rina
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2007 29 January :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: a promise to return - bear mccreary
transposition
she is unsure how to begin, and tries, inexpertly, to bring all the pieces together, finding how mapped hearts can draw lines from one place and tangle in another. strings, crossing paths, and then forever expelled in the opposite direction.
she is too young to feel this old, and she sighs, and the dim light from the windows are making the room glow at the edges.
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rina
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2007 21 January :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: you gotta feel it - spoon
it's a long way home
sneezing with a thermometer in your mouth = uncool.
(i am not dependable. these responsibilities of mine give me both purpose and the ability to fail.)
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rina
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2007 16 January :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: sun, sun, sun - the elected
postcards from the beach
she stands quietly (fidgeting, fingers curling against the hem of her shirt) and listens to the breeze rushing by. she thinks it might be like a whisper against her skin (cliched/overrated/underused), like fingertips trailing across her cheekbones, and rippling against her clothes like a lover's careful touch.
the sand is whipped from the ground, and the crashing of waves is like cymbals, heralding a coming storm, a coming end, a coming something. (her ears are ringing; there were fireworks the night before).
she is waiting (forever waiting, the kind that makes her chest ache with the force of it) and she is accepting (not really) and she is understanding (impossible). she is calm.
(her heart is pounding.)
maybe. maybe, but lost, but hope is still within her. (just this once, just this once, just this once.)
she breathes, and the cold rushes in, crushing her lungs, inflating her doubt. (i thought you'd come this time).
the wind wraps around her slowly and she leans into it, feeling for something that is not meant to be.
(maybe next year, she decides.)
i love you, she says into the air, and she closes her eyes against the salty breath of the sea.
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rina
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2007 10 January :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: closing in - imogen heap
i hope that you make it
life is good.
it's hectic and frustrating and stressful, causes loss of sleep and gain in exhaustion, perpetually stays a lightyear ahead of where you ought to be, and is continually full of surprises.
and it's good. i've had more work this week than almost any other, but i have laughed more in the past few days than i did in the past two months.
i accept the trade-off, life. thank you.
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rina
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2007 4 January :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: leave the earth behind you and take a walk in the sunshine - ballboy
are you happy, with your life?
i am more popular with people thousands of miles away!
in other news, i am already itching for summer. i'm going to try to stay in sweden for as long as humanly possible, because i have been aching desperately for it.
(jag längtar efter blå himmel, och gröna skogg, och att känna helt perfekt.)
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rina
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2007 4 January :: 2.37am
:: Mood: unsurprised
:: Music: eight flew over, one was destroyed - mew
you want to see what lies can set you free
it always seems to happen this way.
the only difference is i'm not going to waste any time on it.
(i don't really have many friends. closeness is belied by selfishness.)
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rina
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2006 25 December :: 1.36pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: gollum's song - howard shore
merry christmas, guys. :)
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rina
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2006 14 December :: 4.57pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: young bride - midlake
WHAT IS GOING ON?
i created a deviantart account not fifteen minutes ago. i uploaded three of my most recent pieces (two vectors and a sketch i did in class) and i've already got 3 favorites! within ten or so minutes!
the universe is imploding, i swear to fucking god.
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rina
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2006 10 December :: 6.00pm
:: Music: satin chic - goldfrapp
there is life, and there is love, and i think i'm just beginning to understand that.
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rina
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2006 10 December :: 2.07am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: green wing
i feel i must warn you, you've just kissed a sick-y mouth.
i've watched so much that it's come to the point where every thought in my head is said in a rather london-type accent. (it happens to range from billie piper to tasmin greig, depending how long its been since i've thought of either doctor who or green wing).
and it's not even the fact that its english accent in my head, its the fact that i can now somewhat distinguish certain dialects.
london, for example, has a habit of exchanging their th's with f's, while the more northern accent is better at dropping consonants near the end of words. leeds is a bit broader, really, and manchester has a bit of scottish since it's so close to scotland (obviously).
i also use more british-type turns of phrase which i feel almost accustomed to. and when mentioning if something's gone a bit pear-shaped, normally folk just give an arch of their brow and ignore me.
odd, really.
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rina
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2006 9 December :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: perfect
:: Music: gorecki - lamb
if i should die this very moment, i wouldn't fear
i feel the most free when i am covered in paint.
especially when it is in the most impossible places:
behind my right ear, on the soft skin under my knee, the uneven edge of my tooth.
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rina
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2006 27 November :: 12.01am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: summer in the city - regina spektor
vanity, not love, has been my folly.
five things you may or may not know about me;
01. whenever i sneeze, i automatically think of the way chlorine smells, and sometimes its so overwhelming it feels as if i've swallowed pool water.
02. every time i read the book pride and prejudice by jane austen, it gets continually harder and harder for me to put down. this is accompanied by an irrational happiness and a warmth that radiates from my chest.
03. being involved in the doctor who/torchwood fandom is more important to me than schoolwork. i wish this weren't true, but i honestly put off all my ap euro so i could sit and start my own tw comm, the torchwood music project.
04. my preference in company changes according to how well i fake happiness in my first class of the day. if it goes over well, i end up having a decent day despite the work load. if someone sees through it, i remain detatched and hardly speak to anyone for the rest of the day.
05. i keep an entire folder of internet bookmarks entitled 'things that make me feel awesome.' these are random occurences throughout the internet in which i am either mentioned in a pleasant way, praised for something i've done (mostly having to do with art/writing), or contains information of any kind about the carina nebula.
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rina
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2006 13 November :: 10.20pm
:: Mood: infuriated
a;sldk
fuck.
i have this seething rage sitting inside my chest, and its traveling up my throat, waiting for some kind of sound to follow it out into the air.
i don't even have words to describe it. its just this hot, angry thing taking residence within me and i want to fucking tear someone's eyes out.
everything i make comes out distorted and disgusting. i have some sort of cancer thats killing anything i come into contact with.
ASDLKFJZXCIWfSDFJLASD245CMKASROIFOJAISDMFLASD.
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rina
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2006 17 October :: 12.26am
:: Mood: hurt
:: Music: the shape of things - bear mccreary
when the bad moon in your heart sings
i am losing a tooth, and the way it pushes through my gums, it mostly feels like life. it is a continuous ache, and the pain goes mostly unheeded, but i've discovered that blood is bitter on tongues.
this may or may not account for the preoccupation i've had with mouths as of late. how some of my questions are chased with a nervous laugh or two. how i can feel words kept hidden behind my teeth when i most want them heard. how i might have a fondness of lopsided smiles.
i often find myself feeling used or unoriginal.
i am convinced, however, that the way homemade apple cider warms your chest and tastes like autumn; it is the only way october should be spent.
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rina
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2006 26 September :: 12.03am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: the winner is - mychael danna/devotchka
listen to this.
feel better. live happier. love unashamedly.
tell me if it makes any difference for you. i cannot imagine how these waves might reverberate in another's ears because the beats are in accordance with my heart and each tone created i can feel to my toes.
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