:: 2005 11 June :: 3.45 pm

well ive got some exciting news that im not going to post until everything is certain. its not really that exciting but for me its a huge thing. eehhh.
just went to some open houses gotta go to the work. work sucks. a lot. could be so much better. need some water. either way. later.
pj i love you.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 9 June :: 9.38 am

well last night was totally the last time that the team will ever be all together and that like super blows. it was great fun though. i love my team so much. i got the academic award the letter. the most triples and the best outfield percentange. not too shabby, its pretty nice to hear your name called once in awhile for something that no one else has. i was hoping for batting average, which i came in second for. kayleigh being first. or rbi's but i came in third for that once, mary kayleigh me. only its funny cuz if mary didnt have so many rbi's then I could totally have more of them. being that she bats right before me. taking out her and the runner before her. lol.
well off to the grill hell. hope to hear from walmart.
*crosses fingers*

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 June :: 3.50 pm

******GIDDY FACE********
i love pj so much

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 June :: 11.22 am

well blow. i love pj. there isnt much else going on in my pathetic little existence. hope you are all fabulous

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 5 June :: 8.49 pm

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMMIT!!!!!
its all over now. i officially have no connections to this school anymore.
tri-county won.
we lost
losing sucks
just like danny boy.
bad sportsmanship sucks worse.
growing up sucks the most.
i cant take it.
i cant stop crying.
losing sucks so bad.
i dont want it all to be over
5 years.
thats how long ive been on a team with most of the team.
two years with everyone else.
next year i have to go to gvsu. and try out and probably not make it.
but i have to try because who am I if I don't.
no one else seems to care that much.
i love this game so much. i refuse to be without it.
somehow im relieved though. happy to be done to stop pushing myself so hard all of the time.
and at the same contradicting time im completely devastated.
this game and this team were a huge portion of my life
the balance.
the one thing that stays steady
yeah i wasnt a golden girl and i didnt get to play first but i did know what to expect and once i got over my disapoint i was happy to be there. i was happy with my swing which mr. wagner finally helped to improve. sometimes. well im not sure what happened im thinking a combo of pieces of his advice and some self esteem.
the self esteem i got on the team was great.
right field kinda sucks. but I felt so good about myself during practices and when i was hitting. i had my crap days i mean everyone does. but there were definately more good days than not. im going to miss this team so much. and while i hate working out and running and all that jazz. its important to keep on keepin' on and to have something to work for and to know i worked hard for it was worth so much more than the breathe that lost while i was pushing.
huffin and puffin all the way. ill be honest this season started and i was scared and judgemental. i had people who i wasnt fond of at all and completely didnt want to accept but i did and look what happened, new friends.
yay.
to quote mr.smith forever.
"I LOVE this game"

Catch a Star

:: 2005 3 June :: 1.51 pm

i wish i had some memories...

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 3 June :: 11.36 am

somewhere along the line im gonna have to grow up.
or not.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 3 June :: 10.18 am

well. work is good. softball is mediocre to good. i quickly get over the sad moments by making jokes and pretending that my own failures and his lack of confidence don't bother me.
in other news districts are tomorrow. they are really super important.
my mom called and said she was coming so i gave her directions and all the junk and then told her that its five dollars to get it and she said then she can't make it.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?
I see where i rate. I have one thing in my life that i care about. softball. she came to graduation which is cool but if i had to choose between her coming to this game or graduation i would have chosen the game. I mean come on and pretend to be a decent mother for gods sake. Honestly woman you haven't been to one of my games in three freaking years. You go to almost all of Becca's games and granted they are only 10 minutes away as opposed to 45 but at least one a season. especially when you easily could have gone to Greenville since that is only 15 minutes away from you. I realize that you don't have a lot financially but cut back for like two days and you could get ten dollars for you and Jim to come here. how about don't smoke for one day. that would be enough but no thats too much at the same time because pretty much everything in this world is more important to you than i am. Im sorry that its like that but with everything that you have ever done or not done as the case may be you have isolated yourself from me. Every event that was ever important to me with the exception of graduation (which by the way I dont really care about) you have missed. You get angry and say that Deidra is tying to take your place or whatever but seriously you haven't done much to stop it. Im sorry that she has been there for everything. every doctors appointment. every game she could make it to. every concert. all my college tours. the orientations, the parent teacher conferences. EVERYTHING that you couldnt fit into your busy schedule of soap operas and therapy. THis is really just icing on the cake. you hurt me so much by not even pretending to care about the things that are important to me. good thing you have three other daughters. the loss of this one shouldnt mean too much to you.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 2 June :: 8.17 am

WEll that was a good morning then wasn't it.


haha my boyfriend loves me.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 1 June :: 8.01 pm

hey pj. the hotmail is being like the crappiest crap that ever crapped so while i will not be replying. but email again so that i can read it in the morning and feel moderately happy. eh?
I love you

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 1 June :: 7.53 pm

well its wednesday. only two more days until maybe i get to see pj. not being able to talk to him really really sucks. so much. it just all around sucks. almost as much as todays game.
we won 11-1 so that part didnt suck but reed really like super makes me feel bad about myself. are you supposed to be feeling bad because of your coach. i thought that coaches were supposed to be inspiring or something. who care only a couple of weeks left. which is pretty good cuz i pretty much have my own demons to battle that i thought were gone but in fact are not. work was okay. grill is way better than anything else. its super easy. pj i love you. i wish i could talk to you.
i loveyou

Catch a Star

:: 2005 31 May :: 7.05 pm

irritated. to an extreme measure.
in other news in a few days i should have my very own copy of the lorax by dr. seuss for my own reading pleasure which i purchased of the old ebay.
rock on

Catch a Star

:: 2005 31 May :: 12.08 pm

hey pj. where might you be. im pretty much freaking out over here?




*cry*

Catch a Star

:: 2005 31 May :: 9.53 am

so all the bullshit is over. whatever.
im tired and bitchy and feeling pretty damn honest so here is what ive got on graduation and all that
graduation as a whole was enjoyable. as much as i was dreading treeking the bleachers i made it through. clumsly. but throught none the less. i had a good time making a funny picture and writing on my cap and it would have been great with the keen exception of one thing. stephanie karns' speech.
thank you for reminding the rest of the world that your christian but this was graduation not church. i respect your relationship with jesus christ but your speech was completely inappropriate for the situation. i know your dad is a pastor and all so preaching comes naturally to you but honestly, lay off for a change. you can believe whatever you want but dont push it off on me and everyone else in the senior class. get some tact.

so that was graduation.

the all night party was cool. well okay.
had i known the party before i paid for it i would have not gone. im sure that there is something much more useful that i could have spent the money on. pretty much anything actually. but had i not gone i would have regretted it anyway so there you have it a catch 22. at least by going i didnt have to listen to pj who told me that i just HAD to go. eer.
the next day i had a game and we won. and mr reed was in a good mood and the game was well played and everyone was cool. finally only the last season game. shoot. well thats all. ive got stuff to do. loves

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 26 May :: 11.19 am

so i got some awards and im graduating tonight. my mom cries a lot.
like A LOT. i feel kinda bad for her but not too much. break there for kissing pj, who i love so much.
anyway.
we won our last two games and we now have beaten the school record for wins. score. besides that there isnt much else except that my parents foiled all my plans and that super blows. well the allnight deal should be cool. see you all there.
this being my last post as a not high-school graduate.
ROCK ON!

2 stars caught | Catch a Star