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2003 23 August :: 2.32am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: mudvayne - world so cold
just rambling
so um jim didn't come over yesterday.. i guess he just wanted to stay home for a night, or something. but he just didn't want to come over.. so, i couldn't give him the food i brought home for him from the resturaunt we went to yesterday.. but it's still in the fridge, so i guess if he comes out sometime today he can eat it.. if someone else doesn't first.. but my mom knows not to eat it, cause i got it for jim. and dustins not home.. so i don't really think anyone will eat it. but i don't know.
i went over kellys about 2 hours ago, and we watched a movie.. i think it was called 'the marrying man' or something? i don't really remember. but oh well. it doesn't really matter. so i got back over here a little bit ago, and i just came in, turned on my stereo and sat at my computer. in less than a second, i was crying.. [yeah, i bet you think that i'm stupid.] but i just really seriously miss jim. i don't know what came over me. i mean, yeah i do miss him when he's not here, but i usually don't cry. i just saw him yesterday.. i mean i stayed over his house. so i was with him the day before, but i don't know what came over me like i said. so i called him, and woke him up and just said hey.. i just wanted to hear his voice. god i really do love him more and more each day..
i really hope he comes over tomorrow.. i seriously miss him. =( i don't know what i'm going to do when school starts, it's going to be rough. i hope he gets his license soon.. so he can drive out to my house all the time. beacuse it's going to kill me not to see him for almost a whole week except for in school.. i doubt we'll have any classes together. ahh, i don't know what i'm going to do. it's going to suck so much.
ahh school. starts in four more days god. i'd much rather kill myself than go back to that hell hole and be around everyone again. god it makes me hate people even more. i don't know.
it seems i don't know about a lot of things. i've said "i don't know" about a zillion times. jeeze. who cares.
looks it's me.
 .. 
"I have taken the broken shards of my heart and pounded them to dust. I place each precious piece in my hand and let the wind blow them in hopes you will catch them and make me whole."
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2003 22 August :: 5.15pm
kennywood
well, there isn't much to talk about kennywood..
i stayed at rochelles on wed. and thursday morning kelly and i walked up to caseys and we waited until about 11:30 for jim and mack to come pick us up. the ride was okay, until we got to mcdonalds, then it was better. (oh yeah kelly. =D) we didn't go in kennywood until about 1:00.. because of um, traffic? lol. but anyway, we met up with rochelle a little later, and then rochelle and kelly went off, and i stayed with jim and mack. then i found randi, and she stayed with us. we walked around rode some rides, i saw a whole bunch of people i don't like. but then again, i saw some 'friends'. all in all, i did have fun. and i'm just so glad that jim was there.. he made the trip great.
so we left about 10:00, and kelly went her way, and i stayed at jims. rochelle rode the bus home.
i got up around 10:00 in the morning, today, and jim and i got a shower, and then we got dressed/ate. he was supposed to come with me to go school shopping, but he wanted to stay home.. i was really mad but oh well. i ended up getting my mom not to go anyways. but we did stop at this really really really good resturaunt, (i forget what it's called) but we were supposed to take jim there but oh well, he wasn't with us. it's his own fault. =( but i did miss him. soo whatever though, we went to a couple stores, then we went home. i didn't buy anything though.
i guess later tonight i'm going to pick jim up, and then my mom said she'd take us to centry three this weekend sometime. so thats okay i guess. though i really did want to go tonight. but something always has to mess my plans up. jeeze.
oh! i forgot to mention that jennifer is coming over on wendsday! =D (my brothers ex girlfriend that i very much like) soo jim will finally meet her.. because i've wanted him to but my brother and her broke up before jim and i were together. ahh i just really can't wait to see her. this is great.
but i'm bored now, so i think i'm going to just post some quizes i took.
-x|x- lonely.
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2003 18 August :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: i don't know
:: Music: silence
could it be
just a song today.. maybe i'll write later.
i just.. don't feel so good. but jims here, so i really am happy. i missed him so much..
Masochist
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
Well I don't know what to say
Because there's truth to what you say
I know it kills you I'm this way
There's something different everyday
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
Not easy living in my mind
A little peace is hard to find
My every thought is undermined
By all the history inside
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
I know I hear the words you said
Over and over again
I just can't get them through my head
There's just too many voices
Must be like living with the dead
Waiting for me to begin
To do the things that I have said
And for this I'm sorry
So there's some truth to what you say
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
-Staind
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2003 16 August :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: i don't know
:: Music: semisonic - closing time
Saints and Sailors
youre becoming solitude and soo loving your
apartment. its understandable. ppl suck, and
youve expected too much, now u expect nothing,
but then again you have no reason too..
what dashboard confessional song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 15 August :: 8.56am
:: Mood: sad
lets see
how many people feel like shit..?
cause i sure as hell do.
