meehan0125@yahoo.com

:: 2004 19 July :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: crappy

blah blah blah, everyones getting on me for not eating anything. i don't know, i just don't feel like eating, so i don't eat.

only 6 more days til vacation with jim.

:: 2004 17 July :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: futurama on tv

nothing really happened yeterday.

today i woke up around noon and got a shower. my mom stayed home from the bar so we could go to the mall. we left around 1:30-2:00. it took me about 20 minutes to get a shower because the water kept turning off while i was in it. it was tickin' me off.

we went to the washington mall i got a pair of red dickies and a pink shirt with a black star on it from hot topic, they won't fit me now but they'll fit after the baby's born.

at fashon bug they were having a big sale so i got two maternity shirts, just a plain black one and a white one that buttons half way down. then i got a pair of mudd jeans, and a black & pink stripped shirt that ties down the sides.. again, those things won't fit until after the baby's born.. but i'm starting "school shopping" now so i'll actually have something to wear when i go back. oh and i got a cute little black hat.

we stopped at the bon ton, i got a grayish-black tank top that's really cute. that won't fit until after the baby's born either..

we went to the gap for kids and looked on the sale rack for baby clothes. we got so many cute little onesies/hats and other cute little things for the baby! god, i can't wait to wear them on her. :-D

for lunch i had chinesse. my mom and i shared some sorta chicken with rice and an egg roll. the rice was good. but it made me sick.

i spent $20 at clairs on the cutest jewelry. it was all on sale. lol

i got home around 7:00, then went swimming for about an hour or so. called jim, he has tonight off; and doesn't come over again.. i think he likes to just make me depressed or something.

i think i'm goin' to amys tomorrow. not positive yet though.. we'll see what goes on.

this is the first time i've been online all day. that's amazing.

[edit] 11:53 pm

it was nice actually having my mom home today. i haven't even seen her [at all] for about a week and a half now.. i'm so tired of being home alone all the time, i get lonely.

and i'm telling jim now that i'm sorry.. it just happened. i haven't done it in a long long time.

<3<3

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:: 2004 15 July :: 11.20pm

wow, some people are really desperate.

get a life, and your own boyfriend!

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:: 2004 15 July :: 9.46pm
:: Mood: melancholy

it's funny how 1 story can sound so different from 2 different people.
..jim wants me to go with jim to kennywood with him, his mom, ronnie, his brother and one of his friends. hmm.. let me think. that's stupid. and he got all mad when i told him i didn't want to go. okay; i'll go and be miserable and make him feel bad for me because i can't ride like 1/2 the rides. it's an all over bad idea. he was like "well you know i'm still gonna go with or without you" i was like "good for you, have fun. take someone else."

whatever, i don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

[edit] 11:02 pm

jim called around 10:30 and asked what kind of diapers to buy if there was any special kind.. why does he always do something so stupid, that's so sweet. he makes it so i can't ever hate him.
ahh!!!!

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:: 2004 15 July :: 6.01pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: muse - time is running out

SvvEeTbLoNdEcHiC: just remember u are so much better than this girl so dont even think for a second that u dont have somethin that she does bc u have everything and jim is just a blind ass mother f-er lol

aww.. thanks kristen.

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:: 2004 14 July :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: calm

my school schedual.
1st pd. economincs & government - areford
2nd pd. geometry - brletich
3rd pd. english 11 - baker
4th pd. accounting 1 - skilles
5th pd. study hall [mon. tue. thur.] - downing, fitness (gym) [wed. fri.] - mitchell
6th pd. study hall - gurdish
7th pd. child development 2 - taylor
8th pd. biology - foglia

hmmm.. i don't know how i got 6th period all week long study halls..

:: 2004 14 July :: 1.14am
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: petey pablo - freek-a-leak

pictures

i took this yesterday.. yes it's me. and yeah, i'm very much pregnant! [29 weeks along] wow, i look fat. this is for you kathy!

jim and i sitting by the pool.. we just got done swimming. this was taken on the 11th, when jim stayed over.

