rina
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2006 5 March :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: cold cold water - mirah
is it not enough to be complete
sex, drugs, self destruction,
you're becoming less and less like yourself,
and assembling into this misconstrued mess.
i'm sitting through headache and heartache,
and you're washed up, washed up, washed up,
wasted.
and there's nothing i can do.
me, you, we,
our plans were to leave.
but let's not get carried away.
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rina
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2006 2 March :: 6.10pm
:: Music: wandering star - portishead
for whom it is reserved
i am not happy here.
i cannot be happy here!
so why am i trying so hard?
1 comment |
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rina
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2006 23 February :: 10.37pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: engine heart - mirah
trembling lips and carburator sighs
car l'espoir dans mon sein a versé sa névrose!
venus des plaines bleues,
blémis par la longueur des lieues.
oh,
it's calm even in the catastrophe.
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rina
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2006 20 February :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: celebration guns - stars
then the next day, how well you know your enemy
i do not want to be everyone's defective friend.
that "oh, well guess who i know" friend, who you slip into coversation because you have nothing better to say.
a filler.
yes, i have insomnia.
that doesn't mean i'm happy about it.
that doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you know.
i feel so bare, when you tell people.
i told you in confidence,
and here you guys are,
"give her a break, she has insomnia for crying out loud!"
what delicious gossip!
so, really,
when you are surviving on maybe
two or three hours nightly,
and trying to still live your life the way you can,
you can tell everyone you'd like.
this is not my excuse,
not for late classwork,
or faulty mindset,
or bad taste.
it does not hinder my life,
because i don't notice it most of the time.
stop making it part of yours.
1 comment |
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rina
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2006 14 February :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: kissing the lipless - the shins
gluing tinsel to your crown
i love cold mornings where you can see your breath,
it's like watching your words take shape.
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rina
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2006 10 February :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: play crack the sky - brand new
the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west
you are ridiculous.
your gender, in particular, is ridiculous,
and awkward is not a strong enough word.
you know sometimes they call me tous lightening,
but i suppose this can mean nothing,
since lightening can never strike in the same place twice.
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rina
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2006 8 February :: 2.57am
:: Mood: exhausted
ignoring the ache of my head,
i have never in my life felt so elated.
its 3 in the morning,
and i have no one to share this with.
1 comment |
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rina
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2006 3 February :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: something to look forward to - spoon
some things are best left unsaid
i have decided,
that late nights spent on useless speeches, essays, projects, etc
are entirely over.
i'm going to be young and carefree.
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rina
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2006 1 February :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: let go - frou frou
there's beauty in the breakdown
i need better work ethic,
because it mostly consists of sighs,
backward glances, impossible structures.
this is so difficult,
willing the right words to flow from my fingertips.
i always think that its so much easier speaking in person,
because think of what we're missing?
creeping blushes, fidgeting hands, bright eyes.
we're so defined by our mannerisms.
so much that it makes up, oh, 95 percent of language.
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rina
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2006 31 January :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: iou - metric
subtract my age from the mileage on my speeding heart
i hate hate hate the way i am blamed for things not concerning me.
the day i leave here,
i hope i don't look back.
i do, however, really enjoy a certain boy's company.
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rina
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2006 29 January :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: si tu n'etais pas la (frehel)
incapable de rester toute seule
how can i be sure,
that everything you've said to me,
has not been the chaos of mixed signals?
for once,
i'd like to feel that i'm actually in control of something,
and that i might be worth more than a quick fix.
i will not be the sum of all my inadequacies.
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rina
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2006 27 January :: 3.28pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: la valse d'amelie (piano)
whats holding up her face, nothing but blue skies
i was locked outside my house today,
for almost two hours,
and i have never been so content in my life.
the sky was a clear, heartaching blue,
and i was listening to comptine d'un autre: l'apres midi,
almost on repeat,
and in that time i've decided that i love the way clouds melt together at the slightest touch,
like a lover's embrace.
sometimes i imagine that if the world were to reverse itself,
inside-out-upside-down,
then the endless abyss of sky would be my home.
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rina
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2006 25 January :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: hopesfall
today was,
in all ways possible,
perfect.
2 comment |
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rina
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2006 21 January :: 5.44pm
:: Music: monster hospital - metric
i fought the war but the war won
scanned two sketchbook entries.
they are here and here.
i can't stand cancellations.
the sorry, denied, deleted, just-a-memory.
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rina
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2006 20 January :: 2.36am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: the calender girl - stars
the stars will kiss your pretty face
this is so terribly frustrating,
never doing work when i should.
i promised myself i'd do better, better, better.
and look where its got me,
i'm a burned-out-brain-dead-no-life-sucker.
c'mon now.
i waste my time doing things i shouldn't,
just to end up getting out of it anyways.
i do not possess any motivation,
and it feels like my heart is dying.
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