-x|x- me.
p.s. IM me on aim.. i'm bored.
she ran away x is my name.
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2003 15 August :: 2.23am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: jim talkin in my ear
update from last entry:
i went over rochelles house with her around like 5:30, and we were just chillin and shit, then my mom called at 7, and she was like "where are you?" im like "rochelles, where else would i be?" she started like flipping out on me, because i wasn't home.. (when she told rochelle to make sure i was home by six the next day i mean, wtf? fuck you.) so i got home around like an hour or so later, and kelly came over and we were just talkin, then we went out on my back deck. (okay, now i haven't ate anything for about a day now. and i didn't eat dinner yesterday.) my mom was like "jena, do the dinner dishes" i was like WHAT!? I DIDN'T EVEN EAT HERE! omg, i was so pissed off. she said something else, and i just ignored her. then george was like "i hope your not planning on going anywhere until christmas" where the fuck do i go? that just pissed me off right there. i go about 2 places every fuckin 6 months. so fuck them. i hope i die in my room tonight. i called jim about 9:15, and i just cried with him on the fone for about a hour and a half.. i'm just about stupid. crying on the fone for a hour and a half.. jesus. i'll update what happens later today. god only knows what shits gonna go down.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
-x|x- =( i don't know anymore.
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2003 14 August :: 3.42pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: silence
i had the worst day yesterday.
kelly rochelle and i went to the fair yesterday.. we were supposed to meet casey, matt and jim there. well.. this is what happened:
we were at the fair for about 20 minutes or so, and jim called and just like started kinda yelling at me. so i yelled back and i don't know what happened, i guess we sorta hung up on eachother. well after that we went down to the rides and rochelle met matt at the ferris wheel, she stayed with him, while kelly and i went on the round up. i guess rochelle didn't hear my fone ring.. and jim had called ilke 6 times. he left a message.. so i called him back. kelly and rochelle went on this other ride, i don't know the name of it. we just like yelled at eachother, and stuff.. he told me that he didn't want to come to the fair and see me, and he was really mad at me.. we got off the fone a couple minutes later, and i went to get kelly and rochelle. they just got off they're ride and asked me what jim said.. and i just started cry. like freakin balling my eyes out right in the middle of the fair. i didn't really care though, rochelle hugged me and said it was okay.. but i cried for like 5 minutes. i don't know.. i kept trying to call him back, but he didn't answer the fone.. i thought he left somewhere with some girl. (because of what he said on the message he left me on my fone.) so i was trying so hard not to start crying again. but after that i wasn't even in the mood to be at the fair, i just wanted to go home.. :( you could tell that i was upset/sad. a little bit later we found matt again, and then kelly got ahold of casey, and he came down. so i was like all alone, while everyone was with someone.. i was really getting depressed and you could tell. but i didn't care. jim called back around like 8:30-9:00 i think, and said he was sorry or whatever, but i didn't care, it didn't put me back in a good mood. casey was tryin to make me smile, but it didn't work.. i didn't even have any money, cause jim was supposed to come.. but thankfully rochelle was there, and she paid for me to get in, and kelly and her got drinks for us and stuff. and that was so nice of them. (thanks you guys, if your reading this.) jay came down and walked with us a little later, and about 9:30 him and casey left with ben and matt left to. kelly called her mom, and she didn't even come get us until like 11:00. so we just messed around, and talked and shit.
we got home, and went online. we got hungry cause we didn't eat anything at the fair, so we made some mac and cheese. and i put the pot in the sink, and put water in it. later that night after kelly roach and me were done eating, roach put the dishes in the sink, and filled them with water. well about noon today, my mom comes barging into my room and shes like "IT'S 12:00 GET UP NOW." i'm like okay? wtf? (i've been up since 11:00, because my brother had the tv up so freakin loud, it woke me up.) so i was just layed there for about 20 more minutes, and she comes back in and like is all yelling at me not to sleep my life away and she wants me in the kitchen "NOW" so i'm like "okay.." so i went out there, and she starts yelling at me for the 3 bowls that are in the sink, and the pot. shes like "WHY DIDN'T YOU SOAK THESE? THEY'RE HARD AS A ROCK" blah blah blah. i'm just like jesus christ. we did soak them. (which we really did.) so she went on and on and on and on about it. and she was like "who was here last night? wheres jim?" i was like "kelly and rochelle, jims at home." and she kept pressing the matter "why isn't jim here? where is he? didn't you see him last night?" i just said no, and walked away.. went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out again.
i didn't even do anything, and i'm gettin bitched at for everything. i mean.. jesus. i'm goin to rochelles tonight, but i have to be back tomorrow night by 6:00. so i can help her "tag things" for the yardsale this weekend. i don't know. i have to get away because i'm gonna shoot someone in the fuckin head. (not you rochelle! ha.)
i hope i die in my sleep.
-x|x- fuck this.