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:: 2004 12 July :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: restless

i was just sitting here, looking at my pictures on my camera.. i haven't uploaded them; basicly because i've been procrastinating.. but i'll do it tomorrow most likely. [and i'll put one of me with my belly so you can see it kathy!] lol

didn't really do that much today. jim was here. we went swimming and watched some movies and what-not. he left around 6:30 and went home. blah, he left right before dinner was ready!

for dinner i made steak on the grill. haha, me cook? it's a scary thought, but i actually did it. i only burnt myself about 3 times. luckly jim helped me.

after he went home, kelly came over and we walked up to the mingo twist n shake for some ice cream. i got a large artic swirl with extra oreos. i don't know why i always get a large. i can't ever finish it.

..boring day as usual

:: 2004 12 July :: 2.02pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: shhh.. jim's sleeping!

"when i didn't need anyone.. i needed you"
so for my last entry, the pains i was having was just braxton hicks contractions.. i was getting all worked up over nothing. but i'm glad everythings okay.

yesterday i woke up and got a shower and everything then went down jims house around 3:00. we didn't really do anything, just talked about stuff. i actually think we fell back asleep on the couch for a while, but i'm not completely sure.. lol. at 8:00, george came to pick us up. when we got to my house we went swimming.. it was actually pretty nice in the water. then my mom and george ordered some pizza and hoagies from up the mingo twist n shake, and got a fire going. when the pizza got here, it was all gross. the pizza wasn't cooked all the way; the hoagie was cold; and georges stromboli was luke warm. we were all so ticked off. after we made smores and marshmellows, my mom george and anna went in and left sam jim and i outside by the fire. i think it was around 12:30-1:00 by the time we came in. jim and i played nintendo! i love that system. oh yeah, so much better than all those new game systems! haha. after a while we got tired of playing and went online for a bit, then watched tv and talked. we fell asleep around 5:30.. we both kept saying we were going to go to sleep earlier; but then we'd start to talk about something else. lol i just woke up around 1:00. jim's still sleeping.

god, i just got this massive headache..

we watched True Life: I've got baby mama drama on MTV last night. [it was about teenage kids having babies] there was this one couple where they were both 19 i think, and the guy broke up with the pregnant girl for some 16 year old. omg, that pissed me off. i guess it's kinda like the situation i'm in. little 14 year old girls trying to take jim away from me..? yeah right, over my dead body will i let that happen. sorry; jim is definitly the best boyfriend i'd ever had.. and i'm not gonna lose that.

i have pictures from last night; but i don't feel like posting them now.. i'll do it later maybe, i don't know.

<3

:: 2004 11 July :: 1.16am
:: Mood: frustrated

stupid pains
i was almost asleep about 20 minutes ago, and then i kept getting these pains in my lower abdomen. well earlier today when i was down jims house i kept getting really bad cramps. i hope everythings okay; if these pains don't go away by the time i go home, i'm gonna ask my mom and see what she thinks. i hope everythings okay.. :-/

so i went to jims yesterday around 4:00 i got there. we didn't really do anything.. just talked and watched the movie what lies beneath or something and ordered some food from kuzins. i got up amys around 8:45, and we just chilled. i'm goin' back down jims house today because amy is leaving in the morning to go to a family picnic with her gram in ohio. so my mom is gonna come pick him and i up around 7:00 and he's gonna stay over my house til monday when he has to go to work.

amy and her sisters stupid rat keeps scaring me. i'm sitting here all by myself and it keeps running in its wheel making noises. jeeze.. lol

..i really hope everythings okay with the baby and i just have cramps or something dumb like that. i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight because i'm going to be thinking about it.

