rina
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2005 12 September :: 8.50pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: comptine d'un autre ete: l'apres midi - amèlie soundtrack
pas si simple
i'm so fucked up.
i mean, i am just so maliciously fucked up i hate to think about myself.
i'm going to die one day, and sometimes i wish it would hurry up. its not like i know what to do with life anyways.
and writing things down doesn't ease my frustration. it just sits there, festering in my brain, reminding me of everything i'm frustrated about. just adding onto whatever shit i was thinking at the time.
the written word is hard for me to use now.
its losing its luster.
i think i might need a psychiatrist. but i don't want to be dramatic.
it'll probably fuck everything up even worse.
i need aspirin.
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rina
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2005 5 August :: 3.16am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
i have been trying and trying to update, but work and life and, ultimately, computer malfunctions have made it impossible.
i promise i'll read up on everything i've missed, and try to comment on your latest entry with everything that's been happening in your lives. :)
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rina
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2005 15 July :: 10.49am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: two sides/monsieur valentine - spoon
its a celebration of the deceitful
ophelia, her eyes like ebony
she was full of whiskey
in a ragged dress with the color missing
ophelia, she glanced at amber liquid
and wondered how she could fix it
when life became, oh, so wicked
well she counted her way backwards from ten
and pretended not to be so frightened
but ophelia, she was terrified of what could happen
she seemed stretched so languidly
and thought the world was still darkening
and ophelia, she waited for the grand finale
the world's fading, she says
too many deaths and not enough savings
but she didnt care enough to walk towards neon lights
because ophelia, her eyes like ebony
she was full of whiskey
with a tattered dress that seemed to be missing
5 comment |
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rina
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2005 18 June :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: everything's not lost - coldplay
its a delicate degree
the human being fascinates me.
on the one hand, you have rapists, murderers, thieves, molesters, serial killers.
whats-his-face peterson, the unabomber. jack the ripper.
and what kills me is that you can see the corruption on someone’s face.
the seven deadly sins.
glutton. covetousness. lust. anger. envy. sloth. pride.
but then, in the other hand, you have masterpieces of art, magnificent symphonies, prodigies, theatre, pbs.
aristotle, da vinci, mozart.
i wonder, though, if locke or hobbes was right.
because we are such multi-faceted creatures.
maybe there is some sort of undetectable chemical or hormone that is present in some, and not in others. maybe that’s the cause of violence and insanity.
and although i’d like to believe locke was correct, and that we were all born happy and peaceful and wonderful, its hard; because we have such lush history.
the romans. the vikings. the countless wars.
and you know how everyone says that history repeats itself?
that’s bull.
because, [this is a message for you, mankind] lets say someone makes ONE huge mistake. fine, okay. the world can deal, it was an accident.
but then some time later someone else thinks they can pull off what the other couldn’t, because we’ve advanced technologically. this guy, lets call him bob, totally blows it.
so the world is all “for shame, bob. learn from the past.”
THEN, adding insult to injury, another guy, fred, says bob was retarded, and since its fifty years later, he should try.
can you see the pattern?
and as of the moment my mind is already losing its direction & focus because i have the attention span of a small child on speed.
so im going to try and stop myself from losing the rest of my money to barnesandnoble.com .
1 comment |
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lisalion816
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2005 8 June :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: blank
Like richard always says...
hoooooly bannana.
its been a crazy long time.
figured i'd update just for the hell of it.
i wish it was february again. it would be nice to go back in time. that way i would have 5 months left here instead of 5 weeks.
man is it going to be a cry fest when i leave. i think it will mostly be me who will do all the crying. just because im the only girl.
"my boys" don't know how much im going to miss them. i just can't tell 'em in words.
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rina
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2005 7 June :: 1.58pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: fake palindromes - andrew bird
and that's not all
i hate that my brain is always set on "worst case scenario."
ie: driving on blue ridge parkway.
for the average human being, this should be a wonderful experience; fantastic views and scenery blowing by your car window.
and then there's me.
wondering what it would be like if the car veered sharply off the very, very steep mountain. what would i do to survive?
would the car get caught in tree branches, consequently causing a bough to snap some sort of fuel line that will cause a chain reaction, making the car blow up?
who knows. but i think of things like that all the time.
anyways, north carolina was pretty good. it was a welcome break from the constant heat that is the sunshine state.
which is kind of ironic, really, since it got around 9.5 inches of rain while i was gone. hm.
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rina
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2005 19 May :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: i love you - dandy warhols
but you, you're the catalyst
its my birthday tomorrow.
happy birthday, me.
