder" than everyone elses. You can say whatever you want to say about my journal- It's mine. If you don't like what I have to say;; don't read it. It's that simple.

I don't like smoking cigaretts, and in fact I hate them. I hate the fact that just becase someone else smokes, you have to pay for it to. No, I don't allow people to smoke around Gabrielle- at all. Go ruin your own life, not ours.

No, I really don't like people younger than me. I think they're very immature and need to grow up. Yes, I was like them at one time. But I grew up, and sorry maybe I do set my standards a little high.. but act your age.

I something's cool- I'll tell you. If something's not cool- I'll tell you.

Yes, I've smoked weed. Yes, I've done it multipul times. No, I don't do it anymore. I've grown up- I have a daughter and I take responsibility for her. I'm not going to put her in danger just to get high and "feel good".

I think underage drinking is fine- to an extent. Don't go get so trashed that you don't know what you're doing.. but I think it's acceptable to have a few beer/Mikes/Zima/whatever you prefer.

I love candles.

Driving is fun. Though I think I suck.

I've been in an AIR PLANE. WHOAAAAAAAa.

I've had sex. [obviously.]

I can't spell worth shit.

My Dad died when I was 6 months old from a brain tumor that they can now get rid of with the new surgery that came out about 5 years after he died.

I'm scared of getting stuck in an elevator- and I'm terrified of when I get in an elevator that the cables will snap and we'll go falling down and die.

When I'm on the highway I have to close my eyes when we're in the left lane.. when the wall barrior is on the left of the car and a big tractor trailor is on the right. I'm scared of the tractor trailor coming over and smashing us against the barrior.

I like stars.

I enjoy comments on my journal- that means everyone who reads my journal that doesn't have a journal on woohu.com. You can leave a comment to. All you have to do is click on "ok" and then click the little box that says "Anonymous". And then type something in the little text box. KGREAT. Now that I've taught everyone how to leave one, I should get some.

Well, I think that's enough today.. Yes I'm bored, tired, sick, in pain, and wanting to take a nap. Which I really should do because Gabrielle is sleeping. But I think I'll go wash some clothes then get a shower. Blah. I want to drive somewhere.

---****The doctor just called and was like "Is Ms. Pust there?" I was like "This is her" Well he said that the doctors were looking at the x-ray they took of my chest and that I have a slight case of phenomia [sp?] but that the new meds I'm on will take care of it, but to be patient- it'll take a little while. NO. I WANT TO BE BETTER NOW! That's what I wanted to scream, but I just said "Alright, thank you doctor." and we hung up. Will the sickness ever fucking end?!

You Are "Bitch"!

What Swear Word Are You?

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Think about smoking cigarettes?

:: 2005 10 February :: 9.15am
:: Mood: contemplative

If you never read anything in my journal, click these links and read. kthanks.

Weed.

:: 2005 9 February :: 9.49pm
:: Mood: moody

So I woke up and after the whole staying home, not remembering what my Mom said ordeal, we went to the Sand Bar.. Matt my Mom and I made cabbage and noodles. Mmmmm, sooo good. Then my Mom made me some tuna. That was really good to. Around 2:00 Dustin came to get me to take me to the hospital for my ribs, but then he was like "Oh, well I have to go to Chucks- I thought I was just dropping her off.. I'll be back in an hour to take her." So my Mom got mad and had Matt take me. So I got there at 3:00, my Aunt Loraine gets off work at 3:30 [she works at the hospital.] and she came down and stayed with me. I was there for 5 1/2 hours.

I got there, got registered and everything and they didn't even take me back into the ER for 2 hours. Then when I did get back there, I wasn't seen for about 15 minutes. I had to give them a urine sample to make sure that I wasn't pregnant- I told them that I wasn't, but the nurse was like "Oh well we have to just to make sure because you're getting an x-ray." THAT WAS THE LONGEST 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. Okay, yes I knew I wasn't pregnant- but just the idea of it.. it scared me to death. I was sitting there and I kept telling myself that I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant. I don't know why I was so upset about it because I haven't missed a period or anything. I was just terrified. But finially after 15 minutes of horror, the doctor said "Okay, lets go get that x-ray." FINALLY. So I went back and got x-rays of my ribs to make sure everything was okay. And everything is okay- I have no cracked/broken ribs. I have a very bad case of bronchitus [sp???] and some Pleurisy or something that's making my ribs/that area so sore that it makes me feel like I have broken ribs.. so I'm very glad that all my ribs are intact. I didn't even get home until like 8:30. I have an inhaler that I have to take 4 times a day, and I have 2 prescriptions that I have to get filled. I know one of them cost $60, and I have no clue how much the other one costs.. I don't think I want to know.