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:: 2004 9 July :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: "what not to wear" on tv.

i woke up at 2:00 in the afternoon. tried to call jim. it was 6:30-7:00 by the time i actually got ahold of him. he was on his way over, but i was pissed off because he didn't get here earlier so i just told him not come over and hung up.

i made plans to do things this weekend, because my sisters were supposed to go to there dads, but no; anna didn't want to go, so once again i get stuck watching them. i'm not a mom yet.. i shouldn't have to act like one all the time! but whatever. i'm definitly doing something tomorrow with or without jim. my mom george and anna are going to some picnic, so i'm free to do whatever.

i think i'm gonna get a ride to the mall tomorrow and to see a movie. i don't care if i have to go myself, i'm going to go.

:: 2004 8 July :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: tired

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give Jena more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

:: 2004 8 July :: 12.50pm
:: Mood: cranky

stupid pills always make me sick.
i woke up around 12:00.. my mom woke me up to see if i wanted to go to greensburg with her; but instead i talked her into taking me to jims house for the day. i told him the only way i'd come down is if he'd push me on the swings down at the park. lol, he said he would. we'll see what actually happens. i'll update later.

[edit]
time: 6:15 PM

i just got home about 10 minutes ago, i ended up not going to jims, well i did go to his house but he didn't answer his phone so i just went with my mom to greensburg to look at RV's to rent for a week.. we stopped at bob evans to get something to eat, i got pan cakes with homefries, eggs, and sausage. mmm. it was good. jim called me at like 5:30 and was appologizing because he slept the whole day and didn't answer his phone. but whatever, i'm still upset about it. i woulda just walked in his house except i got there around 2:00, and he told me last night that his mom was going to be there until 3:00, so i didn't want to just walk in and her be sitting on the couch or anything; i'd feel so stupid! lol. but anyway, i guess jim is gonna get me a ride to and from his house tomorrow.. but we'll see what actually happens.

i hope he'll be able to go with us when we go on vacation at the end of july [we're renting a 37' RV for a week, and taking a trip up to niagria falls in canada] i doubt he will because of his job; but i'll see if i can't make him take off or something. he has to go, or i won't have any fun.

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:: 2004 7 July :: 6.33pm

i've been into taking these quizes again for some reason.. i don't know why though.

What's Your Problem? Find out @ She's Crafty

:: 2004 5 July :: 11.53pm

I am an Asteroid.

I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind.
What Video Game Character Are You?

:: 2004 5 July :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: content

i give in to easily.

jim came over after work.. we stayed up and talked for about an hour or so, then he fell back asleep until 2:30, then around 4 kelly jim and i went swimming. it was so cold! jim was bein a butthead and wouldn't go in for the longest time because it was so cold, but he eventually went in with us. after that sam and i made dinner for us. jim and i went out and layed a blanket in my yard and talked about baby names, and stupid stuff. he got me laughing so hard, i almost peed my pants. haha.

a picture of us in the yard.

i didn't feel good all day, and i still don't now. blah.

:: 2004 2 July :: 3.50pm
:: Mood: amused

so i was just online, browsing on some new sites that i had discovered.. and i come along to my journal entry that i made yesterday and saw that i had a comment left by someone. so i clicked on and; and it read:

"um why r u so proud that ur pregnant."

so knowing me.. that note would not go unanswered. i replied:

"well i'm sure as hell not going to be ashamed of it.
..why wouldn't i be proud? just because of my age? get over it, a lot more girls a lot more younger than me are having kids. at least i'm taking responsibility for my actions."

but no, i think the people that read my journal don't look at my notes; and i wanted to make this more aware to everyone:

i am not ashamed of being pregnant. if you're one of my friends and are ashamed of me; then why are you still talking to me? i don't want to have anything to do with you if you aren't going to help and support my decisions.

like i said, there are a lot more girls out there, much younger than me that are pregnant, doing drugs, drinking; and just not caring what happens. you don't see me going off and drinking or doing drugs do you? no, because i take responsibility for my actions. which is a lot more than i can say for most of the people that i know, or even don't know for that matter.

