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2004 22 July :: 10.28 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: clicking of the keys!
well stuff has been cool i guess.. sunday was really interesting. and we have really done much since.. I finally saw David Bean. God i miss being so close to that kid.. And we went and saw David D bc that kid is like the collest kid E.V.E.R. urm? Hung out with Tommy a few times lately, which is quite interesting if i do say. But its all good I guess? Well, last ngiht me and ASh went to the movies and saw 'a cinderella story' omg, i loved it, ti was so cute but it made me cry :-x oh well.. Made me want a boyfriend even more. ack. then we got home and Lee and his friend came over and i went outside and talked to them, while ash tried to figure out danny, which prolli isnt guna EVER happen bc hes confusing, but so is everyone. and then i came in and i talked to zach... which didnt go ANYWHERE like i would have wanted but the only thing i can do with him, is drop it and get over him ...... and then we went and watched some of 10 things, and we were both tired so we came in and went to bed, well. i came in and went to bed ashley was up for a lil while longer i think.. Anyways, my plans for the day are gettin my tattoo! w0op! Im so happy but Im scared too!!
*im debating on alot of things with you.. Bc i do like you and ur cool as shit, but idk? theres something thats making me still think about it...*
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2004 19 July :: 12.42 am
:: Mood: confused
..
your amazing in every aspect. I promise. I know ive told you many many times before but I love you. I really do. I saw how you were tonight and it made me fall so much harder for you even tho i didnt think it was possible.. But I love you. And I alway will..
It doesnt matter though.. Becasue you dont care.
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2004 16 July :: 2.41 am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: name
i hate myself
god im so fuckin stupid... i wish i could have seen the greatest thing i had right in front of me.. and now its gone.
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2004 12 July :: 9.43 pm
:: Mood: thinking..
:: Music: my immortal..
ive been thinking about you..
you walk into my house and above the tv set it hangs. that one single picture that kills me each and everytime I look at it..you wanted me so bad. you tried 8 times.. i was here before my date..you held me under those lights, in that carraige that it hurt you to put me in.. youd cry sometimes.. i was always your girl.. i have your eyes,your hair, you humor, almost all of you.. throughout those years, youd wake me up @ 6 for school.. id lay on the couch and watch Scooby Doo.. While you would make me toaster pastries.. and my lunch. id fall asleep once in a while and ud shake me to get me up..i remember once you promised to take me to the libary the next day. we went to the rapids, and we were in the lazy river and i yelled at him bc he didnt take me to the libray-what was i thinking.. rapids over libray i was a stupid kid.- when mommy and i would fight hed always come in after she yelled at me and make me better, hold me, and hug me.. and i remeber every 4th hed take me on the roof, to watch all the pretty fireworks..
middle school.. he left a half an hour b4 me, but he still woke me up.. hed sit at the kitchen table and watch MASH every morning.. hed pick me up when i had to stay afterschool.. he was the one i had to ask to take me places bc mommy never wanted to..'go ask daddy..' mommy started working on the weekends.. and i be home with daddy for 2 whole days.. sometimes wed sit in his room and talk about silly stuff.. gradually it was how i didnt understand boys and why they said the things they did, the things that hurt so much.. high school came around and i hated it.. mommy adn i would fight so much and all the time, he would always hug me and tell em its okay, but it had stopped working by then.. he took me to take your child to wokr day and we had alot of fun, i got to drive the golfcart.. thing is i didnt know itd be the last time id do it with daddy.. he was in the shop and i broke a ruler into lkike 4 pieces and put it on his golfcart... id ask him all the time how his golfcart was.. and if he still had my ruler.. his answer was always, 'its a piece of shit.. of course i do, what else would ahve happened to it?' summer came and was starting to end, and my boys were down to Justin, the brother of my first love.. August 6th he had gotten his car that day and decided he was guna pick me up and take me out.. daddy was mad @ me that day because i wasnt doing my chores, and mommy didnt feel good..i went and played pool, came home, and boy was i happy.. krystal was comin over, i went out with Justin that day! Life was great, until we got a phone call sayin, Mrs. Gandee, your husband is in the hospital..im thinkin what are u tlakin about my daddy was home for lunch! mommy raced down there.. my uncle was over, krystal was there.. mommy called and they thought it was cardiac arrest.. then a stroke.. i knew he was gone.. i knoew it the moment they said he was in the hospital. logan and cheyenne were @ a church with there friend, we had to go get them, by then Justin was there.. we took justins car all the way to ok.and jog. then all the way back.. Jeremy and Danielle were @ the hosue by then.. we drove to the hospital bc the doctor said that it might be the last time they would be able to see him.. i walked into the intensive care unit of bethesda hospital and pushed the button for my fathers room.. they let me in, along with my mother, logan, cheynne, and Krystal..i ran to the side of his bed waiting for him to pop up his head, for him to say something. he was cold, clammy, and not moving.. there were tubes in him, they all scared me.. i started crying harder, screaming at him that he couldnt leave me, i wasnt 16, he hadnt met Justin, i hadnt been to prom, he hadnt walked me down the aisle to marry me.. i screamed at him, i hated him for doing this to me, for leaving me when hes all i had..i slept in the waiting room that night.. until around 4 am.. ppl called all night.. i couldnt sleep anyways, nothing mattered anymore.. the next day we couldnt find my sister, she was on a cross country trip with her bf and friends.. we finally got her.. she was flying in the next day..i was in the hospital for half that day, and phoen calls all night.. alex and Kendra came to the hospital the next day.. krystal was leavin for work.. me alex and kendra were sittin in the waiting room and my mom came in she was cryin harder then a few mins before.. i got up ran to her and asked her what now, they wanted to know when we wanted to pull the final cord. i let go of her and ran down stairs to the phone, i had to call Jeremy, 'jeremy hes gone i dont know what to do.. jeremy hes gone... ..brittany what? stop cryin i cant understand.. oh shit ill be there in 10." krystals comin back, Jeremy is comin with danielle..my world is crumbling right in the front of me.. theres nothing i can do about it.. we decide we are guna wait for my sister to see him..me, kendra, krystal, Jeremy, and Justin all go back to my house... my sister calls screamin @ me' brittany whats going on.. whats wrong with our daddy.. our daddy is gone.." i start bawlin and my mom takes the phone.. im sitting on the kitchen floor with my arms wrapped around my knees in the tiniest ball i could be in.. and justin comes in and tells me its going to be okay and that they are all there for me.. i didnt care, bc my daddy wasnt.. august 8th at 6pm was the day he was announced dead.. forever gone from me.. its almost a year later.. and i will never forget touchin him that one last time.. Daddy i love you more then you could imagine and i miss you more then words can say..
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2004 11 July :: 8.15 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
shit thats been going on..
Pictures....
Read more..
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