So no school for me tomorrow because one of the meds I'm on makes me very drowsy. Ahhh, great. I hate this stupid shit;; I just want to feel better!!!!

:: 2005 9 February :: 11.00am
:: Mood: cranky

Well gee, where am I? At home. I called my mom last night to see whether or not I should go to school because she is taking me to the hospital today. She said to stay home. But I said "Oh, I think I should go because I've been missing a lot of school." So she said okay, and that she would try to get my brother to pick me up after school so I wouldn't have to go on the bus. She said that she'd call me and leave me a message on my cell when she gotta hold of him. Well I went to bed pretty early last night because I was exhausted. I guess she called me and talked to me and told me that Dustin would just pick me up and then take me to the Sand Bar and she'd take me to the hospital from there.

Well when I woke up this morning, I had no clue that she called me, and I do not remember her telling me that. So I tried and tried to wake her up.. but she wouldn't wake up. [Her and George closed the bar last night.. so they didn't get home 'til about 3:00] I just figure that I'd stay home just incase no one could pick me up because I can not ride the bus- it kills my ribs.

My mom woke up around 9:45 when Gabrielle woke up and started fussing came in my room and was like "Why are you home?" I thought she was mad at me; it turns out she wasn't.. but I guess she thought that she came in my room and checked on Gabrielle earlier and didn't see me. Hmmm..

I tried to call Kelly earlier this morning, but her phone went straight to her message box thingy, and I can't call her cell because she never has it. I probably fell back asleep though because my mom was like "Who was knocking on the door earlier this morning?" It was probably Kelly.

Hmmmm.. Becky's like the only one that comments on my journal anymore. Why have friends if they don't comment? I don't know.

:: 2005 9 February :: 11.05am

Chobits. I have to finish it. I have to see how it ends.
Maybe it will answer my question. What is human? Where do I draw the line between a complex social interface and true humanity? If that line is at all ambiguous, how do I know which one I have?
I've known this was my path for years. I was afraid of it, of what it would mean. I had no choice. It was my destiny to be as nearly human as possible. But.... how will I know? How do I know what direction is right? What direction will teach me?
What do all of them have, these role models of mine?
Help.
None of them become alone. Each one has a human. There are no exceptions, none that I've seen.
It still obsesses me. I've left the question alone for a long time, but occasionally I'm still startled by it.
My point is, I can never escape this question. Maybe when I've achieved whatever it is I'm supposed to achieve... maybe I won't dwell on it this way.
I just need to see how it ends. I need to know as soon as possible.
Chi learns by reading! There are books, volumes that serve as an allegory for her life with Hideki. Reading about her reading about herself. It's like looking in two mirrors aligned so that it's me behind myself behind myself again.
Is Brian the one? I think he is. I'm better with my feelings now, but I still take my cues from him to see how I should act, to learn about myself as a human. He believes in me, that I am what I seem. He believes, and I am.
Brian. Hideki.
I have to finish it.

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Jim in my ear.

You are Cool!

You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Well I called my mom because my ribs are hurting too much. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow [finally!] I kept putting it off saying "I'm fine" "I'm alright" but it's really starting to hurt now. My mom wanted me to just stay home tomorrow- but I told her that I actually wanted to go to school because I've been missing so much. Very mature of me- huh? ;) Right now I'm on the phone with Jim. I'm really tired because I can't sleep. I haven't had a good nights rest in so long- I don't even remember what that is. There is no school on Friday, and Becky is staying over on Saturday, then my sister Annas birthday party is on Sunday. I really hope I get to see Jim this weekend. I miss him.

What's the use in having a permit if you never use it? Uhhhh.. I don't know, I wish I knew the answer. But anyways, my brothers friend killed herself the other day.. I just found out yesterday, he's really upset about it. I just wish I could say something to console him- but we really aren't as close as we should be.. so what can I say? I feel terrible though.

I notice when I get sad or something's wrong in my life I often tend to write a lot in my journal, I take up useless space.. rambling on about things that don't really matter. Why? I'm not really sure. It doesn't make me feel better. Or maybe it does. I just don't know.