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2003 13 August :: 3.32am
:: Mood: afraid
:: Music: staind - so far away
a song
-x|x- afraid.
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2003 10 August :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: me first and the gimmie gimmies - i believe i can fly
"I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself for it. So there's your psychoanalysis, Doctor Freud." -Kathryn from Cruel Intentions
I didn't really do anything today.. i got up at 11, and just layed in bed until 1. so i was being lazy. i got up and got a shower, and then i called rochelle and left a message, cause no one answered.. i got online and just did nothing then kelly called around 3/4 o'clock. i got a shower then we went down to the park for kellys aunts 25th wedding anniversary.. and we got bored so we went back home and got our bikes and rode them back down to mingo.. omgosh the walk back up this big huge hill was so bad. it took us like 30 minutes to walk up it! we were all out of breath, and sweating.. eww. "bike fest 03'" ahahah kelly.
we got home and got ready to go to richardson park to see casey. so we went there, at around 8:30, and got back home around 9:15
we're gonna go watch a movie in a bit. it's called "jewles" (based on a book by danielle steel) the book was awsome so hopefully the movie is just as good. i love reading romance books. they make you sorta just forget everything around you because you just get so tied up in the characters and whats happening to them.. it just kinda makes you feel good when you get done reading them. :)
-x|x- not all here
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2003 9 August :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: spunky-less
:: Music: sugarcult - pretty girl
i'm back?
so i went to bethany beach with the 'family' we can say that i was miserable. i don't like the beach.. let alone with my family for a whole week in the same freakin house.. without being able to actually go anywhere.. (as in kellys house, or up my aunts, or over amys/rochelles.) but with jim there, it was a little bit better.. i guess.
all everyone wanted to do was go the beach.. and i'm not a beach person.. it just really upset/pissed me off that if i didn't go, everyone got mad at me. especially jim, and i felt bad. :( so i went and sat there, and read a book.. thank the lord for sun block, or i'd practicly be the color of dirt right now.. :( i hate getting sun. i hate it. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. hate doesn't describe it enough. i would be much happier white as a ghost.. so hopefully no one would notice me. haha but who cares..
we did some things.. i don't really feel like writing a huge entry detailing every day.. that would be pretty boring. but we went to the beach, shopped, jim and i got out 'old fashined picture' taken.. we look freakin so damn cute if i do say so myself. i'm gonna upload it on my picture album, so i'll make sure i put the link back up on here so you can look at it. i love it.. other than that, we didn't really do anything. i read a lot of books, and jim and i went the pool.. went for rides on the bikes there. he went in the ocean a lot. i just sorta sat and watched him. i don't like the water. i'd rather be sitting inside doing something like watching a movie.
but no use in complaining anymore. it's not like anyone wants to actually hear about it.
i think i've lost my "spunk"..?
hmm.. it's the 9th.. :-/ :(:(:(:(:(:(!!!!
-x|x- no spunk.
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2003 31 July :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: chevelle - don't fake this
leaving tomorrow morning
i'm just sittin here.. i got off the fone with my baby jim. i'm sittin here starin at a picture of us that's sitting by my computer and talking to casey.. i'm hoping jim gets her really soon so i can just break down and cry on his shoulder. :)
i guess were leaving tomorrow early in the morning for bethany beach. (in delaware) we'll be back either the 9th or 10th.. (which is next saturday or sunday) thats a whole week. i'm so glad that jim's coming with me.. other wise i don't think that i'd even go. i hate the beach. i'm not a very 'beachy' kinda person. i'm more of a 'sit in the shade and read a book/listen to music' kinda person. but hey, what can ya do? hopefully jim won't make me go into the ocean to much.. i don't wanna get tan or anything. >.< we get the "den" which is cool, cause it's the only room downstairs. :-D besides the kitchen and the living room/dining room. so yay.
earlier today my mom my sisters and i went and got our hair cut.. i just got layers, it's a little bit shorter.. it's not really what i wanted, but fuck it. who cares? i can't believe myself because i almost started crying after sam got her hair done. it looked/s really cute.. and i just kept thinking to myself "why can't my hair look like thaT???" and i actually started tearing up.. i am seriously pathetic. getting jealous of my own little sisters hair? wtf, i'm dumb. but then again, everyone knows that.
i'll write when i get back.. i bet that'll be a long entry. ha.