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:: 2004 1 July :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: irritated

..i'm to forgiving, huh jim? lol

i had my doctors apointment today. i was so tired. i didn't go to bed until 4:30, and then jim called at 5:30 and we talked til 8:00 then i fell back asleep until 9:30, i got up and got dressed really fast because my apointment was at 10. we were only 15 minutes late! lol, we made it. i only gained 1 pound since a month ago; the doctor doesn't think i'm eating.. but i am. the babys heart beat is so strong. it's good to hear it.

after the doctors, we stopped at subway, then at the bar. then to the supermarket. while we were getting things, i almost blacked out. i guess it's because i didn't sleep or whatever; but it's one of the worst feelings in the world. you get lightheaded and really weak, then everything just goes black. my mom made me go sit in the car while she finished checking out.

mmmm.. we bought spaghitti-o's!!

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:: 2004 29 June :: 12.35pm

aww.. look at the pictures i found. they're from last summer

jim and i in the pool

jim, me and rochelle standing on my porch

wow.. we all look like crap in this one. its jim, me, kelly, and rochelle

jim sittin at my computer in my room

hahaha, me at rochelles, i'm holding her cat squeaky.. i just woke up. SUPRISE PICTURE!

jim sittin on my front porch.

:: 2004 29 June :: 12.45am

i was walking through my kitchen, and i stepped on a piece of an orange.. WHO LEAVES PIECES OF ORANGES ON THE FLOOR?!

:: 2004 28 June :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: awake

what a yucky day today turned out to be. i was supposed to go to the bar to taste food; but i didn't feel like going- so i stayed home.

i went up my grams for about 2 hours because my uncle had to go somewhere with mary; and someone has to stay with my gram. so i left when donnie came home around 2. i came home and fell asleep until around 5 i think then i called jim. we were gonna go to the drive in tonight with chelsea and the girls, but it ended up pouring down rain! so that messed everything up.

i can't wait til wednesday! jim's coming over after work in the morning, then he gets to stay til thursday when he has to go back to work that night. then on friday we're going to go to the mall and movies.

i think i have a cavity. i'm sitting here eating sour patch kids; and one of my bottom left teeth is hurting bad.

:: 2004 27 June :: 2.03pm
:: Mood: tired

well, zues was laying on my bed last night and knocked over annas cd player that i was borrowing because my stereo is on it's last end. so i'm scared to see if it still works; i hope he didn't break it!

wow, the bar wasn't packed like it was on friday. but it definitly had a steady flow of people which is good. i got nachos, but they didn't hit the spot. my aunt came in around 11:00 and ordered wings and fries, and she shared them with me because she couldn't eat them all. we ended up getting home earlier than usualy;; 2:30am i think. i waited up til 5 when jim would call.. then we talked for 30 minutes, then he went back to work.. he said he'd call me when he got home and he did but i guess i didn't hear the phone ring. he left 2 messages to. i musta been in a deep sleep because i always answer the phone!

can't wait til tomorrow. my mom, george, dustin, matt and i are all going to the bar for taste testing! sysco [where my mom orders the food for the bar] is bringing in a chief to cook some different food to try to see if we want it for our menu. the last time they came in i was there and they brought about 5 different kinds of cheese cake! ohhhh, me matt and jason were going nuts! haha. i can't wait.

i don't really think i'm doing anything today; i lead a boring life. thank goodness jim called me at 1:40 today other wise i would still be sleeping right now.

my foots asleep.