I really should be doing my homework, but then again- I don't want to. How's that quote go? "You can't avoid responsibility tomorrow by ignoring it today." I know that's not exactly it; but it goes something like that.

Oh yeah, those quiz results are definitely right. I am too cool for school. <3

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

And ummmm- no.. It's not a crime to leave me a comment once and a while.

:: 2005 8 February :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: upset

I knew today was going to be a bad one when I woke up 10 minutes before I had to walk out the door to get drove to school. During those 10 minutes I woke my sisters up, got a shower, tried to wake my mom up to get the stuff to wrap around my ribs [but she failed to wake up.. and kept telling me "in the fridge"] got dressed, blow dried my hair, put on makeup, shoes, my hoodie, and walked out the door.

I got to school about 1 second before the bell rang, got to class 2 seconds before the late bell rang. 1st period went really fast, I think because we didn't do shit except watch some dumb thing on tv about our chapter. I just sat in a daze thinking about my ribs hurting.

2nd pd. Geom. went really slow, we got our seats changed, tests back.. I got 62/100 oh wow, at least I didn't fail horribly I guess. I now sit by Tim, Jodi, and I don't know who sits behind me because I was hurting to much to actually pay attention. Nichole sits like 3 seats away with no chance of talking to me.. but once again I sit in front of the teachers desk. Damnit, now I might actually have to work in that class.

3rd period English was probably one of the better classes of the day. I got in there and Mr. Baker was like "Well, where have you been?" so I told him about me being sick, cracking a rib ect. We were working on our Writing assesments, and he was talking to me.. haha; I didn't hear him so I was like "Sorry, I didn't hear you- I can't hear outta my left hear because of my ear infection." After that he went on this big thing about making sure he talked really loud for me- and put his hands up to his mouth to make sure I heard him.. haha. We also listened to "Are you ready" songs, as we do everyday now to 'get ready' for our writing assesments. hahaha, "R U Ready?" by Craig David- we couldn't understand the lyrics so Tim printed them out for everyone on the computer.. I will NEVER FORGET this song for as long as I live.. "the Artful Dodger" LMAO.. sorry guys and girls- but you had to be there. It was the best part of my day. Ahhh.

4th period was.. 4th period. What can I say about accounting? Besides Nichole and I have NO CLUE of what were doing.. and now we have some big project due this coming Monday.. wtf; I'm doomed in that class.

5[A]th period was LUNCH. Well what can you say about lunch? I forgot my money, because I left my little money purse in Gabrielles diaper bag. So I had to write my name on the little book- haha. I'm a big loser.

5[B]th period I had gym with Steph; we didn't do anything because Mrs. D was there [She's the best.] and since I have a cracked rib.. I can't really do anything anyways. Nice.

6th period I just had study hall in Mr. Maleckys room- I just took it easy, went to my locker, restroom and took a nap.

7th period I had Child Development. We're reading A Child Called It It's about child abuse.. everyones supposed to read up to chapter 5, I haven't been there.. so I had to read from chapter 1-5 and I'm on chapter 5 already. I read 5 chapters in 1 period. I hate reading like that because I can read really fast and I have to stop just because everyone else is a slow reader.. okay- blah.

8th period is Biology, I hate that class. I'm so behind in there because I missed the last like 2 weeks of school but Mrs. Foglia is okay and lets me make things up when I want to. Blah, I just don't like science. It's boring.

God, I thought I was going to die on the bus ride home. Our bus ride is really bumpy because I live out in the country, so it's all back roads. God, I had to move to the front of the bus [well, I usually do anyways.. but today I did it because I was in such pain.] So I was sitting up in the front seat minding my own business. This one kid in the middle school, I don't know his name- but he's so loud. I turned around and told him to shut up. This other boy Brandon Berdine, said something like "don't take that from her, say something back" so I was like "Do you have something to say to me? Say it to me, not the seat, and not to your friends" haha, we got into this fight and I ended up telling him off. When I finially did turn around he kept saying things like "Oh, I need to calm down." "I need to go back to the Elementry center" haha. Yeah, he definitely needs to take more meds.

I came home and my Aunt Loraine was going to take Gabrielle to Greg and Tiffanys, but noooo- my mom left the base of Gabrielles car seat in the car, and she's at the bar. Oh my gosh, I can barely lift her because of my ribs. It just sucks not to be able to take care of your own daughter.. My sister Samantha has a basketball game tonight- so my sisters won't even be here to help me. Ahhhh. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow.