-x|x- me
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2003 30 July :: 11.18pm
:: Mood: sad
can't handle shit anymore
it just really hit me today, that i can't handle as much shit as i used to.. i mean, i almost started crying when my mom yelled at me.. (for "looking" at underware.) she was like 'whats your obession with underware? i saw you looking at them like 3 times." meanwhile, i wasn't even looking at them.. i just walked through them because it was the only way to get outta the one isle i was in. all the other ways were blocked by people.. i mean, jesus. she had no right to yell at me.. i didn't do anything. i had to stop myself from crying til i got home.. then i just went in my room.. blah, i don't wanna talk about it.
jim and i got into a fight again this morning.. well, it wasn't even really a fight.. i just sorta hung up on him because i got mad. i don't know what's wrong with me anymore, i just get mad all the time, for the stupidest little things. i'm so pathetic. i don't know why he's still with me.. he can do so much better than me..
i guess were goin to the beach on thursday night/friday morning (we don't know which one yet) i don't even want to go. i'm miserable anymore. i should be happy, i love jim with all my heart, i really do.. but i just can't be happy. but i guess i'll just make the best of it, and try to have fun or whatever..
i have to get myself back together, i'm practicly falling apart.. :(
"She was a fake. It wasn't easy to admit, but that's what she was. She pretended to be strong, even when her guts shook and her palms grew clammy. She led people to think she really didn't need anybody in her life, even though her soul cried out for it at times. She pretended nothing bothered her, and if it did, she played games with her head."
-x|x- not all here
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2003 29 July :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: korn - i did my time
i hate younger people
if i had the chance to kill everyone in the grade down from mine, i'd do it in a second. i don't think that even 5 of them have any sence what so ever! they're stupid! jesus christ.. they all should just drop off of the face of the earth and eat shit.
I ESPECIALLY HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO SOME STUPID SHIT FOR ATTENTION!!! i swear to god, people that just "cut" for attention, give people that cut a bad fuckin reputation. it pisses me the fuck off. i mean, i don't ever talk about cutting.. ever, to anyone.. and it just pisses me off when people sit there and practicly SHOW THEY'RE "CUTS" OFF. get a fuckin life you stupid fucks!
jesus christ, you need to learn to be yourself, because there are a lot more people in this world with a lot more problems.
everyone just needs to stop doing things because you think it's "cool".. most likely what you're doing is pretty fuckin stupid.
-x|x- fuck off.
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2003 29 July :: 1.19am
:: Mood: drained
jim
8 months today baby.. i love you so much. i hope know we'll be together for the rest of our lives, and i mean that with all my heart.
you're my whole life baby.. you're the light in my darkness.. and if you weren't here, all i'd have is mr. bang.. and he just doesn't fill that spot in my heart like you do.
jim+jena
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2003 26 July :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: some rap SHIT
i woke up at like 10, and amy, her mom, sister and i went down the to the firehall to start doin shit for amys grams *suprise* birthday party.. but first we went to a couple different stores to get some other things that we needed (like balloons, and table covering and some other things) so we got those things and we went back to the firehall.. amy and i worked on covering the tables with the table covering stuff.. and we had to get all the same kinda chairs.. which doesn't seem like a big job, but it fuckin is god damnnit!! after a while we got tired of doin that, soo we started cuttin up the fruit for the fruit salad.. there is so much food for tomorrow. lol amy allison and i had a grape fight. it was fun.. lmao, i got hit right between the eyes!! (god damn you amy!! hahaha!!) later when we finally finished covering the tables, there was a little bit left over, and i was messin around, and made a cape for myself outta it.. oh man, it was great shit. haha.. we finally got finished with everything around 4:00.
we came home and helped amys gram wrap some baby shower presents.. lmao, SHE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH THE SCISSORS ACCIDENTLY.. haha anyways, later we went to wal*mart and giant eagle.. (giant bird.. haha amy) and we got the rest of the things that we needed for tomorrow.. so we came home, and made pretzel salad, and jim came down for a while.. then amy and i ordered a stromboli from kuzins, and then here we are..
jim's outside waiting for me to get done writing in here..
i'm exhausted.. ahh jesus.
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2003 25 July :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: mad
fuck this.
i'm at amys.. i'm stayin til monday sometime, then jim and i are probably going to go back to my house if he wants to.. whatever, i don't really know yet.. today we woke up around 10, and then we went to washington to get amys moms check cashed.. and then we came back to bentlyville, and stopped at burger king.. -sighs- so i got a double cheese burger with fries and a coke. i only ate half of the burger, and only about 10 fries, and some coke.. when we got home, i got a shower and then we called randi, and walked around until about 5.. then randi went home, and amy and i waited for her mom to get home so we could go to wal*mart, and go out to eat.. we went to dennys, and i got a piece of french toast a dippy egg, and some of those home-fry things? i forget what they're called.. i tried to eat it all.. but i didn't.
i've been really annoyed lately with just everyone.. i don't know why anymore. i just can't take peoples shit as much as i could anymore. it just fuckin pisses me off.. i swear i'm gonna fuckin blow soon.
7 days to the beach.
xx.jena
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2003 24 July :: 1.01am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: staind - so far away
life.. who cares anymore?