8 comment |
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rina
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2005 18 May :: 9.52am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: consider this - anna nalick
boys will be boys
i'm skipping second period, and chilling in the media department.
i love how badass you can feel when you walk by administration while skipping and they don't even ask you for passes.
i still am having an awful time getting to sleep at night.
and i just got over this wonderfully horrible habit of eating nothing but two bowls of cereal a day.
nothing for breakfast or lunch, come home and eat cereal, and then skip dinner.
next year i'm going to be in newspaper instead of computer graphics, and i'll be editor of the literary magazine our school puts out.
i feel so geekish that i'm so excited, but i can't help it.
and boys? pah. who needs them.
5 comment |
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rina
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2005 5 May :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: the way things are - fiona apple
neon insomnia
midnight black descending
small illuminations brightening
brilliant reds rushing by
whites and yellows fast as light
traveling unknown cities
windows open to silent pities
bursts of wind mingled in gold
wild hair a testament too bold
sleepless nights a catalyst
for mangled thoughts in a twist
highway to nowhere coming soon
underneath a crescent moon
faster and faster, accumulating speed
open roads full of aching need
headlights blinding near catatonia
just another case of neon insomnia
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rina
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2005 27 April :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: elsewhere - sarah mclachlan
of the time, and inbetween
have you ever looked into the mirror, and realized what you were looking at?
if you looked in the mirror everyday, and just one day, you just notice who you are. and how you've changed from one year to the next.
three hundred sixty five days of seeing yourself and in one of those, you're watching yourself change. watching yourself grow up.
i think its supposed to happen on birthdays. or at least, thats what should happen on birthdays.
tonight i looked at myself in the mirror, and i didnt just stare at the reflection. i saw myself. and even though i've seen myself almost every day, it was different. i looked older, i guess. its difficult to explain unless you've actually experienced it.
but maybe no one experiences it. maybe everyone does.
and maybe its just me, stressing about school, and my birthday, and how the next year of my life will unfold.
half of me is hoping that someone will notice. it feels like it just happened overnight sometime, and people will be just as taken aback as i am.
if they dont notice, which i dont think they will, it'll just be me. finally fitting into my own skin. and that half of me wants it to keep it to myself. a secret of sorts, but more personal.
anyways. i should be sleeping.
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rina
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2005 9 April :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: don't die in me - mirah
past, present, and future tense
what is life?
im sure you can read books upon books describing the meaning of it, whether it is love, art, adventure, or change.
maybe its one of those things. maybe its passion, or inspiration, or nature.
i dont know.
but put your life in perspective with the rest of the universe. on such a large timeline, with billions of people, and billions of years before you , its like you dont even exist.
but there is still all this pressure from the world to do great, to be great. that if you are not famous, you are not worth remembering.
what kind of life can we offer future generations if this is the way things are now?
it seems to me, that all those legends before us; galileo, aristotle, newton, and hell man, even elvis.
they are legends in themselves because they did what no other person in their generation did. they broke the mold in a certain area. something that has never been tried before.
hence what bothers me. we've tried everything. we've done peace, war, experimentation, medication, television, bombs, cancer, rocketships.
the future is either bleak and barren, hardly supporting life, or it is technologically advanced. it cannot be both.
2 comment |
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rina
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2005 31 March :: 1.20am
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: goodnight and go - imogen heap
its bad enough we get along so well
i love how only two people read this.
im pretty close to being nocturnal.
but when you sleep in until 3 in the afternoon, you feel like you missed half your life in that one day.
and though i am more productive in the wee hours of the morning, i find it particularly lonely, because no one is online.
i have a website. [www.velut-luna.org]
my addiction to psp is horrendous.
2 comment |
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rina
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2005 20 March :: 12.11am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: action adventure - andrew bird
failure by design
you know this war on humanity thats going on?
i finally figured out what the fuck it is.
evolution.
its survival of the fittest.
good luck, rest of the planet.
2 comment |
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rina
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2005 19 February :: 12.23am
:: Music: untouchable face - ani difranco
who am i, somebody tell me that much
writers block is so ridiculous.
i know exactly what should happen next in finding new york, but.. BLAH.
i cant wait to finish off my b&w film from the nikon. i want to develop them like mad.
i should just bring it to school and take random pictures of people.
i've been having many odd dreams as of late. on consisted of my nine year old brother crashing a car, while i was in it as well as my sister, and when the police came he started laughing. and saying it was just like need for speed. or burnout III takedown.
i was panicking, and they were excited.
odd, yes? yes.
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lisalion816
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2005 15 February :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: old school music...crazy dude
wow been a while. Mostly been updating my lj instead. No one comments on this one any more so what ever.
we have a shit load of snow. nice but cold.
but yeah, im bored as hell.
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