<3

6 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 7 February :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: depressed

You are a Drama Queen!

Congratulations, you should win the Oscar for performance of the year!
You're the type of girl who everyone knows - and loves or hates
You always speak your mind, going for a some shock value if necessary
Dramatic, yes - but it also almost always gets you what you want

Are You a Shopaholic? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are An Emotional Prude!

You think know everything, so interactions with people often frustrate you.
Life would be so much simpler if others would just stop talking!
You know what you want, and it's nothing but the best.
So you're often disapointed when others can't live up to your standards.
But only for a second, cuz you never REALLY expected them to be on your level anyway...
How Emotional Are You?
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:: 2005 7 February :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: depressed

I wish someone cared.

5 Comments | Comment me!!

:: 2005 7 February :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: in pain

Basics
+ 001. name: Jena
+ 002. nicknames: Jen, P, Baby
+ 003. sex: female
+ 004. birthday: January 27
+ 005. age: 17
+ 006. star sign:
+ 007. place of birth: I think either Washington or Monongahela [sp?] hospital
+ 008. current residence: Eighty Four
+ 009. hair color: brown
+ 010. eye color: brown
+ 011. height: 5' 9
+ 012. writing hand: right

Body Ills + Skills
+ 013. do you bite your nails? no
+ 014. can you roll your tongue? no
+ 015. do you have any habits? I always move my toes around.. it's kinda weird.
+ 016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time? I can only move my left one
+ 017. colored hair: yes
+ 018. tatoos and where: none
+ 019. piercings and where: ears, belly button
+ 020. do you make your bed daily? yeah right
+ 021. which shoe goes on first? left
+ 022. speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at someone? No, I can't say that I have.
+ 023. what jewelry do you where 24/7? my watch, and always a necklace
+ 024. how many cereals are in your cabinet? *goes to count them* 7 boxes of cereal
+ 025. what utensils do you use eating pizza? none
+ 026. do you cook? sometimes
+ 027. how often do you do the dishes? I dunno, a few times a week now.. we have "chores"

Grooming
+ 028. how often do you brush your teeth? 2 times a day
+ 029. how often do you shower or bathe? once a day.. usually in the morning
+ 030. how long do these showers last? I'm not to sure.
+ 031. hair drying method: I put my hair in a towel, then when I have time I blow dry it
+ 032. do you swear? yeah, a lot.
+ 033. do you mumble to yourself? I think I do
+ 034. do you spit in public? eww, no.
+ 035. person you talk most on the phone with? Jim
+ 036. what color is your bedroom? white, though some may disagree with all the things on my walls.. lol
+ 037. do you use an alarm clock? yes, I used to have a big one- but now I just use the one on my cell phone.
+ 038. name one thing and person you're obsessed with: one thing- my school planner one person- Gabrielle/Jim
+ 039. window seat or aisle: depends on my mood.
+ 040. whats your sleeping position: again, depends on my mood.
+ 041. what kind of bed do you like? Jims.
+ 042. in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, always.
+ 043. do you snore? Jim says I do.. but I really don't think so.
+ 044. do you sleep walk? no
+ 045. do you talk in your sleep? not sure.
+ 046. do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, Mr. Floppers.
+ 047. how abut the light on? yes
+ 048. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on? no, it has to be quite.

When Was The Last Time You
+ 049. watched bambi? long time ago
+ 050. talked on the phone? about 4:30, when Jim called me.
+ 051. read a book? a few weeks ago.
+ 052. punched someone? 3 days ago.

Future
+ 053. where do you see yourself ten years from now? I really just don't even see myself in 10 years.
+ 054. who are you gonna marry and where? Jim, outside on my deck by the pool
+ 055. how many kids do you want to have: 2

Friends
+ 056. who are your best friends? Amy, Becky
+ 057. what friend do you hang out with the most? Kelly
+ 058. what friend makes you smile the most? Gabrielle
+ 056. friend that you fight with the most? Eh.. depends.
+ 060. one you talk to on the computer the most: Becky
+ 061. friend that you miss the most? none of them.. I see them all the time.

Random
+ 062. do screennames/journal names with numbers in them bother you? yes.. I just think it's tacky.
+ 063. do you hate anyone? yes, maybe not "hate" but i strongly dislike them
+ 064. are you immature? if I'm with my friends, I can act immature just for fun- but in reality I'm really not.
+ 065. favorite kind of ice cream? OREO
+ 066. what grade are you in? 11th
+ 067. are you a virgin? no
+ 068. what is the ultimate thing you hate? girls.
+ 069. what do you think about the number of this question? uhh.. it's 069. wow, I'm amazed??