Personality Disorder Test
xx.jena
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2003 23 July :: 2.28am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: die trying - oxgyens gone
just a survey
Part One: Personal Information
1. NAME: jena
2. SEX: female
3. BIRTHDAY: 2-22-87
4. WHERE DO YOU LIVE: pennsylvania
5. HEIGHT: 5'9 i think.
6. SHOE SIZE : 10 1/2
7. FIRST CRUSH: i don't even remember
8. PARENTS: darlene and jim
9. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty
10. WHATS YOUR SIGN: aquarius
11. WHATS THE FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU: quite, nice, easy to make smile.. lol
12. EVER BEEN IN LOVE: yeah.. i am right now.. jim<3
13. PUPPY LOVE: yeah, i guess.
14. HAVE A TATTOO: no, but i want one.
Part Two: How do you like your men?
1. BOXERS OR BREIFS: both are sexy. o_0
2. LONG OR SHORT: what the hells that supposed to mean!? lol
3. DARK OR BLONDE: both are cute
4. TALL OR SHORT: tallllll
5. 6 PAC OR MUSCLAR ARMS: -shrugs-
6. MR. SENSITVE OR MR. FUNNY: a bit of both (just like jim. he's perfect)
7. GOOD GUY OR BAD GUY: bad guy
8. DARK OR LIGHT EYES: light eyes
9. HAT OR NO HAT: hat
10. EARS PEIRCED OR NOT: doesnt matter
11. FRECKLES OR NONE: none, but a couple are definitly cute
12. STUBBLE OR NEATLY SHAVED: neatly shaved!!!! ahh!! lol
13. RUGGED OR SPORTY: rugged
14. ACCENT OR AMERICAN: american
Part Three: Foods
1. CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLTE: hot chocolate
2. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: burger king
3. COKE OR PEPSI: pepsi
4. ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: dr. pepper
5. TEA OR COFFEE: tea
6. MILK/DARK/WHITE CHOCALATE: milk chocolate
7. VANILLA OR CHOCALATE: vanilla
8. CAKE OR PIE: depends on what kind.
Part Four: Pick one
1. MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER: perfect lover.. friendship is part of love
2. CATS OR DOGS: dogs
3. 1 PILLOW OR 2 : two
4. W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES: water with ice, but nothing else.
5. TOP OR BOTTOM : top!!
6. WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL: fall/winter
7. SKIING OR BOARDING: i've never done either
8. BIKING OR BLADING: um, i don't like outdoor things.. lol
9. ROCK/RAP/R&B/PUNK/ALT/SKA/TECHNO/SWING/COUNTRY: rock, punk
10. NIGHT OR DAY: night
11. GLOVES OR MITTENS: gloves
12. DRESSED OR UNDRESSED: dressed
13. BUNK OR WATER BED: water bed. ^-^
14. MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG: go along
15. TRUTH OR DARE: truth
16. MTV OR VH1: mtv
17. OCEAN OR POOL: neither, i don't like to swim.
18. SHOWERS OR BATHS: mmm shower
19. LOVE OR LUST: love
20. SILVER OR GOLD: silver
21. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS: diamonds
22. PENCIL OR PEN: pen
23. SUNRISE OR SUNSETS: sunrise
24. BLIND OR DEAF: blind, i gotta have music!
Part Five: Favorites
1. COLOR: green, black
2. NUMBER: 18
3. SUBJECT: ..nothing
4. CLOTHING BRAND: black stuff. lol
5. SHOE BRAND: doesn't really matter.
6. SPORT TO PLAY: nothing are you kidding me?! hahaha.. me.. play a sport?! lmao
7. DRINK: alcoholic-- mikes hard lemonade and smirnoff.. and non-alcoholic-- orange juice, water
8. ANIMAL: dogs
9. HOLIDAY: valentines day, and halloween
10. FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: "i'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." - notting hill
11. BAND: have more than just one--- incubus, staind, fingereleven, our lady peace, eve 6, the used, nothingface, smile empty soul, linkin park, mxpx, kittie
12. MOVIE: moulin rouge - shakespear in love - girl, interrupted
13. PLACE 2 CHILL: don't really matter.
14. FLOWER: hmm.. white roses
15. PERFUME: i don't really know..?
Part Six: Future
1. HOW MANY KIDS: 2 or 3
2. COLLEGE: no
3. JOB: dunno yet.
4a. WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B/F OR G/F LOOK LIKE: jim.
4b. HOW DO THEY ACT: just like jim does. he's my baby forever and ever.
Part Seven: Would you could you? if so; who, what, where, why, how?
1. Move anywhere: maine with my baby jim
2. Dye your hair: i do it all the time.. different colors.. whatever i feel like.
3. Meet one famous person: don't care.
4. Live with one person the rest of your life: jim
5. Name one thing you love: jim.. he's my everything.
6. Name one thing that embarrasaes you: myself.
7. Do you like school? fuck no.
8. Do you like to talk on the telephone? only with certain people.
9a. Do you have your own line? no
9b. Can we have your number? no
10. Do you like to dance? lol sorta.
11. Are you scared to ask some one out? i have jim, i don't need to ask anyone out.
12. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? lol, yes! plenty of times!
13. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah, but mostly i just wish i would.
14. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? just one.. his name is mr. bang, oh, lol and jim.
15. Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? yeah, a couple actually.
16. Do you have any piercings? yeah, bellybutton, and ears
17. Do you wear braces? no, used to though
18. Do you consider yourself a good listener? yeah.. 98% of the time.
19. Can you swim? uh-huh. don't really like to though.
20. Do you sing in the shower? not anymore.
21. Do you think cheerleading is a sport? fuck no. fuck cheerleaders.
22. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah all the time.
23. What's on your ceiling? my lights..
24. What's you worst injury ever? i have a couple.. once when i was skating on ice with kelly and i fell and had to get stiches on my chin, and secondly when i spraned my neck!! lol
25. What's the hardest thing about growing up? being jealous, getting hurt by the people that you love -or used to love.
26. Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah, i do.
27. Have you ever been in love? yeah.. i am right now.
28. What are you wearing right now? my tank top that says "i have issues" and my joe boxers.
29. Favorite place to be? anywhere with my baby jim.
xx.jena
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2003 22 July :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: spunky
:: Music: less than jake - shes gonna break soon
o0o0o
-sings- "with so many problems in her life, it really comes as no suprise.. she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break.. "
xx.jena
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2003 20 July :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: godsmack - serenity
i took a couple 'tests'.. here are the results.
Mood Analysis Test
Results for Test Taken Sunday, July 20, 2003
"You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self determined you are.
Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.
Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offense, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.
You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognized as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfill this 'complex' by ensuring you are the center of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be."
Are You Happy?
"Seems as though you're feeling down and out lately - but don't despair! Maybe it's time for a change... you, and only you, hold the key to your happiness. Try adopting a positive outlook on life and you'll be smiling in no time!"
xx.jena
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2003 19 July :: 4.29pm
:: Mood: upset and pissed
:: Music: our lady peace - story about a girl
stupid assholes
i can't fuckin take this shit anymore. i'm so fuckin serious. i haven't ever been this pissed off in my whole god forsaken life. (well, maybe i have.. but i am really pissed the fuck off right now!) just everyone pisses me off anymore. i swear, i am going to shoot someone, if not myself first. fuck this anymore. why the fuck should i care?
i woke up this morning, and kelly went home, rochelle went on the computer.. so i went out in the living room to watch TV. i called my dog zeus up on the couch with me and then Dustin (my brother) all came in and started yelling and shit at me for letting zeus up on the couch.. FIRST OF ALL. HE IS ALLOWED ON THE COUCH. so i fuckin told him that, and he was like "maybe when you get your own place, you'll respect your things, but until then, you listen to me." so i was like "you don't freakin own THIS couch, so why do you care?" then he said somethin else about how i was gettin to sassy or something, i was like "yeah, well your not my dad, so stop acting like you are!" then he came up in my face like he was going to hit me and shit, (i'm really not good at confronting anyone, i get nervous, and.. i most of the time almost start to cry.. so i was starting to shake and stuff..) and he kept sayin things, so i said things back.. and i told him to go home where he belongs.. and he said something else, and just left.. so i was like at the breaking point, and i tried not to cry, and i just sat there, staring at the tv.. a little bit later my mom came over and asked me what happened, and didn't say anything (i was still trying not to answer) and she whispered to me, "dustins moving back in with us for two months." and that was it, i just got up real fast without saying anything and just went in the bathroom for like 5 minutes, trying not to cry.
I CANNOT STAND HIM. LET ALONE LIVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. i swear to god i'd rather freakin kill myself than live with him for one more day.. you just don't even understand.. it's that bad.
xx.jena
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2003 17 July :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: no doubt - don't speak
things are different..?
i'm just sitting here.. jim and i were supposed to go to a Pirates game with my mom, but i didn't feel good.. so we stayed home, which i feel really seriously so bad about because my mom had already bought us our tickets and everything.. god, i'm so stupid..
jim's getting ready to go home for the day.. he said he's going to come back either tomorrow or the next day, so i'll be sitting here waiting for him to come back and stay with me.. -sigh-
i guess maybe rochelle is comin over tomorrow.. i have to call her when i wake up. thats cool though, i haven't seen her in a long time and it'll be a good thing. see some of my friends.. yeah.. something like that..
things have been different lately.. i haven't been myself i guess? i don't know.. maybe, i just feel different, i don't feel as 'lively' as i usually do.. and no, it's not "that time of the month" but i don't know, i've been doin some stupid things lately.. but who cares, right?