:: 2004 26 June :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: semisonic - closing time, 504 boys - i can tell

things have been really boring as always. nothing new going on.

yesterday i went to the bar with my mom and helped out. we had to go out and get some alcohol [they ran out] so we stopped at target and my mom got a some new clothes, and we stopped to give jim some chicken fetichini [sp?] for his lunch because i couldn't finish all mine.. bill made it especially for my mom and i, it was really good. so after we dropped that off we went back to the bar and hung out, did some things. we left at 3:30am.. and i made my mom drive me up to giant eagle to get some caramel ice cream because i was craving it! and i also got to see my baby for like 5 minutes. so i was happy, and i definitly suprised him. :D then we left and got home at 4:00am. i tried to stay up because jim was calling at 5.. but i ended up falling asleep at 4:30 or so. jim called and i answered but we didnt stay on the phone. after he was done eating he called back and told me that the chicken fetichini was really good. i'm glad he liked it.

i don't know, i don't want to jinx anything but things with jim & i are going really good. it's hard to explain; but i guess we actually talk again, not just "hi, bye" kinda stuff; but real things. hmmmm- i doubt anyone will understand what i'm talking about, but oh well. things are going good.

i have my next doctors apointment on july 1, i'm gonna see if jim wants to go with me. i don't know if he will though because it's at 10:00 in the morning, and he just got home from work about 3 hours before that. but i hope he will.

the girls went to their dads this weekend, so i'm free. but i'm not doing anything.. haha.

i still have to pay that $120 fine from missing school last year. ..i think it was 120, or maybe it was 130.. i don't remember; it was somewhere around there. i still have to pay it. soon.

only 13 more weeks and the baby's due! i can't wait. i feel like a whale. i actually weigh less now than when i did before i was pregnant, but i look like a huge balloon. i started crying when i was over jims on thursday because i said i was fat.

i have to go get ready to go to the bar again. my mom should be here soon to pick me up.

:: 2004 21 June :: 10.48pm

i'm so stupid.

I adopted a cute lil' fetus in a tie
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

:: 2004 19 June :: 5.48pm

:: 2004 19 June :: 9.00am
:: Mood: tired

i don't know what's wrong with me, i can't eat.. or when i do eat i can't keep it down. too much stress over jim or something; i don't know.

jim came over yesterday for about an hour. we're still together. he felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday.. it was so cute. he got me a dozen roses and a card.. i love him so much.

amy came over to.. she just left about a half hour ago. she had to go to work.

i'm just sitting here; my mom and i are going to get george his fathers day present today. and then i'm gonna try to go to jims house, or maybe i can get him to come over here. it depends on if he has to work or not.

i'm gonna go try to get some more sleep because i hardly slept at all last night.

:: 2004 17 June :: 11.51pm

i just talked to jim on the phone.. i told him that i just wanted to be friends and that we'd talk about everything when i saw him in person.

..we'll see

:: 2004 17 June :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: rejected

i don't even know what's going on anymore.. i mean i think i broke up with jim, but he doesn't seem to think so. but what am i kidding myself? i'm nothing without him. we're like bonnie & clyde, peanut butter & jelly, spaghitti & meatballs.

everythings still going around all in my mind, jim.. cheating on me? i don't know; i never thought he would ever do something like that, because we talked about stuff like that.. but i don't know. when i asked the girl-- she didn't deny it. jim swears nothing happened;; that they were just friends and only talked. in a way i want to slap him and tell him to stop lying to me but in another way i believe him. i've been thinking about it all day, and i don't know what to do.

i've cried enough in the past 2 days. i just need to stop, whatever happened happened.

i guess it hurts the most because i always believed that he loved me so much but anymore even though he says he does; i don't know if he's just saying that because of the baby, or if he really does.

then i think about the baby and maybe he really does love me because my mom and i told him that if he wants out he can just leave, and he wouldn't have to pay for anything. and he doesn't seem like he wants to leave.

if he needed a friend, why couldn't he talk to me? he had to go talk to some girl all the time? we've been together for a year & a 1/2 and i'm having his baby for god sakes.

all i keep thinking to myself is that i should have broke up with him a long time ago when he stopped coming around. god just to see him i have to bend over backwards. he always seems to be busy, or never has a ride or just some fuckin' excuse! he hasn't been around for the past 4-5 months, i'm used to him not being around so it's not like that's any different.

..but i don't know

:: 2004 16 June :: 10.11pm

..i wish things could be like they used to