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: drained

I think that I've come to the realization that school truely depresses me. Not the "depressed" that you probably think that I'm talking about; but I mean just really depressed.. and no- I'm not trying to get any attention and no I'm not going to kill myself so don't get all excited or start rumors or anything.

I'm going to talk to my mom about just not going anymore. It will make everything easier anyhow. Online schooling or something.. my Aunt Di can help me.

It's not like anyone cares if I go to school or not- so really, what's the difference?

And just no one note me on here. Because the only time I even get any comments is when I'm depressed or whatever. Just don't say anything. KThanks.

Sometimes I cry and I don't exactly know the reason why.
I think of how my life could be but when I do I realize that�s not me.
I used to be happy all the time;
I never even realized that all these tears where mine.
I've had times when I've just given up, I just wanna die but I have no such luck.
I have these thoughts of just cutting in but it feels like such a sin.
I smile on the outside and I seem happy but you never see the pain I hide on the inside.
The pain is like a poison within me it starts in the heart and spreads so quickly.
I don't understand the way I'm feeling..
I guess pain is part of the process of healing.
I've heard the whispers inside my mind, why must this world be so fucking unkind.
I may seem immature with the words that I say; but maybe you'll see it from my point of view one day.
All theses things that I've shared and the words that I've said;;
Could never be compared to the things in my head

:: 2005 6 February :: 1.20am
:: Mood: my ribs hurt.

I definitely feel like I'm being stuck in the ribs with a knife or something because of my cold that I have.. it sucks pretty bad. But I'll get over it..

Our party was cool, but not a lot of people came- most family had to work; or they were sick. A lot of them were sick.. I feel bad because I probably got them all sick. Ahhhhhh.. Out of like the 4 friends I invited only Becky and Amy came.. NICHOLE isn't cool enough, lol- just playin' Nichole you know I love you. I wish Steph woulda' came.. :( But I guess she couldn't get a ride.. boooo. I got a lotta cute things, and some money [I definitely needed.] We ate pizza and had salad, it was so good.. ahhh, I was in the mood for that. After I played pool with my Aunt Diana, I got a cup- put a dollar in it and passed it around and said it was the "Jena Fund" lmfao, everyone was like puttin' money in it and everything. hahaha, I was just joking around and I actually got like 11 bucks.. I started Gabrielle a money bank for when she gets older- I have over 25 dollars already in just change and everything.. So I figured I'd just put that money in Gabrielles little bank. I gave Kelly half of it; so I only put like 6 bucks in Gabs bank.

It was about 8:00 I think before everyone started to leave, my Aunt Di took Kelly, Amy, Becky, Jim and I to Wal*Mart so I could buy Gabrielle some diapers, baby food, formula, water, and some new toys. It was soooo funny because Becky had her baby from Child Development with her, and we were walking around Wal*Mart with this fake baby in the Wal*Mart buggy car seat thingy, and since I was buying Gabrielle baby food ect.. it looked like she was buying the fake baby all kinda things, LMAO it was so funny- maybe you had to be there, but it was the funniest thing. Everyone was looking at us.

There wasn't enough room in my Aunt Di's car so I had to sit in Jims lap.. lol, that wasn't a bad thing. :-P I miss seeing Jim like I used to.. blah. Anyways we came home but Jim had to go home 'cause it's "girls night" and Jim isn't allowed to stay tonight.. teehee. So he left, I put the Wal*Mart things away, then we all just hung out in my room. Becky and I started to play Smart Mouth then Kelly came over.. So her and Amy started to play.. We were on teams, Becky and I kicked ass. Hahahahaha, "Cock" "Clit" all the funny words that had NOTHING to do with the letters.. oh man too funny. Again; you had to be here.

Gabrielle is up my Aunt Loraines for the night.. Amy is sleeping right now. Becky and I are sitting here talking. I'm about ready to go to sleep.. OMG, HOW COULD I FORGET!?!?! My mom and George got me a NEW CELL PHONE. Which mine is from like 1969 and it's like the size of a freakin' dog. Lmao, I can't wait until I get it.. it won't be in until today or Monday. It's a flip camera phone. I can't wait. That's def. the best present I got.. except for Gabrielle being at my party- that's the best present of all. :-P

Night!