i have recently been told by someone [[not giving out anyones name, wouldn't want anyone to get mad..]] "you don't have hardly any problems, and a lot more people have been through a lot more things, and been a lot more places than you, so when you say that you want to kill yourself, you think it's the only way out.. and look at me, i've lived my whole life in hell." or around the lines of something like that.. there was more, but i don't feel like writing it. that persons right, i don't know what my problem is. what was i thinking?
xx.jena
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2003 13 July :: 2.59pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: the all-american rejects - swing swing
bad night last night..
this weekend, has been pretty much shitty. >.< well lets see.. i pretty much forget what happened all weekend, but lets see what i can remember.. lol
friday (i'd say that this was the best day of the weekend.) let's see.. i think this was the day of davids birthday party, but i couldn't go because my brother was having his party at the cokeburg moose. so kelly jim and i all walked up to the moose, and we stayed for a while and what-not.. we left walked around, went down jims house.. hung out there ;) then went up to amys, got her and went back up to the moose.. we ate and everything played some cards (LOL yesssssss.. we were bored.) jim got mad at me and left.. lol as always. but kelly amy and i walked out and i found him, and we made up.. sooo we left again, and just basicly walked around the rest of the night.. then amy went home, and kelly jim and i went back down jims house and just chilled for a while, til my mom came and got kelly and i. (jim stayed him.)
saturday well.. i don't really remember what happened that day.. OH YEAH.. i went to wal*mart with kelly.. and bought ELMERS GLUE FOR 20 CENTS!!!!!!! omg! i was having such an awsome day!! ELMERS GLUE FOR 20 CENTS!! HELL YES!! hahahaha. elmers glue is the shit. omg i love it. and i bought a pack of 3 glue sticks for 88 cents!!! i was like 'hell yes!' w00t. it's greatness.. i bought hair dye to.. finally. then i got home and kelly left to go babysit.. and it just all went downhill from there on.. i just don't even want to talk about it.. (i love you jim. thanks for being there.. i'm sorry baby.. i really didn't mean to..)
today i dunno.. i just woke up around 2.. i was on the fone with rochelle, then i called jim.. and here i am.. jim should be coming back over sometime later today, he's going fishing with ronnie. lol. he's so cute.
p.s. thanks for being there for me last night kelly- cool beans. lol 8-)
xx.jena
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2003 10 July :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: the used - say days ago
i'm very bored
ahhh.. i'm in so much pain. grr to cramps! ouuuuuch.
i think davids party's tomorrow, but i don't think i can go. dustins party is tomorrow at the moose in cokeburg, so jim and i are goin to that.. then later on we'll probably walk down the park and probably down his house.. i dunno yet, whatever we feel like doing i guess.
-yawns- mannnnn i am so freakin tired.. jim and i woke up around 12:30, well we both woke up, but jim went back to sleep.. lol. and we just did nothing all day.. bummed around the house and what-not. but it's all good.. jim's in the shower right now, and i'm just sittin here, bein bored on my computer.. looking for some lyrics.. listening to the used.. -sings- "i still remember a year ago the times we spent.. i think that i'm happier now up from the down by all means it's strange cause i feel the same way"
o0o.. jim and i were supposed to go to his dads allllllll this week, but things have come up.. and we couldn't get a ride out there or anything.. and jim hasn't called his dad.. err- i feel bad because his dads probably all wondering where we are and everything.. lol. -sighs-
im leaving.. probably going to lay down, or just look for some more lyrics.
IM me on AIM- she ran away x
xx.jena
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2003 7 July :: 2.46am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: none
my weekend what what-not
hellloooooooo everyone. yes yes yes i had a wonderful weekend. lets see..
friday the 4th- for most of the day jim kelly and i were here for our family picnic, until around 4 i think, (which was pretty boring, because well.. it just was. lol) then jim's mom and her boyfriend ronnie came and got us around 4 or so, and we went to ronnies families 4th of july picnic, and i didn't think that i'd have that much fun, only cause i didn't really know them and stuff.. but i had a really good time. later on that night we all went up ronnies house and watched fireworks that he bought (he bought like 1,500 dollars worth!) jim was setting them off, and i was like jumping out of my seat because i was worried that he'd get hit or something.. lol. but he didn't which was a good thing. definitly.. umm- we got home around 12:30, 1:00 AM. we stayed up til 5:30 in the morning talking. about everything.. sometimes you just need to do that, it was so great.. i love him so much.
saturday the 5th- lets see. jim and i woke up around 12:30 in the afternoon. i called kelly and woke her up too. we all got showers and what not, and left around 2:00 for cokeburg.. we got there and stayed at jims house for about 30 minutes, then we walked down the park where all the festivities were happening. LOL. we saw amy, and were walkin around with her. we didn't really do anything until around 3:30 when casey went by in his car, honked waved and drove right by us.. LMFAO. it was so funny. we freakin were like 'wtf? where'd he go to?!' LOL. about 15-20 minutes later, he came walkin down with jay, and shit. we all were sittin in the one table under the pavilion, talkin and what not, then casey left with ben and jay to go up and drink somewhere. he came back about 15 minutes later he came back to the 'festival'
LOL we got bored as shit and went down jims house. when we got there, i made jim give me some shorts and a big shirt to bum around in. we were all gettin so god damn hungry so we all ordered a 'king kong' from kusins. o00. it was good. we watched the movie rat race and then i changed back into my clothes, and we left to go back up the park. we were walkin around and what not when we ran into debbie and kevin and talked to them a bit.. then this girl came up and jumped on casey? i was like okay??? kelly was pisssssed. but hmmm.. jim was lightin off little fireworks with his friends and shit, while kelly amy casey and i were walkin around lookin for people. we saw some little hoe bags, (well, really just one.) hahaha. so we waited for the fireworks, and they were pretty. but, nothing really special..
after the fireworks, kelly casey jim and i were walkin around, amy went home and kelly and i went up her house a little later. it was like 1:30-1:45 AM kelly and i went out to find jim, cause he was not answering his fone!! LOL. we met this guy named, CHUCK. hes a cool bean. LOL. he helped us find jim. sooo we found jim and rusty, and were walkin around til we got to this one guys house or chuck called it "the freakshow" LOL. we sat there for like a good 20 minutes, listening to this guy talk to his girlfriend on the fone.. lmfao.. it was so funny, omg. we had the best time. until amy called and told us her mom got up and found out we werent home.. grrr.. we had to go back to amys, then we just went to sleep.. -sigh- WHAT A DAY. o yes.
saturday the 6th- we got up around 12:30 got showers and then walked down jims house.. we got hungry so we "feasted on a chicken in candle light" (LOL KELLY AND JIM!!!) and we didn't really do anything, just watched movies all day, until around 8:30 when kellys mom came to pick us up and take us home. on our way home, we made a little detour to MCDONALDS. yes o yes. kelly got a double cheeseburger with a strawberry sundae, with EXTRA strawberries. jim and i shared a strawberry milkshake. woooo it was really good. LOL. then we got home, jim went swimming in my pool, then he called his dad (were going over there either tomorrow or the next day) and we talked for a while then we went to sleep. i called kelly and went over there for a while, then we both came back over my house and now here we are.
later.
xx.jena
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2003 3 July :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: none
..i'm stupid..
hmm.. i'm just sitting here, doing nothing.. jim's mad at me again.. :( because i'm stupid and i always do everything wrong. and i don't know why he doesn't just hate me. err.
i was on a diet, but now.. i'm just freakin to lazy anymore. grrr.. i dunno, i don't have any thing to make me do it. it sucks, because i'm fat and i want to loose weight, but i'm just to lazy to do anything about it.. godddd. i need to get jim after me.. i need him to keep me goin, and to help me out. -good idea jena.. lol
i got a new screen name for AIM.. its she ran away x :) woo. i love it. i haven't told anyone about it, cept jim so far.. but i don't really think that i am goin to let anyone know about it. it's a secret.. hahaha. not really, i just don't think that i'm gonna tell anyone.
ohh.. i got a new e-mail to, it's sheranawayx@hotmail.com LOL sound familiar?? haha. i'm so original.. oh wait, i mean lame. :)
xx.jena
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2003 2 July :: 11.45am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: none
pictures!
hmm.. i'm just sittin here with my baby jim, and amys sleepin on the floor. my sisters are asleep, and my mom and everyone (her friends) are up the bar.. hmm.. anyways. i got a photo album at yahoo.. and i just wanted to post the address in here so a.-i wouldn't forget, and b.-anyone who looks at this, can look at my pics! woo! yes im smart. lol
here it is:
http://photos.yahoo.com/fallingagainx
i'll be puttin more and more on there.. so be sure to look at it all the time 8-)
xx.jena
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2003 1 July :: 1.02am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Eve 6
i haven't written in a long time..
whoa, i haven't written in a long time! it's summer, thats probably why.. even though i really don't have a life.. jims pretty much just stays here, except for the ocasional "i have to go home to mow the grass" lol.. but it's okay, i love him over here!!
well, schools out, (for almost a month now! haha) which is good. and i can't wait until august 1st!! YESSSSSSS vacation with my family and jims goin with us. i can't waiiiiiiiit! (well, i really don't like the beach, but as long as jims goin.. i'll be okay!)
woo- it was 7 months for jim and i on the 29th. he makes me so happy :-D we didn't really do anything special.. just hung around the house and watched TV and what-not. but it was a great day anyhow :)
over the weekend, i went to my some-what of a cousins wedding. it was pretty fun, i got some good pictures with my moms camera. w00. yes! i can't wait to get them developed! :-D
well, i'm off. i will be writing more often!
xx.jena
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